by Bella Jewel
“I won’t get hurt, swear it to you, you just have to trust me. I’ll finish this, and then it’ll be you and I again. The way it always was.”
I hold his eyes, and I want to believe him, god do I want to believe him.
But I’m scared.
“Baby,” he says, stroking his thumb over my cheek. “Please fuckin’ know that I can’t do this world without you. I fuckin’ can’t breathe right without you. Trust me on this, give me one more chance, please?”
God damn.
My lip trembles, and I nod.
How can I say no?
Brody is the love of my life.
He is everything to me.
I can’t live without him either.
Which is utterly terrifying.
Because if something happens to him, then my life ceases to be, also.
Nobody ever warns you that love is joyful, but it’s also incredibly fucking dangerous.
Nobody ever tells you that.
But they should.
Oh, they should.
~*~*~*~
“It’s fucked,” Blade growls, pacing the room in Jack’s kitchen.
Brody is sitting at the table with Ripley and Jack, I’m standing by the counter with Aria and Nancy, her mom, by my side.
Mick got beaten up last night, really fucking bad. He’s now in the hospital, fighting for his life. He owes over sixty thousand to whoever it is that’s after him, and they gave him a warning. He has twenty-four hours to deliver the cash, or they kill him. Brody is beside himself, after failing at getting the contacts to try and stop this.
I honestly can’t believe that’s how much was lost from him running out of a death match. But then, what do I know about that world? I mean, someone is running a ring where people lose their lives often, and whoever it is is totally okay with it. So my guess, the people that go and watch it, they’re just as deranged. They’re chasing something pretty darn twisted themselves.
The guys have tried a few different things to get the cash. From getting the contact of the fighting ring and telling them Mick will fight again, for no profit, regardless of the result, but they weren’t having it. That’s not how it works, apparently. He pissed a lot of people off, a lot, and those people lost a lot of money when he bailed. Brody offered to fight for them, which I refused to let him do, because he’s not going into a fucking death match for Mick. So that was out of the question.
Blade and Lee tried to find ways to come up with the money.
But nobody has that kind of cash. Jack and Nancy weren’t willing to put their house on the line to get it for him. Which is understandable. I mean come on, it’s their lives at stake. Their home. Their future. Their family. Mick isn’t their son—for their son, they’d risk it all, but for a friend … no.
So, they were left without options, desperate with no way out.
Mick got beaten, and now they’re all stuck trying to figure out how in the hell they’re supposed to get cash by tomorrow night.
I’m scared.
We’re all scared.
Nancy wanted Brody to go to the police but he told her that was a very bad idea, and we’d all end up dead if we went in and told about this fighting ring.
To say it’s terrifying is an understatement.
“Damn right it’s fucked,” Brody snaps, crossing his arms, his stress going through the roof.
“Mick is in a bad way,” Jack adds in, crossing his arms. “There is a good chance we can’t get him out of this mess, Brody. My advice still stands. Get him out of town.”
“They’ll fuckin’ find him,” Brody growls.
“Not if you get his name changed. He can start again, somewhere new, away from all this crap,” Lee argues.
“We’ll never get that shit in time. It takes fuckin’ months to change your identity, even then it isn’t fool proof.”
“It’s a fuckin’ start,” Blade snaps. “It’s fuckin’ something, because right now we have literally no other fuckin’ options. Don’t you see that? We’re runnin’ out of time. At least if he’s hidden, then you’ll get the chance to buy him some time.”
Brody shakes his head. “You all don’t get it, do you? They’ll find someone else, if they can’t get Mick. That could be any one of you. They’ll use whatever means they have to, to get hold of him. I’m not puttin’ my family at risk. No fuckin’ way.”
“Too late for that,” Aria mutters.
Brody’s head swings in her direction, a mix of hurt and shock filling his features. “Never meant to get anyone into trouble. No one. You tellin’ me, if this was Melanie, that you wouldn’t have done the exact same fuckin’ thing for her.”
Ouch. Low blow.
Using our friendship.
Using whatever he can to make his point.
“Not to this extreme, no,” Aria says coolly, unfazed by his words. “I’d have gotten her help, even if that meant I dropped her off and left her somewhere. Would I risk the lives of my family? No. Absolutely not.”
“To be fair,” Nancy says carefully, trying to avoid this blowing up, “he didn’t exactly see this part of it coming.”
“No,” Aria agrees, “he didn’t, but when Mick bailed on that fight, you should have removed him immediately. Away from us. Instead, you brought him here and there’s a solid chance that whoever is after him, knows we’re here now. You didn’t think, Brody, and now we’re all going to pay.”
Brody looks like Aria has slapped him across the face. The hurt in his eyes makes me want to rush over there and hang onto him for dear life, but I know that’ll do no good whatsoever. Brody doesn’t want anyone to try and make him feel better, or give him comfort, he knows that this situation is horrible, and he knows it’s because he didn’t push Mick earlier to get help.
He knows.
He doesn’t need reminding.
“Yeah,” he says, his voice low. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m not going to let anyone get hurt. I’ll find a way. I will find a way. Leave it with me.”
He turns to stride out the door, and I call his name. He stops, turning to stare at me, his brown eyes locked on mine, “I love you, honey,” I mouth to him.
He looks hurt, and confused, and angry, but when I say those words, his eyes soften. “Love you too, baby,” he murmurs, then disappears out the door.
I have no idea in that very moment.
That it’s the last time he’ll ever say those words to me again.
No idea.
Whatsoever.
19
NOW – MELANIE
I stop at the front steps to Finn’s place, straightening my dress. It feels weird, I’m not going to lie, getting all dressed up and going on a date. I’m assured over and over by Aria that I’ll be fine, the man I’m going on a date with will be fine, and we’ll probably just talk and exchange a few conversations, then it’ll be over and I’ll have taken a huge step to bettering myself.
I hope she’s right.
I ended up joining a dating app for locals in my area, which is where I, with the help of Lee and Aria, found this guy. Aria ended up staying a few extra nights, which I’m super happy about, because I’m going to need someone to bounce off with this one. The guy seems nice, friendly even, and he’s more than willing to take me out, so, I guess that’s all there is to it.
Who knew it was so easy these days?
Makes me wonder how many other women he’s taken out this week, though. How many others he’s texting and calling. Back before apps, when you met someone by chance, you were highly likely to be the only one they were chasing. Now, there are just way too many options. It’s scary, really. Utterly terrifying.
I open the door and step into the house, walking through the living room. Aria said she’d be here, so I’m assuming she is.
I round the corner of the kitchen but stop when I see Aria and Brody on the back porch, talking. Well, I wouldn’t call it talking. She’s crying and her arms are flailing around as she speaks to him, and he’s standing there, arms cr
ossed, just listening. Typical Brody not to say much. I move in a little closer, not sure if I should interrupt right now. She needed to get this off her chest, so I don’t want to ruin that for her.
“I was your best friend, Broderick! Your best friend. You dropped me like I never meant a single thing to you. How the hell do you think that made me feel?”
“Wasn’t like that,” Brody murmurs.
“Wasn’t it?” she cries, a tear rolling down her cheek. “You ran, leaving us all with nothing, and it killed. It still does kill. Mostly because now I’m here, you still can’t fucking look at me. Why is that, Brody? Why are you not man enough to even look me in the eye. The very least you could do, is own it!”
Oh, shit.
That’ll not go down well.
“Because,” Brody growls, his voice deepening with anger, “because I’m not here to make anyone else feel better. I’m here for Mick, to finish something for him, because he fuckin’ deserves that much.”
“What a load of crap! You could have still done those things and explained why you were doing them!”
“Because that went down so well last time,” Brody roars, and I flinch.
That’s the most emotion I’ve seen come out of him … since before Mick.
“Don’t,” Aria whispers. “Don’t you yell at me. You made your choices. You, no one else. We supported you. We tried to help you. Instead, you disappeared, breaking hearts and ruining lives. The very least you can do, is give me the respect of having a conversation with me now I’m here. Instead of acting like I’m nothing but shit on your shoe.”
Brody runs his hands over the top of his head, the muscles in his arms flexing. He’s gotten bigger, he’s been working out heavily, no doubt about it.
“Fuck, Aria. You’re not shit. But I’m fuckin’ … I’m …”
His head drops, and my heart feels like it’s going to explode.
Aria exhales and steps forward, placing her hand on his shoulder, and he looks up at her. “I know you’re dealing with a lot, but we’re your family, Brody. We love you. Don’t push us away, because then you’ll really have nothing left.”
“Have nothing left anyway,” he murmurs, “But that’s exactly the way it should be, for everyone’s sakes.”
“You’re wrong,” she tells him. “So wrong. You have us all. We’re here, aren’t we? You didn’t honestly think we’d all give up that easily, did you?”
He exhales, and then murmurs, “Did miss you, kid.”
My heart is going to break.
Into a thousand tiny pieces.
He missed her?
He’s telling her he missed her?
But when he sees me, he acts like I’m a piece of trash he can’t seem to get rid of?
I feel like I’m going to fall to the floor, especially when he steps forward and pulls her into his arms. He hangs onto her, and she hugs him back, and my whole world feels like it’s going to crumble around me.
I’m not jealous, no.
I’m hurt. So damned hurt.
Because he must really despise me, if that’s the way he’s treating others. Because it certainly isn’t the way he’s treating me.
Aria lets go and turns, catching sight of me in the kitchen, watching them, angry tears rolling down my face. Her expression changes, just as Brody turns and sees me too. His eyes lock onto mine, and I lose my shit.
They don’t need to come in, the door is open, they can hear every word I say.
“I can’t believe you,” I yell angrily to Brody. “I can’t believe you’ll listen to Aria, that you’ll be understanding of what she’s been through, but you won’t give me the time of day. How dare you? What did I ever do to you to deserve this shit? What, Brody? You don’t have to want me back, do you hear me? But you don’t have to treat me like I am worth fucking nothing either.”
I’m screaming now, my voice a high, broken pitch.
I don’t care.
“I’m done with you. You want me out of your life? Fine. Go ahead and ruin everything for one person who never fucking appreciated you. Give it all up, Brody. You’re going to anyway. But I deserve more. So much more.”
“Honey,” Aria calls as I turn to leave.
I stop and look back at them.
“I’m going on a date. I’m going to let a man treat me exactly how I deserve to be treated.”
Then I disappear out the door.
Screw Brody.
I can’t take another moment of this.
Not another moment.
~*~*~*~
“So, what do you do for a living, Melanie?” My date, Archie, asks, beer firmly gripped in his hands.
He’s a nice guy, at least, that’s the impression I’ve gotten so far from what I’ve actually listened to. I was half an hour late for our date, so hats off to him for sticking around and being patient. He didn’t have to be. I explained I couldn’t find a ride, which is a big fat lie. I just had to calm down and look like I hadn’t been crying. I had to touch up my makeup and sit in the car, calming myself, telling myself I had to do this, even if I didn’t want to.
I had to.
It doesn’t feel entirely right, if I’m being honest.
It feels forced.
But, after seeing Brody open up to Aria earlier, I know this is the right thing to do.
What he did … giving her something I’ve been seeking for so many months, it absolutely crushed me.
Broke me into a thousand tiny pieces.
“I’m in between jobs right now,” I tell Archie, finally answering his question.
“Oh,” he says. “Is there a reason?”
I stare at him. Man would he do a runner if I told him the truth. He’d be out of his chair and out the front door before I even finished what I had to say. Couldn’t say I’d blame him, either. He seems like a nice guy, handsome, well put together, a little rugged. His blue eyes are the perfect fit for his light brown hair that’s messy and yet so well put together atop his head. He’s got no ink, and he’s seemingly clean shaven, except for maybe a few days growth trying to peek through.
Yeah, Archie is a handsome man. For sure.
“My last job had to put people off, so I’m just trying to find something else,” I lie.
“Oh, that’s a shame.”
“What about you?” I ask him, ordering another vodka.
This is my second one and I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon. What can I say? I need to numb this broken feeling in my heart if I’m going to get through the night.
“I’m currently in law, but I’m thinking of changing my career path.”
“Oh, why is that?” I ask, sipping the drink as soon as it arrives.
“I thought it was what I wanted, to fight for justice, but it turns out it isn’t. It’s all twisted and warped and nothing on what I thought it would be.”
I nod. “I can imagine. What are you going to do next?”
“I’m thinking of delving into the world of cars, I know it’s the polar opposite of law, but I’ve always had a thing for old cars and restoring them.”
“Go for it I say,” I tell him.
Three hours pass, and way too many drinks get thrown under the table, so to speak. Archie and I, we’re drunk. It feels utterly fantastic. After dinner, we both do a little dancing and then he offers to take me home. Of course, he can’t drive, so we do the walk back to Lucy’s apartment which isn’t too far from here.
When we arrive, no one is home. Stumbling through the door, I know I’ve had way too much to drink. It took me eight tries just to get the key in the lock. Then it takes me a further five minutes to find the light. I’m out of it, head spinning, body unable to be controlled. I walk in and fall back onto the sofa, Archie stumbles in and drops down next to me. He helps me into a sitting position, and we both laugh over some stupid joke he makes.
Then we’re kissing.
I don’t honestly know how it came about, all I know is that one minute we’re laughing, the next he’s leaning forw
ard and kissing me, deep, hard, a little frantic. My mind is swimming, and hell, I can’t control my limbs. My mouth is sloppy, I know it, and I can’t focus. I do know, that I don’t want to do this. In a single second, I know that.
I pull back, even though Archie’s hands are now at the top of my dress, groping my breasts through the material.
“I can’t,” I slur, head spinning.
I need to lie down. I really do.
I lie back on the sofa, my whole world turning, and I feel Archie’s body come over top of mine. I push, but it’s futile. I’m drunk and as weak as a newborn right about now. I don’t even think I can keep my eyes open.
Archie’s hands are going up my dress, caressing my thigh, and he’s kissing my neck.
“No, we shouldn’t,” I slur.
“It’s okay, it’ll be fun.”
I think that’s what he says.
I don’t know.
I push at his hands again, but nothing. Nothing.
I’m weak.
Drunk, so drunk.
I just want to sleep.
I can’t stay awake. My whole world is swimming. I can feel his hands roaming my body, sliding around, I can feel his mouth, I can hear myself muttering that we shouldn’t, and him telling me we should, and his hands going to places they shouldn’t be going.
But my body betrays me.
It betrays me when I need it the most, because I’ve trashed it.
And in a second, I’m out.
Out.
Blackness covers me.
My body passes out.
I’m gone.
20
THEN – BRODY
“He’s hurting my family!” Mick bellows, fists clenched, high as a kite on drugs. “He’s going after my mother!”
“You haven’t spoken to your mother in ten years, Mick!”
“He put her in the hospital, Brody. He’s sendin’ a message, don’t you fuckin’ see that. He wants me to know he’s goin’ to hurt everyone I care about until he gets me. He’ll never let me stop. He’ll never go away.”
“You need to calm the fuck down,” I growl. “Obviously I’ve missed somethin’ here, because I don’t think you’re tellin’ me the whole truth. Goin’ after your mom a thousand miles away don’t make any fuckin’ sense to me, Mick. You need to start talkin’, because it’s becomin’ clear walkin’ away from a fight isn’t the only thing you did.”