by Harlow James
Needless to say, the devastation that wracked my chest when I saw her show up to the hospital with Ben by her side was unexpected and shattered my hope from yesterday into tiny fragments beyond repair. His hand was marking her as they walked into the room, Victoria immediately finding Axel in Hayley’s arms after I passed him to her just moments before.
My jaw clenches shut, my shoulders tense and rise beneath my shirt with every breath I take. Just the sight of the two of them together makes me stand from my seat and say my goodbyes hastily before I exit the room.
As I walk down the hall, I fight the urge to throw something. What the actual fuck? Why did she show up with him when just last night she made it seem like we were on the same page? I’m confused, hurt, furious, outraged. I need a drink, so I go to the one place where I know I can drown my sorrows and lick my wounds for a few hours.
I arrive at BJ’s still raging with fury, my hands turned white from gripping the steering wheel in my truck so hard. Slamming my door shut, I stomp inside the bar, turning around to take in the crowd, momentarily pleased that at least I know Ben isn’t working right now.
I take the first empty seat I see at the bar when Sally comes over to me and sets down a coaster.
“Hey, Mike,” she greets me, cheerful and perky as ever. Seems someone didn’t just have their world turned upside down like me.
“Jack and Coke, Sally, and keep them coming.” Her smile falls instantly as she nods, then throws together a drink that’s more Jack than Coke and slides it across the bar to me. I nod at her in thanks, then down the drink in three gulps.
She wastes no time offering me a refill. By the end of the third drink, I’m feeling somewhat numb, but the lingering anger and confusion are still there. The thing is, I’ve tried to drown my sorrows before when it comes to Victoria. But it never worked, and the hangovers only got worse, so I turned to other methods of releasing my anger over the years. Running, the punching bag, slamming a hammer into some wood. All outlets offered various levels of aggression release, but the frustration I have right now needed alcohol to dull the pain.
Just when I think I’m feeling an ounce of relief, a spark is lit, reigniting my anger, as I see Ben walk in through the employee’s entrance of the bar, the look on his face far less cocky than it was just an hour before. I wonder what put that sour puss look on dick face’s face?
Ben ties his apron around his waist, his face impassive, and gets to work, blatantly ignoring me. Or maybe he doesn’t see me, which suits me just fine. We don’t even have to acknowledge each other anymore, as far as I’m concerned. I brace myself to stand, the rush of fuzziness going straight to my head.
“Sally, I think I’m going to need water from now on,” I declare.
“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea,” she replies as she hands me a tall glass of ice water and I down it before she refills it again. Not even close to being sober enough to drive, I keep drinking water and decide to shoot some pool by myself just for practice. Dean is far superior at this game, but I can still give him a run for his money. The extra practice won’t kill me. By this time, it’s later in the evening and dozens of patrons have made their way inside. Although it’s a holiday, people still come in and drink, relax with some friends, and watch some Monday night football on the big screens strategically placed around the bar.
“So, she broke up with you then?”
My ears perk up as I hear a familiar voice answer the question just asked by a voice that is vaguely familiar.
“Yeah, said she knew it wasn’t right. Whatever, man. It’s her loss.” Ben’s voice replies, and suddenly I’m completely sober. “She’s missing out on everything I have to offer her, especially this,” he gestures to his dick as I turn around to watch Ben talking to some guy I’ve only seen a handful of times. What a fucking prick.
“You never got that far with her?” The guy fires back.
Ben huffs. “Fuck no. Little Miss Goody-Two-Shoes probably still wears a chastity belt. Vic was never going to put out, so at least I’m not wasting my time anymore. She’s probably a dead fish in bed anyway.”
And I snap. I plunder the ground beneath me as I cross the bar in record time, cock my first back, and knock Ben to the ground in one swift hit to his face.
“What the fuck?” He shouts as he lies on the ground, clutching his face, a red mark quickly developing along his jaw.
“What the fuck? Are you fucking serious? How DARE you talk about Victoria that way, you fucking asshole!” I’m seething, my fists still clenched by my side. Ben attempts to stand as his buddy from before helps him up. He solidifies his stance in front of me, ready for a fight this time and I plan on giving him one.
“She’s not worth my time anymore,” he declares, his eyes never leaving mine. “Victoria was nothing but a cock-tease. She would never give it up, and honestly, I don’t know what the fuss was all about. The more I got to know her, the less interested I became. You can have her, Mike. I’ve wasted enough time on her already. I need to get my dick wet again.”
“You son of a bitch! You’ve been lying to her face this whole time? She deserves better than you anyway, motherfucker!”
“What? Like you? A hammer-slinging, red-neck living, drunk for a daddy, reckless boy who can’t seem to make anything of himself?” His words don’t even register in my brain, because before he’s done speaking, I’m swinging my fist again, this time plummeting to the ground on top of him, punishing his face with my hands.
Ben fires back from underneath me, connecting a hit with my cheek, the stinging probably hurting far less than it would had I not had those three Jack and Cokes. I meet every swing of his with a hit of mine, his face turning red and bruised beneath me before I feel strong hands hook under my arms, prying me off of him.
“Mike! Knock it the fuck off, man!” Brian, the co-owner of the bar, has me locked in his arms, mine thrown up in the air in a forced surrender. I’m not a small guy by any means, but Brian rivals the Hulk with his size.
“Okay, I’m done!” I shout as Brian keeps his tight hold on me. “Fuck this guy! He’s not worth it.” I just my chin towards Ben as I shove Brian off of me, my hands coming to rest by my side, my chest still rising and falling in heavy breaths from the exertion. I grab my wallet from my back pocket, throw a few bills on the counter, and slam down the rest of my water before grabbing my keys and turning for the front door. I don’t even look back to see the damage I’ve done to Ben’s face, because I know I definitely got in more shots than he did. Fuck that guy. And fuck tonight.
When I reach my truck, I climb in and rest my forehead on my steering wheel before I notice a blinking light coming from the seat next to me. My phone. I left it in here when I arrived. Swiping across the screen, I see several texts from Dean and Tyler, making sure I’m okay after the way I left the hospital, and one from Victoria. I click on the message and regret instantly overcomes me.
Vic: Hey, sorry about earlier. Ben was only with me because he offered me a ride. But I’m ready to have our talk. Can you pick me up in about an hour at my house? We can go somewhere quiet. Let me know.
Shit, she sent that two hours ago. Everything in my gut is telling me I’m not in the right state of mind to have this conversation with her. Even though I’m taking a risk, I feel this is the right decision. I leave her message unanswered, not sure of how to respond anyway after everything I’ve felt in the last several hours. I’ve gone from feeling hope at the prospect of moving forward with Vic, pure joy holding my nephew, unrelenting disgust and confusion at Vic showing up to the hospital with Ben, drunken numbness trying to dull the pain, and all-out rage as I pummeled Ben’s face. My mind is all over the place, and definitely not in the right space to handle talking to her right now.
I reply to my brother, letting him know I’m alright, but Ben’s face isn’t, before I fire up my engine and make the drive back home. Tomorrow is a new day, but my world will never be the same. When did my life become such a mess? When did this jour
ney with Victoria become far less than simple?
Chapter 19
Victoria
I wake up with a pool of drool on my pillow, wiping the excess from my face with my forearm as I groggily open my eyes, starting my day before my alarm ever sounds. I must have gone out hard when I finally shut my mind off long enough to sleep. Last night toyed with my conscience, a tornado of emotions swirled through me in a matter of hours.
Ben picked me up and took me to the hospital to visit Pauline and the baby. Axel is so adorable, and my friend was beyond elated. Watching her and Dean with their son was emotional and amazing. I can’t wait to have that someday. But arriving with Ben proved to backfire as soon as I noticed Mike’s reaction. I knew that running into him was a possibility, but I can only imagine what must have been going through his mind when he saw us show up together. He stormed out so quickly, and I was so immersed in Axel that I didn’t follow him. I figured I could explain myself when we talked, and he would understand. But after I sent him a text, hopeful that we could finally have our long overdue conversation and never got a reply, I worried I was too late. He completely ignored me and stood me up again.
The sting of his rejection this time hurts ten times worse than it did five years ago because now I know what it feels like to be with him. I need to talk to him and assure him that Ben is out of the picture because after we left the hospital and he drove me home, I told him I couldn’t see him anymore. I didn’t elaborate on the fact that I chose Mike, but I think he knew. Ben grew up with us and has witnessed our connection for years. He had to have known the fight he was entering when he asked me out in the first place, challenging years of history and unrequited feelings. He seemed to understand my decision though, took it like a gentleman, and we agreed to remain friends.
I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, replaced by an eagerness to tell Mike that I wanted to be with him for real, to quit playing this indecisive game and finally be a couple. But he never replied to my text after I asked him to meet me. I stayed up as late as I could, waiting to see if he would answer, but finally succumbed to sleep around one in the morning. I’m beyond exhausted, and now frustrated and worried, and today is the day before school starts and I have to report to work for meetings.
While getting myself ready for the day, applying my make-up and dressing to impress my colleagues, I decided to stop by his house after work to initiate the conversation we need to have, hoping he will give me a chance to make things right.
Upon arriving at work, my regret and sorrow are quickly replaced by rage as I overhear a conversation around the coffeepot in the teacher’s lounge where everyone has gathered before our staff meeting.
“He hit him?” One teacher asks, her coffee finding its way to her lips after she speaks.
“Oh, yeah. I heard he tackled him to the ground like a linebacker!” The other teacher explains.
“Brian had to break them up. He pulled Mike off of him and threw him out of the bar.”
MIKE! What in the hell happened? I turn my back to them while continuing to eavesdrop on their conversation.
“Yeah, I guess it was only a matter of time before the two of them went to blows. That Victoria has made a mess of things with them, dating two men at the same time. I hope she knows what she’s doing…”
I clear my throat, turning to face them, the deer-caught-in-the-headlights expressions on their faces make it clear they were unaware of my infringement on their discussion.
“I sure have made a mess, haven’t I?” I snap at them, the women quickly cowering away. My hands quickly find the table in front of me, bracing my body weight as I take deep breaths to calm myself.
Shit. Ben and Mike got in a fight? Over what? Me? It had to be. What a disaster! I have to talk to Mike today, and he has some explaining to do. I know he’s upset about the whole Ben thing, but that doesn’t give him the right to punch him. I’m so furious, disappointed, regretful. I’m feeling a million things at once, and now I have to attempt to focus on what Principal Winston is saying for the next few hours.
The day of meetings drags on. I meet with the other two first-grade teachers and absorb all the information they throw at me. I finalize my lesson plans for the next few weeks and finally lock my classroom up knowing tomorrow when I return, I will have twenty-four first graders placed in my care for the next nine months. I will finally be a teacher. The day has come, a day that should be full of excitement and anticipation. But there’s a black cloud hanging over me that needs to release its storm. And that storm is a result of my choices.
I jump in my car and start the drive to Mike’s new house, which I’ve never seen since he purchased it. Whenever all of us hang out, it’s always over at Tyler and Hayley’s house or Dean and Pauline’s. But Mike keeps to himself and doesn’t leave his house much since his furniture shop is on his property. Pauline texted me his address, so I knew where to go, but I haven’t explained everything that happened to her or Hayley yet, given she just had a baby and Hayley is locked away in her house with Tyler and getting ready to leave on her honeymoon.
Pulling up his dirt driveway, I’m granted with the view of his new home in front of me, rugged and charming, just like him. The pale, but dark blue wood paneling and deep grey roof make it unique, but still classic. And the rolling steel garage door is open to the shop in the back of the property, sitting off to the left of the house. I park in front of the porch, slamming my door shut in fury, the anger I feel towards him barreling forward after I’ve pushed it down all day.
Striding up to the shop, I hear the angry music blasting through the sound system, Mike appearing with his back to me in the corner of the room, hunched over a dresser of some sort, sanding away on the wood.
“Mike!” I yell, hoping to get his attention. My attempt is feeble since he doesn’t turn around.
“MIKE!” I scream this time, his body pivoting with a look of surprise as he takes me in. I’m standing there, dressed in a classic black A-line dress and heels, nowhere near wearing the appropriate clothes for being in such a filthy place. Sawdust covers the floor, loose nails are scattered on the concrete, and Mike is staring at me as if I’m a mirage in a desert.
“Victoria… what are you doing here?” He releases his sander on a table and removes his gloves, wiping his hands over his dirty jeans and then turning the knob on the stereo, silencing the music. Mike is wearing a tight black tank-top, showcasing his muscular chest and arms, the ripples of strength in his shoulders and torso calling to me. Damn. Why does he have to be so hot? Looking at him like this, dirty and sweaty and completely in his element, is distracting me from what I came here to do.
“We need to talk. You would know that if you weren’t too busy beating the shit out of Ben last night to reply to my text message.”
He turns away from me, walking over to a sink stationed along one wall, proceeding to wash his hands.
“I didn’t do anything he didn’t deserve,” he grits through his teeth.
“You think he deserves to be punched because I went out with him? Because I gave him the time of day? Because he drove me to the hospital yesterday?”
“He was saying shit about you in the bar last night!” He bellows in the room as he turns back to face me, his voice echoing off the walls. “I punched him in the face because he’s an ass who doesn’t deserve you and I wasn’t going to stand there and let him degrade you like that!” Mike is seething, his fury radiating off of him in waves.
“What did he say?” I take a step towards him, realizing he wasn’t just beating on him to take out his anger. He was defending my honor. Just another reason to love him even more.
He gazes off to the side, avoiding my eyes. “It’s not important. I just made sure he understood to keep his mouth shut.” His eyes find mine now, a faint purple bruise comes into view on his cheekbone.
“Are you okay?” I’m closing the distance between us now, reaching him after what feels like one of the longest walks of my life.
I caress his face, brushing my thumb across his bruised skin.
“I’m fine. I’ve experienced worse.”
“Why didn’t you text me back last night, Mike? Why did you stand me up again?” My eyes are flashing back and forth between his, searching for an indication of what he’s thinking right now. His face is so contorted with pain and worry. I’m afraid to hear his answer.
“I left the hospital so furious, Vic… I raced over to BJ’s to drink, doing the first thing I could think of the distract myself from the thought of you choosing him. I left my phone in my truck and didn’t get your message until hours later and after I’d beat the shit out of Ben.” He pauses, looking down at the floor, avoiding touching me. My hands find his arms now, moving my fingers back and forth over his taut biceps and shoulders. Touching him sends sparks up my fingers, down my arms, and further down between my legs. God, I want him more than I want to breathe.
“But I didn’t choose him, Mike. The only reason Ben drove me to the hospital yesterday is because he offered to. And I figured if he drove me, then I could break up with him when he took me back home, a fact I was dying to tell you when I asked if we could talk.” His head snaps up at my admission, his eyes widening with hope.
“So it’s really over with him?”
I press my lips lightly to his; the touch sending my heart into a frenzied gallop.
“He never stood a chance, Mike. I just needed to make sure that what I felt for you was beyond fantasy, beyond physical, and beyond idealistic. And now I know,” I pause, holding his gaze with mine for what seems like an eternity before I deliver those fateful words that will finally bring Mike and me full circle.
“It’s always been you.”