by Jisa Dean
Swat after swat lands on my burning bottom yet I can tell he's being careful. He never hits the same spot back to back, he always alternates cheeks and even though he is hitting me hard I can tell it isn't as hard as he could hit if he wanted to and he never goes below a certain invisible line that makes me wonder if it would hurt more across the line. Who the fuck does this? Who makes sure even while he whips my ass that I'm not in any serious pain?
I'm lost so deep in my thoughts that it takes me a minute to realize he's stopped hitting my bottom and is now rubbing the sting away with his big gruff hands that should not feel so good on my hot skin. I'm not being held down by him anymore, he's beside me rubbing and shushing me. Brushing the hair away from my face so I can breathe better in such a gentle way, I am not prepared for the harshness in his voice.
"Don't ever put yourself in the line of danger again. Do you understand? Next time I have to warn you it will be a much harsher punishment, my sweet Cherry."
I break from my defiance and give a nod into the covers not sure if he can see. He must because he raises himself up off me. As soon as he's no longer close to me the exhaustion sets in and I can't bother to pull myself up and figure out what my next move should be. Him being near me gives me energy enough to sort through all the crap spinning around my head constantly. Like I was getting some of his strength when I'm close to him and now that he's gone I'm crashing again. This whole thing is so odd to me. I've never had help before, not really. Poppie risked her life to find me information and Kronos is a constant watchful presence but neither of them stayed with me, slept with me, ate with me. Having Zander help me will mean he will do all that and more I suspect.
Warm hands wrap around my calves and slowly move to the backs of my thighs but again I don't bother leaving the position he put me in to punish me for not taking my safety seriously. I'm being pulled to the edge of the bed and made to sit up before I can gather the effort to struggle again. But there's nothing to struggle against.
He's moved an overstuffed armchair over closer to the bed so our knees are touching. I think about saying something when he spreads my legs and drapes them over his. But he doesn't do anything that would make me think he's about to try something sexual. Instead, he turns halfway in his chair so he can reach back to the nightstand and pick up a wet clothe he must have gotten out of the bathroom when I was in my mental stupor.
The cloth is warm against my skin when he rubs across my cheeks and for just a moment I feel like giving in and letting him take what he wants before we ever find anything out about Noel. I've been lying to myself all these years that she is still alive, I know that now. Maybe I had to believe the lie so I wouldn't join her. It doesn't matter though; I still have to find out what happened to her. As he cleans the tear tracks off my face I allow myself to lean into his touch just a little. I hadn't realized I missed human contact so much. Maybe he won't notice if I do it very slowly with my eyes shut.
But Zander notices everything and soon the cloth is gone and just his skin is against mine. God, his touch feels better than the washcloth. I open my eyes and the most intense, volatile eyes are staring back at me, bluer today than gray like other days I've lifted my lids to see him in front of me.
"It's okay to be tired, Cherry. You don't have to do this alone anymore. It's alright to cry, baby. Did you think I couldn't tell you needed a good release from all the sadness you hold inside?"
I'm not sure what to tell him. Having this man know I am closer to being dead than to living is disconcerting. I don't purposely set out to be mysterious and hard to peg down I just don't have anyone to talk to or anything to talk about. It's not like men haven't tried to start something with me at the university where I teach or even the lecherous older men I work with. None of those men really saw me, the real me. They saw what they wanted to see on the outside but the inside is a dark and rotten place full of things that would be too much for those men. I don't think it would be too much for Zander. He seems just as dark and messed up as I am.
"Now that you understand," shit was I supposed to be listening? I don't know what he's talking about. "It's time for me to give you something else you've needed for a long time." Before I can question what that something might be he has me by the wrist and pulled to stand in front of him. He turns me and I still have no idea what he is trying to do but he seems to have a plan. When I've turned around he pulls me down until I'm on his lap.
This is not really what I thought he was going to do and I think about standing up really fast and putting space between us. Space I greatly need. But he doesn't stop at just sitting me on his lap. He takes the underside of my thighs and uses them to spread my legs until they're over his and my bare pussy is spread wide. This is too much for me but I can't stand up. He's got me completely off balance. My feet don't even touch the floor and his big hands on the insides of my thighs make it impossible for me to close my legs. He's trapped me on his lap with nothing but cool air and an embarrassing amount of moisture to cover my secret place that no one has seen.
His mouth comes to my ear; his breath stirs the fine hairs against my temple. "Shh, you're going to be scared at first but it will be even better than the spanking if you just let go and let me do what I need to do."
I have no fucking idea what the fuck he is talking about but I'm so over this. It's not until the tips of his fingers brush against the sensitive skin of my labia that I realize what portion of the night we have come to. He promised me he was going to make me cum and not break my promise to Noel. But I don't want to cum sitting on his lap with my legs farther open than at a gyno appointment, of which I have never had since I've never had sex and so far everything has worked just fine down there.
He scoots down and spreads his legs wider taking mine with him. The way the chair is designed I can't move my legs since his are trapping me against the arm. It frees up his other hand to snake its way up under my shirt, his shirt. THE shirt, what the fuck does it matter whose it is, the problem is I have nothing on under it to stop his skin from gliding over my flesh and squeezing, lifting as if to judge the weight of my breasts and honing in on the hard nipples that seem to have hardened to reach for his touch without my say so.
"No, you can't." I try to stiffen up so his hand doesn't come any closer to how wet I am. The last thing I want is for him to think I got wet over a fucking spanking, even though that is exactly what happened. But all of my thrusting just helps push my pussy into his waiting hand even farther.
"Cherry, you would be fucking amazed at the things I can do." His fingers have me parted and ready for his entry into a place no man has ever been before I can think of a way to stop him. I'm too late when the tip of his middle finger glides up my folds and dips into the crevice of my body.
"Oh..." all of the air I had in my body just left when his touch electrified all my senses.”Oh, God."
My head falls back on his shoulder and I squeeze my eyes closed tightly hoping that the embarrassment won't last for much longer. He'll find out how hard it is for me to get off and that will be the end of what he thought he wanted. I've had trouble reaching orgasm since the Noel incident. It wasn't like I was playing with myself every day before that anyway. The things that happened and the things I have listened to from some of the survivors are always close to the surface of my mind now.
It's hard to relax when I can so easily relate sex to something violent and wrong. The few times I have tried to get myself off it's taken forever. I can't even watch porn like normal people do. I just keep wondering if the women are consensual or if they're being coerced somehow. The fact that I'm going to leave a wet spot on his pants is a little surprising to me. This is the wettest I have ever been, even before the Noel thing happened.
"Mmm...so wet for me, Cherry. Is all of that for me? Is your little pussy getting ready for the man who will take it, own it, and never let it go?" he nuzzles my neck and goosebumps break out along my skin and travel down my body along with a shiver. "Natasha, the time to sto
p me has already passed for you. You should have never let me touch you; you should have never saved my life if you didn't want this to happen, baby. I wish I could tell you that I am a good man, a gentle man, but I will never lie to you. This pussy is mine, this body is mine, the brilliant mind behind the sexy body is mine and baby, if I have to walk through hell to bring it back, your soul is mine. And I intend to keep it safe. Forever."
His fingers spread me farther apart and he applies pressure to the spot that's tingly and too sensitive. The pressure is so good and I can't stop my body from seeking more out. From following his fingers when he withdraws them leaving me wet and wanting. I track his hand as he brings it up to his lips and slides them in his mouth, sucking me off of them.
My brain has short-circuited because all I can think is wow, just like in the movies. How stupid is that? Seeing him wrap his lips around fingers that so recently touched something deep and secretive of mine makes me even wetter. His hand goes back down but this time I don't follow his hand. My eyes are drawn to those lips as he murmurs to me.
"You taste good, baby. Sweet and tart all at the same time. Just like a cherry. I thought you would but now I know."
He dips his fingers back in me and brings them up to my face so I can see how wet they are and holds them to my mouth. My eyes dart from his hand to his eyes and back again.
"Want a taste?" oh God! He doesn't move his hand any farther and his eyes aren't leaving mine. He waits for his answer with so much patience. "It's not a trick, baby. You want to taste yourself on my skin or you're not ready just yet. I'm not going to be upset with you if you're not ready for that." He gets closer to my lips until his are almost touching my own with his finger all but in between lying on both of our lips.
"But one day, you're going to know how you taste as you lick yourself off my cock. Is that how you want to taste yourself for the first time, baby? On the long shaft of my cock as I shove it in your tight little mouth until I release down your throat making you taste both of us as you fly apart."
I have to open my mouth to take in a shaky breath and when I do he snakes his tongue out and licks his fingers, curling it around until his tongue brushes my lips and takes my air again. When he takes my mouth I'm carried away on the sensations and feelings he's making me feel. It takes me a minute before I realize his fingers have started a slow deep thrum against my clit making me lose my mind.
Mouth to mouth both of us look into each other's eyes as my body tenses and releases so quickly that it takes me by surprise. There was no warning, no build-up other than the hot constant pressure of his tongue on mine. I try to move my face back but he doesn't let me. He locks my head in position with his hand on the back of my head. He doesn't kiss me though, he doesn't distract me from feeling my body tighten, convulsions pulsing through my body making me shake apart for him. He just waits with his lips on mine softly and watches with those eyes that seem to be otherworldly.
"Thank you."
It is so far from what I expect him to say to me after giving me an orgasm and him not finding his own release.
He pulls back so he can see me better. "You gave me something you saved for a very long time."
I open and close my mouth trying to figure out how to ask what he's talking about, "You didn't take my virginity."
"I wasn't talking about your virginity. I was talking about your trust. The trust you put in my hands to take your body and give it what it needs to show you what it can be like when two people are bonded together body and soul."
Agh, fuck! There goes my heart again. Who the hell is he? He took apart a man right in front of me, practically dismembered him, and now he's talking about souls and trust and soft sweet things that make my body want to do anything he asks.
"Did you think I didn't know you gave me that gift? That I wouldn't cherish it as much or more than I do your cherries, love?"
"You keep saying cherries but I thought I only have one."
His smile is stunning, "Oh, love, there is so much I have to teach you. You'll find out that I want the one hidden here," his hand cups my mound, "and the one hidden here." His fingers travel farther back until his fingertips brush against a place I never thought someone would touch. I mean, I'm not stupid - porn, duh - but I never thought I would want to do that with anyone but the feel of his fingers does something to me that I can't deny.
"But the one I want the most is in here." The palm of his other hand comes up and rests on the left side of my chest, over my heart.
I frown; I'm trying to figure out what he means or what can be sexual about anything there.
"I want to be the first person you love, the first person you trust and the first person you let in." his words shake me like nothing else could, "and I think you'll let me have it all, won't you?"
"Now, just one more thing before we have to go." I would tense up at the not knowing part but I can't. My body is too...satisfied to worry about any of that stuff so instead; I just sit and wait for whatever he's going to tell me.
"I need to know how tight you are so when I take you I won't hurt you as much. If you're very tight we'll have to work extra hard to make sure not to hurt you." He gives me a quick kiss that ends with a nip on my bottom lip but his words have me falling back to earth with a thud.
When his hand goes wandering back down I slam my palm on top of his. My breathing picks up and I try to shuffle through the feelings and emotions I have to better understand a way to make him stop. That is what I do after all; I check for risks and manage the outcome with a well thought out plan.
"Wh...um, you can't. I..." I'm shushed again. Not a hateful or impertinent one but one you would give to a skittish animal. I move then, rocking myself up so our bodies aren't connected quite so much. He uses his big hands to pull me back and keep me clasped to him.
"Shh, I don't want to hurt you baby. This is something that has to be done."
"No, I don't want to break..." a slap to my open thigh stops me from complaining.
"Cherry, you're not listening to me. If I do this nothing will be broken, not your promise, your cherry or your sweet little body when I get into it finally. Now let me make sure I don't hurt you." Before I can stop him his fingers brush inside of me again. This time he doesn't stop at my clit but keeps going until his digit is circling my tight entrance. I go rigid, not because it hurt just because for years I have shut that part of me off. I didn't think of anyone but myself, touching me and learning my body like Zander wants to.
"Shh, don't move." He gives comfort at the same time he gives the command.
He works the first part of his finger into my tight hole, just the tip but every muscle comes to life. He doesn't go very far at least not that I can tell. He just keeps moving that one finger in and out of me until my muscles start to relax around it.
I hear a grunt before he jerks his finger away from me and he's balancing me on his lap at the same time he's unzipping his pants and taking his dick out. It's the first time I've been so close to one, like sitting right on top of it almost. Pun intended. He maneuvers us so that his dick is in between my legs. His fingers go back to my drenched channel.
"I'm sorry, baby. I got to take it out. You're so god damned tight and fresh. I'm not going to go anywhere near your sweet little pussy. If I do, I'll take it before you're ready to give it to me and before I can prepare you to take me. I just had to bring it out."
I don't know if I should believe him or not. This is the closest to sex I have ever been. It would be so easy for him to 'accidentally slip' or just 'lose control' of himself. His finger slips in and even though I now know what it feels like I still feel tight around it. It sinks farther in and I try to make a move to push him away but he locks my body to his.
"God damn it. I told you not to move." He's angry. I can tell by the growl in his voice and by how tight he is holding me.
"I'm sorry." I avoid his eyes and try to put myself somewhere safe in my mind until this is all over. He takes my chin and raises it so I
have to look at him, "Don't be sorry. Don't ever be sorry. I just don't want to hurt you."
I nod but don't turn back on. He can tell. Zander can tell everything about me. He uses his hand to cup my face and turn my head away from him so that I am staring at the white wall now. He's come over me a little more so he's all but hunched around me. My mind starts to question why he would turn my head away from him when he takes my hand in his and wraps my fingers around himself.
Well, that's a good reason to not let me look. I couldn't tell he was going to use my hand. I'm struggling to remain shut off. All I can feel is so much warmth and heat emanating out of his big body. He doesn't use my hand to jack himself off or make me put it closer to me so if something happened I would be at fault or at least look like it.
"Explore me to, Nat. Touch me how you want to. Feel how hard I am for you, baby? How hot you're body makes my cock?"
I give a small nod. He is hot and hard under my hand but also smooth and soft. A conundrum that has my hand shyly moving on its own, trying to figure out how something can be smooth and veiny, soft and hard. He brings another finger to my entrance and tries to squeeze in. I tense and not in the good way. When he realizes it's too much for me he backs off and uses the finger in me to find a spot just inside my walls that makes me catch my breath and rock my hips even though he told me to be still.
"S...sorry." It's nothing more than a gasped whisper.
"Don't be sorry, baby. I got you. I got control. All you have to do is just ride it out."
I want my mind to function enough to figure out what he's talking about but before I can I tense up again like I'm having another orgasm. But that can't be what is happening because I have never had two so close together before. Something else must be wrong. Maybe I have to pee, which is a really sucky time to need to go. How do you even have this fucking conversation with someone?