Tainted

by Tess Thompson

  Freckles whined and looked up at Lance with a worried expression. You and me both, Freckles.

  “I’ll take it into my bedroom.” Without a backward glance, he was off. Freckles stayed behind, turning his attention on Mary.

  “Come on, bud. Let’s go.” She snapped her fingers and he followed her into the living room. Using the remote, she turned on the stereo. Her tablet was on the end table. She picked it up and turned it on, hoping to focus on the latest romance she’d downloaded. But the words swam in front of her eyes. She couldn’t focus. Not with Lance in the other room talking with a woman he’d once loved and possibly still did. What if she called with the intention of winning him back? Maybe she’d split from her husband.

  I wish my mom were here. What would she say to her mother if she were here? I did something terrible to the man I love and now I can’t have him.

  What would her mother say to that?

  She’d had a gentle voice and the softest hands.

  Mary imagined her sitting across the room, knitting, her small, soft hands moving faster than it seemed possible. They reminded Mary of a hummingbird’s wings, so fast they seemed almost still.

  Mom would encourage her to tell him the truth. Give him a chance to forgive you.

  Lance came back into the room before she could delve any further into her mother’s suggestion. His hair was askew. Two blotches of pink smeared his neck, like overly applied blush. He went to the liquor cabinet and grabbed a bottle of vodka. He leaned against the open cabinet, breathing heavily.

  Lance undone? She didn’t know what to do.

  She waited. Finally, he turned around to look at her.

  “You won’t believe it,” he said.

  “What?”

  “She’s here. In town. She had the nerve to come here. She’s staying at the lodge.”

  “To see you?”

  “That’s what she said. Her marriage blew up, not surprisingly, after I left. She’s divorced. She wants me back. Can you believe the audacity to come here without calling or emailing or texting? Something. You don’t just show up in a person’s sanctuary with your dirty laundry and expect him to welcome you with open arms.”

  “What did you tell her?”

  “I told her I’m married.”

  “Oh.”

  “And that I’m very much in love with my wife. And to go home.” He rocked back on his heels and shoved his hands in his pockets.

  “You loved her. Didn’t you?” Mary asked.

  His gaze settled on the floor before looking back at her. “I thought I did. But I realize now I had no idea what love was. I wanted her, physically. But love? I didn’t even know her.” He downed his shot, then came to sit on the easy chair’s ottoman with his hands on his knees. “There’s part of the story I didn’t tell you. She wasn’t married when I first met her. The first time I laid eyes on her was at a party for the firm. She was there with her dad, dressed in this thin white dress, no bigger than a handkerchief. The dress, not her. She caught my eye and kind of gave me a signal like she wanted me to ask her to dance. I’m shy with women, you know, but dancing is always good because then I wouldn’t have to talk much. We danced and afterward we went out for food and talked. She told me she was almost engaged.”

  “Almost?”

  “He’d asked her, but she was thinking about it. Then, one thing led to another and I took her back to my crummy apartment. We had sex. By the next morning she was gone. I called her. She said the whole thing was a mistake and that she’d decided to marry Nigel. She said she could never marry a guy who lived in a hovel in Brooklyn.”

  Mary’s hands flew to her mouth. “She said that for real?”

  He smiled. “She was the type of girl who could insult you and still make it sound sexy as hell.”

  “Charming.”

  “She’s complicated. So, I let it go. I’m not the type to chase another man’s wife. Or, I wasn’t then. A whole year passed before I saw her again. In that time, I’d made some good decisions about investments and had made a ton of money, which she didn’t know, of course. But it gives a man a different feeling about himself when he has money. I’m ashamed to admit it, but it’s the truth.”

  “Did you see her at work functions?” Mary asked.

  “No. I was thankful for that at the time. We ran into each other in a bar one night after I’d been working late. She’d been crying and drinking. Nigel, she said, was mean to her, verbally abusive. She confessed she hadn’t wanted to marry Nigel but felt pressured by her father. Nigel’s old money. Howard, her father, always had a thing for that, like it was some elite club he wanted to get into. I took her out for food to counteract all the booze. And here’s the kicker. She played right into my vanity. ‘I can’t stop thinking about the night we spent together.’ That’s what she said—and it did the trick. Boom, I took her back to my apartment. I don’t fully understand it myself, but soon I was having a full-fledged affair with her. She told me she was going to leave Nigel, which I was stupid enough to believe. Finally, I got tired of the runaround and broke it off. That’s when she told her father.”

  “And he fired you.”

  “Yes. Which, as it turns out, is the best thing that ever happened to me. Because I came here, where I belong.”

  “Do you think that’s why Tori’s here? Because you’re rich now?”

  He placed both hands into his hair and dropped his head. “I don’t know how she would know that.”

  “Would she have married you if she’d known back then how successful you’d be?”

  “I have no way of knowing. Anyway, it doesn’t matter now. She’s on her broom headed home.”

  Mary wasn’t so sure. Tori Hawthorne didn’t sound like a woman who disappeared gently into the good night.

  She looked up see Lance watching her. “What?” she asked.

  “What your dad said to you about having an affair because he felt badly about himself?”

  “Yes?”

  “That’s why I was with Tori. If I could get her, then it would prove that I was good enough. I wouldn’t just be Brody Mullen’s little brother.”

  “How would she prove your worth?”

  “Because, finally, a woman loved me. I’ve never had any luck with women. I’m the friend, the guy you call when you have a problem. I thought she was different. The one for me. The same was true for my job. I was good at it and it had nothing to do with football or my dad or brother. It was mine. My time in New York was my attempt to prove I was worthy. And then I blew it all up. I don’t know if insecure men cheat, but I know they chase after women they can’t have.” Abruptly, he rose to his feet, his features twisted in a way that made her think of a tornado. “I need to take a walk. Get out of this house for a while.” He snapped for Freckles, who obediently followed him.

  She jumped when the door slammed hard enough to shake the windows. Trembling, she hugged herself. What had she done to anger him? Or was it Tori? Had she stirred him up? Would he go to her? Was her memory one he couldn’t let go of, even though he said he didn’t love her?

  Mary curled into a ball on the couch with her hands on her basketball stomach. How was it possible that a man like Lance felt the need to prove himself? There was nothing wrong with him. That he hadn’t found the right woman had nothing to do with him and everything to do with the women he chose. Was that the crux of it then? He chose unwisely and then turned on himself when it didn’t work out? Was that what she’d done with Chad? Chosen the wrong man and then blamed herself when he’d cheated? Who was she hurting with her fear of betrayal? Not Chad. Not her father.

  Her mother’s voice came to her loud and clear. You’re hurting yourself. And Lance. He loves you. You’re the woman he thinks he can’t have. The question is, what are you going to do about it?

  Chapter Thirteen

  Lance

  * * *

  LANCE SQUINTED INTO the sunlight and wished he’d brought his sunglasses. Freckles, undaunted by the bright afternoon sun, tr
otted ahead. They walked down his driveway and headed toward Brody’s. The vodka shots had relaxed him, but the phone call with Tori still ate away at him. What nerve the woman had to show up in his town. His town. Far away from the madness of her world.

  All the feelings of inadequacy had risen in him the moment he talked with Tori. Here he was in the same situation. He’d been fooling himself into thinking his plan to win Mary was working. He had to face facts. Once again, he’d doomed himself to a broken heart. Hope was for idiots. Did he really think by sheer force of will he could get her to let go of her fears and love him?

  When he reached Brody’s, he rang the doorbell. Kara answered and immediately drew him into a hug. She knelt to give Freckles some love and was rewarded with a wet kiss on her neck.

  “Come on in, Freckles. I have one of those bones you like.”

  “How did you know he likes those?” Lance asked.

  “I bring them to him when Mary and I walk. That’s how I won him over. Same with Brody. All males respond positively to being fed.”

  She led them into the kitchen. Brody was there, on the phone, but he waved at Lance.

  “Do you want a drink?” Kara asked as she tossed an excited Freckles a chewy bone.

  “Beer sounds great.” Lance felt the vodka but not enough to blunt the pain. For the first time in a long time, he wanted to check out for a while. Forget Mary for an afternoon. Impossible, of course, but he could try.

  Kara grabbed a beer for him and a water for her. They ambled out to the backyard. Freckles ran here and there, sniffing and rolling around in the grass. With the onslaught of warm weather, the pool’s cover had been removed and the outdoor furniture had been cleaned and arranged around the patio. Flowers and shrubs bloomed under the spring sun. They strolled around the yard looking at the flowers. His attempt to seem interested in Kara’s Teacup Dogwood must have been obvious, because she steered him over to the alfresco kitchen to sit in the shade.

  Brody joined them then, beer in hand. Freckles came running up to give Brody a friendly lick on his arm.

  “Freckles, it’s been too long.” Brody scratched behind Freckles’ ear before grabbing another chair to come sit with them.

  Kara excused herself, leaving them alone.

  “You want to throw some darts?” Brody asked.

  “Not really. I’d rather drink.” He told him about Tori’s arrival in town.

  Brody took a long look at him. “Women like that always show back up in our lives. It’s inevitable.”

  “Trust me, I want nothing to do with her. All I want is Mary.”

  Brody strode over to the cabinets under the outdoor grill and grabbed a handful of darts. Lance reluctantly got to his feet. His brother couldn’t have a conversation unless he was simultaneously playing a game. It annoyed the crap out of him. Especially since his big brother always kicked his butt no matter the game.

  Brody handed Lance four darts and took the first shot. Bullseye. Of course.

  Lance’s landed a little right of center. Brody’s next shot mirrored his first.

  “Flora came by earlier. Mad as a hornet,” Brody said. “Run in with Mary.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Says Mary’s trouble.”

  “I’m aware of Flora’s opinion.”

  “But you don’t care?” Brody asked.

  “Not really, no. I care about Mary’s feelings. Flora needs to mind her own business.”

  “That’s not her strong suit.” Brody tossed another dart into the bullseye.

  “Flora’s not great at seeing anything outside her own point of view.”

  Lance tossed a dart at the board. Left of center.

  Brody gathered the darts from the board and handed a few to Lance. “What did Dad always say? Slow and steady wins the race. You’ll get her yet.”

  “Not in this case.”

  “I never thought I’d say this, but you and Mary seem right together. She’s soft with you, all the hard edges blurred. I don’t know what’s going on with her, but something doesn’t add up. The way she looks at you, I’d bet a lot of money she’s in love with you.”

  “No, man. I wish it was true, but I’ve been kidding myself.”

  “You want some advice?” Brody asked.

  “Can I stop you?”

  Brody threw another dart into the middle of the board. “I say call her bluff. Tell her you think you should part ways, other than being there for the baby. It’s basically what Kara did with me. The minute I thought I’d lost her for good, I got my act together really fast.”

  He thought about this as he tossed another dart. Bullseye. Finally.

  “Nice one,” Brody said.

  “What made you change your mind about Mary?” Lance asked.

  “My wife’s very persuasive. She and Mary have shared a lot during their walks. I see her differently now. You know, not everyone’s like you. I’m not great at digging through people’s defense layers to see the real person. You and Kara do that like it’s as easy as breathing.”

  Lance tossed another dart. Bottom of center. “That’s a nice thing to say,” he said gruffly.

  “I’m jealous of that quality, to tell you the truth.”

  “When everyone in the world’s paying attention to your older brother, it’s easy.”

  “What’s that mean?” Brody held a dart to his chest.

  “All the focus was on you, which left me a lot of time to observe others.” At his brother’s crestfallen expression, he put a hand on his shoulder. “It didn’t bother me. Not really.”

  “It did, though. I can see it in your face.”

  Lance hurled another dart at the board. It landed at the far-left bottom of the board. “This is America. Football is king of everything, which made you royalty. It’s hard not to feel invisible every so often.”

  “With Mom and Dad? Or Flora?”

  “No, not them. Just at school and college and everywhere else. I couldn’t take a woman on a date without her starting the conversation with you.” He walked to the board and pulled out the darts. He stood there for a moment, poking the points into the palm of his hand. “Tori never did that. She didn’t know anything about football. Maybe that’s why I fell for her.”

  “The first time Kara and I met Mary, she didn’t know who I was, then she made some crack about how people should read instead of spending all their time watching some barbaric game.”

  Lance smiled despite his misery. “That sounds like her.”

  “It didn’t go over well with my pretty football fan or her quarterback. That said, you have to add her to the list of women who couldn’t give two nickels about me.”

  “No wonder I love her.” Lance handed Brody a few of the darts.

  Brody looked off into the distance, arms at his sides. “Our house was always all about football. I never thought that fact bothered you.”

  “I used to stand upstairs and watch you and Dad toss the football back and forth in the backyard. It was a private club I couldn’t hope to get into. So, I focused on academics, which isn’t the worst outcome in the world.”

  “Dad was always bragging about how smart you were. If you want to know the truth, I was jealous sometimes too. The only thing I’ve ever been any good at was football.”

  “I’d say we did pretty well when we combined our talents,” Lance said. “Your body. My brain.”

  Brody nodded with a sad smile. “Your brain will never be forced into retirement, unlike my body.”

  “You still missing it?”

  “I always will. Football was never a job to me. I loved every second of it. If not for my very real human fallibility, I would’ve played forever. It felt like a death when I had to retire. Everything I thought about myself suddenly disappeared. It was like, who am I if I’m not a football player? Kara was really understanding—put up with me moping around for six months. After the miscarriage, I had to step up for Kara. I had to go deep and realize my purpose in this life was to take care of her, be there for her,
like she had been for me.” His voice lowered, tight with emotion. “The hardest thing about being a husband is not being able to fix it. I can’t take away the grief about her mother or her disgusting human being of a father. I couldn’t fix it when we lost the baby.”

  “I know. If I could erase Mary’s pain, I would in a minute. However, we have to accept our limitations.”

  “Which kind of sucks.”

  “Still, I’ll give it one heck of a shot,” Brody said.

  “This is a new season. New purpose,” Lance said.

  “That’s right. And no matter how you slice it, I’ve been one lucky man.”

  “I’d give anything to have what you have with Kara.”

  His big brother turned to him and looked him squarely in the eye. “You remember this—you’re a Mullen. We’re tough. No one can break us. Not even a woman.”

  He pretended to agree even though he knew it was the absolute opposite. Mullen men set themselves up for absolute brokenness when they loved a woman. Brody had forgotten because his bride was inside the house fixing his dinner.

  Lance and Freckles spent the next morning at the shop with Mary. While she helped customers, Lance worked at the desk on the financials. Freckles napped at his feet.

  The bell on front door rang out, indicating a new customer. Lance looked up to see a woman in a hooded red coat enter the shop. A gust of wind blew the pages of a discarded newspaper from a side table onto the floor before the door shut behind her. The woman pushed back her hood. Tori Hawthorne smiled at him. “Hi Lance.”

  Despite the wind and rain, she looked as polished as ever. Her white blond hair was pulled into a neat ponytail. She wore slim black pants and a pink blouse with a large bow at the collar. Puffy sleeves at the wrists reminded him of a groomed poodle.

  Like an idiot, he sat there gaping at her, unable to utter a word. She sailed across the shop, her black pumps barely making a sound on the wood floor. When she reached him, he managed to stand and come around the desk.