Dear Dawn

by Aileen Wuornos

  And as it was goin on he kept sayin: “I dont want to hurt you, but if I have to I will!.” While I kept pushin his hand holdin the knife, away from my face., bitchin royal . . .

  I thought Psychologically I’d win this one with a bit of a huff and a puff put into it, but there was just no way . . . [He] pressed it hard enough then to let me know he was willing to kill.

  Man I tell ya. I’d really like to know just what the hell they’ve got down there between their legs that’d cause them to become so violent for.

  And in the course of it all he kept threatening to slice my throat (or) choke me to death. So off balance in his assualt that he could’nt decide which he’d like to do . . .

  And although I was pretty beat up . . . I knew that since he was “teasing” in the situation that if I kept my cool I’d walk outta it all. Allive. So cut with the defense and dropped myself to his level, as low as I could go. Using psychological Method NoW to keep from serious stuff happening., Sexually. Only for it to assist me., from. Sodomy.

  His imagination was running wild under his psycho craz of sexual rage. Pushin it Way beyond the word exotic. Flat strange and fully retarded. Drumming up practically anything he could with his “Semen” all over me. Insane!. As he’d ejaculate and copulate to these continual orgasms just to spill it all over on me. Be it in my hair, my face, my chest, or my stomach. Anywhere he could! And forcing me to hold his cum in my mouth, slide it around, then swallow, when he said so. So he was insanely bazaar and sick., to say the least. But grateful his sick ass self erased any ideas of Sodomy. I take it his ideas with the Semen kept him from wantin “feces” on it.

  Then to top off the humiliation that he wanted me to endure, forced me outta his rig right then and there at the rest area. Having to walk infront of all them people (who could only guess what happened, which was’nt hard) lookin like death run over with bruises everywhere. And semen stuck on me from head to toe. Let alone the aftermath of it all. Having to hitchhike out from there.

  It was awful!.

  (While I bet the only reason why he didnt want me to touch anything in his cab, was for prints. Surely purhaps having had other plans in mind, yet found me to fueled up for. So skipped the rest in mind. All of which has me wonder then if my pychological and physical Method didnt work after all)

  To Be Continued.,

  Love

  Aileen

  10-20-99

  Dear Dawn,

  Hi Buddy. Glad to hear your doing good and feelin better now. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good.

  But not me!. . . .

  I need Alexander called., And ask him to call me. Its very serious. The threats I’m receiving and the torture I’m enduring with this room have gone too far. There really pushin it. So please have him call me here. He’s gonna have to do what he did last time and get in phone contact with the Govenor. Its that Serious.

  I’m to upset to write. And they’ve got the room frequenced to such a high pitch it incompacitates you from (being able to.) write . . . Situation has to be brought before the Media and everybody! . . .

  I’m workin on the Diary still though. OK.

  I’ll catch ya this weekend when I cool down.

  See ya then

  Love

  Aileen

  [10-24-99]

  Diary of U.S.A. In Memory of. . . . ,

  Hells Angels

  Year of 72

  Still 16

  K/

  . . . It was Bakersfield California, thumbin through when up came along this guy on a motorcycle without a helmet and of all things.... wearin a ski mask.

  I immediately thought whats this guy doin!?. Is he fixin to Rob my ass or what!?.... When he then asked me the usual. If I needed a lift!?.

  Well need I say I was hesitant., with another worry on my mind . . . a car load of hispanic’s cruising around giving me problems . . . So up went my suitcase ... we were then on a bike that resembled the flicks one of, Easy Riders. Minus the paint job, of the flag.

  . . . I’d later learn [who] I was on the bike with . . . While being likewise asked if I’d like to stay a bit with one of the most notorious bike gangs in America. The Hells Angels.

  . . . Excepted and spent 3 days with his wife, Kids, and him of who if I can remember right was V.P. of the chapter out there.

  . . . the ski mask was worn because of a wreck he was in. 4 years earlier.

  . . . this ol’ lady tried to pass his chop, only to clip him in doing so . . . As the gas tank then exploded engulfing him full of flames . . . his hands and face really got it bad., causing him to become trajically disfigured. So much so he wears the ski mask, along with gloves.

  (And once he heard of my own fiery experience I faced myself in the face at 9, that was it, we hit it off well then)

  . . . the breeze was shot, along with pool. Chuggin on the pitchers. with others comin in and I was introduced to them too. All of which went by Nick names. Such as ... Crazy Joe T. Rip. Frenchy. Foot. Getting these real close up’s of their ways and the chaps they wore. (Chaps referr to the Colors on their jackets for club titles.) All of which theirs is the Winged Wheel . . .

  They did their gig like the mob. Exspansed and franchised acrost the states . . . Doing so in a corporate mob fashion. And covered it up with smooth operations to invisible to detect in the dirt they made . . .

  Yet that was’nt all!. They were building their image as the rough and tough that they wanted to be feared as, up in the Movie gigs they were offered in . . .

  Along with coppin a bit of side kicks off of dirty deeds in pay off’s to bump off (or) whatever (for the extra) ...

  Yet between all of the 3 days I spent, much to my amazement I was, Never Sexually Harrassed. Ever!. It blew me back royal to., considering who I was mingling with . . .

  So after 3 days I was back on the road again thoroughly impressed with the opportunity. As they aired much kindness my way, that’d I’d like to say back. Thank you!.

  . . . And if ya can’t seem to recall who I am out there (in Bakersfield) Well there’s an old Nick I acquired in Detroit (before) runnin into ya’s. So used it with ya since everybody else went by nic’s. And that was.

  Apple.

  So wish ya well Bud. Keep scootin and choppin the wind . . .

  To Be Continued

  Love Aileen

  Lee

  10-31-99

  Dear Dawn,

  Hi Buddy!. finnally back to normal. OK!. I can hear ya now. What happened!?. Well I had a flood out. Ha. Ha. Ha. I can laugh now, but not for 3 weeks!. I was flooded out that long!. There were 3 leaks. The toilet pipe. And then the hot and cold water lines. Along with this gap that was under the sink letting all the water in from the Utility Unit thats beside my cell. It was a royal mess!. . . . Thats why I need Alexander back in ... The situation has become so utterly threatening to me. I firmly believe the devils here will try to kill me before a warrent is ever signed . . . Where’s the FLORIDA BAR!.... i’m having so much difficulty then – ANY OTHER INMATE HERE. Man!. I’m betting the MALE SERIEL KILLERS DIDNT EVEN GO THROUGH THE SHIT I’M RECEIVING AND THE EXTREME LACK OF CONCERN OVER MY CASE’S BY CCR I’VE EVER HEARD OF!. Always tellin me upon visits that they’ll help me WAIVE TO THE CHAIR anytime I want. UNREAL!. So I’m in blind fury ... Obviously – an inside job then of a hit on this gal. I bet a pay off by Arlene Ā!?. . . . I need to take a “PolyGRAPH ON ALL OF tHis., , EXTREMELY SERIOUS SHIT! HAVE TOO!.”

  So thats why I say. I need Alexander!. . . .

  Arlene.

  I believe. that while she was visiting me. He176 was seeing someone here for a pay off.—An inside hit on me! . . . They are mob connected. And it has to do with revenge for killin Carskaddon . . . All of which has me wonder about. Alexander. is he one of – them!. OK. It’s such a mess. But I know the cure. “World-Wide Coverage.” I need the Media out here., and just start tellin it all . . .

  You’d of think the trash would pick another area and someone else . . . Not a framed-raped Women!. Give m
e a break!. How much Evil do you want to shit on her – you demon possessed SCUM.

  God.

  I’m gonna close here. I’m to pissed! Let alone Hate there Fuckin Guts!. BAD!. Ill catch ya in another kite. 4-now.

  Love

  Aileen

  11-1-99

  Dear Dawn,

  . . . And now for a regular catch up kite. I’m on L now . . . by the time I reached 18 I quit cruisin in [to Troy]. The reason is because most were off on there own. or not home. or gettin married. So I was’nt going to interferr with their private lives . . . Only comin back then for Keiths funneral. And just a couple of times to see Lori and Barry. Then that was it! Michigan turned out one place I’d never see again . . . then to Fla. I’d wind up from 20 to 34 . . . Doin all of that, only to die in Florida’s electric chair. Amazin Ā!? WOW!. I look at it like this. Jesus has a special gig for me when I get up there. Because through it ALL I NEVER gave him up to believe in anything else ... So I firmly believe my syn-dromized actions are in far more Innocense then they’d like to think. Because of! All the Rapes, and all the Violence I recieved by Society that I faced. Driveing me, Cold and Calcullated. Bottom line.

  Dam. I’ve got to close. Dinner’s here . . .

  See ya soon.

  Dont forget to

  Eat your

  Veggies!.

  Ha. Ha. Ha.

  Love

  Aileen

  11-14-99

  Dear Dawn,

  . . . Tony finally got through., Geeeeeeeeeez!. I guess . . . (the Superintendant) finally realized he couldnt beat around the bush to much longer . . .

  Next I need Interviews hooked up. So if your interested in contacting ANYONE . Please do., Buttt contact has to be by you or Tony. No body else!. Otherwise I’ll suspect the prison and tallahassee are trying to fix me up with one of their pay off ’s for a cover up. OK . . .

  Tonys going to contact the Human Rights Activist he’s so into World Wide. Get things stirred up with them in exposure. Then he’s contacting Tallahassee and thee Inspector General’s Office for investigation. As well as hire a private firm in Miami here for to work with me on the violations . . . They’ve gone so far as ripping the tape off our shower window. WRONG!. I was also handcuffed while I was talkin with Tony. WRONG!. Our privacy and priviledges are highly being violated in one area to another. With hate crimes following always within it all...

  OK. Its gettin time for a wrist break ... I’m gonna blow this prison wide open in the vicious contempt of the Laws they’ve so seriously violated . . .

  And so I hope you guys have Beautiful Ones ahead with all Holidays ahead and Happy Thanksgiving to all of you and everybody out there!.

  Love ya sis and I’m still on L

  between all of this., Alright!.

  Take Care now

  Dont forget to

  eat your

  Veggies

  Ha Ha Ha

  12-24-99

  Dear Dawn,

  . . . So there I am on the phone with Alexander, and he’s telling me he’s done., 89 Case’s., having never lost one. Well if so then he surely is one heck of a dam good attorney., no doubt. Buttttt if he was instead useing the NUMBER for a hint. then I would take it he’d want me to change the 9 around to a 6, so that the 89 would instead be then a 86. Which is a term used in bars to oust people if their to rowdy in taverns. Being that 86 then means your., “Barred.” all of which then he may have been hinting to me – he’s 86n/ me from him.

  And then he kept on about me being., Finnish., and that he’d like to take my, Nationality., and use it on the case for some strange international reason he had in mind. All of which could do nothing for my case’s. So the hint was purhaps Blood, and that its finnished between us.

  Then the other fishy area of him with (The mentioning of CCR and C.i.A. jazz) how nervous he got afterwards. Strange.

  . . . he mentioned being., “Exhausted.,” . . . this may be a hint referring to my appeals. When appeals begin to wear down in court, and a warrents about to be signed ... its called, Exhaust . . .

  So my suspicions are now with this guy that . . . , Either he’s a C.i.A. connection. (or) . . . Tallahassee or Mafia. / Or who knows!. Maybe he’s connected to none of these and was after info for his own book or movie over there . . .

  So do I feel like I’ve been used.?! . . .

  And then the state and torturing me out for punishment and study all reactions over as they do . . .

  As for Tony – please hold off in calling him. If he calls, he’ll call. But even if he does, I’m way to suspicious now . . . Exspecially with the phone call bearing no meaning to anything!. Except hint after hint.

  This world is so Lawless and Godless today. Its helpless! ... I’m sick of seeing it all! I’m through with it all. Back to regular letters and the diary. OK!? ...

  I’m gonna need help with the M.O.s/177 before the chair . . . Will you send at least 200 whenever I say I need one!?. I know your cringin right now., but its only until I can get someone else with some bucks to send instead. Actually I wish you had the know how in contacting for publishing . . .

  Go for it Buddy! Let the truth be known! . . . That is if your up to it sis. I know I’m fed up and tired!.... Its your ball babe . . . I Love ya buddy . . . And hope your all havin a., “Beautiful.,” holiday season . . . Ill catch ya again as soon as I can. 4-now.

  Love

  Aileen

  1-2-2000

  Dear Dawn,

  Happy New Year!.

  Hope all of you guys had a blast up there!. Any Y2K problems!?. Here. None. Boy was that a bunch of bull. Billy Gates and the rest are probably sittin on it real pretty by now scammers . . .

  Me! Not so great. Its been hand over fist Torture. Disrespect. Tainted Trays. and now a D.R.! yeah . . . got a D.R. for. Disrespect! Imagine that! . . . for New Years I take it they just figure a whole new year to start over again and carry on with more . . . WRONG!.... So if you “Finally” hear from Tony., please let him know this OK . . . Its not me!. Its them here., there the ones with the ATTITUDE ...

  OK lets see man . . . what did you yourself get for Christmas. ME I got . . . an egg plant parmasean that looked like it was chewed up by bruno then up chucked back on the plate. It was HEDIOUS!. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Thats OK.

  I look at it like this. Somebody way up there is fixin to torture all those who tortured me., BACK. Its just gonna take a little wait is all. Ha. Ha. Then I’m gonna party down! 4-SHORE!.

  . . . I hope you have a Beautiful New Years this

  Millenial. isnt it strange 2000. It really does seem strange AND AWESOME!. . . .

  Love ya

  Buddy

  Take Good Care

  Love

  Aileen

  1-8-2000

  Dear Dawn,

  Hello ! Well they wound up given me probation as long as I see a psychologist. So I am. And its someone I happen to like, and see then from here if this straightens out. Boy!. Insane . . .

  Say by the way!. My underlining everything. Well some area’s are for highlighting, but then . . . You know how they’ve got the com on and keep using it as a Weapon for pure cruelty. And as they do it KNOCKS ME OFF BALANCE. So thats why the underlining of stuff . . .

  Man. I wish you had of never gotten in that fight with your cousin because I was thinkin on the lines of him financially backing you up to start yourselfs on your way to 100s/ and 1000s/ in the writting of a book of my life. Shit!. Would’nt of that of been wonderful . . . surely by now as I can see the book on the shelfs and my butt with a real attorney. Mind you a REAL ATTORNEY . . . And the TRUTH of everything exposed is how Law Enforcement is merely Disciples of Satan who are using the TITLE LAW ENFORCEMENT., as a cover to who they really are . . . For real. Hate their guts to. Bad. Big! Time! Bad . . .

  Anyway to Bad on your cousin . . .

  Well good Buddy. I think Ill go ahead an sign off . . . Love you all with all my heart. Until next flight in.

  “Happy New Year”
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  Love

  Aileen

  1 - 1 0-2000

  Dear Dawn,

  . . . So I’m back to that surrendering to God jazz and feeling my old self again. Its over!. And just back to him as I wrap around the inner peace I’m feeling and await a warrent to be signed ...

  And if Alexander called. Ō well! He’s bullshit anyway! ... I’m melting in God . . . Adios World., is my motto! Your evil anyway . . .

  O good. So you did see the New Years special thing after all. Cool.! But it was’nt a competition gig Dawn. The only reason they were airing all the Countries was to Monitor there arrival of 12 midnight and one minute after if there’d be any glitches in the computers . . .

  O my God!.

  Kims getting married. Geeeeez! Now doesn’t that seem strange. I’m happy for her too. But., hummmm. on this guy! . . . As my fingers are crossed for her good luck . . .

  Congradulations to Kim and her new love of her life otherwise “Good luck!” Please let her know I said this OK!. . . . .

  Well let me go ahead and wrap this letter up with hugs and kisses. EmmMMMph. . . .

  Until next time

  Love from The ol Greasier too.

  Aileen

  1 -23-2000

  Dear Dawn,

  Hi Buddy! Back to my ol self. Ahhhh. I feel terrific! . . . all the time I spent with this Alexander fella that Must Be Hogwash. Virginia’s private Investigator cant get in touch with him Anymore Either. So he knew there was to much snoopin startin on him and cut out. Maybe I can find out just who the hell he was though eventually. Because 2 NEW attorneys178 are comin Monday and I’m gonna give them a chance to prove themselves on all of this and the case’s . . .

  Why!?

  Well one of em is an X secret service agent . . . So Ill tell ya all about it after Monday. OK.