Make You Feel My Love: A Small Town Romantic Suspense (Wishing For A Hero Book 1)

by Kait Nolan

  “Mary Alice gets along with Autumn just fine.”

  “Or she’s too hung up on you to say otherwise for fear you’ll dump her.”

  Judd scowled. “I wouldn’t do that.”

  She looked askance at him. “Really? If she put her foot down and gave you an ultimatum, her or Autumn, you’d be okay with that?”

  “You know I don’t do ultimatums. But I could certainly have a discussion about it like a rational guy to explain how things are.”

  The truth of it was that he had a responsibility to protect Autumn, so she’d always be a big part of his life. Any woman he was with had to be okay with that. And why shouldn’t she be? Autumn always went out of her way to be friendly and inclusive when he dated somebody. Well, except for one or two girls in college, but they’d been all wrong for him, so Judd wasn’t about to complain.

  Patty was still looking at him like he had a few screws loose. Before he could open his mouth to explain—or dig that hole any deeper—his cell phone rang. Checking the screen, he recognized the number for dispatch. “Hamilton.”

  “Judd, where are you?” Inez Barlow, who’d served as both dispatch and admin for the department for nearly twenty years before he’d joined it, sounded shaken. And she was never shaken.

  Judd snapped into go mode. “At the paper. What’s wrong?”

  “You need to come in. It’s Chief Curry. He’s had a heart attack.”

  The cavalry was coming in hot. A cloud of dust boiled up behind the two cars barreling down the drive to Applewhite Farms. Autumn rose from the swing, shifting her death grip from the chain to the porch rail because her legs weren’t exactly stable.

  As soon as she was parked, Livia charged up the stairs, pale blonde hair caught up in a princess tiara that said she’d come straight from storytime. Riley was right behind, lab coat flapping in the breeze. Bless them. Autumn hadn’t said what the emergency was. They’d both just made arrangements and dropped everything because she needed them.

  Because that’s what friends did.

  “What’s wrong?” Livia demanded. “And why are we meeting way out here? Not that I mind offering up my house to the cause, but if we need to hide a body, I’ve gotta change clothes first.”

  “We’re here because I’m a lousy liar, and if both of you showed up at my place, Judd would know something is wrong. And I just…can’t, right now.”

  Riley slid an arm around her shoulders and the simple touch made Autumn want to crumple. “Honey, what happened?”

  “Fucking Mark.” Except, no, that wasn’t fair. This wasn’t Mark’s fault. He’d just been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

  Livia cringed. “Oh God. He looked so cute and hopeful with his flowers and so disappointed when you weren’t working. I didn’t think it was a big deal that I told him where you were.”

  “He had either the best timing or the worst. I don’t know which. He stopped me from making a complete fool of myself.”

  Riley and Livia exchanged a look. “With Judd?”

  Autumn nodded once, her throat constricting with the effort of everything she was holding back. “I was going to tell him.”

  Riley’s arm tightened. “Tell him what?”

  “Everything. That I’m in love with him. That I always have been. That I want to be with him. I was going to lay it all on the line.” She shook her head in futility as the tears spilled over. “God, I’m so stupid. I should never have paid attention to that letter.”

  Livia closed ranks, wrapping an arm around her waist, as if she knew Autumn couldn’t keep standing on her own. “What letter?”

  There was no explaining it. Not without coming clean entirely. But why else had she called her friends? Wasn’t it time to tell someone the secret?

  “It’s a lot to explain.”

  “Then let’s go inside. We’ll make you some tea, and you can take your time.”

  They bundled her through the door, nudging her onto the sofa in the living room. Autumn hadn’t realized she was cold until Livia draped a throw around her shoulders. Nearly ninety degrees outside and she was freezing. Clutching the blanket tighter, she cuddled the box of tissues Riley retrieved from the powder room and cried harder in gratitude for the comfort of other women.

  By the time Livia came in with a tea tray and a plate of cookies, she’d managed to get herself somewhat under control. As her friends arranged themselves on either side of her, she slipped off her shoes and curled her feet up beneath the throw. “Thank you.”

  Riley handed her a mug. “You take all the time you need, sweetie.”

  There was no easy way to do this, so she’d just rip the Band-aid off. “Livia, get your laptop.”

  She brought it, tapping in the password and handing it over.

  “No one knows what I’m about to tell you both. And I want to keep it that way for reasons that will be rapidly apparent. Your word.”

  Riley’s blue eyes went wide with suspense. “Of course.”

  Livia drew an X in the air over her chest. “Cross my heart and may I never get another pedicure as long as I live.”

  Autumn rested her hands on the keyboard, her fingers drumming a light tattoo on the keys, though not hard enough to actually type anything. “Okay, so when they cut our hours at the library the first time, I was looking around for some alternate ways to bring in extra income.”

  “Sure. We both were. I, at least, had income from the farm to fall back on. I’ve been wondering how you were doing with all those dissertations.”

  “I haven’t been editing dissertations. I mean, I did to begin with, but it was enough to make me want to stab someone. I avoided going into academia for a reason. So I kind of did a thing. A potentially crazy thing, as an experiment. I didn’t actually expect anything to come of it.”

  “Have you been selling sex toys on the side?” Riley asked.

  Autumn sputtered a laugh. “What?”

  “It was the first potentially crazy thing I could think of that you might do.”

  “I am not selling sex toys.” Although given the lengths she’d gone to in order to meet her own needs in that department, it might not be the worst idea in the world. “I wrote a book.”

  Livia bounced on the sofa. “I didn’t know you wrote!”

  “I don’t. Didn’t. The book started out as therapy, way back in college. Something to exorcise my demons. I scrapped it forever ago. No one was ever supposed to see it. There was too much thinly veiled reality and wish fulfillment in the original plot. It was just a vehicle for all my fantasies.” Of which she’d had plenty. “But with the boom in self publishing, I thought I might as well pull it back out and see if I could do something with it. I decided to take the core concept and hone it into something…else. Romantic suspense with a kick ass shero, who takes no shit and goes after what she wants. And I self-published it under a pseudonym.”

  As she brought up Amazon and typed in her pen name, Autumn felt more exposed than if she’d been standing naked on a table in front of a roomful of people. Was it too late to run away to Timbuktu?

  “Harper Jackson?” Riley asked, peering over her shoulder.

  “Yeah.”

  “Great name. But why a pen name? I’d want to tell everybody I know.”

  “We live in the buckle of the Bible Belt. You’ve seen the reactions of some people to the romance section at the library. Hell, our boss is one of them. If Mitzi had her way, she’d axe the section entirely. Given the heat level in what I write, I don’t want to open that can of worms.”

  “That’s totally fair.” Livia leaned over her shoulder. “How many books are there?”

  “Three, so far. The first two are standalones because I didn’t know if they’d do anything. I just had fun writing the first one, so I wrote another. But people liked them. So then I started a series, since those sell better. I’m writing the second book in that right now.”

  “I need to borrow that for a minute.” Livia yanked the laptop away. “Need to exercise my one-cli
ck buy finger.”

  “Me too!” Riley’s fingers were flying over the face of her phone.

  It was both a thrill and a terror to watch her friends buy all three books. To know that someone she knew—more than one someone—would be reading them.

  “Holy crap,” Livia broke in. “These are doing really, really well.”

  No one had been more surprised about that than Autumn. “Yeah, it’s picked up since I released my latest book. Enough that I’ve been able to stay afloat and keep my apartment, even though we’re down to half-time hours. I’m about half-way through the next book in the Redemption Ridge series. Income should get a nice boost when that’s out and there’s more there for sell-through.”

  “This is all wonderful,” Riley said. “But I don’t understand what this has to do with Judd.”

  “Cooper—the hero of Forged in Blood—is Judd in almost every way that matters. The book was…a way to give myself the fantasy. Lilah is this amazing, take no prisoners woman, and almost from the first, I started getting fan mail. Emails from these women who loved Cooper as a hero, but more, who absolutely adored my heroine. With every book I get more of them.”

  Autumn shrugged and began shredding one of the tissues. “Anyway, last week I got this email from a woman who read my books and really identified with Lilah’s situation. I don’t know what the backstory was—she didn’t say—but she was so inspired by Lilah that she took charge in her own life and went after this guy she’s been pining after for years. And it turned out he feels the same and they’re getting married in May. I’m invited to the wedding.”

  Riley clutched a hand to her heart. “Awww. That’s so sweet!”

  “It is. It’s so awesome. And I kept rereading this letter. I mean, here is this woman, this complete stranger, who’s braver than I am, who went after what she wanted and had it pay off in a big way. Lilah is supposed to be based on me. How can I keep writing books about women like her, if I’m not willing to do the same? To put myself out there?”

  “So you decided to tell Judd the truth,” Riley prompted.

  “I did. I mean…I know it was selfish of me and completely unfair to him. He’s not free. But I just…it’s been fourteen years and I thought, if not now, then when?”

  “And Mark had the craptastic timing to interrupt.” Livia groaned. “I’m sorry. That sucks. But just because it didn’t work today, doesn’t mean you can’t try again.”

  “Yes, it does.” Autumn’s throat ached with the truth of it.

  “Why?”

  Another sob broke free. “Because Judd bought an engagement ring.”

  “Oh honey.” Riley tugged her close.

  “I bailed on him at Sanderson’s. I just couldn’t…”

  “Well, of course not!” Livia frowned. “But are you sure? Did he say that’s what he was buying?”

  Autumn sniffed and wiped at her tears. “No, but Judd doesn’t buy jewelry. Ever. He never has.”

  “Then maybe you’re wrong.”

  At the sound of an incoming text, Autumn pulled her phone out of her coat pocket to find a message from Judd.

  Family meeting at Mom and Dad’s. 7 tonight. Got news.

  The words slid through her ribs like a knife. She handed the phone to Livia. “No, I’m not.”

  Livia swore.

  “And now I have to go over there and face him and Mary Alice and his entire family and pretend that I’m fine. That I’m happy for them. All because I’ve never been brave enough to say anything until it was too late.” Regret pressed so heavily, Autumn wondered she didn’t just sink through the floor. “I don’t know if I’m that good an actress.”

  Riley stroked her hair. “I hate this. I can’t tell you how much I hate this. And I wish to God we could fix it for you.”

  “It helps that you’re both here. It helps that at least somebody knows now.”

  “Well, we can’t fix his stupidity. But we can get you ready for tonight,” Livia declared.

  “How’s that?” Autumn asked.

  “You’re going to finish having your cry, because you totally deserve it. Then you’re going to guzzle some water and take some headache medicine and have a nap. And when you wake up, we’re going to whip out the Visine and some cucumber slices to erase all the signs of your crying jag. After that, you’re going to go home and put on your bitch boots and redo your make up. Then you’re going to go over there and hold your head up high, because you are Autumn Freaking Buchanan, and you are awesome, and if he doesn’t see that, then he’s an idiot you’re better off without.”

  Autumn flashed a watery smile because she knew it was what Livia wanted. But as she took comfort from her friends, she couldn’t help but think that the only idiot here was her.

  Chapter 3

  Interim Chief of Police.

  The idea of it zinged around his brain like a pinball. Judd had been working for this position for years, but he’d never in a million years wanted to get it like this.

  The scent of antiseptic coated the back of his throat and made him twitchy. He despised hospitals. It was all too easy to remember lying in that bed, seventeen years old, hooked up to machines and in agony as his body healed, knowing that taking that bullet hadn’t been enough, because the heart defect no one knew about had still nearly killed her. Autumn had lain in the next room over, pale as death, with an uncertain prognosis after emergency heart surgery. He’d made so many deals with God, promising to do anything and everything necessary to protect her, if only she’d wake up again. Being back here, waiting for news on Chief Curry’s condition, brought back that same sense of impotent frustration, of being able to do nothing to help.

  He’d already been formally sworn in by the City Council. Whether Robert liked it or not, his retirement started today. But there were dozens of things Judd needed to talk to the other man about before he truly took the helm of Wishful PD. Given he’d already been here for six hours, that might not be happening today.

  “Hey, sweetie.”

  Judd looked up to find Mary Alice striding across the waiting room, a Styrofoam box in hand.

  “I thought you could use something to eat.”

  He accepted the box and set it in the next chair so he could pull her in for a hug. Her arms wrapped tight around him, and he buried his face in her hair, letting the scent of her lavender shampoo block out the hospital smells that had him wanting to crawl out of his skin. After a long minute, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Thanks.”

  They sat. Judd opened the box and dug into the chicken strips inside.

  “Has there been any news?”

  “He came through surgery fine. Double bypass. Woke up a couple of hours ago, but I haven’t seen him.” Other officers from the department had been in and out, but for the moment, he was up here alone.

  Mary Alice laid a hand on his knee. The small weight of it was a comfort. “I know cardiac stuff is particularly upsetting for you. But I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

  “Doc was optimistic. His great niece came in from Texas to take care of him and make sure he follows orders. As long as he does that, he’ll be fine.” Judd had to believe that was true. “But he’s done with work.”

  “So who’s going to run the department?”

  “For right now, me.”

  “They’re appointing you Chief?”

  Judd held up his hand for quiet, though the news would be getting out soon enough. “Interim.”

  Mary Alice tipped her head against his shoulder. “It seems wrong to congratulate you, even though this is what you’ve been working for.”

  “I know. But it is what it is. I’ll do whatever has to be done.”

  “You always do.”

  They lapsed into silence as he finished the food she’d brought.

  “Officer Hamilton?”

  Judd tensed and rose as a nurse approached. “Yes?”

  “Chief Curry is ready to see you now.”

  “Is he—”

  “He’s tired but
alert. Already had some visitors. We can give you half an hour to sort some things out, then he needs his rest.”

  Judd looked back at Mary Alice.

  She waved him off. “Go ahead. I’ll catch up with you later. I know you’ve got a lot to take care of.”

  A familiar face was stepping out of the room as Judd strode down the hall. Nash Brewer, a former Air Force pilot turned reserve officer for Wishful PD, was herding a compact brunette into the hall. “Come on. You can ride herd on him all you want when he gets home.”

  The woman’s jaw set with a mulish stubbornness Judd recognized from Chief Curry himself. “But—”

  “No buts, Rowan.” Nash shut the door behind them and lowered his voice. “You’re no good to him if you drop yourself.”

  Judd noted she didn’t step back when Nash stepped into her space. Instead she swayed toward him, just for a moment, as if she wanted to lean. Then she caught sight of Judd and straightened.

  Nash’s gaze lingered on Curry’s great niece for a beat too long before he turned and offered a hand to Judd. “Chief.”

  As Rowan scowled, Judd winced. “Too soon, man.”

  Nash offered an easy shrug. “Somebody’s gotta start. Robert’s been ready for retirement for a long damned time now. Glad it was you instead of an outsider.”

  “You and me both.” He turned to Rowan. “We’ve not met, but I’ve heard a lot about you.” Robert bragged every chance he got on his great niece, who was a cop in Houston. The two were tight. “I’m Judd Hamilton.”

  “Rowan Beale. I’m here to browbeat my uncle into slowing down.”

  “Might take more than a browbeating,” Judd observed.

  “I’ll tie him to a damned chair, if I have to.”

  Nash’s lips twitched. “Can I sell tickets to that?”

  Rowan elbowed him in the ribs, but a smile flickered at the corner of her mouth. “Don’t be an ass.”

  “C’mon. Let’s go to the cafeteria, get some coffee and sandwiches or something and let Robert say whatever he needs to say to Judd.”

  “Fine. But I’m not leaving the hospital tonight.”