This Golden Flame

by Emily Victoria

  I can see the question in his eyes of whether or not we should tell her. I shake my head. If Zara hasn’t told her, I’m not about to. There’s nothing wrong with keeping something back, in case we need leverage later.

  “In order to uncover what the magistrate is planning, I do think we need to figure out exactly who and what you are,” Calantha says. “Tell me, do you remember absolutely anything else you haven’t told us?”

  Alix thinks for a moment. “No. But I might be able to find out. At my father’s villa. It’s here in the city.”

  Calantha shakes her head. “Believe me, Master Theodis’s home has been searched thoroughly since the Great Lapse, many times.”

  “Is it still standing?”

  “Yes. Most of it at least. More than one magistrate has become convinced that if they search it one more time, they will uncover all the man’s secrets. As far as I know, nothing has ever been found.”

  Alix reaches up and wraps his fingers around his father’s pendant. “If it’s still standing, then my rooms and my father’s workshop will be there. He hid them well. Even if someone found the door, it can only be opened by a lock rune that only I know. I want to try.”

  “That may be difficult. His villa is in the second tier.”

  “I can get them there,” Zara pipes up.

  Calantha frowns. “You have duties out at sea, Zara, you know that. Important duties.”

  “More important than possibly taking down the magistrate? Calantha, you know how things have been in the city lately. Increased patrols. More members of the council being swung to that man’s side. We’re running out of time. I want to help the people who are stranded out there. Who have escaped. I do. But none of that will mean anything if the magistrate gets those obey runes working. My crew and I are needed here now.”

  “We also need to be cautious, Zara. There are lives at stake here, you know that.”

  Zara sits back, folding her arms. “Well, I’m not leaving. Whatever he wants from Alix, we need to figure it out before the magistrate gets a hold of it.” A determined glint comes into her eyes. “Besides, I’ve got a score to settle with that man on behalf of my crew.”

  The two of them stare down each other, and to my surprise Calantha’s the one who backs down first. She sighs. “Very well. But if you’re going to Master Theodis’s manor, I want you to search it yourself before you let these three anywhere near it.”

  “Fine.”

  “Now, Alix,” Calantha says. “About your tome...”

  Alix’s hand covers his satchel. “It stays with me.”

  “If they catch you with it, everything will be over.”

  I hear the insinuation behind her words. If Alix is caught, it won’t just be Alix who’ll be in danger.

  Alix must understand that, too, because his face twists. “So, you want me to leave it with you?”

  “I want you to leave it here. That’s not exactly the same thing.”

  Calantha rises and crosses over to a tapestry hanging behind the desk. She brushes it aside to reveal a box hidden in a hole in the wall behind it. Fishing a key from her pocket she unlocks the lid. “No one knows about this spot except for the people in this room and a few others among my closest allies. This is the only key.” She holds it out to Alix. “Zara tells me you can’t stray too far from your tome, but my villa should be close enough to the higher tiers that it shouldn’t be a problem.”

  Alix looks at the key, then at her. And then he takes it. He slips the tome into the safe and locks it. As he lets the tapestry fall back, I see the hesitation on his face. I hope he’s making the right choice. I hope we all are.

  Calantha nods. “It’s already late. Rest and gather yourselves for the night. Tomorrow you can—”

  “My brother,” I say.

  Everyone looks at me. It’s hard to hear over the pounding of my heart. But the reason I traveled all this way, the reason I’m risking everything, even joining a rebellion I don’t believe in, is to find Matthias. “He was sent to the Magistrate’s Library. He has low vision and his name is Matthias and...”

  Surprise comes onto Calantha’s face. Surprise and regret she isn’t quite fast enough to hide.

  “What is it?” I ask.

  “I thought there was something about you that looked familiar.”

  My heart thuds so hard I feel it will burst from my chest. “Familiar?”

  Calantha pulls open one of the drawers in her desk and takes out a worn parchment. She pushes it toward me.

  A face looks up at me, and even though it’s seven years older, sketched in black lines, I instantly recognize it.

  Matthias.

  I reach down and touch the paper with trembling fingers. Some part of me never truly believed I’d see him again, yet here he is, even if it’s just a portrait drawn on paper.

  There are words beneath it.

  The Bandit.

  Wanted for crimes against the Scriptorium. If seen, report to the Acropolis.

  Reward.

  The Bandit. That thief I heard about on that island.

  That’s Matthias?

  Zara leans over so she can see. “Wait, your brother is the Bandit?”

  I look up at Calantha, confused.

  “Matthias is one of our best thieves.”

  “A thief?” Dane says. “But his vision, it’s...” He trails off.

  Calantha smiles. “Matthias is a resourceful young man. He manages well.”

  I can hear the words she’s saying, but I don’t understand them. My brother wouldn’t have stayed here. He would have been out there, trying to find me.

  “Where is he? Is he in this villa now? Can I see him?”

  Calantha pauses. “I’m sorry. Three days ago, he went out on a mission with another of our people, Rudy. Rudy managed to escape, but Matthias didn’t get out. He was taken by the Scriptorium.”

  23

  * * *

  KARIS

  Three days. After seven years of missing my brother, planning how to save him, journeying all this way, I missed him by three days. That knowledge seeps into my lungs, my heart, my bones, scooping them out and turning me hollow. If we hadn’t stopped at that fishing village out on the wild islands, hadn’t met the magistrate’s men, hadn’t been attacked, I would be with my brother right now.

  I follow Zara through the elegant hallways of Calantha’s villa, barely listening as she points out the rooms and halls and studies. Dane and Alix exchange worried glances over my head.

  Finally, Zara looks back at me. “Calantha will do everything in her power to find your brother. She is very loyal to her people.”

  “We must have different definitions of that word,” I mutter.

  Zara frowns. “Karis...”

  “I’m sure you meant well, Captain, bringing us to this place. But you told us this woman knew more about the Magistrate’s Library than anyone, and I don’t see how, since she lives in this safe, grand villa, far away from—”

  Zara stops. “Calantha worked there, all right?”

  Silence drops like a shroud. I was right. About Calantha. About this place. Now the anger I’d been expecting to feel all this time comes lashing in, flaring hot against my breastbone. I thought we were done with Zara lying to us.

  “And you took us to her?” I say. “After everything you’ve told us—”

  Zara steps toward me so quickly my words cut off. “That’s right, Karis. I told you. It was my crew who lived it. My parents who were taken there. If any of us have a right to be angry at her for her past, it’s me. Don’t you think there might be a reason why I’m not?”

  Alix shifts nervously, glancing between us, as if debating whether or not to pull us apart. I can already feel the words rising in my throat—barbed words. I don’t want to hear her defending the woman who sent my brother to his fate.


  But somewhere in the back of my head I know that if I take up this fight now, it won’t stop. If I’m to have any hope of getting Matthias back, I need to learn to get along with the people in this house. And if I can’t do that with Zara, I won’t be able to do it with anyone. So I do something rare for me, and I swallow my words down.

  Alix speaks into the quiet. “How did she end up working in a place like that?”

  Zara sighs. “She doesn’t talk about it much. Even I only know bits and pieces. Calantha was a rising star in the Scriptorium, one of the youngest to ever be promoted so high. Her success brought her to the magistrate’s attention and he assigned her to work in the library for a short time. Whatever happened there convinced her that she needed to do whatever it took to stop the magistrate. Ever since then she’s worked to save whoever she can. Including me. When my parents were taken to the library, I decided I was going to go in there, that I was going to save them. The only reason I wasn’t caught is because she pulled me away and brought me back here. So if you won’t trust her, then at least trust me. We need to find this vessel Alix remembers before the magistrate does, so we can stop that man. That’s all Calantha wants, too.”

  Zara sounds so sure. I envy her that sureness. The world hasn’t taught me to trust easily. Not back then and certainly not now.

  “Give it some time,” Zara says, “now that you’re here. Besides, you’re going to need her protection in this city.”

  Those words echo hollowly inside of me. I have the uncomfortable notion it’s because they’re true. My brother is gone, and I don’t know how to get him back, or what I’m doing here anymore.

  We keep going in silence to a hall filled with long tables, the walls decorated with tapestries and potted plants tucked into nooks. There are only two other people in the room, a man and woman in quiet conversation, seated at the farthest table. A few scattered lamps are lit, giving flickering, erratic light to the room.

  Zara gestures to some seats nearby. “Just this once your captain will go get the drinks. Something hot will do you good.” She looks at me. “Should I find Rudy for you? If I’m remembering right, he’s a bit of a night owl.”

  Anger flames like a burn inside of me. If I never see this Rudy person, it will be too soon. I’m shaking my head no when Dane touches my hand.

  “You should meet with him,” Dane says. “He’s the last person who saw Matthias. Maybe he’ll know something that could help us find your brother.”

  I know that he’s right. I hate that he’s right. “Fine,” I mutter, slouching in my seat. But I’m not going to be happy about it.

  Zara nods. “I’ll be back soon.” She leaves.

  “We don’t have to be here for this, if you don’t want,” Alix says.

  “No,” I say. “Stay.” That’s the only way I’ll stop myself from doing something that will get us all thrown out into the cold.

  Someone—I’m assuming the cook from her dirty apron—appears with two steaming mugs of spiced tea. “Compliments of the cap’n,” she mumbles before leaving. I don’t feel much like drinking, but I manage sips when Dane nudges me, not even caring when I scald my tongue.

  I finish as much of my drink as I can and still we wait. The coward’s probably too scared to face me. I’m half debating going and finding him myself, or maybe just hiding before he can find me, when the door opens and someone steps through.

  He’s not from Eratia. He’s large, standing a good two heads taller than I do, and big-boned, his mussed robes barely fitting his frame. A silver scholar seal rests against his chest even though he’s at least a decade younger than any scholar I’ve ever seen. He has the light skin and blond hair of those from some of the nations who live beyond Eural, and bright blue eyes. The color contrasts sharply with the restless red that circles his irises, the dark crescents worn into his skin. He looks as if he hasn’t slept in, well, three days.

  My hands curl into fists on my knees and I sit up straighter, glaring him down. Here’s someone I don’t care if I unleash my rage at. Because if he’s mourning what he watched happen to my brother, he has no right. I don’t need the full story to know that if Matthias isn’t here, neither should he be.

  Rudy sees me and a wave of pain crests over his face. There’s something so vulnerable about it that even though I’m getting ready to lash out, the words stick in my throat. That expression reminds me of Alix.

  Rudy pulls in a shuddering breath as he lowers himself onto the bench across from me.

  “You must be Karis.” His voice cracks. He swallows and tries again. “I’m so sorry for what happened to Matthias.”

  Underneath the table Dane slips his hand onto my leg and gives it a squeeze.

  I take a deep breath, trying not to choke on the anger. “How could you leave him behind like that?”

  Rudy flinches, and I feel the smallest twinge of guilt. It’s like I’m physically hurting him.

  “I didn’t want to,” he says hoarsely. “But stealing the seal was so important to him. He thought it would give us a clue to what the magistrate was planning. But we were caught. Matthias yelled at me to go and before I knew what was happening, he was running down the hall toward them. And then he...” Rudy pulls in another shaking breath. “He was just gone.”

  “And you let him do it. Let my brother sacrifice himself.”

  Rudy hunches his large frame. “I did.”

  I thought if he admitted it, I would feel better. But I don’t. My brother is still gone. Fury and confusion and pain throb red hot inside my skull. What’s the point of a rebellion if it can’t even protect people? What’s the point of fighting for others if this is the result?

  Rudy raises his head, his bloodshot eyes studying my face. “You look so much like him, you know. And he talked about you, all the time. About finding you when things calmed down here, going to Tallis to get you. Please know how much he missed you.”

  I stiffen. Those words sound as if they’re meant to comfort me but they must be a lie. He’s talking as if my brother had the choice to come after me. I’m trying to summon an answer, any answer, when I notice Rudy fiddling with something in his hands, red paper flashing between his fingers.

  My anger turns to ice in my lungs. “What is that?”

  Rudy swallows and holds it out. “Matthias said he thought he was getting better at it.” He shakes his head. “I guess you’re the only one who can judge that.”

  I stare at the paper poppy. It was something special that Matthias had made for me, and only me. Here it is, held by someone else.

  I don’t understand.

  When I don’t speak, because I can’t, Alix asks, “Were you two close?”

  Rudy straightens, and a shine of defiance comes out past the sadness. He juts out his chin. “We’re lovers.”

  I stare at Rudy. Lovers. That means Matthias...likes men.

  Rudy looks at me. “I love your brother very much. Please believe me.”

  The last time I saw Matthias, he was only eleven. Had he known then? I hadn’t known at that age that I was different. I didn’t know the feelings that everyone told me would come never would. We had just been children. We never talked about any of this.

  It forces me to face how little I know of my brother, after all this time. There are parts of him that he grew into while I wasn’t there.

  “I believe you,” I whisper.

  Relief crosses Rudy’s face. And with that, every bit of anger leaves me. I sag, staring down at the table.

  A calloused hand settles into mine. I’m sure it’s Dane, but when I look up, it’s Rudy. He gently opens my fingers and settles the poppy in my palm.

  I shake my head, torn between want and regret and pain. “No,” I say, “he made this for you.” For Rudy, not for me. For Rudy who’s grieving and who I attacked anyway, because I guess that’s the sort of person I am. “I shouldn’t—”


  “Take it,” Rudy says softly. “He’d want you to have it.”

  There’s so much kindness in Rudy’s face. I don’t deserve it. So instead I look down at the little flower. Matthias has gotten better at it. He got better and I wasn’t there to see it.

  It’s been seven years, but a part of me still believed that my brother would be the same as the boy I once knew. Why was he able to change when I wasn’t? I feel as if I’m the same as all those years ago. Ever since we were separated, I refused to put down any roots. I decided to slip transiently through the world, because all I wanted was to get back what I lost seven years ago. But he was living this whole time. He made a choice.

  And he didn’t choose me.

  I curl my hand around the petals. “Thank you.”

  24

  * * *

  ALIX

  I no longer know how late it is when Zara shows us the hallway where we’ll be staying. The others filter off to their rooms, Karis staring at the floor as she goes. She looks smaller than she did a few hours ago.

  The doors all close, and I’m left in the sitting area, alone with my thoughts.

  We all must be what the world requires of us.

  I flex my fingers, watching the candlelight beside me slip over my runes. Maybe Calantha is right. Maybe I truly am a weapon, my fate and identity etched into my skin. She’d said the words so coolly, as if the damage they seared into me didn’t really matter.

  Only then I think about when I used the Arizan runes on the Streak. I did something I wouldn’t have thought possible. That has to mean something. I desperately want it to mean something.

  I wish my father was here. He always helped me to see things more clearly. But I’ll never hear his guidance again. All that’s left is the villa.

  Soon, I’ll be able to go back there. I hope whatever echoes of my father I might find there will give me some sort of peace.

  Morning sunlight has filled the sky when footsteps enter the sitting area behind me. It’s Rudy. He looks no better than he did when we last saw him.