Rumblin' Knights Boxed Set

by Bella Jewel

  “Saw worse than that. You get used to it, eventually.”

  Fucking sad my brother can sit back and say he got used to that.

  Slater had it hard, harder than any of us will probably ever know.

  The deepest parts of me, the dark parts I keep locked away, feel like he deserved a little of it. Him and Lincoln, they got themselves into a shitty situation, they got us all into a shitty situation. Slater paid his dues, and some of it I think he needed to pay for.

  I fucking hate myself for thinking that, I really do, but it’s the truth.

  I’m not one to hide from the truth.

  “That’s fucked,” Damon mutters. “Anyway, I’m goin’ to fuckin’ find Lucy and give her a piece of my mind. You boys be kind to your ladies, they only went after you because they care.”

  “And they’ll learn not to do it ever again,” Lincoln growls.

  Damon shakes his head. “You’re a hard man, Lincoln. Not always a good thing. See you all later.”

  He disappears, and I glance down at my phone.

  Damon is right, it’s time to face this.

  I’m so fucking angry it’s hard to think, but I need to see Erin, need to confront her, need to lose my fucking mind at her for being so stupid.

  It’s now or never.

  “Come to think of it,” I say, standing, “I’m goin’ to Erin’s.”

  “Any idea what you’re goin’ to say to her?” Slater asks.

  “No, but I’m angry, and I’m fuckin’ goin’ to let her know that what she did tonight will never happen again, because I’m endin’ it.”

  “Fuckin’ harsh, brother,” Lincoln says.

  “You’re in love with Shania, think differently. Even then, you’re that fuckin’ angry you can barely see straight, and you’re tellin’ me I’m harsh. If she doesn’t trust me, we can’t be anything.”

  “She’s a good woman,” Slater says. “Think before you act. You won’t find another one like her. She’s the only reason Ellie is as strong as she is today. She saved her fuckin’ life. Gotta say, won’t be happy if you hurt her, Finn.”

  Dammit.

  He’s fucking right, I know he is, but I shouldn’t be in a relationship.

  This just proves to me why.

  Because I don’t trust, and I don’t like being lied to, and I don’t like being hurt.

  Mostly hurt.

  The disappointment in my chest is fucking horrible.

  I don’t like it.

  I can’t get hurt if I’m alone.

  It’s basic math.

  So, I’ll do what I have to do.

  “I won’t hurt her,” I say to them. “Gotta go.”

  They watch me go.

  I hate the fucking disappointment on their faces.

  The look that they’re sad I’m giving away a good thing.

  The look like they’re thinking I’ll never be happy, I’ll always self-sabotage.

  They’re probably right.

  But here I go anyway.

  To fucking bring myself back to alone.

  The only place I know where to be.

  18

  ERIN

  It’s safe to say that things did not go down well when we got back and told the other girls what we saw. Of course, they were angry, and pissed, but mostly horrified. Horrified that they didn’t know that side to their men, horrified that they had been lied to. Ellie, the gorgeous voice of reason, said that sometimes their world isn’t for us, and maybe they had good reason not to tell us.

  She made a point, a point that calmed us all down.

  When you’re with people who live a dangerous life on the side, which most of these men do, you have to accept that sometimes you’re going to see things you don’t like, they’re going to do things you don’t like, and you can either accept that, or you can decide you can’t live with it and leave.

  But you can’t change what is already in front of you.

  It calmed me down. Ellie has a way of doing that, of making us see reason. I was thankful for her words, because she’s right, whatever reason they had to be there tonight, it was probably legit, and it’s highly unlikely that they actually enjoyed watching that. No, they might live a dangerous life sometimes, but they’re not sick in the head, and they probably just need a little understanding.

  We were stupid for following them.

  But we didn’t have ill intentions.

  We didn’t expect to find what we found.

  We thought we’d find something silly, something that wouldn’t bother us.

  We got our punishment.

  I get home late, god knows what time, but it would have to be early hours of the morning. I’m ready for sleep, ready to just throw myself into my bed and hopefully forget the night that we just experienced. I’m just about to climb into my warm covers when there is a loud banging at my door. For a moment, I seriously consider not answering it, because what the hell?

  But I do.

  I exhale and walk toward my door, pulling it open to see Finn standing there. Upon first glance, it’s more than clear to see he’s angry, really fucking angry. His eyes are glassy and red, his jaw is tight, and his fists are clenched. I don’t need to ask him what the matter is, I know what the matter is. He knows we followed him. He knows it, and he’s wild about it. It probably got back to him when one of the other girls confronted their partners. I knew it wouldn’t take long.

  “I’ll give you one fuckin’ minute to explain to me why the fuck you followed me tonight, and then I’ll speak.”

  I blink, surprised. I mean, I know he’s angry, but he doesn’t need to be a dick about it.

  “Finn …”

  “One. Fuckin’. Minute.”

  Oh, boy.

  Fine.

  “You were lying to me. I don’t like being lied to. We didn’t think it was anything major. We just figured it was something silly, and all would be fine.”

  “Right,” Finn says, taking a deep breath in. “Now I speak. When I say that somethin’ doesn’t concern you, it doesn’t fuckin’ concern you. I told you everythin’ was fine, because for you, it was. You were in no immediate danger. You weren’t goin’ to get hurt. Everythin’ else, that was my business. Do I fuckin’ follow you everywhere you go? Do I need to fuckin’ know every detail about your life? No I do not. Everyone has a right to their god damned privacy, Erin. Tonight did not involve you.”

  “It was a death match, Finn! It wasn’t a fucking trip to a hairdresser that wasn’t mentioned. You don’t think I have a right to know the man I’m seeing gets his kicks from watching people die?”

  His face goes so red I’m actually scared for what happens when he opens his mouth again.

  “I was helpin’ a fuckin’ friend,” he roars so loudly I flinch. His hand lashes out and slams against the door frame. “You fuckin’ think I like that kind of thing? Do you honestly think that’s the sort of man I am? You know nothin’, you fuckin’ know nothin’ about me, Erin. You won’t know any more, either. We’re done.”

  I blink.

  I knew he’d be angry, I did.

  I didn’t think he’d be this angry.

  I didn’t think he’d end it with me.

  I didn’t think at all, it seems.

  “Finn, I’m sorry,” I say, voice trembling.

  “Go fuck yourself, Erin. I deserve someone who believes in me.”

  He turns and storms off.

  I do believe in him.

  Why won’t my voice work?

  Why can’t I call out to him?

  Tell him that he’s wrong, that I made a mistake, that we can fix it.

  I don’t want him to leave.

  Why won’t my voice work?

  I watch him climb into his truck and speed off.

  I feel the warm tears spill out and roll down my cheeks.

  This is all my fault. I have nobody to blame but myself.

  I failed.

  I fucked up.

  I let him down.

  This
one is on me.

  ~*~*~*~

  “He broke it off with you?” Ellie asks, two days later at the bakery.

  I haven’t heard from Finn.

  I’ve tried to call. Left messages. He won’t answer.

  He’s done.

  And I’m heartbroken.

  “Not that there was much to break off,” I mutter, “But yes, he did.”

  “I mean, I understand him being angry, but that’s extreme …”

  “Finn takes things differently to other people. He holds honest, truthful people at high regard. What I did, was the lowest of the low in his books.”

  “He was lying to you …” Ellie points out. “I mean sure, we probably shouldn’t have taken it that far, but it wasn’t because we were trying to be horrible, we were genuinely concerned.”

  “That means nothing to him, trust me.”

  “Did he even try to hear you out?”

  “No,” I say, stacking some fresh muffins on a tray and sliding them into the display cabinet.

  “You should try talking to him again.”

  “I’ve called him a million times, Ellie. I’m not going to force myself onto him.”

  She exhales. “You deserve him to at least hear you out.”

  “For what?” I cry, frustrated. “I did the wrong thing. I fucked up. There is literally no good reason to have done what I did. I wouldn’t want to be near me, either. How can I ask him to just forget that? He’ll never trust me again. It’s over. That’s the end of it.”

  I turn and walk out of the bakery and onto the sidewalk. I need to breathe—I can’t think, I can’t feel. My heart is hurting because I’ve done something I can’t take back, and that fucking sucks. It sucks because I liked Finn, we had finally gotten past all the bullshit and were actually trying something other than sex.

  The very idea that he’s probably out there right now, having sex with other women, makes me want to gouge my own eyes out just so I don’t have to think about it anymore.

  I hate that even our friendship is gone.

  Ellie is right, maybe it doesn’t matter that I screwed up, maybe I still need to talk to him, for the very least, to get closure. He deserves it, I deserve it. I don’t want him to hate me forever. I understand it’s over, but I don’t want him to think of me for the rest of his life as the woman he thinks I am right now.

  He deserves me to be honest.

  To be truthful.

  To be raw.

  I go back inside and tell Ellie I’m going for a drive, and she assures me with a worried look that the place is fine. I get in my car and drive to Rumblin’ Knights. I know Finn will be there, at least, I hope Finn will be there. My mind races the whole way over, wondering what I’m going to say to him. How honest should I be? How truthful am I willing to get? I have to either give it 100% or nothing. I can’t expect him to just hear half the truth.

  When I arrive, I see Indi’s car, and my mind automatically goes to them, together. Is he giving her a go now I’m out of the picture? How are things going with them? It hurts me to picture them together, but I’d deserve nothing less for what I did.

  I exhale, get out of the car, hold my chin high, and walk into the building.

  I’ve been here before.

  I’ve delivered a speech.

  That speech went well for me. I already know this one won’t.

  But I’m still doing it anyway.

  I’m still going to say what needs to be said, and pray to god, at the very least, Finn won’t spend the rest of his days hating me.

  Indi is at the reception desk when I walk in, and for a moment, we just stare at each other. It’s a damned shame she turned out the way she did. I actually thought she was a really nice girl. Hell, maybe she is. Who am I to judge after what I did? We all do stupid shit sometimes. That’s for damned sure.

  “I’m not here to argue. I need to talk to Finn.”

  Indi studies me. “He’s specifically asked not to be called out for you.”

  Dammit.

  He anticipated this.

  That hurts.

  Hurts a lot.

  “Look, Indi,” I say, keeping my voice calm, “I’m not here to cause problems, I just want to talk with him. If he won’t come out, I’m warning you, kindly of course, I will go out there and get him.”

  “You’ve caused enough troubles,” Indi snaps.

  Right, she’s not going to play nice. Fine, neither am I.

  I start walking toward the door, and she stands, moving her body in front of me.

  “Indi, I will move you, do not doubt it. You wouldn’t want to hurt that baby now, would you?” I ask her, giving her a look that makes her stop and reconsider.

  She didn’t even think of the baby.

  Because there is no baby.

  I’d damn well bet on it, and I’m going to prove it.

  Because stuff her.

  And stuff Finn.

  Stuff all of them.

  Indi steps aside, and I walk out and into the garage. Finn is standing by an old car next to Lincoln, both of them talking over it, discussing something with the hood up. When they notice me, they stop, and Finn’s expression turns sour.

  “Still angry, I see?” I say, stopping in front of them and crossing my arms. “Good, this won’t take long.”

  “If I wanted you here, Erin, I would have fuckin’ invited you.”

  I stare at him, face expressionless. “Are you done?”

  He looks shocked by the cold deliverance of my words. But too bad. I’m so tired of being nice. I made a mistake. I fucked up. I don’t deserve to be punished for it, to the point that he won’t even have a conversation with me.

  “Firstly, we all know that I screwed up. Don’t need a fucking textbook on what not to do to tell us that. I made a mistake. It was a stupid mistake. A mistake I’ll pay for with shitty images in my head, for a long time. But you have to understand something; I’ve seen a lot with Ellie in my life, and because of that, my mind tends to go straight to the worst case scenarios. One of the biggest things that triggers me is liars. I don’t deal with them, not at all. They bother me in ways I can’t begin to explain.”

  “Didn’t fuckin’ lie to you,” Finn seethes.

  “But you did, Finn. You did lie to me. You told stories. You twisted the truth. Now, I understand what you said, not every part of your life is for me to know. You’re right, it isn’t. But I deserve at the very least, the truth. Maybe just something along the lines of, ‘Yes, there is something going on, but I’d prefer not to share. It’s something I’d rather you stay away from, because I want to protect you.’ Do you see how much easier that would have been?”

  I take a deep breath.

  “I’m not a stupid woman. Far from it. But I’ve seen some shitty stuff. And that stuff has made me assume the worst, all the time. I followed you, it was stupid, but it wasn’t all on me. It was a joint effort. We were all concerned. We had a right to be. But we should have come to you before doing something so stupid. I know this. I am genuinely sorry for this. I’m sorry you can’t look at me the same, but in all honesty, Finn, I can’t look at you the same, so maybe it’s for the best.”

  That’s a lie.

  It hurts.

  And I care about him, more than I’m willing to admit.

  I should tell him that.

  I should.

  But I can’t.

  I can’t because he’s made up his mind, and it’s not in me to beg.

  “I care about you,” is all I say, “I honestly do, and I thought maybe we could have built something. We had something, a connection, but we both screwed up. Not just me, but you, too. Anyway, that’s all I had to say. I’m sorry. I hope we can at least be friends, I’d like to think you couldn’t hate me forever over one mistake.”

  With that, I turn on my heel and walk out.

  Indi is standing at the door, watching.

  She listened to every word, and the scowl she gives me makes me sad. Genuinely sad. Because it’s lik
e she’s done a full 360. It’s odd, to say the least. There has to be a reason for her actions, something that lies deep, something that is driving her to do what she’s doing, but I don’t have the time to figure out what.

  “I wish you’d just leave him alone, it’s pathetic,” she mutters as I walk past.

  I turn and look to her. “You’re a liar, Indi. One way or another, you’ll be found out. It’s a shame, I honestly thought you were a nice girl. I actually liked you. I don’t know what happened in your life to make you like this, but I’m sorry. Sorry whatever it is took the good out of you. I wish you well.”

  I walk out to her shocked and stunned expression, but I’ve said what I need to say. There is nothing more to it.

  I get in my car and drive back to the bakery, feeling better. Sad as hell, because I did honestly feel something when it came to Finn, but I guess I was wrong. I’m not going to chase him around if he’s made up his mind. I’ll let my heart break silently. It wasn’t anything anyway, I don’t know why I’m so damned upset.

  I guess sometimes you meet a person and you feel the connection deep inside. Something real, something that nobody else understands.

  I felt that when I met Finn—it was as if the universe forced us to cross paths.

  Which only makes me wonder, why in the hell did it change its mind?

  19

  ERIN

  “Hi, yes, my name is Indiana. I came for a sonogram there on Wednesday, for my pregnancy. I’ve lost the picture they printed, and I’m so devastated. I was wondering if I’d be able to get another one printed out?”

  Lucy is sitting next to me, eyes wide, watching.

  I shouldn’t be doing this.

  Well, no, scratch that. I should. Indi, if she is using Finn, needs to be caught out. She needs to understand that it’s never, ever okay to use another person. To hurt another person. And to lie about a pregnancy. This isn’t meddling, at least, I don’t think it is. I know if I was Finn, I’d want to know. He has a right to know. Indi has no place doing what she’s doing.

  If she is really pregnant, I’ll let them be and never say another word.

  But I don’t think she is.

  “Of course,” the nurse on the phone says. “One moment and I’ll go and have a look, see if we can find your file.”