by Bella Jewel
Oh no.
Poor Erin.
I make a note to call her ASAP.
“So I went on a hunt for Finn. Tracked him down, he was at another death match with Brody. Didn’t go, because I’m not into that fuckin’ shit. But I managed to get him when he got back to Lincoln’s fighting ring. He and Brody were there alone, practicing fighting, like a bunch of fuckin’ savages. I lost my shit at him, told him he’s going to get himself killed helping someone he hardly knows seek his revenge. He got into me, told me to mind my own fuckin’ business.”
Oh no.
This isn’t a good thing. Those brothers are so close.
“Shit got out of hand, I threw a punch, he threw one back and we got into it, big time. Fuckin’ busted each other up. I disappeared before it could get any worse because fuck, I wanted to rip his damned head off. He has a lady now, a woman by his side, he’s fuckin’ playing with the wrong thing. He shouldn’t be getting involved in that shit, he shouldn’t be going to those fights, and he shouldn’t be fighting with Brody to get him ready. He’ll end up killed.”
Poor Damon.
I’d lose my shit if someone in my family was doing that, too. It’s not a good thing, it’s incredibly unsafe and dangerous.
“Do you know why he’s so invested in helping Brody?”
Damon shakes his head. “No, he just thinks if he helps him, he might not get killed. Almost like Finn is taking it on his shoulders. If something happens to Brody, it’s because he didn’t help him enough. It’s fucked. That man has got serious issues, and he’s getting himself into a dangerous situation.”
“I’m sorry you and Finn fought,” I say, wiping his knuckles. They’re pretty busted up. It must have been a decent fight. “How is Erin?”
“No idea, but when Finn goes home lookin’ the way I look right now, I don’t think she’ll be happy.”
“No, she definitely won’t. Is there any way we can help him? Have you spoken to Lincoln or Slater? Maybe they can talk some sense into him.”
“No,” Damon growls, “because they’re on fuckin’ board with it. Helpin’ Brody track this fucker down, helpin’ him get ready for the fight, watching, learning, making sure he will win. But they can’t guarantee he’ll win, and I think Finn is realizing that now, and doubling his efforts.”
That makes sense. Finn doesn’t want anything to happen to Brody, because then he might feel like he’s not done enough to teach him how to fight properly. No matter what happens, Finn is going to take this one on. I can see why Damon is concerned.
“I understand why you’re worried,” I tell him. “Finn is in too deep and no matter the outcome, he’s going to be affected by this.”
Damon nods. “He just got happy, finally. He just got that empty look out of his eyes. He doesn’t need this shit to bring him back down. Erin doesn’t need this shit. They deserve to be happy.”
Erin.
I’m going to call her as soon as Damon leaves.
She’s going to need someone to talk to, I know she will.
It’s all happening a little too intensely for my liking.
For now, I’ll worry about Damon and how to get him fixed up.
“Does Penny know you’re all busted up?” I ask him, swapping the ice pack into his other hand once I’m done with the first one.
“No, I don’t know her well enough yet. Don’t want to scare her. I know she’s not a big fan of violence.”
Understandably, she may just read it wrong and back off before she even gets to know Damon. Because anyone that knows Damon knows that he isn’t the violent type—he stays away from all the dark crap, and likes to enjoy his life drama free. Hopefully this won’t scare her too much if she sees him. It sounds like they’d be good for each other.
“I’m sure if you explain what happened to her, she’ll understand.”
“Which part?” Damon mutters. “The getting into a fist fight with my brother, or the death matches?”
Mmm, when he puts it like that, it might not be so easy to explain.
“You don’t have to tell her about the death matches,” I tell him. “You can simply tell her that you and your brother got into a fight over a silly choice he is making. I’m sure details are irrelevant at this point.”
“Maybe I’m diggin’ in too deep anyway. Maybe Penny and I just shouldn’t happen. If you can’t be honest about who you are from the start, it’s really not worth it. Hate Nicolai, but at least he’s honest about what he does. Can’t fault him for that. If I don’t tell Penny who my brothers are, what they get into, and how sometimes things in their world are dark, then I’m not showing my true self to her.”
“Why is she so scarred about this stuff?” I ask him.
“When she was with Boston, her ex-husband was killed, it freaked her out, it all got messy and dark, and she found that life too overwhelming. She found Boston too overwhelming. They’re good friends now, but she had to go away after it and come back, she needed time. She says she’s not cut out for that high intensity, dark life. Can’t say I blame her.”
“You’re not exactly living that life, Damon. Your brothers might dig around in it, but you don’t, you’ve always kept away from it. Tell her that. Tell her that truth.”
“But sometimes it drags me in, even if I don’t like it …”
I grab his hand gently and tug, making him look at me. “Don’t chase a good thing away because it seems easier. Their life is not yours. Yes, sometimes you might get caught up in it, but it’s by choice how far you take that. Don’t let that be who you are. Let her see the person I see. You’re no dangerous. You don’t live a dark life. I think if anything, you’re afraid to take it further with her, for whatever reason.”
He looks away, a quick flash of the eyes.
Damon says women are too hard. That they’re too complicated. That he’s happy on his own. I do honestly think he’s happy on his own, but I also think that he’s avoiding it for other reasons. He doesn’t make a point of looking for love, he avoids it at all costs, and I’m curious as to why.
“How come you avoid love?” I ask him, tending to his other hand and giving him a moment to answer.
“I don’t.”
His tone is gruff.
I push, but only a little.
“Come on, Damon. It’s me you’re talking to. I’ve told you the good, bad and ugly sides of me. I’d like to know what you’re hiding from.”
“I’m not hiding, Lucy,” he snaps. “If you want to know the truth, it’s because I’ve yet to see love go well. My dad loved my mom, and then we lost her, it sunk him into a deep depression and he drank himself to death. Slater loved Ellie, and she got taken, and I watched my brother become a shell for over ten years. He had absolutely no light left in his eyes. If love is so damned grand, why the fuck do I see so much pain surrounding it?”
I think on that for a moment, then I say to him, “It depends how you look at it, really. You’re focusing on the negatives and overlooking the positives. Yes, sometimes love goes horribly wrong, and it breaks hearts, and it hurts, and it’s horrible. But look at all the times it goes right, look at all the times you hear stories of couples dying together, hand in hand, when they’re old and gray. Love isn’t always pain, Damon. It has good and bad sides, but doesn’t anything in this world?”
He looks at me, then exhales. “Dammit, I can’t even argue with that reasoning. You keep my feet planted firmly on the ground, Lucy.”
I snort and then grin. “Does that mean you’ll finally admit you can’t live without me? That I’m your bestie?”
Damon rolls his eyes. “Fine, you’re my bestie and I don’t want to live without you.”
I squeal and hug him.
He laughs.
And just like that, everything is better again.
16
NOW – LUCY
I cancelled my plans with Suzie.
I don’t really know her and, honestly, Erin was more important to me.
So I invited h
er around, and she came, willingly. She’s upset, and hurt, and angry, and mostly confused. I know how that feels, and when that was me in that position, I needed her. She was there for me, and I’m not going to leave her high and dry now.
We’re sitting on my porch, vodka in hand.
She’s not saying a great deal right now, and that’s okay, I understand that, too. I just wait for her to tell me what she needs to say.
“Do you think I’m overreacting?” she finally says.
I think on that for a few moments, think of how I’d feel in that situation, and then say to her, “No, honey, I don’t. I thought that same thing so many times with Nicolai, wondering if I was overreacting, or even if sometimes I wasn’t reacting enough, but the truth is, you’re reacting to how you feel in that moment, and your feelings are real. So if you’re hurting, there is good reason for it.”
“He’s investing so much time, effort … everything. Everything is going into this. He never disappears on me. I couldn’t find him, I didn’t know where he was, all I knew was that he wasn’t answering me and it didn’t feel good. Then when Damon finally found him, they got into a fight. Those two never fight, they’re best friends, that hurts the most. I feel like Finn could be changing because he’s becoming so obsessed with what’s going on with Brody.”
“I’m really sorry,” I tell her. “Have you spoken to him about any of this since he and Damon got into that fight?”
She shakes her head, taking a long drink. “No, because I disappeared and refuse to answer his calls. I’m not going to hear his excuses. He’s putting Brody before everything. I understand friendship, I understand wanting to help someone, and I like Brody, I really do, but this is getting out of control. This is getting dangerous now.”
She’s right.
Death matches.
That’s dangerous shit.
It’s dealing with dark people.
Even if you’re not fighting, you’re going to a place in the world that’s really messed up, full of crime, and mostly crawling with monsters.
It’s not safe.
We know that better than anyone.
“Maybe you need to express how this is making you feel, tell him it’s not okay, tell him you should be more important than Brody. He can help Brody from the sidelines, but attending those horrible fucking matches with him, that’s something else entirely.”
“I know.” She shivers. “I’ll never unsee what we saw that night. How can he go and watch them, interact with those people? It’s horrible.”
“He’s caught up, honey. Maybe you need to show him how to come back down and untangle himself.”
Erin shrugs, and I can see she’s lost, she’s scared, and she doesn’t honestly know where to go from here. I can’t say I blame her. She doesn’t want to be the type of girl to tell him to do something, or else, but she’s also worried if she doesn’t do that, something will happen to him and she’ll never forgive herself.
Kind of the reasons Finn is doing what he’s doing, I suppose. He’s worried something will go wrong, too.
“I’ll talk to him when I’ve calmed down, I’m just so disappointed. I thought … I don’t know, that I was more important.”
I reach over and shove her shoulder, and she looks to me, eyes wide. “Don’t ever let me hear you say that again! You are important. So freaking important. He adores you, you know that. Finn isn’t the kind of man to even be in relationships, and he’s in one with you, give it time. It hasn’t exactly been easy. He’s not the best at this stuff, but he’s learning. If he doesn’t learn and doesn’t figure it out, then you flick him right out the door, but give him time, first.”
She nods, exhaling. “I know why you and I are friends now, you make so much sense. You understand me, more than most. Ellie is amazing, she’s been so good, but she’s so gentle and kind, and man, I wish I had her spirit, but I don’t. She sees things differently to me, which of course she would, she’s lived a hard life, this stuff to her is probably nothing.”
“Ellie is amazing,” I tell her, “but it’s okay to get other opinions, too. We’re all struggling, one way or another, there’s nothing wrong with that.”
Erin nods. “Changing the subject now, I’m past talking about me and my drama. How’s Nicolai?”
I smile. “So far, so good. We’re slowly shuffling through all the dramas. It’s a lot easier now Shania is on board. She’s still not overly thrilled with the idea, but she’s more accepting of it, which really helps.”
Erin nods. “I’m glad you two made up, it really sucked when you were both fighting. You two are the best people I know, outside of Ellie, of course.”
A knock sounds at my door, followed by a woman calling out, “Hello?”
I look to Erin, frowning. She shrugs.
I get up and walk out to the living area to see Suzie coming in with a few bags of crisps in her hands, and some beers in the other. “I’m sorry I’m just barging in like this, but I saw you were home and I thought I’d pop over and see if you’d like to have a few drinks.”
Well, Suzie is certainly full on and definitely not afraid of anything, that’s for sure. Good for her, I suppose. Confidence is kind of important when you’re in a new place trying to make friends. You have to put yourself out there. Mind you, there is also a fine line; I feel like Suzie is treading it slightly, but she’s not going over it yet, so I won’t hold it against her.
“Sure, I have a friend over, you’re more than welcome to join.”
She beams. “Wonderful! I wasn’t sure if I should come over, I was so nervous, but I really enjoyed meeting you and, honestly, I’m glad to have good neighbors.”
“Yeah, that certainly makes things easier. Which house are you in?”
She pauses for a second, thinking and then says, “You know, I can’t remember the number! It’s the one over the road, probably two or three down on the left.”
No idea where that is.
Also weird she doesn’t remember the number.
Anyway.
I take her out onto the porch and Erin looks over, smiling.
“Erin, this is Suzie, my neighbor. Suzie, this is my bestie, Erin.”
Suzie waves. “Hi, Erin, nice to meet you.”
“You, too.” Erin smiles.
Great, that’s over and done with.
I get Suzie a chair and we all sit down.
“So, Erin, do you live around here?” Suzie asks, jumping right in.
I study her. She really is an attractive woman. Her body is near on perfect with its curves and dips. I wonder if she has a boyfriend?
“No, I live about twenty minutes away,” Erin says. “How long have you been in town?”
“Oh, not long,” Suzie says, sipping her drink. “I’m still getting the hang of things.”
“Do you have a boyfriend with you?” Erin asks, leaning back in her chair.
Trust Erin to just roll in and ask the big questions.
“No.” Suzie frowns. “We broke up a while ago.”
“Sorry to hear that,” I say to her, Erin nods in agreeance.
“Oh well.” Suzie shrugs. “New town, new people right?”
“Right.” I laugh.
“What about you ladies, are you taken?”
“I have a boyfriend, but right now he’s annoying me, so we’re not going to mention his name.” Erin laughs.
Suzie giggles. “Fair enough! What about you, Lucy?”
“Yeah, I’m seeing someone. It’s only new, though.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful, does he live with you?”
I shake my head. “No, we’re not at that point yet.”
She laughs. “Yeah, we can date them, but living with them really is something else.”
I snort. “You’re right about that.”
“What’s your guys’ names?”
“Finn,” Erin says. “Finn Asshole Knight.”
We all laugh.
“Nicolai,” I say. “Nicolai Peterson.”
&nbs
p; Suzie nods. “Very nice names. I was dating a Greg. Honestly, his name used to annoy me. He was so gorgeous, but Greg … it just didn’t suit him, you know?”
I laugh. “Yeah, I have to agree with you on that one.”
“Do you and your partners work around here?” Suzie asks, looking at Erin and then to me.
She certainly isn’t afraid to ask questions.
I suppose, how else are you going to get to know someone?
At least we’re not sitting here drowning in small talk.
“I work nearby,” I say. “Nicolai owns that bar slash strip club that just opened up in town.”
Suzie claps and laughs. “He owns a strip club?”
I nod, “Yep.”
“Wow, I have to admit, that’s a new one,” she tells me. “I’ve never heard of that. How do you find that?”
I shrug. “I’m getting used to it.”
“What about you, Erin?” Suzie asks.
“Finn works with his brother, they own a garage in town.”
“Very nice,” Suzie goes on, “I just started working at a little café in town, I’m hoping to get a job in nursing though. That’s my passion.”
“Awesome.” I grin. “That sounds amazing. I’m sure you’ll find something.”
We chat and talk for another few hours, and then both the ladies leave.
I smile as I’m closing the door.
Life feels nice right now.
Friends. A good boyfriend. Family.
I should know by now, though, that life does what it wants.
Life builds you up, making you think you’re strong and invincible and that nothing can go wrong.
Then life, the sadistic little bitch, kicks your legs right out from beneath you.
~*~*~*~
“I have a new neighbor,” I murmur to Nicolai, stroking my fingers over his chest.
He just fucked me, hard, for hours. It was incredible. My whole body is raw and aching all over. He knows how to bring a woman pleasure, without a doubt. I’ve never felt anything like it in my life, and I’m usually fairly picky about my lovers.