Her stomach grew queasy until hot and cold flashes rushed down her skin as she was reminded of one of Werner’s anecdotes. Women and children herded outside by SS troopers. Shot. Without trial or defense.
Guilt swamped Sabine. Maybe Ursula was hiding innocent people? People that would otherwise be shot on the spot just for the simple crime of their existence? Now she wished Ursula hadn’t confided in her.
Sabine sighed. She hadn’t adopted the policy not to get involved because she was unscrupulous; on the contrary. What I don’t know won’t hurt me – or anyone else. Apparently, this motto held true no longer, not since the Gestapo had burst into her and Werner’s lives.
The lines of right and wrong had blurred and while the bombs still dropped on Berlin, she wrestled with her next steps. Could she really take it onto her conscience to feed a pregnant woman to the pack of wolves?
Chapter 16
Sabine entered the exclusive bakery and glanced around, finding Lily sitting at a small table near one of the windows. Or more to the point, what was left of the windows. As in most buildings, the glass had been shattered and replaced with fabric, cardboard or wood.
She made her way through the other patrons and took a seat, trying to find a smile for the woman who had turned her world upside down.
“There you are,” Lily said with a definite attitude. “I was afraid you’d stand me up.”
“Sorry I’m late. I didn’t realize how long it would take me to get here from across town.” Sabine eyed the Franzbrötchen, a sweet bun, on Lily’s plate, next to a cup of brown liquid. Ersatzkaffee was a detestable liquid and Sabine had long given up coffee in favor of herbal tea. But the scent that now wafted toward her nostrils was…unmistakably…real delicious coffee. Her mouth watered and she involuntarily inhaled deeply.
Lily saw the wistful expression on Sabine’s face and snapped her fingers. Moments later the waitress appeared beside her table. “What can I bring you?”
“Another coffee, with sugar, please.”
Sugar? Even bakeries were constantly short of sugar and had resorted to adapting their recipes to include less of the prized white substance. Usually to the detriment of flavor.
Sabine settled onto the chair across from Lily, her hand shooting up to control her hairdo. If nothing else remained stable in her world, she could at least hold on to looking the part.
“Do you have information for me?” Lily asked, taking a sip from her coffee.
“I’m afraid not much…Frau Klausen is very tight-lipped,” Sabine said, omitting the confession Ursula had made in the bunker.
Lily shook her head, putting a cigarette into the long holder. “You still don’t get it, do you?”
“Get what?”
“This…what we’re doing…it is a big deal.”
“A big deal?” Sabine asked confused.
“Yes, we’re helping the Führer to rid the Reich of our enemies. Subversives, traitors, undesirables. We’re of invaluable service to our country. You should be proud they’ve chosen you for this work.”
Sabine didn’t feel proud at all. Aghast would be a better word to describe her emotions. Ever since the day she’d agreed to Kriminalkommissar Becker’s requests, she’d been loathing herself. Herself, her task, and her willingness to doom other people to save her husband’s skin.
Raised as a Roman Catholic, Christian notions of altruism had quickly fled her life when the war – and with it, the struggle for survival – had started. Killing others and believing in Jesus didn’t go hand in hand – at least in Sabine’s world.
But looking the other way was one thing, betraying people to the Gestapo entirely different. A wave of nausea hit her and she asked, “Don’t you ever feel bad for the people you turn in?”
Lily rolled her eyes. “Of course not. They’re traitors.”
“Not all of them. What about the innocents who get caught up in your little game? Like my husband? He didn’t do anything wrong and was still arrested.”
“Werner is an unfortunate accidental victim,” Lily leaned forward and whispered, “I’m sorry about him, because he’s a nice man. But – it’s all your fault. Nothing would have happened to him if you had been cooperative.”
Sabine quickly took a sip from her coffee to keep herself from saying something stupid. A burning sensation struck her tongue and she winced. She set down the cup in as ladylike a fashion as she could and bestowed a smile on Lily – the very woman she’d started to hate with every fiber of her soul. Shudders rolled down her back as she remembered what had happened the last time she’d given Lily a piece of her mind. Although – what else could the Gestapo take from her? Since they’d already taken her husband and her home, there wasn’t much left.
They can take your life.
Lily was even more shallow and self-centered than she looked with her immaculate make-up, the flower in her hair and the elegant cigarette holder between her manicured fingers. The only goal Sabine had in mind at this point was ending this meeting as soon as possible, while doing everything to keep her husband alive.
Sabine swallowed her disgust and said, “Frau Klausen is as tight-lipped as ever, but I’m starting to build a relationship with her daughter Ursula. A few nights ago in the bunker, she was so upset that she confided in me that she sometimes hides people.”
“Well, that is a start!” Lily clapped her hands, only to bestow charming smiles upon two officers sitting at a table nearby. She lowered her voice and continued, “It’s nothing we don’t already know, but it shows you’re gaining her trust. Which is good, very good. Work harder to secure Ursula’s trust. Get her to include you in her resistance activities. Get her to introduce you to others.”
Sabine’s stomach churned at the thought of deceiving the kind woman in such a way. “I don’t know if that’s the best approach…”
Lily gave her a hard look. “It’s the only approach that will yield the required information. For God’s sake forget your uncalled-for scruples and do as I say. Never forget, your husband is languishing somewhere while you debate the morality of turning traitors in for their rightful punishment.”
Sabine stared at Lily as the truth of the evil woman’s words struck her like jagged stones. She had to stick by her choice. It was either her conscience or Werner’s life. Sometimes sacrifices must be made, and her conscience was one of them.
Chapter 17
A few weeks later, Sabine was sitting in the kitchen preparing tea, when the bell rang.
“I’ll open it,” Frau Klausen said and disappeared.
Sabine didn’t give it much thought since she never received visitors anyway. Several minutes later, Frau Klausen returned with a beautiful blonde woman and a dark-blond bearded man in tow.
“This is Sabine,” Frau Klausen said, introducing them, “our bombed-out refugee. And this is my second daughter, Anna, and her boyfriend, Peter Wolf.”
“Nice to meet you,” Anna said, giving Sabine a friendly smile.
“The same to you,” Sabine answered and extended her hand. The moment she shook Anna’s hand, she knew the smile had been fake. Anna’s palpable dislike for her crackled in the air.
The man called Peter Wolf was huge, with the build of a wrestler and he had the most amazing glacial blue eyes. But despite his pleasant exterior she felt the same carefully hidden vigilance in his demeanor. Both of them were more than the eye could see.
Under his piercing gaze, Sabine felt like an insect under a microscope. No, he was definitely hiding something. It wasn’t anything he said or did, but rather, just a feeling she got.
Maybe he was also part of the underground network? Could he be the person in charge and she’d been spying on the wrong sister? Sabine tabled that thought for later and tried to become invisible to the others, hoping to gather some valuable information.
“Where’s Ursula?” Anna asked her mother.
“Queuing for rations,” Frau Klausen said, shrugging. “Poor girl. So far along, and now the entire household rest
s on her shoulders. I would rather see her safe in the country with Lydia, but she insists that she’s needed here.”
Sabine pricked up her ears, hoping Frau Klausen would spill a few facts about why exactly Ursula was needed here. Anna and her boyfriend were surely in the know. But Peter Wolf slashed Sabine’s hopes when he asked Frau Klausen for the hand of her daughter in marriage.
So romantic! For a moment, Sabine forgot that she was here to spy on them.
Frau Klausen, though, didn’t seem to be pleased at all because she plopped down on the kitchen chair and stared at her daughter and future son-in-law, laughing uncontrollably.
A prickle of fear settled in Sabine’s chest, as she’d never seen Frau Klausen showing her emotions in such an exuberant way.
“We’ll take my mother to her room,” Anna said with a hard glance at Sabine, and Sabine dutifully stepped out of the way.
Damn it! Just when she might be letting down her guard. Sabine wouldn’t give up so easily, and tiptoed to Frau Klausen’s bedroom, sharpening her ears. The hysterical giggling stopped, but just when Sabine inched closer, the radio in the bedroom blared a program with folk songs. Double damn it!
The Klausens were incredibly careful. The entire apartment and the phone line were bugged, and yet the Gestapo had never picked up anything remotely helpful in their quest to capture the head of the underground organization.
In fact, the only time Ursula or her mother had ever given Sabine any indication that things were not as they seemed was during that first night in the shelter. Since that time, no mention of hiding people or helping individuals avoid detection and capture by the authorities had escaped Ursula’s lips.
Sabine leaned up against the door, straining to hear what was going on behind the wood partition, when suddenly, the door swung open and she stumbled. Righting herself, she turned and looked up into the blazing eyes of Peter Wolf.
Wolf, what a fitting name. She instinctively took a step back, afraid he’d pounce at her and bite down on her throat. Her heart hammering frantically against her ribs, she struggled to come up with a believable excuse. Something. Anything.
“What the hell!” He pulled the door shut and took a threatening step toward her. “What are you doing? Eavesdropping?”
Sabine feebly shook her head. “No, I just…I’ve never seen Frau Klausen so upset and I thought…well, I only want to help.”
As excuses went, it was weak, and she could tell by the look on Peter’s face that he didn’t believe a single word she’d just said. He advanced on her, forcing her backwards until her back hit the wall. His irate stare bore through her with intense heat. She seemed to shrivel into a dwarf and held her breath, waiting for him to kill her right there and then. Everything about him screamed danger.
“Tell me why you were listening at the door,” he demanded, his breath moving over her face.
Sabine swallowed and struggled to inhale. “I only wanted to help…Frau Klausen and Ursula have been so kind…having me in their home…”
“I don’t believe you.” He searched her eyes and said with a calm, yet ominous voice, “If you hurt my family, I will kill you. That is a promise.”
Sabine didn’t have a chance to reply because a knock came on the apartment door. For a moment she thought Peter Wolf would ignore it and continue to threaten her, but he cursed beneath his breath and removed his hands from beside her shoulders.
“Remember what I said,” he cautioned her as he headed for the front door.
Sabine stood there crestfallen, while Peter opened the door and greeted a young girl around the age of twelve who had a small cloth-wrapped loaf of bread in her hands. “Could you see that Frau Klausen gets this? It’s from my mother.”
“Thank you. I’ll make sure she gets it. Take care going home,” Peter said in such a friendly voice, as if he hadn’t just threatened to kill someone.
“I will.”
To avoid another confrontation with this disquieting man, Sabine darted into her room, shutting and locking the door. It seemed she’d now placed herself between the Gestapo and whoever this Peter was working for.
For a fleeting moment she considered disappearing. Pack her meager belongings and leave the country. But, as soon as the thought arose, she tamped it down. She couldn’t leave. Not without Werner.
She could never live with the guilt of having abandoned the one person who loved her unconditionally.
No. Regardless of how difficult it was, she had to stay the course.
Chapter 18
May arrived with sunshine and blossoming trees. Even in a devastated Berlin, people gathered hope again. Nothing looked as bleak as it had during the cold and dark winter.
Sabine dreaded her next meeting with Lily, since she had nothing to tell her. She battled with herself whether it would be good or bad to tell Lily about Peter Wolf and his threats. It might appease the Gestapo when she gave them something, or it might infuriate them because they thought she’d been found out and wouldn’t be useful to them anymore.
But she needed to give them something, since they wouldn’t wait patiently for much longer. During the last two meetings, Lily had dropped remarks about Sabine’s sub-par performance and that she needed to come up with something substantial soon. Real soon.
But how?
The tension inside the Klausen household had never lessened since that fateful night when Peter and Anna had visited. Frau Klausen refused to even meet Sabine’s eyes, and not even Ursula spoke to her anymore. No doubt, Peter had told them about their little encounter.
Sabine had been hoping to find a chance to speak with Ursula alone, to try to explain herself, but Ursula was never alone. It appeared as if the others were afraid of leaving her alone with Sabine.
Life in the apartment had become very depressing and uncomfortable. Sabine did her best to cope. She went to work, came home, went to bed, and then got up the next day and did it all over again.
In the darkness of the night, she cried herself to sleep, longing for her husband and silently cursing Lily for ever talking to her – cursing Kriminalkommissar Becker for his outrageous blackmail. Soon, she found herself looking constantly over her shoulder, sure some Gestapo lowlife would show up and abduct her as well.
Defying Lily’s pressure to mingle with the Klausens, she usually kept to herself, leaving her bedroom door slightly ajar, so she could hear most of what they said. Not that they ever incriminated themselves.
In fact, their conversations had been so mundane, Sabine started to wonder whether the Gestapo was barking up the wrong tree and the Klausens were actually innocent. Still, she listened in on them every chance she got. However lately all the conversations revolved around Anna’s and Peter’s impending wedding, making Sabine even more depressed about her missing husband.
She wondered how fast they’d arranged for the necessary papers, remembering the huge amount of red tape she and Werner had had to work through to receive a marriage license. But that was none of her business. Nothing in this household was, and she cursed once again the fate that had catapulted her into the middle of this intrigue.
“So, will Lotte be able to make it?” Ursula asked her mother.
Lotte? Isn’t that the youngest sister, the dead one? Sabine held her breath, hoping nobody would notice that she stood in the hallway readying herself to go outside and run some errands.
“Your sister is dead,” Frau Klausen said, and then lowered her voice so Sabine couldn’t understand her next words.
Probably an overload of emotion in a heavily pregnant woman. Since there was no answer, Sabine put on her hat, carefully draping it on her hair, and glanced at the image in the mirror. She took solace in the immaculate elegance of her appearance, even though she knew it was a silly thing to do. But what else did she have left as a remainder of normalcy and better times?
* * *
Shortly after Peter and Anna’s wedding, Frau Klausen called Sabine into the kitchen. “Frau Mahler, I know we haven’t been on the
best terms lately, and I’m sorry for that.” By the way the older woman pursed her lips, Sabine clearly noticed that she still mistrusted her. “My daughter and I are going to travel to Lower Bavaria for a few days and I want to entrust you with our apartment.”
Relief rushed through Sabine. With the family gone, she wouldn’t have to spy on them anymore. But the next moment, cold waves of shock hit her. With the family gone, the Gestapo might not need her services anymore, either.
“Lower Bavaria?” Sabine said, looking at Ursula and her belly in advanced pregnancy. “Such a long trip?”
“My sister is going to receive the Mother’s Cross in Silver, and what better occasion to visit her than to celebrate this momentous occasion?” Frau Klausen said.
“That’s indeed a prestigious award. Congratulations to your sister,” Sabine said with a smile she hoped might be returned. It wasn’t, but at least Frau Klausen was speaking to her again.
“Thank you. It has been quite some time since any of us have vacationed together in the country. I’m not looking forward to the train ride, but it will be nice to see my sister once again,” Frau Klausen answered.
“I hope you all have a lovely time. When exactly are you leaving?”
“In two days,” Peter answered her question as he walked into the kitchen, the suspicion barely concealed in his glacial blue eyes as he stared at her.
The day before the scheduled travel day, Sabine returned home from the munitions factory and noticed the tension thick in the air. Judging by the agitated voices, Ursula and her mother were having a fit over something.
“I’m staying,” Ursula said in the same moment Sabine walked into the kitchen. When the two women saw her, they stopped talking. Burning with curiosity to find out what they were fighting over, Sabine excused herself to the bedroom, leaving the door slightly ajar. By now she knew they wouldn’t speak another word with Sabine in earshot.
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