by Tao Lin
About a month later Robert and Sam were walking on St. Mark’s Place around 10 p.m. Sam saw someone moving sideways like a crab on the street. Sam stopped walking and stared at the person. “Robert, wait,” he said. “That person was in jail with me. He ate a lot of sandwiches really fast and someone kicked him. He didn’t seem insane before.”
Robert looked at Sam with an excited facial expression.
“He’s wearing the exact same clothes, I think,” said Sam.
The young Asian was about one hundred feet away.
“How is he walking so fast,” said Sam in an expressive voice.
The young Asian stood on the corner of St. Mark’s and Second Avenue repeatedly saying “Do you want to eat?” with unfocused eyes. The young Asian crossed the street and kicked over a metal trashcan.
“Do you think he really just wanted to eat?” said Robert.
“I don’t know, that’s funny,” said Sam. “He ate a lot in jail.”
Robert and Sam crossed the street and didn’t see the young Asian then saw him in the distance on a dark street. “He seems so fucked,” said Sam. “He’s moved around for like four blocks and no one seems to see him or something.” Robert said the young Asian was probably a vampire. Sam said the young Asian talked to a public attorney in jail and sounded normal and said he lived with his girlfriend in the East Village. They followed the young Asian for about fifteen minutes. The young Asian was walking in different directions. Robert and Sam turned around sometimes. The young Asian noticed he was being followed. “I didn’t rape my sister, two guys raped my sister, ask anyone, ask one of my friends,” he said quietly to Sam.
A few weeks later around 1 a.m. Robert and Sam were on a bus to Atlantic City. Robert was reading a Bret Easton Ellis novel and Sam was reading printouts of the Wikipedia pages for Texas hold ’em and blackjack. Sam said he was going to eat a giant steak with A1 sauce if he won $2,000 or lost all but $20.
Around 5 a.m. at the Tropicana Sam was at a blackjack table and Robert was at a Texas hold ’em table. Sam text messaged Robert: “Up 400. Feel like impossible to lose. Want to leave soon?”
Robert text messaged: “Up 17. Coming in 20 minutes.”
Around 6 a.m. on a down escalator Sam took a cell phone photo of $800 in hundreds and twenties and sent it to [email protected]. Robert and Sam walked around looking for a buffet that was open. They took a cab to the other side of Atlantic City. They walked into the Borgata. About twenty minutes later Sam text messaged Robert: “Lost 600, steak soon. Excited.”
Robert text messaged: “Lost 40, coming now.”
“Hey,” he said to Sam at the blackjack table.
“I’m just going to lose the rest really fast,” said Sam grinning. “I’ll save twenty dollars for steak.” Three people Sam’s age who didn’t know each other were also at the blackjack table. After a few minutes Sam had $20 left. He and Robert walked around the casino smiling.
“I feel really good,” said Sam. “How do you feel?”
“I feel really good also,” said Robert.
“Should we go to the buffet,” said Sam.
“I don’t know,” said Robert. “Do you want to?”
“I’m not sure. If we feel good we shouldn’t eat at the buffet, right?”
Robert laughed. “Yeah, we probably shouldn’t eat at the buffet. I mean, I don’t care, if you want to go I’ll go.” They got on a $2 trolley back to the Tropicana. It was around 9 a.m. and sunny. “What about that pizza place,” said Sam pointing at a sign outside the trolley.
“I don’t know, do you want to?” said Robert.
“No, not really. I’m not hungry, I think.”
At the Tropicana they stood waiting for the bus to New York City.
“The Bodega is so far from the other casinos,” said Sam.
“What do you mean,” said Robert. “What bodega?”
“That place,” said Sam. “With the sexy waitresses.”
“The Borgata,” said Robert.
“It should be called the Bodega,” said Sam grinning. “That’s funny, why would they name it something that sounds like ‘bodega,’ bodegas are like the shittiest stores that exist.”
“Do you think you’ll want to come back again?” said Robert.
“I don’t know. I feel like I can’t win. I would just lose all my money. But I feel happy here, I think.”
“Do you want an avocado?” said Robert on the bus.
“No thank you,” said Sam and closed his eyes.
At Penn Station Robert got on a train uptown to pet-sit. Sam went to his apartment and slept. The next night they were back in Atlantic City. They walked on the boardwalk by the beach around 4 a.m. “Everyone here seems, like, fucked, but in a good way,” said Sam. “I feel at home here.”
They walked into a deli and looked at shriveled potatoes.
“We should have a party here,” said Robert on the street.
“We should just move here,” said Sam.
“I feel like if I lived here I would just wake up every day and eat pizza, and play poker for two hours, and go home and watch TV, and drink beer,” said Robert.
They walked past a strip bar and a house with a “For Rent” sign.
“I just want to be crying in someone’s arms,” said Robert.
A few months later Sam was sitting on his mattress with his MacBook drinking iced coffee and listening to music. It was around 3 p.m. and the room was very sunny. Sam had woken early that day and left his apartment and completed work in the library and came back to his apartment. “I want to do Pilates alone in my room to a DVD on my laptop every night,” he said to Robert on Gmail chat. “I’m buying a Pilates mat once I’m unemployed. I’m creating a plan to be really good. So far I’m doing Pilates.”
“That’s great,” said Robert.
“Are you serious,” said Sam.
“Sort of,” said Robert. “I mean, if I thought there was anything ‘important’ or something it would be being good.” Robert said Sheila called twice earlier from the mental hospital and that he gave her Sam’s phone number and told her to call Sam.
“Thanks,” said Sam. “How is she.”
“Sounded bad. The conversation started with her saying ‘I think Sam brainwashed you. I like Sam. I like Stephen.’ She just told me, like, things that didn’t make sense. She said that drugs didn’t have anything to do with her being there. That she put herself there.”
“I wonder if she’ll get better,” said Sam.
“I felt sad. Connie was here. I felt funny about the situation. Later when Connie said things like ‘why are you sad’ I could say nothing and she would say things like ‘are you worried about your friend.’ ”
“Haha,” said Sam. “ ‘Concrete reason.’ ”
“Yes,” said Robert. “ ‘Easy to understand.’ ”
They talked about Sheila for a few minutes.
“I thought about sex drive today,” said Sam. “People with high motivation to have sex all the time don’t like Lorrie Moore, I thought, citing Paul Mitchell and not really thinking more about it.”
“That’s funny,” said Robert.
Sam said a person’s name and said he wished their last name were “Lollapalooza.” Robert said he also wished that. “I feel good that fast food exists even when I’m not eating it,” said Robert. “I just think about it and feel better.”
“I long for a Wendy’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich,” said Sam.
“We should get them together,” said Robert.
“But I know I won’t feel good eating it or after eating it,” said Sam. “I only like thinking about it.”
“We should buy them then throw them away,” said Robert.
“Carry it around,” said Sam. “I would do that.”
It was getting dark out, or the sun had moved, and Sam’s room was less bright. Sam looked around. His cup of iced coffee was empty. “I felt emotional today thinking about the past, like a year and a half ago, at Sheila’s house,” he said. “I thin
k because I haven’t been awake in the daytime for an extended period in so long and was reminded of the last time I was in a sunny room on a computer after having been up four to five hours, which was at Sheila’s house, I think.”
“Wow,” said Robert.
“But there was nothing I could do with the emotion really,” said Sam. “It just went away after a while.”
About two months later it was November and Sam was at Joseph’s house in Florida. Joseph had invited Sam to read at a “vegan brunch buffet” in a record store during a music festival. Joseph lived in a three-bedroom house with Chris where one bedroom was for Chris’ record label. In the backyard were six tents and a school bus with a bunk bed and a sofa and no seats. Joseph gave Sam a pillow and a sleeping bag and said he could sleep on the bus the next two nights. They walked to a pizza place that also sold other things and bought iced coffee and pastries and sat outside on a street corner. It was around 2 p.m. “The weather is so nice here,” said Sam. “Is that a Holiday Inn?”
“Yeah,” said Joseph grinning. “I think it is.”
Someone across the street was holding a sign promoting John McCain for president. “I like the people who hold the 9/11 conspiracy signs,” said Joseph. “I think it’s really funny.”
“I would do that,” said Sam.
“They just stand there the entire day holding a sign,” said Joseph.
“We should get like twenty people to do it with us,” said Sam.
They walked toward the University of Florida to see Chris’ band Ghost Mice. Joseph said he stopped going to school when he was sixteen and saved money and left Kentucky on his bike without telling anyone and climbed onto a train, because he had heard of people doing that, and the train went somewhere but then came back and didn’t move anymore and he bought a Greyhound ticket and went to San Francisco and then Arizona. After two months he called his father and said he was sorry and his father bought him a plane ticket and he went home and watched TV a lot and started to believe what he saw on TV was real. Sam asked Joseph if he became insane. “Yeah, I think so,” said Joseph. “But I was the only one who knew, because I was alone all the time.” Joseph said he then moved to Michigan and lived alone and became friends with Kaitlyn and then moved to Florida. Something flew toward Sam’s face and Sam moved very fast.
“What was that,” said Joseph laughing.
“An out-of-control butterfly,” said Sam.
Joseph and Sam watched Ghost Mice and another band and then went back to Joseph’s house and sat in Chris’ room and listened to Joseph’s band’s new CD. Three people came into the room with five beers and sat on the floor. “I found myself lying on my back, looking up at nothing, in a hot dark room,” sang Joseph on the CD. “In the middle of the day, today, I felt utterly confused.” Joseph said he liked when the bass sounded like a whale. The CD ended and everyone went outside the house to go see a Japanese band at a bar. Someone said the bar wouldn’t let them bring in beer.
“We can put them in our pockets,” said Sam with his beer in his pocket.
“There’s nowhere to put it on me,” said a person in tight clothes and grinned.
They stood on the street drinking beer in the dark while looking at each other. Sam looked at the sky to see if there were a lot of stars. There seemed to be a normal amount of stars.
Around 11 p.m. Joseph and Sam left the bar and walked about thirty minutes to see Star Fucking Hipsters. At the venue Sam felt someone looking at him. Sam and the person stared at each other. Sam thought it might be a person named Audrey who he had talked to on the internet. Sam walked past the person and stood with Joseph facing the stage. “This is our attempt at a nonpolitical song, it’s about how Jesus is a zombie,” said the singer of Star Fucking Hipsters. “I mean, he is a zombie, he came from the dead. This song is saying it, that Jesus is actually a zombie. It’s called ‘Zombie Christ.’ ”
After the show the person and Sam stared at each other.
“Hi,” said Sam.
“Hi,” said the person.
“What’s your name?” said Sam.
“Audrey, what’s yours?”
Sam said his name and shook hands with Audrey and Audrey’s friend Thomas. Joseph shook hands with Audrey. Sam looked at Joseph and heard Audrey say something to someone. Sam saw Audrey leaving. Sam and Joseph walked through the crowd toward the exit. They walked on the sidewalk toward Joseph’s house. “I thought those people would hang out with us,” said Sam. “We talked on the internet before and said we would hang out or something.”
Around 2 a.m. Joseph ate toast with peanut butter while talking to Paul in the living room. Sam sat without talking. He had taken his contact lenses out and could not see people’s facial expressions. More people came in the house. Joseph said he was going to sleep. Sam went in the kitchen and ate toast with olive oil. There was a bunk bed in the kitchen. People were laughing in the living room. Sam stared at things in the sink. He carried a piece of toast outside to the backyard. He went onto the bus and lay on the sofa in the dark.
He ate the toast and thought about being around people tomorrow. He thought about not talking while being around people. He thought about leaving without telling anyone. He thought about Joseph leaving on his bike without telling anyone. He zipped the sleeping bag shut around his body. People came on the bus using their cell phones for light. “Just so you know, I think there are roaches in here,” said a girl.
“Oh, I’m not afraid of roaches,” said a boy.
“Another person may be coming later,” said the girl.
Sam text messaged Kaitlyn: “In Florida. I like Joseph.”
The next morning outside the record store Sam saw Jeffrey and Sharon and Sharon’s friends and introduced them to each other. Jeffrey said he drove 3 hours from Sarasota. He talked about his plan to roller-skate down four stories of the spiral-shaped structure inside the Guggenheim Museum to “break in” to the art world.
“That’s really funny,” said Sam. “Gawker would link probably.”
“I ate a Sausage Egg McMuffin from McDonald’s today,” said Jeffrey.
There was a line of maybe thirty people for the “vegan brunch buffet.”
Inside Sam stood with Jeffrey eating waffles, gravy, biscuits, tofu scramble, a cookie, a muffin, and other things. Sam said he wanted to get his stomach pumped after eating. Jeffrey said when he worked as a dishwasher in Alaska he was very bored and spent one shift imagining what it would be like if everything was made out of wood. Sam saw Audrey standing alone in line wearing all pink. Sam walked past Audrey to the bathroom. Sam walked out of the bathroom past Audrey without looking at her and talked to Jeffrey. Sharon drove Sam to a health-food store and Sam bought a “Synergy” brand kombucha. They drove back to the record store and Sam stood in front of people and said he was going to read from the beginning of his next book and then read about two people alone in rooms in Ohio and Pennsylvania talking to each other on Gmail chat. Sam finished and sat by Jeffrey and said he felt like a little bitch.
“I don’t feel that you’re a little bitch,” said Jeffrey.
“I mean, I feel okay, or something,” said Sam.
“Oh, this is my friend Gina,” said Jeffrey.
Sam smiled at Gina and said “hi.”
“Inspirational,” said Audrey in a loud monotone looking down at Sam.
“Good,” said Sam. “You came. I’m glad you came.”
A man in an orange shirt said Sam was “the shit.”
Someone asked Sam to sign a book. Sam drew a toy poodle and wrote “666” on its forehead. Sam didn’t see Audrey then saw her standing to the left. Sharon asked Sam if he still wanted to eat dinner with her and other University of Florida MFA students. Sam said he did and that one of them would call the other one. Sam stood and said “Do you want to go to American Apparel?” to Audrey with three or four people looking at him.
“Sure,” said Audrey with a serious facial expression.
Someone said something to Sam about
Columbus, Ohio. Sam thanked the person and walked to Joseph and said he was going to hang out with his friend from Sarasota.
Jeffrey, Gina, Audrey, and Sam walked toward Jeffrey’s car. Sam said he saw Star Fucking Hipsters in Brooklyn a week ago and the singer wasn’t drunk at all then four or five songs later was extremely drunk and swung his guitar at the audience and the audience stared at him. Jeffrey and Audrey talked to each other. Sam looked at Gina not talking to anyone. Audrey sat in the front seat of Jeffrey’s car. At American Apparel Sam bought blue organic underwear. Outside he held the underwear to his face and said “sustainable.” They walked on the sidewalk and Audrey and Sam talked about “the death-metal voice.” Sam told Audrey to scream “red shirt” at people across the street walking in the same direction as them.
“Red shirt,” screamed Audrey.
A woman in her forties, two teenagers, and a person in a bright red shirt who was maybe twenty turned their upper bodies and looked at Audrey while walking forward. “It’s a family, I think,” said Sam. “They’re ignoring it. That’s so bad for them, a family, it’ll probably be all they talk about later, like when they’re eating.”
Sam walked forward for a few seconds without thinking anything.
“They’re right there,” he said laughing. “We’re like right next to them.”
“That’s why we need to slow down,” said Audrey grinning a little.
They walked around Gainesville for about thirty minutes.
“We should go to the beach,” said Sam.
“I would go to the beach,” said Jeffrey. “Do you want to?”
Sam said he didn’t have swimming shorts. He said he wanted to sit in a park and lie on the grass and drink iced coffee and maybe beer while relaxing in sunlight. Jeffrey said he would do that. Sam pulled a sign out of the ground that said “Yes on 4” and had a drawing of a bear. “We should put it in the ground by where we sit,” said Sam and put it in Jeffrey’s car.