Crusades

by S. J. Madill

  "They had their chance."

  Yaella looked away for a moment. In the background, Zura could see the cockpit of the Blue Guardian. "So, uh, Mom… stuff's been going on."

  She raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"

  Yaella seemed to be thinking about where to start. She was taking time to organise her thoughts: a good new habit. "We found the 'Planet Killer' thing."

  "Well done, daughter."

  "Yeah. We're kinda parked inside it right now. It's run by an alien AI. Its name is 'Niner'." She flashed a helpless smile. "It seems… nice?"

  Zura blinked. The girl had been busy, indeed. She raised an eyebrow, which prompted Yaella to continue.

  "That human scientist we brought with us? It's really Admiral Dillon from the Borealis. And the Handmaiden is his and Pentarch Yenaara's daughter."

  A dozen puzzle pieces fell into place. She'd read the reports of the Borealis expedition: they'd brought an alien vessel back with them, a giant ship run by an AI. A few weeks ago, when the so-called 'Planet Killer' had ransacked the public networks through the Blue Guardian's connection, Four-Thirteen believed it was an AI trying to find something specific. Or someone.

  What was more, she now understood Pentarch Yenaara: not only her trust in the Artahel Handmaiden and the human researcher, but why she sent them. Yenaara had sent her family away, to hide them from the coming conflict. Is that so different from what I've done? "Huh," she grunted.

  "Is that it, Mom? Just 'huh'?"

  "What would you have preferred?"

  "Well, I didn't think you'd freak out or anything. But it does explain a few things, right? Like why the Handmaiden is here."

  "It does, yes." Ironically, it also means Yaella is safe. Safer with the Artahel than she would've been if she'd stayed here. She allowed herself to relax a little. "What does this 'Niner' want?"

  "Well," began Yaella. "It was searching for its people — its creators — but couldn't find them. Instead, it found a separate race of humans living farther coreward, and it sought out Dillon to tell him. It said it saw hybrids there, too. I think it found the Union."

  The girl's luck hadn't failed her. "How fortunate, daughter, for a solution to come looking for you. Are you going there now? Toward the Union?"

  "Yeah," said Yaella. She paused a moment.

  "You have concerns, daughter?"

  "Yeah, I guess I do. I'm headed coreward to find the Union and ask them about the hybrids. Dillon wants to talk to them, too, but about something else. So right now we're all going together. It's been… easy."

  Zura raised an eyebrow. "I've told you about this, daughter. When something seems too easy…"

  "I know, Mom. I'm already getting paranoid." She looked over her shoulder again, as if to demonstrate her point. "But I figured if help's offered, then I'll take it. I can always bail out later, you know?"

  Zura just nodded. A little paranoia could go a long way. Too much, of course, was counterproductive. Finding the balance was a challenge.

  "I guess…" said Yaella. "I kind of figured this wasn't a good time to come home, you know?"

  "It isn't."

  "I want to come home, Mom. I want to see you and Pari. But I need to do this. I need to see it through. I need to find the hybrids and bring them home."

  Zura checked the time display on her desktop. Time was running short. "Daughter, you sound like you're trying to convince someone."

  "I guess I am. I have doubts about all of this."

  "I'd be concerned if you didn't. Doubt is normal, as long as it doesn't paralyze you."

  Yaella looked away, toward the Blue Guardian's windshield. "Yeah…" Her eyes returned to Zura's. "So… on the way, we're stopping at one of the missing colonies of Ocean's people."

  "Oh?" Zura raised an eyebrow. It sounded like a distraction from Yaella's main objective. "Why is that?"

  "I guess… how could I not stop, you know? I'd like to think someone would do the same for me."

  Zura checked the time: they'd be at the Reserve Fleet anchorage in ten minutes. She cleared her throat into her fist; her glove came away wet. "I need to go, daughter."

  The concern reappeared on Yaella's face "Something's going on, isn't it?"

  The girl knew she couldn't answer that. "There's a lot going on, daughter."

  "Mom, tell me: am I doing the right thing?"

  "I can't answer that for you. You have good intentions, and the initiative to act on them. That's better than most people."

  "I guess that's a start then, right?" Yaella's eyes sought out hers. "Are you going to be okay?"

  That worried face looked back at Zura. Those cobalt-blue eyes, so full of hope; eyes that saw the universe the way she once had, before a lifetime of struggle. "I don't know, daughter. But I've got the best doctor in the galaxy." She paused a moment to clear her throat again, swallowing the bloody phlegm. "And I've got two reasons to keep living, which I've never had before."

  Even through the screen, she could see the colour flush to Yaella's cheeks. "I love you, Mom."

  Zura nodded, blinking away the sudden wetness in her eyes. "Talk to you soon."

  The image of Yaella's worried face collapsed, leaving only the dark screen of the datapad. Zura stood a few moments, leaning on the desk and staring down at the silent device. Once again, the universe was making things easy for Yaella. Suspiciously easy. Whether good fortune or malice awaited the girl, there was nothing she could do about it from the Kaha Ranila.

  A chime from her desktop: they were five minutes from the Reserve Fleet anchorage, and her presence was requested on the bridge.

  To the sound of the clattering bandage, Zura stood up straight. Reaching inside her coat with her bandaged hand, she felt for the top of the medical band on her upper arm. There was a button there, to give her an extra boost of painkillers and stimulants. To flood her body with everything she needed to keep going for one last hour. A one-time thing, Pari had explained. And there would be a price to pay for it.

  Finding the button with her fingertips, she pressed it. Warmth seeped into her arm.

  There's always a price to pay.

  She made a slow turn toward the door, bandage clicking under her coat. "Come, Irasa. It's time."

  Chapter Thirty-One

  "Kaiser?"

  Bucky frowned. Normally, the dog came running at feeding time. Or, more likely, he'd already be sitting in his escape pod, waiting for someone to appear with his bowl. But the black-and-white ball of chaos was nowhere to be seen.

  Bucky walked up the passageway to the cockpit, where Tal sat sipping at a mug of salad. "Hey Tal, have you seen—"

  "No idea," he said. "Haven't seen the little guy."

  "Huh. Okay, thanks."

  He started back down the passageway. Across from Kaiser's escape pod, Ocean was kneeling in the other pod. "Hey, have you…" He trailed off as Ocean shook his head.

  Bucky headed aft through the entrance compartment, toward the cargo bay. Sometimes Kaiser headed there to play, especially if he was with someone.

  They'd been on the move for a day now; twenty-three hours or so. Their ship was a passenger, parked in the formerly-Bezod cargo bay at one end of this giant thing called 'Niner'. Bucky didn't know why, but it had agreed to carry them all coreward to Union space. Everyone seemed fine with the idea. He wasn't. It was weird, how other people kept showing up to help Yaella with her mission to rescue the other hybrids. What was in it for this ship called 'Niner'? Or for Admiral Dillon, for that matter? The guy had been enduring Tal's questions for hours, about the Borealis and everything he'd been through thirty years ago. Apparently, Tal's favourite movies weren't very accurate.

  The cargo bay ramp was open, and the back of the ship was lit by the shimmering blue glow of the containment field. Outside, the formerly-Bezod cargo bay had been filled with a breathable atmosphere by their host. But Bucky had kept the field up anyway, just in case. He didn't like the idea of their lives being dependent on the continued hospitality of their gigantic, AI-
run transport.

  Beyond the glittering blue field, the only light came from the rectangular opening where the Bezod bay emptied into space. Looking out there was like staring up into a snowstorm: white streaks of stars flew by on all sides as Niner barged through space faster than the Blue Guardian could manage on its own.

  The rectangular outline of the moving starfield was broken by two silhouetted shapes: Handmaiden Lanari was sitting cross-legged on the floor of the Bezod cargo bay, with Kaiser curled up beside her. Bucky had noticed how much Lanari liked Kaiser. Yaella's mom did, too; he didn't think the Palani had anything like dogs or cats on their planet. They'd missed out.

  Bucky's skin tingled as he walked through the containment field. His feet were loud on the metal ramp as he walked down the slope and stepped off.

  Lanari sat with her back to him. In the dim light from the Blue Guardian, her blue ponytail was a striking stripe of colour down her back, against the gleaming white of her suit. Kaiser lay with her, his back against her leg, and she was slowly petting him with one gloved hand.

  He kept his voice quiet; he didn't want to break the stillness. "May I join you?"

  Lanari silently gestured to the deck next to her.

  "Thanks." He self-consciously folded his legs and sat cross-legged on the deck, feeling awkward and clumsy next to the Handmaiden.

  She sat still, back straight, shoulders square, watching out the opening of the Bezod cargo bay. The stars passing by outside cast a soft light, which glowed on her face.

  He realised he was staring, and turned to look outside. After a moment he shifted, sitting up straight and putting his shoulders back.

  The silence was already gnawing at him. "So," he said, breaking the stillness. "Are you okay? Have you heard from your mom…" He blushed. "I mean, the Pentarch Yenaara? Is she—"

  "No. I haven't heard." Her voice sounded brittle.

  "Oh. Sorry. I hope she's okay." He barely knew his own mother; it had been such a long time since she'd passed away. It had to be difficult for Lanari. "I guess you must feel like your world's been turned upside down."

  "It does."

  He stole a sideways glance at her. Still no change in her face; the same emotionless expression, like a marble statue in a museum. "If you ever want to, uh, talk…" He trailed off. Why should she want to talk to him? "Never mind. You've got your dad right here. You must talk to him all the time about stuff."

  "I do."

  "Yeah." He hadn't seen her father in a while, not since the Admiral had escaped from Tal's interrogation. Of course she'd talk to her dad first. It was just as well it was dark out here; he could feel the warmth rushing to his cheeks. Why did he always feel so damned awkward around her? "Anyway. Sorry. I should go…" He started getting up.

  Her voice startled him. "I joined the Temple when I was sixteen."

  He slowly sat back down. "Oh?"

  Her eyes were fixed on the onrushing stars. "I sought to better myself, and the Teachings made it possible. I have become stronger in every way." She turned her head partway toward him; in the light from the stars outside, he could see her eyes. "I joined the Artahel to transform my beliefs into action. To improve myself, my people, and the world around me. I have done so."

  Even in the dim light, he could see the intensity in her eyes. "I have done so," she repeated. "Not because of who my parents are, but because of who I am."

  Her words left him scrambling to catch up. To infer her meaning. To answer those eyes.

  In a weird way, he realised, her situation was a bit like Yaella's. "Were you treated differently because of who your parents are?" He made a small gesture, as if to clarify. "You know, in school—"

  "No," she said flatly. "I was treated the same. No one knew who my parents were. They saw to that."

  "But you knew."

  She kept her gaze fixed on him. "Yes. I knew."

  Her world was so different from his. His father was a farmer back on New Canmore. No uniforms, or medals, or armies. No glory or great deeds. Just a hundred hectares of fertile ground and a regiment of agri-bots. But Bucky had come to know Yaella and her formidable mother, and he could try to understand. "So," he ventured. "You wanted to be better. To be valued. On your own terms. Not because of your parents, but maybe in spite of them."

  For the briefest moment, the intensity on her face relaxed. "Yes," she said.

  "But then all this happened…"

  She nodded. "The Temple has gone somewhere I will not go. They use the Teachings not to better themselves or others, but to pursue power. This is not correct. I will not follow."

  He rested his arms on his knees, still watching her face. "I think that's brave." He shrugged. "I mean, for whatever that's worth."

  Her eyes held his gaze a moment before looking away. "Thank you."

  Bucky was quiet a while. He leaned back, putting his arms behind him to prop himself up. "So… what now? We're in this Niner thing, headed coreward. It's like we're all in over our heads, and we don't know what happens next." He took a deep breath and relaxed. "For a while, I was wondering if people were just taking advantage of Yaella, and—"

  Lanari fixed him with a cold stare. "We are. We all are. Even you."

  "What?" he sputtered. He sat up straight, pointing at himself. "I'm not taking advantage of her. She's my friend. Why would—"

  "You are," said Lanari. "You're being paid several times the average for novice starship crew. What skills do you have that justify it?"

  "What? How do you know—"

  "Even when you knew she was in financial difficulty, you kept getting paid more than your skills were worth. Did you offer to return it? Did you offer to be paid less?"

  He could feel the flush rising to his cheeks. "But… I didn't…"

  The Handmaiden's face was expressionless; she was merely reciting a list of facts. "You accepted it. You've been taking advantage of her, accepting her generosity while waiting to decide what to do with your life. Or, like most humans, waiting for life to make the decision for you."

  "I don't…" He shut up. Was that how it looked to others? Did Yaella feel she was being taken advantage of? He'd accepted her generosity, and had been enjoying the opportunity to see the galaxy. He still had plans — maybe the Navy, but maybe not — that kept getting pushed back. There never seemed to be a reason to rush. There was always something else coming along.

  "Taliesin as well," said Lanari. "Perhaps more so. He wanders with no purpose. His response to difficulty is to numb his mind."

  "Look," said Bucky, raising a finger to punctuate his point. "Tal's a good person."

  She didn't blink. "He is, but that doesn't excuse it." She stared at his upraised finger. "Don't point at me like that ever again."

  Bucky slowly curled his finger, putting his hand down. "But Tal and I are her friends…" Even as he said it, it sounded pathetic. As if that was somehow an excuse for taking advantage of her. "Now I feel like an asshole."

  Lanari merely shrugged. "It is the way of things. When someone has resources but no goal, and they meet someone with a goal but no resources—"

  "No." Bucky shook his head. "That's not true. Yaella has a goal—"

  "Does she?" said Lanari. "Or does she have a fantasy?"

  "Wait…"

  The Handmaiden sat quietly, face turned toward him, her eyes on his. He thought about how Yaella kept moving forward, and things just seemed to fall into place. Lanari was making it sound like it had been… arranged? Were they just floating along, drifting on currents that others had set in motion?

  Lanari's voice was quieter. "Things are happening, Master Buckingham, that are bigger than you. If you do nothing, they will drag you along with them."

  "Like your father being here? And this giant ship?"

  Her suit creaked as she moved. "I am not privy to my parents' plans. They have plans, and they need me, and I trust them. For now, that is enough."

  Bucky wiped his face with one hand. Every time he thought he had things figured
out, even a little… "Should I tell Yaella?"

  "You could. But what would you tell her? And would it help anything?"

  Bucky stared down at the deck in front of him. He knew he'd been getting comfortable. Not with the past week, which was insane, but with his life in general. It was easy to keep putting decisions off until later. He still had his Naval Academy application on his datapad, still unsent. What was he waiting for?

  When he looked up at Lanari, she was looking back out into space, one hand still petting Kaiser. He watched her for a while before he spoke. "So why are you telling me all this?"

  She seemed to think on that a moment. "Because you are less than you could be. You have yet to choose your future, and I am curious to see what will be in it."

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  The admiral's bridge. How many times had she stood here, high inside the dome of a dreadnought's bridge?

  Zura walked confidently to the front, her footsteps loud on the deck. Her body thrummed with energy and strength. It was illusory — given by that concoction built into the armband — and it was temporary. But for now, she had her body and mind back. Alert, awake, and filled with power, like when she was young. Were it not for the business at hand, it would have been exhilarating.

  At the front of the admiral's bridge, a railing stretched across in front of her; she laid one hand on it. One level below, Captain Para and his senior officers stood on raised walkways. Below them were the crew at their consoles: propulsion, shields, comms, weapons and other functions, all crewed by one or more highly-trained personnel, each surrounded by a holographic display.

  She let her eyes wander upward. The arc of the fifty-metre dome rose overhead, curving back down to meet the hull behind her. From here, she had a wide view of the stars sliding by the Kaha Ranila.

  For centuries, this had been where she belonged. This was where her skills and experience were given shape. Where her life found meaning. It wasn't the life she'd wanted, but it was the life she'd had. This was who she had been, and who she would remain for a little while longer. Long enough, she hoped, to see things set right.