by Bella Jewel
Fists clench, Mick growls, “Keep out of it.”
“You want me to keep out of it? No fuckin’ problem. You don’t think I don’t have a million better fuckin’ things to do, then to bail your ass out, once a-fuckin’-gain. I’ll leave. You want me gone, I’ll leave.”
Growling, Mick yells, “Fuck, I took his money and his drugs. It isn’t the manager of the club after me, it’s the guy I fought, Sniper.”
I blink, staring at him, surely hearing him wrong. “What the fuck did you just say?”
“I overheard them talkin’ before the fight, didn’t know I was there. They were in the locker room, him and another guy. Locked a bag in there, said he was goin’ to make the deal of a lifetime after it. Said he was sellin’ drugs, and somethin’ about cash. I knew he had a lot in there, knew it by the way he was twitchin’. He wanted out of the fight. He locked it up, and I took it. I smashed the locker open when I ran, and I took the bag. Had a fuckin’ lot of money in there, lot of drugs, too.”
“You’re kidding me, right?” I seethe, my voice a low hiss. “Tell me you’re fuckin’ joking right now.”
“I needed the cash.”
“You didn’t fuckin’ need the cash,” I roar. “Fuck, you didn’t fuckin’ need it, Mick. You could have taken any number of the offers to work we gave you.”
“I owed people money for drugs, it was a way out.”
“No, it was a way into fuckin’ hell. How the fuck did he know you took it?”
“Cameras.”
“Fuck me. How the fuck could you be so stupid? So not only did you fuckin’ lose money in a fight, you stole from one of the deadliest fighters in this industry. Did you honestly think you’d get away with it?”
“I wasn’t thinkin’ straight. You gotta help me, man. They’ll kill me. They’re sending threats. They’re going to hunt me down. They’ll never leave. Sniper will find me, even if the owner of the club doesn’t. He’ll do shit to me that you couldn’t even imagine in your worst nightmares. He’s never goin’ to stop. You have to do something.”
“What do you want from me, Mick?” I bark, fists clenched. “What the fuck do you want from me? I can’t do anymore for you except get you out of fuckin’ town so these fuckers don’t get hold of you.”
“They’ll find me,” he growls, fists clenched. “They’ll find me no matter where I run. You know that. I’m not stupid, I’ll never get far. Sniper is comin’ after me. He’s goin’ to make me pay for what I did. He wants my blood and he’ll get it. We need the money, a whole lot of fuckin’ money.”
“We don’t have that kind of money, was bad enough before when you fuckin’ pissed one person off, now you’re lookin’ at double the amount, and even then, they’re unlikely to let you go. You gotta know that.”
“You could find it,” he barks. “You could find a way. He’s dangerous. He’s already shown me how much.”
“No,” I growl, “no I fuckin’ can’t. It’s a lot of money that none of us has. You know we don’t have it. You got yourself into this mess, and I’m doin’ my fuckin’ best to get you out of it. I told you not to go down the road of fightin’ in that kind of shit, but you didn’t listen. You went in and you pissed the wrong people off, not only that but you made even more stealin’ that bag. There are too many of them for me to deal with.”
“You got a big fuckin’ house, and a nice car, you could get me out of this if you wanted to.”
I stare at my friend, who is only two days out of the hospital and has been hiding from these people after him during that time. I want to help him, I really fucking do. But this is so much deeper than I first thought. He’s made a mess I’m not entirely sure I can clean up. I don’t even fucking know where to start. I also have my family to think of. He didn’t consider that. He didn’t consider any of this. Maybe they’re all right, maybe he is too far gone for me to help.
It’s safe to say, these men want blood and they’ll get it. One way or another.
I have hope that they don’t know where any of my family are, or that we’re involved, because thus far, nobody has been seen around Jack and Nancy’s house, which means we have a chance of actually getting him out of here and away from my family before they figure out we’re linked. The only way we’re going to do that, is to move him now. But he’s refusing to go. Refusing to leave. Refusing to do anything at all.
“You want me to sell my house, rip it out from underneath my woman, because you fucked up?” I snarl.
“We’re in this together, Brody,” he snaps. “You swore it.”
“I’ve tried to help you,” I roar, losing it. I can’t take anymore. “I’ve told you to get fuckin’ help, I’ve had your bad, I’ve dragged you out of the fuckin’ depths but I’m not givin’ up my entire life because you made a huge fuckin’ mistake.”
“They’ll find me,” he bellows. “They’ll kill me. I’m scared. I’m fuckin’ scared. I can’t think. I can’t get away from this. You’re the only one who get help me.”
“They won’t find you if you get out now. You can run, you can get a new identity, and you can start again. That is your option. This Sniper guy, he’s going to find you if you stay here, but he won’t if you leave.”
“What a load of crap!” he laughs bitterly, his battered face scrunching up. “It’ll never happen. He’s going to hunt me down like a dog, and he’s going to shoot me like one. He’s dangerous, and he’s going to come after me, and you’re not doing a damned thing to help me.”
“No matter what I offer, you refuse to fuckin’ try. You want to sink, Mick. It’s clear. You don’t want help. I’ve nearly lost everything trying to get it for you, but no longer. I’m done. If you don’t want to leave town, then you can face what’s comin’ for you, because you put yourself in this mess.”
He looks at me, pained eyes, and rasps, “You promised me you’d get me through this. You swore it.”
“I’ve tried,” I say, holding his eyes. “I’ve fuckin’ tried. You won’t let me help, and there is nothin’ more I can do for you, if you’re not in it with me.”
“You don’t know what it’s like to be me,” he tells me, his voice broken, and it fucking kills me. It kills. “To live through this fucking nightmare. I can’t think. I can’t breathe. I’m drownin’. I don’t know how to swim anymore, Brody. I can’t fix this, no matter how hard I try. I’m scared. I’m fuckin’ broken. I can’t get it together. My life is fuckin’ over. I have nothin’ left. Nothin’.”
“You do. You have plenty. You’re refusin’ to try and fight for it. You think it’s goin’ to come to you easy, Mick? It isn’t. You want out of this mess? Then start fixin’ it. You can, you can fix it, you just don’t want to. I said I’d pay for you to get help, we’ve offered you jobs and a place to live. You refused it all. You took the dangerous road, and risked us all, yet I’m still fuckin’ standing here. I can’t give you any more.”
I grab my phone and my keys and start toward the door, but I stop when I reach it. “You’re my best friend, Mick. You’re important to me. I’ve done everything I can to clean up the mess you’ve made, but the truth is, you don’t want my help. You’re holdin’ my guilt over my head, you’re usin’ me because you know you can, because you know how I feel about this, but it’s not fair. I’m a fuckin’ human being too, and I have a family I’ve very nearly lost over this. If you want my help, I’ll give it, but I will not fuckin’ risk my life, or my family’s lives, doin’ it. You want out, I’ll get you out. The choice is yours.”
“Brody,” he calls as my hand curls around the door handle. “Brody, don’t walk out. Don’t. You don’t understand. He’ll come for me. I’m not safe. He’ll kill me. Do you hear me? He’ll kill me!”
He’s screaming now, and it kills me, it rips me apart inside.
But there is nothing more I can do.
Mick doesn’t want help. He doesn’t want my options. He wants me to sell everything and get him out of this, but in the end he’ll only get back into it again an
yway. This man that’s after him, he’s bigger than me, bigger than anything I’ve dealt with. Running is the only option I can think of for him. The only one.
He’s dug himself so damned deep, I don’t know that he is able to get out.
“Don’t go!” he bellows as I step out and close the door behind me. “You’ll regret it if you do! You will! Fuck you, Brody. Fuck you. Fuck you.”
Little do I know, it’s the last time I’ll see my best friend again.
Little do I know, that it’ll ruin my life forever.
The guilt will eat at me.
The pain will destroy me.
And I’ll lose everything I ever loved.
Everything.
21
THEN – MELANIE
“What’s going on?” I ask, rushing toward the house where ambulances and police are swarming.
Jack and Nancy aren’t home; as far as I know it’s just Brody, Blade, Lee and Mick staying here, trying to figure out their next moves. I haven’t seen Brody since yesterday, but I know he thought they were safe in that house for a few more days, until they could get Mick out of town. Were they wrong? Are they not safe? Did someone find them? Oh, god.
I run towards the officers who are standing by the door with Blade and Lee. They both turn when they see me, none of them heard my earlier calls demanding to know what happened. Where’s Brody? My stomach twists and clenches, and I feel like I’m going to lose my mind if I don’t find out what the hell happened soon. Is Brody okay? Where is he? God, where is he?
“Melanie,” Lee says, putting his hands on my shoulders.
“What’s going on, Lee? Where’s Brody? Where is he?”
“He’s inside.”
“Is he okay? Someone tell me what’s going on here,” I cry, frantic.
Lee shakes me a little, grabbing my attention. “Take a deep breath. Brody is okay, he’s alive. Mentally, though, honey … it’s bad.”
What is he talking about?
I don’t understand.
“Lee, I don’t know what you’re talking about but you need to let me inside that house right now …”
“Mick killed himself, Melanie,” Blade says, his voice empty and broken. There is nothing there. He’s in some sort of shock, I can see it in his face. “He shot himself in my parents’ bathroom. He left Brody a note.”
No.
No.
This is like a god damned nightmare. A nightmare of the purest form.
It can’t be happening.
It can’t be.
There must be some mistake. No. There has to be an error.
“What?” I whisper, my hands starting a slow tremble, from the palm outward.
My knees follow.
“He shot himself in the fucking head in my parents’ bathroom, but not until he left Brody a note makin’ his whole fuckin’ world crumble. Worst of it, Brody found him.”
No.
Oh, god.
“I need to get inside,” I say, frantically shoving past the officers who are standing at the door.
One of them grabs me and hauls me backward. “We can’t allow you in there, ma’am.”
“Please,” I cry out, “my boyfriend is in there, he needs me. Please.”
“We can’t let you in, I’m sorry.”
Blade reaches for me, grabbing my shoulders and pulling me backward. “You don’t want to see that, Melanie. Trust me. You’re better off out here.”
“He needs me.”
“He’ll be out soon, they’re questioning him. You should go while they bring the body out.”
Oh, god.
“No, I won’t leave. I will not leave him.”
Lee reaches out, gripping my hand tightly. “I’ve got you.”
We stand, in shock and completely broken as the officers finish up and then the ambulance crew bring the body out. It’s covered, thankfully, but seeing that bag, seeing the way they slide it into the vehicle, makes my stomach lurch. There is a clean-up team being sent in, I overheard them talking. Who gets the horrendous job of cleaning that up?
I’ve stared up at the window to that bathroom more than once, and I swear I even saw droplets of blood on the window, but I know my mind is playing tricks on me. It’s creating a scene in my head that I’ll never be able to unsee. A graphic, brutal, horrendous scene. I’m the lucky one, though. Brody has that scene in his head. He’ll never be able to unsee it. Never. For the rest of his days.
What did that note say?
I need to get inside this house.
“You can go in to see Broderick, now,” the officer says once the ambulance has left, “However the bathroom is still a crime scene. You’re not able to go anywhere near it. He’s in the living area. We’re finished talking with him.”
Lee goes to rush in, but I grab his arm and he stops, looking at me. “Please, let me go alone. Please, Lee.”
He looks pained, no doubt wanting to get to his brother, but instead he nods and whispers, “He’s going to be in a bad way, honey. Be prepared.”
I nod, and then I walk into the house.
The moment I step inside, I can feel the change. Gone is the warm, family home that I’ve spent so many years in now. Instead, it feels cold, and laced with broken torture and pain. Mick not only took his life, he took the lives of everyone he touched. Brody. This home. Nothing will ever be the same again.
All because of one act.
One decision.
I round the corner into the living room and Brody is sitting on the sofa, head in his hands, body so still it’s scary. I don’t know what to say, to do, or how I’m supposed to approach this, so I carefully walk over and get down onto my knees in front of him, curling my hands around his forearms and just hanging onto them until he looks up.
When he looks up, there is a broken emptiness to his eyes that is utterly terrifying. The brown depths hold no emotion. Nothing. Nothing but emptiness. Mick broke him. He took his life and he broke him. I don’t understand what it’s like to feel that kind of pain in your soul, the kind of pain that leads you to ending your life, but I do know that the mess he’s left behind, is equally as broken now.
That’s painful.
Really fucking painful.
“Honey,” I whisper, my voice straining not to crack and lost my shit, crying.
He doesn’t need that.
He doesn’t need me to cry.
Brody pulls the note from his pocket, and he hands it to me. He doesn’t say a single word, but I take it, and I read it.
I guess all my answers will be in here. Everything I could possibly ask him, is in this note. He probably doesn’t want to answer the million questions he’s going to get. So, I read it, and answer them myself.
Brody,
I can’t do it anymore.
There is no way out.
He’s going to find me. He’s going to hunt me like a wounded animal. Then he’s going to kill me. He found my sister, she’s in hospital too. He’s tormenting me. He’s never going to stop.
I’m scared.
I’m tired of being scared.
I don’t care anymore. I wish I did. But I don’t.
You’ll never understand what I saw over there. You’ll never understand the pain.
You let me down.
You walked out on me yesterday. You made it clear what I meant.
You gave up on me. Like everyone does.
Find the man who hurt my family, and me, and make him pay.
Do it for me.
Maybe then we’ll be square.
Sorry it had to end this way. I am done fighting.
Mick.
“Oh, honey, no,” I whisper, the tears I was trying to contain bursting forth and running down my face.
Mick was broken, I respect that, but that note … no. That note should have never happened, because I know what’ll happen now. Brody will take that. Brody will blame himself. Mick hit a wound in Brody that wasn’t healed from last time. Brody lost his girlfriend, and now he’s lost
his best friend. He’s going to blame himself. He’s going to think he didn’t try hard enough.
He’ll never get over this.
Mick left a god damned gaping hole in Brody’s world, and he doesn’t even know it.
All his guilt, all his broken pieces, he just pushed the whole lot of it onto Brody. He put it all where it didn’t belong. He made it seem like Brody let him down, like he didn’t fight.
He had no right.
No amount of pain in the world ever means that someone should leave you with such horror.
None.
“It’s my fault,” Brody rasps. “It’s my fault.”
“Oh, god, honey, no,” I say, grabbing his face in my hands. “Mick was damaged, he was depressed, he was using drugs and he was in big trouble with a lot of people. But this is not on you, do you hear me? This is not your fault. He made a choice.”
“I should have helped him,” Brody says, his voice so broken my heart literally splits in two. “He was scared, he was scared of the guy who was coming after him, and he wanted my help. I didn’t give it to him.”
“You did,” I say, my voice careful. “You gave him so much help. What more could you have done?”
“Anything,” he rasps. “Anything. Sold my car. My house. Fuck. Anything.”
“For him to do it all over again? There was a limit, honey. You know there was. Mick was beyond help, you know that, deep down you do. I’m so sorry this happened. I’m so sorry.”
“He’s dead.”
His voice breaks and tears roll down his cheeks.
My heart feels like it’s being ripped out of my chest.
I grab him, and I hold on.
For what, I don’t know.
Because I don’t know if Brody will ever get over this.
I don’t know if he’ll over be okay again.
Dammit, Mick.
Damn you.
~*~*~*~
“How is he?” Aria asks, after I walk out of the bedroom where I’ve just checked on Brody for the tenth time in an hour.