by Bella Jewel
He’s right about it coming from everyone else, too.
I’m constantly being told he’ll hurt me, it’ll end badly, and maybe somewhere deep down, I believed it.
My heart pounds and I croak out, “She was dancing mostly naked in front of you. Privately. In your office. How do you think that was going to look?”
“So you assume I’m fucking her?” Nicolai barks.
“You’d assume that too, would you not?” I yell back, throwing my hands up. “Wouldn’t you? Tell me how you can honestly expect me to believe that you were watching a routine? You told me no Yana. If that’s no Yana, then someone else should have watched that routine.”
“No,” Nicolai growls. “No one else can watch them, because I’m the one who makes the calls. I’m the one who picks and chooses what happens on that stage. Yana was slacking off, I was getting complaints. I pulled her in, because I’m still her fuckin’ boss, I still have to do my job. I told her she’s not getting the same excitement she used to get, and that if it didn’t pick up, she was out. She told me she had a new dance, that should work. I had her show me. That’s fuckin’ it. No different to any other dancer.”
“Except she is different,” I cry. “She’s so fucking perfect, and beautiful, and the way she moved … How can you watch that, and still want to be with me?”
“This is you being insecure,” he snaps. “It has nothing at all to do with me, not really. I see dancers daily, I have for a long fuckin’ time now. Yes, they’re incredibly beautiful women, they’re also strippers, and they’re also not you. I have no interest in any of them. Not fuckin’ one.”
Dammit.
I know he’s right. I know it, deep down.
I’m not usually an insecure person, but at his words I realize that’s exactly what’s happening. I didn’t stop and ask why he was with Yana tonight, I just assumed the worst because of the way she looked. I probably overreacted, but he did assure me that Yana was not part of the equation.
It seems she most certainly is.
Which, I understand. It’s his job.
Do I have something to worry about when it comes to Yana?
I don’t honestly know.
“It hurt me, what I saw in there tonight,” I tell him.
“It’s my job.”
“Yeah, I know, but Yana.”
“Yana is one of my employees. I treat her no different to any of the other girls.”
So he sits there and watches the other girls like that? Looking the way they look, dancing so sexy. Am I going to be okay with that? I don’t honestly know.
“Look,” he says, dripping wet from the rain, droplets rolling down his cheeks and off the end of his chin. “This is my job, I watch those girls most nights I’m there. They’re constantly showing me new routines, talking about how to keep things fresh. It’s a business, it’s how any business runs. You’re either okay with it, or you’re not. If you’re not, then this won’t work out. I’m not a cheater, Lucy. If I don’t want to be with you, I won’t.”
Is that the truth?
Because Shania swears he was with Yana when he slept with her.
Should I ask?
I don’t even know. He probably won’t appreciate that question right now.
I shift a little, feeling uncomfortable, confused, and hurt still.
“I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking about Shania, and how I was with her and Yana back then. You’re right, I was, but neither were anything more than sex. Yana thought she was, but she wasn’t. Shania wasn’t either. I wasn’t committed. I didn’t want them the way I want you. When I was married, Lucy, I never put a foot out. I never would.”
I exhale. “Okay, I understand.”
“I’ll avoid Yana, I said I would and I meant it. I do avoid Yana. Tonight happened to be that I couldn’t get away from it. If she’s a problem for you, a real problem, I’ll fire her. Don’t doubt that you’re more important to me than anyone. I’ll do whatever it takes to prove that.”
Well damn.
My heart feels like it explodes and the pain eases just a little.
That means a lot to me, more than he’ll ever know.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“I’m sorry you saw that,” he says, stepping toward me, rubbing his thumb over my wet cheek.
“I know you are.”
“I want you, Lucy,” he growls, low. “I want you more than you can even begin to imagine.”
“Why?” I ask him, tipping my head back, rain hitting my face. “Why do you want me?”
“Because you’re different, because you’re incredible, because you’re funny and you’re smart, because you’re fuckin’ beautiful and you’re one of a kind. I don’t want those women, the ones who are all the same, those women don’t have any appeal to me. They don’t matter to me. I don’t respect them the way I respect you. Nothing in the world can be a good hearted, beautiful woman. No stripper, nothing. Remember that.”
Oh, boy.
I think I love him.
No, I don’t think I love him.
I do love him.
That terrifies me.
“You scare me, Nicolai,” I say, truthfully.
“Believe me, you scare me, too.”
I shiver and he pulls me into his arms, pressing my body against his, “You’re freezing. Go and get your things, I’m taking you home with me. You’re going to show me exactly what you came to the club to show me, and you’re going to give me the fuckin’ best birthday I’ve ever had. You’re also going to take his fuckin’ shirt off, because it’s making me wild.”
I flush. “He just let me wear it, I had nothing else.”
“Don’t fuckin’ care. Remove it. The only shirt you wear is mine.”
I nod, biting my bottom lip. He flicks it with his finger, and then leans down and murmurs, “Move, baby. I’m not a patient man.”
I do as he asks.
I move.
~*~*~*~
I move my hips slowly, swirling and swaying, half naked, coat on the ground. Nicolai is on the bed, wearing only a pair of boxer briefs, watching me with an expression I’ll never forget for as long as I live. His lashes are low, dropping over his eyes in a hooded expression, his mouth is relaxed but his jaw is tight as he watches me move. His arms are crossed over his big chest, and his cock is hard.
Oh, so hard.
It’s pushing his briefs up in a perfect tent, a tent I can’t wait to find my way into later.
I drop the last of my clothes, swaying and turning, bending and sliding back up as slowly as I can. I’m nervous, as all hell, but his expression reassures me that he really likes what he sees, and I’m good with that. More than good with it. I dance, slowly, as requested, and slowly make my way toward the bed, my pussy aching.
I want him.
He knows I want him.
I don’t know how long he can expect me to dance while he’s sitting there, looking like that. All I want to do is climb onto his lap and have my way with him.
I sway closer, hair rolling down around my shoulders, nipples hard. When I reach the end of the bed, I fall forward onto my hands and crawl up onto it until I’m over top of him. He growls, low and deep, as I take off his briefs and finally let his cock spring free.
Wrapping two hands around it, I lower my mouth and I suck. I suck and twist, swirl and lick. His groans encourage me on, and I whimper when his fingers tangle into my hair and tug me down harder, until I’m taking the most of him I possibly can, mouth stretched around him, throat burning, loving every second of it.
I need him inside of me.
Like, yesterday.
I climb up on top of him after releasing him from my mouth, and put my knees either side of his hips. His hands come up immediately and cup my breasts, squeezing and rotating until I’m whimpering and slipping down onto him. He fills me, even wet—it’s a stretching, burning pain that tingles through my body.
I close my eyes for a moment, drop my head back, and let tha
t feeling of him sliding into me take over me for just a moment. Such an exquisite feeling. So incredible it makes me want to scream with ecstasy. I love it. I love everything about it. My body craves this feeling, like a damned drug. I moan when he’s inside me fully, and his hands slide from my breasts, slowly down my body, until he finds my hips.
Then he starts rocking me.
My eyes open and I look into his, and god, I get so damned turned on when he starts lifting me up and down on his cock, his huge biceps flexing and bulging as he takes my weight. It’s so damned hot, I want to melt and scream all at the same time. He uses me to fuck himself, and god, it’s a turn on. I help a little, taking some of the weight with my knees, but I let him keep the pace he’s happy with, and keep it, he does. He jerks me up and down, up and down, until I’m whimpering with pleasure, arching backward, nipples hard as two little pebbles on my chest.
I scream his name when I cum, and he follows not long after, pulsing inside of me, growling my name in a whispered hiss. When he stops moving me, I fall forward onto his chest, cheek against it, listening to his heart pounding. It’s no doubt going as rapidly as mine is right now. Every now and then, my body still trembles from the incredible orgasm.
One of his arms snakes around my back, and he holds me close to him.
And in this moment, I know exactly how exceptionally comforting it is to have someone you love holding you, knowing they’re there for you, that they’ve got your back. Now I know why girls run to their partners when they’re sad, or hurt, or need someone to make them feel okay again.
It’s for this moment.
The moment where being held by a strong man makes you feel like you’ll be able to make it through anything.
That’s how Nicolai is making me feel right now.
I hope it lasts forever.
Because I’m starting to wonder what my life will be like without him.
I don’t even want to imagine.
I don’t think I can deal with it.
15
NOW – LUCY
“Oh my gosh,” Shania says, eyes wide, staring at me. “That’s terrible. Are you okay?”
I nod. “I’m fine, we sorted it out.”
“Did he have a good reason as to why Yana was there?” Erin asks, sipping her cocktail and leaning back in her chair, looking angry at the story I just told them.
I had to tell them, because Damon let it slip what happened the other night, and I had to clarify a few things so they didn’t run with their own version of the story. Turns out they had mostly run with their version, so I’m glad I got to set them straight, though they don’t seem overly impressed by it.
“Yes, she is one of his employees,” I tell Erin. “He approves their dances, it’s just what he does. Got to learn to live with it, I suppose.”
“You’re okay with that?” Ellie asks, pushing her lips out in concern. “I don’t know if I would be.”
“I’m not thrilled about it,” I tell her, “but it’s not something new, you know? He’s been running those clubs for a long time. If he suddenly popped up and started it, sure I’d be worried, but it’s nothing new or exciting to him.”
“But she was half naked, dancing in front of him!” Erin cries, throwing her hands up, “How are you not losing your shit?”
I swallow and take a deep breath. I knew this wasn’t going to be something that went down overly well. That I’d have to explain it to them, so they understood it how I did, even though I know there is a chance they still won’t agree with it.
“I did lose my shit,” I tell her, “Totally and completely, but in the end, he explained it, and like he said, I have a choice, I can either accept it, or I can’t. He’s right, so I chose to accept it.”
“What if he’s lying, honey?” Shania asks.
“You know,” I say, keeping my voice calm. “You all tell me that a lot, and I guess in the end, I have to take that risk, don’t I? He’s what I want. You don’t have to like him, none of you do, but I trust him, I honestly do. I don’t think he’s in it to hurt me. He wants me, he’s made that clear.”
“I suppose that’s true,” Shania says. “I mean, when I was chasing after him, he made it clear he wasn’t interested in anything but sex. It didn’t matter how hard I pushed. He didn’t commit in any way, so you’re right, him making it clear that he wants you is a really good thing.”
I appreciate her saying that, even though I know deep down she doesn’t fully believe it yet. She’s still unsure of him and how he’s going to treat me, how this is going to end up, but she’s making an effort for me, and that’s a really big deal.
“Thank you, I appreciate you saying that,” I tell her.
“I still don’t like it,” Erin says, giving me a smile to say she’s sorry for speaking the truth, but it is what it is. I don’t blame her, I’m the first to give others my opinion. Who am I to judge her? “But, I think you’re a smart girl, and you’re going to roll him into line if he does wrong by you. Just remember what you told me: you’re strong, you’re sassy, and you don’t ever need to chase a man.”
I grin at her, “You’re right about that.”
We chat and laugh for a few more hours, and then I have to head home. I have to work early tomorrow, so I don’t want to be hungover, even though I could happily stay here all night.
I say my goodbyes and leave.
The drive home is slow, and I yawn far more than I’d like to admit. When I reach my driveway, there is a woman standing in it. She’s looking up at my apartment. I don’t know who she is, hell, I can’t really see her face to be honest, but she’s tall, lean, and blond. She turns when I drive in, and I quickly get out and say, “Can I help you?”
“Oh,” she says, smiling and letting out a little half giggle. “Sorry, I’m new around here. I moved in just over the street. I was just introducing myself to my neighbors. Hi! I’m Suzie.”
Suzie, huh?
Well, Suzie, it’s a little suspicious that you’re staring at my apartment at seven o’clock at night, but who am I to judge the times you go and introduce yourself to people?
It feels a little weird, though.
I’m not entirely sure what about it feels weird, maybe it’s just the fact that it’s night time, and if you were going to introduce yourself to someone, you think you’d do it during daylight hours, or maybe it’s the fact that she was just staring up at my house, which makes me a little uncomfortable.
Still, I’ll give her a shot.
“Hi, Suzie. I’m Lucy. Kind of late to be going around introducing yourself don’t you think?”
Trust me to throw it out there how it is.
She laughs, throwing her pretty head back. “You’re right, gosh, I’m such a dill! I work during the day and I’ve not managed to get around and say hello. I spent a while talking to Josh, over the road, and it kind of put me behind. I planned on saying my hellos before the sun went down.”
Well, that kind of makes sense.
“Josh is chatty,” I tell her.
“He certainly is. Anyway, it’s lovely to meet you, Lucy. I’m new to town, so if you have any good recommendations of places to go, or things to see, I’d love to hear them.”
Dammit.
She actually seems like a really nice lady.
I’m probably coming across as rude.
I smile and say, “Well, I know a few good places. Maybe we can go and see them together?”
She beams. “Really? Oh, that’s so kind of you. I don’t really have any friends yet. It’s a little daunting moving to a new city.”
I can imagine. It’s okay when you’re ten and you can go to school and make new friends, but when you’re a grown ass adult and you’re moving to a new city, shit gets real. I mean, honestly, how the hell do you make friends? If you’re a gym junkie, you can probably meet them that way, or if you really like sports or other such activities you might get a few, but if you’re not into those things, it can be super hard to meet anyone. I feel for he
r; I couldn’t imagine moving right now, hell, I don’t think I could even if I wanted to.
I’m far too chicken for that.
“I’m sure you’ll fit right in,” I tell her. “Here’s my number. Give me a text with yours. I’m free a few days this week, we can go and check things out.”
She smiles and pulls her phone out as I give her my number then thanks me profusely for being so kind and disappears. I walk inside, laughing.
Well, see, it’s not every day you just make a random friend.
Things feel really good right now.
Really good.
~*~*~*~
“Damon, what the hell happened?” I cry, staring at my beaten and bloodied friend at the door.
He has a swollen eye, blood on his lip and blood dripping from his hands. Like he’s been in a fight. What the hell would my quiet friend be doing getting in a fight?
It’s a little past midday, and I’m meeting Suzie later for a drink at a local hangout. Nicolai is working tonight, so I don’t get to see him until tomorrow. I was planning on visiting Damon, but I didn’t expect to see him at my door all beaten and bloodied.
“Can I come in?” he rasps.
I shove the door open wider and he steps in. I rush to the kitchen after closing and locking the door and grab a first-aid kit. Damon sits on the floor, not wanting to bloody my sofa no doubt. I get some warm wash cloths, an ice pack, and then meet him on the floor, handing him the ice pack for his eye. He lifts it and presses it against it with a hiss, and his split knuckles bleed even more.
“What’s going on?” I ask him, grabbing his free hand and wrapping it in the warm wash cloth.
“Fuckin’ Finn and his fuckin’ crap with Brody is what’s going on!”
Damon’s angry.
I don’t think there has been a time I’ve seen Damon angry, if I’m honest. He’s always together, always calm and collected, but right now he’s acting like he honestly wants to rip someone’s head off. Finn’s, by the sounds of it.
“Start from the beginning.”
Damon exhales, and I get to work on cleaning his hands up.
“Brody wants to do a death match, as you know. Finn is gettin’ way too involved. Erin came to me last night, concerned because Finn wasn’t home, and she couldn’t find him. She was worried he was getting in too deep with Brody and this fuckin’ revenge mission he’s on.”