LIZZY

by Jim Wetton

  She gave out a short but noticeable laugh. “Jim Bridger!”

  “Ma’am? You OK?”

  Lizzy instinctively covered her mouth and looked up at the burly man leaning over her.

  “Oh, uh yes, I’m sorry, it’s just that. . . .”

  “I get that all the time, believe it or not.”

  “Get what?”

  “That I have a likeness to big Jim Bridger, sometimes it’s Kit Carson and then other times it’s Jedidiah Smith, but that one I bark back at. The man was a punky runt; just liked to hike that’s all. I like the Bridger likeness the best. Did you know him?”

  Lizzy was taken back by the way the conductor opened up to her. She’d kept her guard up, more so by the way the man looked and spoke, but that quickly changed.

  *  *  *  *

  The gentle rocking of the train had lulled Lizzy to sleep. She was woken by a tap on her shoulders. As she looked up, she noticed the conductor looking back at her, this time he was seated next to her.

  “Please forgive my intrusion, ma’am, but as I was finishing up my rounds, I couldn’t help but remember that you did indeed know Jim Bridger. I’m on break for a few minutes; they call it my lunch break, but who has time for a full lunch these days, right?”

  Lizzy tried to clear her mind from her short but restful nap. She turned in her seat to gain a better look at the man. She noticed all the things she had before, but something was different. She hadn’t noticed the softness in his eyes.

  “Mind if I ask you how you came to know Big Jim?”

  Lizzy turned her head and looked out the window. She began to collect her thoughts, searching her memory. She eyed a sign approaching on the tracks:

  DONNER PASS

  ELEVATION 7056

  As the train passed by it, her memories of Jim Bridger came rushing back to her. Lizzy knew that the conductor’s “break” had far outlived what he was entitled to, but their conversation flowed like butter. She told him about her father and his relationship with Bridger. She told him how Bridger and her own grandfather became really close, especially after ’46-’47.

  Grandpa Fez, oh how I do miss him so.

  “It’s odd how fate works, you know?” Lizzy stopped and pondered out loud. “Here I am on a train headed towards Sacramento and then on to San Francisco. I’m all alone until I run into you. You immediately remind me of a family friend that I adored as a child. Our train goes over a summit named for a group of emigrants whose namesake almost tore the heart out of him.”

  Lizzy continued to tell how Bridger blamed himself for the plight of the Donner Party and how it wasn’t until he was able to share it all with her grandfather that he finally began to forgive himself.

  “Funny how life is, isn’t it?” Lizzy added. “Big Jim was able to move on after a good talk and a meal of steak and ale. I’m traveling to rescue my son and his wife from something unknown and I run into a man who brings my past together with my present.”

  “Aim to please, ma’am; aim to please.”

  “By the way, we’ve been talking for almost an hour and I don’t even know your name.”

  “Please forgive me, ma’am, but it’s Fremont. Samuel Fremont. My great uncle and Jim Bridger were pals from what I’ve been told. He died in ’90 and I regret to this day that I didn’t ever have the chance to get to know him better. Heard he was a hell of a, oh forgive me, uh, he was a great man.”

  Lizzy turned her head to the window again. Her heart broke with so many memories. She thought of her own father.

  “Yes, I heard he was a great man too,” Lizzy choked out. She held in the need to cry but couldn’t help the tears that slowly made their way down her cheeks.

  “You’ve heard of him then?” the man with the deep voice asked.

  Wiping her cheeks, Lizzy turned back to the conductor and said, “More than you’ll ever know.”

  *  *  *  *

  Lizzy had a night layover in Sacramento where she settled into a simple room above a diner. She ordered supper, paid her bill and was sound asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. She dreamed of times of old. Of her childhood and growing up as family. As she slumbered, she drifted from town to town, person to person, with all their faces gleaming with smiles. Her dreams seemed to float her along, soundly sleeping in the quiet of her cozy room. She woke suddenly and thought she heard a scream. She bolted upright when she heard voices crying out.

  She rushed to the door and felt the heat permeating through it. She felt the doorknob and it made the skin on her hand sizzle. She ran to the window. Below her where she’d expected a crowd of people running about in mass chaos, all she saw was an empty street and a stray dog. She placed her hand to the window pane; it was cold to the touch.

  Lizzy turned around abruptly as the door to her room crashed in. Two figures ran through the flames, both with sheets over their heads. When they reached Lizzy, they took hold of her hands to lead her back through the doorway. She resisted the two, yanking their grip from her. She backed away and moved closer to the window. She looked out, still quiet. She felt the window, still cold. She turned around. The two had taken off their sheets and with grime and sodden faces cried out to her. She took one step towards them then stopped, her heart ached, her chest tight and her eyes opened wide with fright.

  “William!” she yelled. “Caroline!”

  The two figures ran to her, grabbed her and threw her onto her bed. Her face landed hard in the pillows as she scrambled to turn herself over. With all her might she rose, determined to get out of her bed.

  *  *  *  *

  The knock on the door was soft at first then came a voice.

  “Mrs. McKeever, Mrs. McKeever, the train will be boarding soon.”

  Lizzy sat up. She looked around the room. She rubbed her face. Shook her head. “Damn!” was all she could say as she pushed herself out of her bed.

  *  *  *  *

  The train ride from Sacramento to San Francisco was without incident. Lizzy drifted in and out of sleep. Her vivid nightmare from a few hours ago still lingered in her mind. She gave up trying to understand its meaning, especially why William and Caroline were there or why the door was in flames while the window was cold. Just didn’t make sense.

  Now, fully awake and alert, she followed the slow flowing Delta to her right and marveled at the golden hills littered with giant oaks. Cattle could be seen for miles and at one break she was able to feel the salty briskness of the ocean breeze. It was then that she’d realized that she was close.

  Her face was pressed up against the glass of her window as she began to see the San Francisco Bay in the distance. The vast enormity of such a body of water amazed her. As hard as she tried, she realized that she had nothing to compare it with. She tried to compare it to where the Hudson connected to the East Rivers or the widest part of the Potomac, but nothing could come close.

  As excited as she was to see William, Caroline and her two grandchildren, she was beginning to feel anxious as well. She realized that it’d been years since she’d last seen her son. He’s a grown man now. She thought of his last letter. She thought of Caroline’s last letter and then the telegram with her frantic call for help. What am I going to say to him? Does he even know I’m coming?

  Lizzy began to pray. Something she’d admit had been lacking in her life as of late. She thought of what her father taught her, what her great-grandfather had instilled in all the Monroes. “Nothing more important than our faith, our family and our friends.”

  An elderly woman sitting across from Lizzy turned at the sound of Lizzy’s voice. “Those were the exact words that my Milton used to say to all of us at every Sunday supper, may he rest in peace.”

  Lizzy smiled and nodded. Embarrassed that her voice was heard, she continued as best she could to pray. Why is it so hard?

  As the train entered the station, Lizzy said her final amen and then paused to ask for her own father’s forgiveness. I’ll get back into it, P
apa. I promise.

  As the conductor came down the aisle, letting everyone know that this was the end of the line and all must disembark, Lizzy felt a sense of sadness. For some odd reason, she missed her first conductor, Sam. She smiled to herself as the new conductor walked by. She stood, gathered her belongings and took one last look out her window. In the small crowd she could see a man and a woman and two children. She froze.

  “Ma’am, it’s time to disembark. You need assistance?”

  Lizzy shook her head no.

  She looked back out the window. She smiled at the two little ones, both running after each other on the depot’s platform. She saw a woman speaking to the boys and soon they were both by her side.

  Lizzy then looked at the man next to the woman. He was tall. His hair was trimmed tight and he sported a thin mustache. In his right hand he held a silver cane with a dark marble knob. He didn’t speak to the boys, only stared at the train in front of him as if in a trance.

  She began to move down the aisle. She hadn’t realized that she was alone in the car, a car once filled with fellow passengers. She came to the exit, held on to the railing and looked out again at the only people left. Lizzy eyed the woman standing not fifty feet from her. She was dressed in lavender. Dress, hat and bonnet, all lavender mixed in with a trace of lace. Her cheeks glistened pink in the sunlight and her eyes sparkled joyously as if waiting for someone special. Her hair was blond and tightly wrapped beneath her bonnet. Her white gloved hands held on to a parasol as it rested on her shoulder. She smiled up at Lizzy. Her beautiful, bright white smile was genuine as were her deep blue eyes which searched for Lizzy’s with unknown recognition.

  Lizzy looked behind the woman at the two rambunctious boys, both obviously anxious to do what they were told to do so that once done, they could be allowed to get back to whatever it was that they were enjoying. Lizzy snickered at how William and James had been those two boys long ago. She understood.

  Lizzy looked to her far right. She noticed a man with a dark gray suit. He wore the same colored derby hat which was tugged tightly on his head. His eyes were locked to the ground in front of him and as Lizzy began to exit her car, it was Caroline who reached for her hand.

  Firmly planted on the depot’s platform, Lizzy gave her daughter-in-law a light hug and kiss on the cheek. She took another look around at the boys but quickly decided to reach out to them later.

  It was the man to Caroline’s right that caused Lizzy’s heart to skip. She turned and looked up to him, wanting to engulf him with all the love that had been stored up for so many years. He seemed much taller and stockier than what Lizzy last remembered. How long had it been?

  “It’s very good to see you, Mother,” William announced with a slight bow, his hands clasped behind him. “May we help you with your luggage?”

  Lizzy’s face cringed. She tried in vain to hide her disappointment. Surprised by the lack of affection offered, she pulled back her own need to hug her oldest son. She breathed in deep. Another frown appeared. An aura of sadness surrounded her.

  As she exhaled sadly, she replied, “Good to see you too, son.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Can Chocolate Mend a Heart?

  1906

  The cable car’s bell clanged. William lunged forward just in time. Ignoring the glare from the conductor, William was able to grasp onto whatever he could and yanked Lizzy out of harm’s way.

  “Dear God, Mother!” William’s voice only accentuated the look he gave her.

  “Oh, fiddlesticks, those drivers should be more accustomed to pedestrians. They do have brakes, now don’t they?” Lizzy patted down her hair, looked around her for anything amiss and then locked her arms inside her son’s and said, “Shall we continue?”

  Since Lizzy’s arrival, William had reluctantly taken some time off work to spend with her. On the other hand, Caroline was ecstatic to have her mother-in-law in town for a visit. Both had corresponded with Lizzy throughout the past several years; some were letters of guilt and others were letters of affection. With Lizzy’s ever-growing broken heart, it was William’s that was usually the former.

  Lizzy’s firstborn wrote letters about his work or his opposition to the women’s rights movement. Sometimes, much to Lizzy’s delight, William would add a snippet or two about his boys. What always amazed Lizzy was that he never wrote anything about his life with Caroline.

  Caroline’s letters were always with the utmost kindness and inquiries about the work that Caroline knew Lizzy was involved in. She’d reach out for motherly advice as well as friendship. Though they’d never met and had been three thousand miles away from each other, Caroline and Lizzy exchanged candidly as if they’d known each other for years.

  Lizzy had long ago given up on any form of affection in the letters from William. That in itself was why the introduction on the train platform, though disheartening for Lizzy, wasn’t all that unexpected.

  At the corner of Hyde and Beach, Lizzy looked around her. She slowly twirled, not once but twice.

  “Are you sure you’re all right, Mother? Was it the cable car?”

  “Oh no, silly,” Lizzy laughed. “I’m just taking it all in, your city that is. It’s quite amazing, you know? But of course, you do. You live in this paradise, and the view, my goodness, the view!”

  Lizzy twirled around again, her outstretched arms feeling the breeze coming off the bay. “I can see why you fell in love with it. It’s all so beautiful. The hills are a bit much.” She stopped in mid-sentence, then quickly continued. “Never would walk much, that’s for sure, but it’s just all so remarkable.”

  She looked back up at William and Caroline’s home. It was simple and quaint. Large enough for comfort yet simple. They had purchased it a few years before and as William had pointed out, it gave him perfect access to get wherever he needed to be and Caroline was pleased to have her home so close to the water.

  William was able to take the cable car to work by going out his front door and walking up a block to the cable car station on Hyde. Although the clanging of the cable bells drove Lizzy insane at first, she was now beginning to enjoy them.

  Their first floor consisted of a small living room, office and kitchen. The second floor was laid out with two bedrooms, one for the boys, John and Andrew, and one for William and Caroline. Overlooking Hyde Street and coming off their upstairs bedroom was one of the main reasons why William made the purchase. Lizzy looked up at William and Caroline’s favorite spot on the second floor and marveled at how big the balcony actually was.

  The breeze off the bay filled their home with a salty moisture that in Caroline’s own words, “soothed the body and soul.”

  “You say you sit out there almost every evening, do you?” Her rhetorical question was left unanswered. She stopped marveling at their home and the sights of the city and turned to William. “I’m very proud of you, son. Very proud, indeed.”

  “Well, it could be a hell of a lot better if the city would ever pay heed to my recommendations, a hell of a lot better.” William’s jaw tightened. “Can’t complain though. It does pay the bills and the. . . .” William glanced over at Caroline, who was tucking Andrew’s shirt back into his pants. “And the lifestyle that my dear wife likes to live.”

  Lizzy studied William’s face after such a remark. She’d noticed that ever since she’d arrived she’d seen very little affection between husband and wife. Their conversations were strictly about the boys or about William’s work. Tensions seemed high and flow of dialogue at an extreme low. She could feel the strain in the home and she wondered if that was why Caroline had sent her the frantic wire: “Come quickly!”

  “Well, I think your wife is beautiful!” Lizzy responded with a guffaw. “Her taste in the latest fashions are quite becoming and by the looks of your lovely home, she isn’t just sitting around waiting for you to bring home the bacon.”

  Seeing no reaction to her sarcasm, she continued. “Also, I do see that you have two upstanding young m
en over next to her.” Lizzy paused with a smile at her two grandsons. “I don’t know, William, but from what I can see, she seems to be doing all right in that category as well. Then again, I’m sure you compliment her about that all the time; right, son?”

  William’s furrowed eyebrows and grunt answered Lizzy’s question as they crossed the street and began to walk towards Ghirardelli Square.

  *  *  *  *

  The second week in April brought on a pleasantry that, unbeknownst to Lizzy, was a godsend from heaven. Clear skies, warm climate and yes, the anticipation of Easter.

  Lizzy looked up the small hill to the massive sign.

  GHIRARDELLI’S

  “My word, it does appear that things are really hopping up there!” She looked ten feet in front of her at her two grandsons walking beside their mother.

  “Hopping?” Lizzy laughed. “Pray tell, listen to this old woman, and just before Easter of all times! How do I come up with such odd phrases?”

  She giggled at their lack of any reaction to their grandmother’s silliness. Lizzy thought hard, curled up her nose and raced her tongue across the inside of her cheek. A mischievous grin formed as her eyes narrowed. “Easter’s coming soon!” she yelled out. “That means chocolate eggs, chocolate bunnies, everything . . . chocolate! Anyone interested in tasting some samples with Grandma?”

  Lizzy’s outburst made John and Andrew stop in their tracks and abruptly do an about face. Their faces lit up when they saw Lizzy’s eyes darting between them and Ghirardelli’s. Lizzy left William’s side and raced by the two boys. “Let’s see how fast you boys really are. Last one up the hill will be a rotten Easter egg!”

  Out of breath but still with a grin, she joined up with John and Andrew. The two boys were standing proudly by the front door. “Who’s the rotten Easter egg now, Grandma?” John laughed.

  “Yeah, wh-who is an egg now, Gamma?” Andrew did his best to imitate his older brother.

  *  *  *  *

  “Dey have over a, a, a huh-hundred types of chocolates to choo-choose from!” Little Andrew blurted out, his mouth and cheeks covered in the sweet aftermath of Ghirardelli’s favorites.