Stumble Forward

by Alex Jane

  Alec joined Ethan at the table. “He asked me again last night.”

  Ethan nodded. “Oh. And you said no?”

  Alec looked at Ethan, stunned. “Of course, I said no!”

  “Did you ever even consider saying yes?”

  Alec thought maybe Ethan was joking for a moment but his face was set to dead serious with a dash of earnest. “How can I?” Ethan started to respond but Alec cut him off before he could start, “Even if we went to Vegas or New York or wherever, they would still need our birth certificates, Ethan. We can’t get married when we both have the same father—even if it is only on paper.”

  Alec sat back in his chair and picked at the remnants of the muffin on his plate. “He thinks we can, but we can’t. Throwing a hissy fit isn’t going to change anything.” His thumb idly folded across his palm and rubbed at the ring Jack had placed on his finger almost a year before—the ring Alec had never taken off. “No matter how much either of us wants it to.”

  <•••>

  Ethan sat back in the chair and rubbed his hand over his stubble, the callouses on his hand loud against the thick mat of hair. He looked over the letter one more time, but still couldn’t seem to bring himself to put it away. He had read and reread it about twenty times after seeing the logo in the corner of the envelope. There wasn’t all that much to see but it was still a lot to take in. So much so that he didn’t hear Kate come in until she was almost upon him.

  “Come on, you. Those bags aren’t going to carry themselves,” Ethan fumbled the paper, folding it and stuffed it in his back pocket at the sound of her voice. Kate’s wide grin died and she asked softly, “What was that?”

  Ethan jumped up and walked to her, briskly kissing her head and said, “Nothing, baby.”

  He started to walk past her and out to the car but she grabbed at his arm, stopping him in his tracks. “It didn’t look like nothing, Ethan.”

  He slumped back against the doorframe, covering his mouth with his hand. Kate waited patiently for a long moment until Ethan looked at her. “If I asked you not to ask me, to wait until after tomorrow, would you do that?”

  The look of horror on her face was answer enough but she sounded calm when she said, “I think the question should be, whether you would really expect me to marry you knowing that you were keeping secrets from me?” A look of pain washed over her face and Ethan had his arms around her before she’d even finished. “After everything, Ethan? No secrets. You said—you promised—”

  “No secrets. I know. I’m sorry.” He squeezed her tight and then pulled away, bracing his back against the doorframe again. He paused then pulled out the crumpled papers and handed it to her. “I think I screwed up.”

  Kate turned away from him and unfolded the letter. Ethan looked at his feet and readjusted his stance. He knew she’d understand, that she’d get why he did it and would support him. But before that, before she was her sweet, kind, intelligent self, she was going to be pissed.

  “You stupid fuck.” And there it was. “You monumentally stupid fuck! What were you thinking! Is this even legal? Oh my God, I can’t even count how many laws you’ve probably broken! Why, Ethan? Why on earth would you do such a stupid thing?”

  Ethan looked up into her furious face, incredulous. “He’s my friend, Kate. He’s my friend and he’s so unhappy. I had to do something.”

  For a moment Kate just glared at him, but the look on his face was all sincerity and desperation, and suddenly the tension dropped out of her shoulders. She breathed out, “Jesus, Ethan. Are you going to tell him?”

  Ethan’s hand came up and rubbed at his stubble again. “I don’t know.” He gave her a half-hearted smile. “Do you mind if we get married first and then deal with this. Marrying you is kind of a big deal for me. I’d quite like to concentrate on that, if it’s okay with you?”

  Kate went to him and flung her arms around his neck, letting him bury his face in her shoulder, the letter crumpled in her hand behind his head. “I guess so,” the words were muffled against his skin. “But you’re still a stupid fuck until I say otherwise.”

  When Jack and Alec pulled up two hours later, Ethan greeted them on the doorstep like nothing had happened. As he helped carry their luggage inside—’Why in the hell do you have so much stuff?’

  ‘It’s mostly Jack’s hair products’,

  ‘Shut up. You were the one who needs five pairs of shoes for a four day trip’—Ethan’s mind kept drifting to the two page document tucked into the kitchen drawer like it was any other scrap of paper. But once they were inside, the bags settled in the guest bedroom and Lucy in their laps, Ethan stopped himself from thinking about it.

  They spent the evening decorating the back garden, stringing up pastel colored bunting, unloading stacks of borrowed chairs from the back of the garage and arranging tables on the far side of the yard. The civil service was going to be small, only immediate family and close friends but Ethan and Kate had invited practically everyone they knew to the house afterwards to celebrate with them.

  Ethan braced his knees against the top rung of the ladder and reached down to take the end of the banner, as Jack passed it to him and asked, “So did you talk to your brother?”

  Ethan nodded. “Yup. He’s still not coming.”

  Jack shook his head. “I’m sorry, man.”

  Ethan shrugged as he reached his hands behind the tree they were trying to tie the banner to. “It’s not your fault. It’s not really his either. I knew it was a long shot when I asked him to come,” he kept his eyes on his hands and started to tie the ends of the line together, “I can’t make him forgive me—On the upside, Kate’s sister has been amazing. It’s like they were never apart,” Ethan inspected his handiwork and grimaced as the strings started to slide down the trunk. “Yeah, that didn’t work. Pass me the staple gun?”

  Jack reached over and grabbed it from the toolbox. When he held it out, Ethan’s gaze fell on the silver band on Jack’s left hand. He nodded at it as he took the stapler from Jack. “That’s new. You guys elope and not tell us?”

  Jack’s cheeks colored and his right hand instinctively went to it. “No. Kinda the opposite actually.” He smiled at the way Ethan frowned as he clunked the staples through the strings. “I guess he probably told you I asked him. To marry me. I just wanted him to know how I felt, y’know? But all it did was make him think that I wasn’t happy with him. So, I made him realize that wasn’t true.”

  “Do I even wanna know how you managed that?”

  Jack laughed. “Got down on one knee and gave him the best ‘I don’t need to marry you to love you my whole life’ speech ever conceived.”

  Ethan looked down from his perch. “And that worked?”

  Jack smirked. “That and the epically hot sex afterwards, yeah.”

  Ethan barked out a laugh and started to climb down the ladder. “Thanks for that image!” Jack just snickered and started to straighten out the banner as Ethan moved the ladder to the other tree. “So are things better?”

  Jack nodded not looking up from his task. “The week after, Alec came home with my ring. Turns out he custom ordered it to match his about a month before.” He turned to Ethan and let his hands drop, a sweet smile on his face. “He got down on one knee and did a pretty good ‘I don’t need a piece of paper to be married to you’ speech. It wasn’t quite as good as mine but —”

  “Oh please God, don’t tell me about the sex.”

  Jack laughed and held the end of the banner out to him. “Okay, but you’re missing out.”

  Ethan scoffed and drove the last two staples into the tree. He climbed down the ladder and both men stepped back to admire their handiwork. The JUST MARRIED sign, white font, bookended with white wedding bells on a sparkly background stared back at them. Ethan sighed. “I hope Lucy isn’t too disappointed.” Jack looked questioning at him. “She picked out a Happy Birthday one. I had to go back and swap it when she wasn’t looking.”

  Jack clapped his hand on Ethan’s s
houlder. “Well, I know Alec’s been trying his best to hothouse her but as she can’t read yet, I think you’ll be okay.”

  “I know but I think she will notice the distinct lack of bunnies.”

  “Well, just tell her when it’s her wedding she can have all the bunny decorations she likes.”

  <•••>

  Ethan and Kate had wanted a low-key civil ceremony but there were enough small things to make it special. Kate and Lucy wore matching white summer dresses and flowers in their hair, although Lucy’s didn’t last long. She decided pulling them out and giving them to the other guests was more important. Jack insisted on wearing a suit and tie despite him being the only guy there in one. Even Ethan had gone for smart chinos and a white summer shirt. But Jack shrugged off their teasing, and proudly straightened his tie. “You guys get to dress up all the time. This is probably going to be my only chance to wear this thing until Lucy gets married.”

  There were just a handful of people, Kate’s sister and mom, Ethan’s parents and older brother, assorted aunts and uncles and a few of their closest friends. They were waiting to go in to the courthouse, milling around in the sun when Steve arrived. He made a beeline for Ethan and they spent a long moment hugging.

  “I didn’t realize they were so close.”

  Alec nodded. “Steve was the one who persuaded Ethan to get sober. I guess he wouldn’t be here without him.” He felt Jack’s hand smooth down into the small of his back as Jack leaned in. “Y’know, he looks kinda hot in that shirt. Was he always that cute under the sweater vests?”

  Alec smirked and turned to say something smart and maybe steal a quick kiss but his eyes caught the horrified look on Kate’s moms face. His smile dropped away. Jack must have felt the tension and placed a hand on his arm. “Al, I didn’t —”

  “No, no. It’s—it’s not that.” Alec glanced over to Kate’s mom who was whispering to another woman and looking pointedly over in their direction.

  Jack followed his gaze and bristled. “Crap. I’m sorry.” He reluctantly pulled his hands off Alec.

  “Jesus, Jack, it’s not your fault.”

  Jack started to respond but suddenly there was a tiny whirlwind at their feet “Al’c! Jack! Quiiick, We goin’ iiin!” and a wild-haired Lucy was dragging them both by the hand towards the steps.

  She was still dragging them around as the sun started to go down. The garden was crammed full of people. The cake had been cut, speeches given and dancing performed, music courtesy of Kate’s good friend and his band. Jack had been hit on twice by Kate’s friends while Alec and Steve snickered at his awkward attempts to extricate himself from their conversations. Eventually, Kate had intervened. Jack glared at the two smiling men as he walked across the lawn to them. “You two are useless. Why didn’t you come help me?”

  “What? And cramp your style? No way. That was far too entertaining,” Alec laughed out.

  Jack scowled at him. “Well, I hope you realize the only person you cock blocked was yourself.”

  “Oh Baby, don’t be like that. You know you’re all cute when you’re flustered.” Alec could barely keep a straight face and it didn’t take much before Jack was smiling too.

  By the time the last of the stragglers were heading out, Alec was forgiven enough that Jack put his arm around his waist and pulled him close. “Finally,” Alec said as he kissed him, “I thought they would never leave. I’ve been waiting all day to do that.”

  “Well, can it wait a little longer?” Ethan said as he walked up from the house towards them, “I could do with a hand clearing up. Don’t want to wake up with bears in the garden.”

  Jack smiled and took the trash bag Ethan was offering. “I don’t think there are any bears in Lubbock, Ethan.”

  Ethan wagged his finger at him. “That’s ‘cause we clean up after ourselves.”

  Alec nodded. “Good point.”

  The three of them got to work clearing stacks of paper plates and half eaten platters of food. After a while, Ethan asked, “So, do you have plans tomorrow?”

  Alec shrugged, holding too many glasses by the rims in each hand. “Not really. Was going to maybe see my mom tomorrow afternoon. We’re going to swing by Allie’s place on the way home on Monday. Why? You want us to take Lucy out?”

  Ethan nodded and didn’t look up. “Maybe. Just wanted to see when you were around is all.”

  Alec put the glasses down on a tray and looked hard at Ethan. “Is everything okay?”

  Ethan laughed. “Getting married is a hell of a lot more tiring than you’d think!” He stopped and looked earnestly at Alec. “Oh God, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean —”

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” Alec interrupted, “That’s—that’s all sorted. We worked it out.”

  Ethan looked mournfully at him. “Please don’t tell me about the amazing sex. I love you guys but there’s such a thing as too much information, y’know.”

  Alec looked horrified for a moment before bursting out laughing. “Jesus. I don’t even wanna know what he said to you but I can only apologize.” Ethan nodded gratefully and smiled, until Alec added, with a huge smile on his face, “It was totally amazing, though.”

  The following morning, Alec awoke to the smell of coffee. The bed was empty next to him and as he struggled up onto his elbows, Jack appeared at the bathroom door, toothbrush hanging out the corner of his mouth.

  Alec grimaced at the morning light and grumbled, “What time is it?”

  “Eight.” Jack laughed at Alec’s confusion. Normally a day at Ethan and Kate’s started around 6am when Lucy would run in and jump in the bed with a story book, demanding to be read to. Sleeping this long just felt unnatural. “Maybe they duct-taped her door shut.” Jack was smirking but it felt far too early for him to be so chirpy so Alec buried his head back under the covers while Jack finished up in the bathroom.

  Fifteen minutes later, the two of them made their way downstairs and followed their noses to the kitchen. When they walked in, Ethan was sitting at the kitchen table looking grim, while Kate sat watching him. They both looked up when Alec and Jack appeared. Alec stopped in his tracks making Jack step into the back of him. “Is everything okay?” Jack asked over Alec’s shoulder.

  Kate nodded. “Will you come and sit down? We have something to talk about.”

  Jack started to move but Alec stayed stock-still. “Why does this look horribly like an intervention?”

  Ethan spoke without looking up. “It’s not. I just have something to tell you. To confess.” The way he looked so tense did nothing to alleviate Alec’s fear but Jack took him by the arm and propelled him to the chair opposite Ethan.

  Kate placed two mugs of coffee in front of them and then put her hand on Ethan’s shoulder. It seemed to kick start him and he looked up. “You’re gonna be mad,” he started, pausing when Alec muttered something under his breath but then went on, “Dammit. I had a million excuses ready to explain what I did but they’re just that, excuses. I don’t even know where to start —”

  Alec interrupted, “Jesus, Ethan. You’re really starting to freak me out.”

  As Ethan rubbed a hand over his face, Jack quietly asked Kate, “Where’s Lucy?”

  “Watching cartoons in the TV room.”

  Jack nodded and took Alec’s hand under the table.

  Ethan took a deep breath. “I just want you two to be happy. The whole marriage thing seemed to be turning into such an issue—” Alec started to protest but Ethan held up his hand. “I know, I know but I wanted to help. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  Alec’s voice was very calm when he spoke. “Ethan. What did you do?”

  Ethan looked him dead in the eye. All four people around the table seemed to hold their breath, until he said, “I stole your toothbrushes and sent them for DNA analysis.”

  All the air seemed to go out of the room for a second before Jack exploded. “You did, what?” He pushed his chair back roughly and stepped away from the table.

  Ethan cover
ed his face with his hands. “I know, I know. I just thought —”

  Alec interrupted, “No! No, you didn’t think! Jesus, Ethan, of all the things—”

  “It’s a fucking violation, is what it is! How could you do that?”

  Jack’s face was furious but as he took a breath to vent some more, Kate said in a quiet but firm voice, “Boys. I know you’re upset but Lucy is next door so keep your voices down.”

  There was no arguing with that. The diatribe died in Jack’s throat and he sat back down muttering under his breath instead.

  Kate pulled Ethan’s hands away from his face, letting them clutch at hers on the table. “I know what my idiot husband did is monumentally stupid, but he did it with good intentions. And it was idiotic and quite possibly insane —” She ignored Jack’s muttered “and totally fucking illegal” and went on, “but it’s done now. The real question is—do you want to see the report?”

  Alec and Jack turned simultaneously and stared wide-eyed at her. Alec asked, “You have the results?”

  Kate nodded. Ethan did too but without looking up. Alec turned to Jack. They looked at each other saying nothing, Alec’s gaze deep and unwavering, Jack’s jaw visibly clenching. They stayed that way for a long moment until Alec turned and said firmly, “Yes. We want to know.”

  Kate pushed back her chair and walked over to the kitchen drawer. She pulled out the crumpled envelope and held it with both hands as she walked to the table. Alec’s eyes never left her. Ethan and Jack’s eyes never left the table.

  As she held out the letter and Alec reached for it but Ethan suddenly took hold of Alec’s arm. “Are you sure? Because it shouldn’t make a difference. Either way, it shouldn’t make a difference.”

  Alec opened his mouth but Jack got there first. “But it will make a difference,” he sounded surprised, “I’m still fucking angry with you but—it’s the last thing between us—this doubt—so once we know, it’ll be gone. I think we need that. I think we’re ready for that.”