by Bella Jewel
When I arrive, I see Nicolai and Shania are both already here, little Tommy running around with a kite in hand. I smile, because that’s a nice picture. I also feel a little uncomfortable, seeing it like this, him and her, and their son. It feels … maybe like it’s not such a good idea. I feel a weird pang in my chest. Maybe Shania is right about all of this. Maybe doing this isn’t the smartest thing for anyone.
Mostly Tommy.
I didn’t quite realize any of it until I saw them standing here right now, setting up for the party.
My eyes go to Lincoln, Damon, Finn, Erin, Slater, and Ellie. They’re all here already, thank god. It would be incredibly awkward to get out and walk over to be with just Nicolai and Shania.
My eyes move back and see Nicolai is watching me, Shania watching him.
Great.
It’s awkward already.
I take a deep breath, grab the present out of the car, and stiffly walk toward them. I can’t walk normally, and I know that I probably look like I’m severely constipated right now, but it is what it is. Maybe that’s what I’ll tell them, that I haven’t had a good poo in days. I snort to myself and keep stiffly walking in their general direction.
“Lucy!” Erin calls out, rushing over. “Hey!”
“Hey.” I smile at her. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
She nods and leans in close. “It’s a little awkward.”
“You think?” I laugh.
“Nobody really knows what to say. It’s just weird, the two of them here, and you, and well, I’m not complaining, I like a bit of drama.”
I nudge her. “You would.”
“Are you okay?” she asks me, putting her hands on my shoulders and studying me. “You look like you’ve gone a couple of rounds with a boxer and then just rolled on out and come here.”
I shake my head with a grin. “I love the way you put things.”
She chuckles. “But seriously, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m not feeling all that well. Long night and all that.”
“Well, come over and sit down with us and you can tell me exactly what’s going on. I haven’t caught up with you in a few days; I don’t like being out of the loop. I tried asking Damon but he told me that it’s Bestie code, and he can’t spill Bestie code.”
I roll my eyes, but inside, it feels kind of nice. Nice that Damon has my back.
“There’s my favorite girl,” Damon says as soon as I’m within earshot. “Jesus Christ, what happened to you?”
Do I really look that bad?
“Nice to see you too, Damon. I woke up this way. Not all of us are graced with exceptional good looks and charm the moment we get out of bed.”
He laughs, but his eyes are concerned. I’m still avoiding looking over at Nicolai and Shania. I can almost feel their eyes burning into me, but I can’t bare to even face them right now. I already feel like the elephant in the room that everyone is talking about but nobody wants to just bring it up. It’s uncomfortable.
“Seriously, you don’t look well,” he says, leaning in closer. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
I force a smile. “I’m fine. I’m going to say happy birthday to my handsome nephew. Hey, everyone,” I say, waving to everyone else.
“How are you, Lucy?” Ellie asks. Gosh she’s beautiful, if you wanted to be like anyone in this world, it would be Ellie. She’s incredible, and strong, and mostly, brave.
But she’s just a really nice human, too.
Heart of gold.
“I’m doing okay, Ellie, how are you?”
She smiles. “Really well.”
I say my hellos and then take a deep breath and turn, walking over to the table where Shania and Nicolai are muttering about something, looking like they’re mid argument. They’re setting up a bunch of food. I walk past them and wave to Tommy—he sees me and comes running over. I kneel down, even though the pain nearly knocks me to the ground. I take a deep, staggering breath, and force a smile as my nephew barrels over and throws himself into my arms.
“Happy birthday, little buddy,” I say to him, squeezing him tight.
He’s such a beautiful child.
He pulls back and points to the present in my hands. “Present!”
“It sure is, it’s all yours. Here, you open it.”
He grabs the present and starts ripping it open, then he squeals with delight when he sees the big red fire truck I got him. I know he’s into those.
“Truck!”
“Yep, a big red one, just like you wanted.”
“Daddy,” he squeals, running over to Nicolai. “Truck!”
I take a breath, wondering for a small moment if I’m actually going to be able to stand. A cold sweat breaks out over my skin. I won’t be staying long, hell no, I’m going to take myself to the doctor. Something is definitely not right.
I force myself to my feet, feeling nauseous from the pain that shoots through my abdomen. I feel like I might actually be sick. I honestly stand for a minute, contemplating if I can do a mad dash to vomit, or if I have to vomit right here, in front of everyone. I take a deep breath and turn. Nicolai is watching me, his eyes narrowed. Shania is saying something to him, but he completely ignores her as he walks over to me.
God.
Not a good idea, buddy.
Now she’s going to be angry.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, the moment he stops in front of me.
I’m not going to lie, I’m weak when I’m sick. Not weak as in I can’t handle the pain, but weak as in I may or may not like attention. Right now, I want to throw myself into Nicolai’s arms and feel how nice it feels when he comforts me. Instead, I have to stand here, unable to touch him, even though I really want to, because it might offend someone.
“I just don’t feel so well,” I tell him. “It’s okay. I’m okay. You better go back to Shania before this blows up. I promised no drama on Tommy’s birthday.”
Nicolai studies me, and reaches a hand out before I can move back, and presses it against my cheek. “You’re warm, I think you should go home.”
“I’m okay,” I say, dodging his hand, even though I want to wrap myself in him. “I’m okay.”
“Lucy …”
I step past him and Shania’s glare and over to the group of people. I join in the conversation, even though right now I can’t think of anything but the pain. A few more people arrive, and I notice a girl talking to Damon. I’ve not met her before, but I know she’s friends with some of the girls from the club, who are also here.
She and Damon are having a pretty decent chat.
Maybe he’ll make a move.
Juicy.
“Who’s the girl talking to Damon?” I ask Ellie, nodding in their direction.
“Oh, that’s Penny. She’s a good friend of Amalie’s. She’s had a pretty hard time.”
“Oh, she looks nice. Is she with anyone?”
Ellie shakes her head. “No, she was kind of into Boston, but he ended up with Chantelle.”
“Fair enough,” I say. “Maybe her and Damon might find an interest?”
I wiggle my brows.
Ellie laughs. “Maybe they will.”
We all move to the food table and a few kids run around; they must be family members, or friends, I don’t know half the people here. Tommy is having a blast, which is awesome. Nicolai asks me to give him a hand to bring the cake out. I hesitate, but end up agreeing and we walk over to his car.
As soon as we’re there, he turns to me, cupping my face in his hand. I know everyone can see, and oh, I know I shouldn’t care, but I do. I do because I know it’ll go down like a lead balloon. Still, I’m in so much pain, it feels nice to have his hand on me, to have that comfort just for a second.
“You’re not well, I’m concerned.”
I turn my face away from his hand, even though my heart aches. “Not really, no. But I’ll be okay.”
“Do you want me to take you to the doctor?”
“It’s Tommy’s bi
rthday, I can take myself later. Shania already has enough to pick at us about, we don’t need you leaving your son’s party to make it worse.”
“I don’t care what she thinks, Lucy. I care about you.”
That feels nice.
I reach for the cake, but stop halfway, pain shooting through my body. “You’ll have to carry that.”
I turn and walk away before he can convince me not to. I really don’t want to—no, I’d much rather just stay with him, let him hold me, let him make me feel better.
But I don’t.
I walk back to the table and pick up a piece of watermelon and start nibbling at it but, honestly, I’m thinking about vomiting again. It’s getting worse. It’s so bad I can almost not think straight. Almost.
“Can we have a word?” Shania says, walking over to me.
She looks agitated.
God, I don’t need this right now.
“What is it?” I mutter, that cold sweat breaking out on my body again.
“I know you’ve made your choice, but you don’t need to make me look like crap because you two can’t keep your hands off each other. How do you think I feel right now? This is so uncomfortable!”
“Uncomfortable,” I mumble. “You think I don’t know that?”
“Then why are you touching him, right in front of everyone.”
“Shania,” I say, feeling like I’m going to pass out. I can’t breathe, I need to leave. “He was seeing if I’m okay, which, if you cared at all, you would have asked, too.”
“He doesn’t care,” she snaps. “Why can’t you see that? I’m not trying to be horrible, Lucy, but this is all a big game to him. He’s just doing it to piss me off, because he knows I don’t like it. He’s making a point to annoy me today.”
“No, he isn’t,” I grind out.
I feel like I’m going to pass out.
I can’t deal with this right now.
“Yes, he is,” she cries, and everyone turns to look.
I’m going to vomit.
“No, Shania,” I scream, “he’s not! You’re just angry that he didn’t fucking want you back then and he wants me. Get the hell over it!”
The moment, literally the very moment, I stop screaming, I lurch forward, and I vomit. Agony. I’m in complete and utter agony. I’ve never felt anything like it. I drop to my knees, clutching my abdomen, and fall to my side, vomit still pouring out of my mouth, heave after heave.
“Help! Someone get help!” Shania screams.
Nicolai is by my side, lifting my head up, and I wail in pain. I can’t explain it. Except to say it feels like my insides have exploded. I scream and twist, wanting it to stop.
“Lucy, hey,” Nicolai says, “tell me where it hurts, tell me.”
His voice is panicked.
“My abdomen,” I screech, trying to curl into a ball, but nothing is relieving it.
Nicolai carefully pulls me close, even though I’m writhing and screaming, he presses down on my right side, and I scream so loudly I hear kids start to cry.
“It’s her appendix, I’d bet on it. Has anyone called an ambulance?”
“They’re on their way,” I hear Ellie say.
“Lucy?” Shania cries, but I don’t answer her.
I turn my face into Nicolai’s chest, and I sob. I’m in so much pain I’m coming in and out of darkness. I want it to take me so I don’t have to feel this anymore.
“Lucy, keep your eyes open,” Nicolai says. “Just for a few minutes longer. Scream if you need to scream, but don’t pass out.”
“It hurts,” I wail, my body constantly squirming, wiggling, writhing to try and ease it. “It hurts, Nicolai.”
“I know, baby, the paramedics will be here soon, I promise you. Hang on.”
I don’t hang on, though.
I simply can’t.
My eyes roll back and, finally, the darkness takes me.
Thank God.
I was wondering why it was taking so long.
11
NOW – LUCY
I wake up to the sounds of beeping machines.
My eyes flutter open, and I look around the room and see I’m in the hospital, drip in hand, machines hooked up to me, blood pressure maybe, I don’t know.
I try to get my vision to clear and stare around.
What the hell happened?
I remember being in agony at Tommy’s party, and that’s it.
How long have I been in here?
I turn, wincing in pain, and reach for the nurses’ button, pressing it. A nurse is in the room before I’ve even managed to roll fully back. Jesus. They’re quick.
“You’re awake,” she says, smiling and walking in. “How are you feeling?”
“What happened?” I croak.
“You don’t remember?”
“I remember being in pain and passing out, that’s it.”
“Your appendix burst.”
“Excuse me?” I blink. “Is that even a thing?”
“Yes, it is. It is incredibly dangerous and sometimes fatal. You’re lucky we got to you in time. We removed it, but your body was flooded with rather poisonous toxins, so you’re on strong antibiotics until we’re certain you’re well again. You’ll be in here a few days. The doctor will come and see you soon, I’ll just check some labs and let your family know you’re awake, they’re waiting.”
I nod.
Appendix. I mean, I was in pain, but I never considered it would be something like that.
I feel a little unwell at the thought of how bad that could have gone.
Next time I even have a twinge of pain, I’ll be straight to the doctor.
I shift and wince. I’m in quite a good deal of pain, and the nurse notices and tells me, “I’ll get you some more pain relief. Be sure to call when you need it. We don’t want you uncomfortable.”
I nod. “Okay, thank you.”
She checks me out and then tells me she’s going to update the doctor and will send my family and friends in. Just how many family and friends are there?
I wait, and a few minutes later, Shania and Lincoln bust through my doors. Shania comes running over, tears in her eyes, stopping when she reaches me. “I’m sorry, Lucy! Oh gosh, I’m the worst sister in the world. Are you okay?”
I smile, and reach for her hand. “You aren’t the worst sister, you’re second to me, and yes, I’m okay. I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you.”
She shakes her head and puts her hands up. “No, don’t be sorry, I’m the one who should be sorry. You’re right, I’m hanging onto the past. This isn’t my business, you’re free to live your life with whoever you want.”
“Does this mean you’ll accept Nicolai?” I say, shifting uncomfortably.
“Look, I’m anxious about it still, but seeing you like that, wondering if you’d make it through surgery, hearing the doctor use the words fatal, it was horrible. The thought of losing you …. I can’t live with that. So, if you want to be with Nicolai, then you can, I just want us to get along again.”
I squeeze her hand. “You’re my sister, we’ll always get along, even if sometimes we fight.”
“And,” she says, leaning in a little closer, “honey, you should have seen him. I thought I knew Nicolai, I did, but seeing his face when you passed out, and seeing the fear in his eyes … I’ve never seen him look like that to any female. I could see the genuine feeling there. He really cares about you. I wanted you to know that.”
My heart aches, poor Nicolai. I never meant to cause him, or anyone else, stress.
“Thank you,” I whisper, then look past her to Lincoln, who grins at me.
“You know how to scare people,” he says.
I laugh, and then wince. “Yeah, not intentionally believe me.”
“You feelin’ okay?”
“Yeah, sore, but okay. I’m glad you all acted quickly.”
He nods. “You’re lucky, no doubt about it.”
“I want to stay here and not let anyone else in, but Nicolai
is out there, and he’ll probably bust my ass if I don’t let him in, too. So I’m going to, and then I’m coming back and staying all night long while you update me on everything.”
I smile, but my bottom lip trembles.
I’ve missed my sister.
“I’ve missed you,” I whisper to her.
She leans down, hugging me. “I missed you too. I’m sorry.”
“Me too.”
She stands up, swipes at her tears, and then turns to Lincoln. “Let’s go before I get too emotional.”
He grins. “Sounds good to me. Feel better, Lucy.”
They leave and I wait, eyes on the door.
Nicolai comes through a few minutes later, and my heart explodes.
I smile, but my stupid lip trembles again.
He walks over, leans down, and pulls me—gently—into his arms. He holds me as tightly as he possibly can, but I know if I wasn’t hurt, it would be a lot tighter. I let him hold me, burying my face into his chest. I’m falling in love with this man. I didn’t realize just how much so until this very moment.
“Don’t you fuckin’ scare me like that again,” he says, pulling back, holding my eyes, the intensity in those green orbs out of this world.
“I’ll try not to,” I croak. “I’m sorry.”
He stands up straight, and grabs a chair, dragging it over and sitting beside me. “Are you okay? Feeling okay?”
“Sore,” I tell him. “How long was I out?”
“Few hours at least.”
“I’m sorry to have scared you. And poor Tommy, on his birthday!”
“He’s with my sister, he’s happy. He’s been eating cake and playing with his presents all afternoon.”
I smile, glad. I would hate to ruin that sweet little boy’s birthday.
Nicolai reaches over, cupping my jaw and turning my face toward him. “You have to know, when you blacked out, I was fuckin’ scared, Lucy. I don’t think I’ve felt that kind of fear when it comes to a woman before. The thought of losing you, I don’t want to feel that again in my life. You hear me?”