She inched closer to the door, holding her breath as she pressed her ear against the clearance between leaf and frame. The whispering between the two women became louder. Harsher. And after a few more heated exchanges, they’d dropped their caution altogether and Sabine could understand their words.
“You can’t stay here. Not by yourself,” Frau Klausen said.
“There is no one else to do it. I must stay.”
“It’s too risky. Why on earth can’t you think of yourself and the baby first, just this once?” Frau Klausen’s voice trembled with barely concealed sorrow.
“Because those people need me, Mutter.” Ursula tried to calm her mother.
Those people? The ones in hiding? Sabine almost laughed out loud at the serendipity. Would the Klausens finally talk about the family secret?
“We need you, too…remember what happened to your sister Lotte.” With those words Frau Klausen walked away and minutes later Sabine heard the front door snap close.
What happened to Lotte? I thought she died of typhus? The whole dead sister story stank. For days everyone had been talking about her as if she were still alive and now this warning? Sabine shrugged. She had more serious issues to worry about. Providing the Gestapo with the required information, for example.
Sabine squared her shoulders, a plan forming in her mind. She hated playing with the needs and worries of a pregnant woman, but Werner’s life was at stake here. “God forgive me!” she whispered and stepped out of her room.
Chapter 19
“Ursula, I don’t mean to overstep here, but I overheard you talking about staying here rather than visiting your aunt, as planned,” Sabine said, putting on a concerned smile.
“Mutter is just being stubborn.” Ursula put out her lower lip, a gesture that made her look like a petulant child. Stubbornness seemed to run in the family.
“No, your mother is just worried about you,” Sabine said, carefully forming the next sentence in her head. “You are so far along and so many things could go wrong at this stage.”
Ursula’s lower lip returned to its place and worry etched itself into her face. “You think so?”
Sabine nodded, hating herself for what she had to do next. Pushing through the pain and guilt she said, “Yes. I do. Usually I don’t tell people, because the wounds are still fresh, but two years ago I lost two babies within a year’s time.” A sob bubbling up in her throat interrupted her, and she took a few moments to compose herself. Not daring to look at Ursula, she was thankful that the other woman didn’t utter a word. “I…I was alone when it happened and I always ask myself if the babies could have been saved by a competent woman by my side.” That last sentence was a lie.
“Oh my God! How awful! I’m so sorry for you,” Ursula said, putting a hand on Sabine’s arm. “I feel like a klutz now, parading my happy bump in front of you.”
Tears sprung into Sabine’s eyes, but strangely enough they seemed to stem more from Ursula’s unexpected sympathy than from the grief Sabine had carried around with herself for so long. “I admit, it still hurts, but that is no reason to be jealous of you.” Of course it is! “And I really think you should go with your mother; I couldn’t stand it if…” Sabine dabbed at her eyes, before she continued. “Go visit your aunt and everything will be fine.”
Ursula’s face reflected a war with her emotions, each one fighting for dominance. Sabine waited patiently for a clue before she said, “If there is anything I can do to help or to ease your mind about why you feel you should stay here, I don’t mind. I know my being here has been difficult for you and your mother and I’d like a chance to repay your kindness.”
Ursula gave a short laugh. “Kindness? I think maybe that hasn’t always been true.” She thought for a moment and then shook her head a second time. “Thank you for the offer, but it’s just too dangerous. I couldn’t ask you to help.”
“You are about to give birth within the month. If you can do whatever it is, then I can certainly do so as well. How dangerous could it be? Please, won’t you let me help?” Sabine said, desperate to change Ursula’s mind. This might be her one and only chance to get a foot into the underground organization – if it even existed.
Ursula looked at her for a long time before she slowly nodded. “I guess maybe you could help…”
“Anything. Just tell me what you need.”
“It’s nothing, really. But if you could get an urgent message to our priest in the morning…” Ursula said with a shy smile. Sabine wanted to slap her. All this mystery and evasiveness for a simple message to a priest? What kind of Charlie Chaplin slapstick was this?
“Well, that’s not hard or dangerous. I’d be happy to deliver the message before work tomorrow morning,” Sabine answered, doing her best to keep the disappointment out of her expression.
“Pfarrer Bernau lives in the small house adjacent to his church.” Ursula took pen and paper and drew a map for Sabine with directions to the church and handed it to her, saying, “Are you sure you wouldn’t mind doing this for me?”
“Not at all. I’ll take it first thing in the morning and hand it over to Pfarrer Bernau. He should be there at that time, right?”
“Yes. He usually prepares mass in the mornings. I’ll just write down the message and slide it under your bedroom door before I go to bed…”
“Fine with me.”
Ursula gave Sabine the first real smile. “Thank you. I didn’t want to stay here all on my own, even though I’m not sure travelling in my condition is the wisest course of action.”
“Go and enjoy yourself. If nothing else, you’ll be able to get a good night’s sleep down there that isn’t disrupted by the nightly bombing raids.”
Ursula chuckled, rubbing her stomach. “A night of undisturbed sleep sounds like paradise. Thank you again for your help.”
“You’re welcome. Now, if there’s nothing else, I’m off to bed.” Sabine returned to her room, barely able to contain her excitement over this turn of events. At least now she would have something substantial to tell Lily. Although a message to a priest wasn’t the most compromising action in the world.
Soon enough sleep claimed her, and she barely cracked open half an eye when Frau Klausen and Ursula left before dawn. But then she remembered the message and jumped from her bed, scrambling to pick up the paper lying on the linoleum behind her bedroom door.
Excitement – and shame – burning up her face and ears, she glanced at the white envelope and turned it around. Nothing written anywhere. Sealed! Damn woman, wasn’t sealing an envelope proof enough that its content was illicit?
Sabine needed to read the contents of the letter before she handed it over, or else she wouldn’t have any information to give to Lily. But if the priest found out that she’d opened it, he wouldn’t trust her. What could she do?
A new envelope came to her mind and she frantically searched the kitchen, the sitting room and even the second bedroom. Entering Frau Klausen’s and Ursula’s private space felt like a crime and she had the icky feeling of someone watching her. Carefully opening drawers and closets, she found – nothing. At long last her glance fell on the small bureau in the corner of the room.
Locked! Of course, they would lock up the bureau in their own home, as if someone would come and search for their secrets. Her neck hair stood on end and she giggled hysterically at her thoughts. Obviously, someone did search the Klausens’ private room. Sabine sank onto the bed, covering her face with her hands as she realized what had become of her: a conniving treacherous snake.
With the envelope in hand, she gave up her search and walked into the kitchen to make tea before she had to leave for priest Bernau’s church. Putting a kettle of water on the stove, she pondered her options. Should she telephone Kriminalkommissar Becker and ask him what to do? A wave of disgust rolled through her body and she decided that the less she saw of him, the better.
Or… might she just open the envelope and pretend the message had come without it? The priest might w
ell believe it…or not. Sabine gave a heavy sigh. There was no solution to her problem.
The kettle whistled, and she glanced toward the stove, a broad smile spreading across her face. Apparently, there was a solution!
After pouring some of the boiling water into a cup for her morning tea, she poured the rest into a bowl and located a dishtowel. She held the envelope over the steaming bowl of water, trapping the steam with the towel, and waited for the glue holding the flap down to loosen.
Several minutes later, she turned the envelope over and rejoiced in her accomplishment when the last bit of glue was released from the paper. Her fingers trembling with nerves, she sat back and drank from her tea first. For the first time since Werner’s disappearance, she saw a ray of hope.
Carefully, she removed the letter, making sure the envelope would look untampered with when she was done, smoothed out the message on the tabletop and began to read –
Pfarrer Bernau,
Please forgive me but I cannot attend the choir practice at your church as I’ll be travelling with my family. I apologize and look forward to attending next week.
Ursula Hermann
“She must be joking!” Sabine yelled at the empty room, balling her hands into fists. Missing a choir practice? What exactly was so important or urgent about a stupid choir practice? Even if Ursula was the soloist, it didn’t justify her allusions to people needing her.
Sabine searched the letter for hidden text, and she shook her head in despair when she didn’t find any. The renewed hope sucked out of her, she placed the letter back into the envelope and carefully sealed the flap closed.
Minutes later she left the apartment to deliver the message. Maybe the priest could shed some light on this? Or maybe Ursula’s overreaction was completely innocent and only due to her advanced stage of pregnancy?
Either way, she would have a word with Pfarrer Bernau.
Chapter 20
Sabine enjoyed the morning sunshine of May, her favorite month of the year. The chestnut trees lining the alley were in full blossom: flower umbels in white and soft pink adorned the trees, petals trickling to the ground with every breeze.
The chirping of blackbirds and other birds filled the air, almost like a choir filled the vast nave in a church. A few steps further on, she saw a squirrel scurrying up the trunk and then jumping precariously from branch to branch. Sabine smiled. Lots of life existed amidst the rubble, and neither the squirrel nor the birds seemed to have a single sorrow. One day all of this would end and life would return to normal. One day people could live again and not merely survive.
She arrived at the small and relatively new church: a plain white building, unlike the ostentatious Berlin Cathedral that was reminiscent of the glorious times in the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries.
Sabine crossed herself with holy water from the basin next to the door before stepping inside. Rays of sunshine shone through the plain, transparent altar windows – probably replacements for damaged stained glass – and danced across the light brown stone floor. In one of the dark wooden benches kneeled a few old women with gray hair, their head scarves tightly knotted beneath their chins.
But Pfarrer Bernau was nowhere to be seen. Remembering Ursula’s instructions, Sabine left the church again and rounded the building to find the entrance to the small house next to it.
Her heart pounded more furiously the nearer she got to the door. She swallowed down her fear, shame and guilt before she knocked.
A gaunt man in his late forties, with warm brown eyes and dressed in a black suit, opened the door. “Good morning, how can I help you?”
“I’m looking for Pfarrer Bernau,” she said, nervously running a hand across her hair.
“You found him.” He gazed at her for several long moments and then said, “Please come inside.”
His energy was of a man truly at peace with himself, and a sense of calmness overcame her. She had nothing to fear from him. “My name is Sabine Mahler, and Ursula Herrmann has asked me to give you a message.”
Worry etched itself into his brown eyes. “Does she feel unwell? Has something happened with the baby?”
“No, no. Ursula and her mother are travelling to visit Frau Klausen’s sister for a few days. She was very upset and urged me to let you know.” Sabine pulled the envelope from her pocket and handed it over to the priest.
Pfarrer Bernau nodded as he opened the envelope and read the letter inside. A frown appeared on his forehead and he seemed very concerned about the content of the message.
A missed choir practice – really? “Is something wrong, Pfarrer Bernau?” Sabine asked.
“No. It’s just a minor inconvenience.” The priest’s expression didn’t match his words, and Sabine decided to make a bold move.
“Ursula was so worried, she almost cancelled the entire trip to Lower Bavaria. I convinced her that was not for the best for her baby and agreed to fill in while she was away.”
Pfarrer Bernau raised a brow, asking, “Fill in? Frau Hermann told you what she’s been doing?”
Sabine nodded, stretching the truth as far as she could. “Yes, and I’m on your side. She told me about helping to hide people seeking refuge and a way out of Germany.”
Pfarrer Bernau stared at her for several long moments and Sabine willed herself to appear confident and trustworthy. “Then Frau Hermann must really trust you. Confiding in the wrong persons can torpedo our entire network.”
“I like to think we are friends,” Sabine offered, tying to conceal the feeling of victory building up inside her.
“The timing of her departing Berlin is not ideal, since we had to postpone a few activities due to unforeseen circumstances,” Pfarrer Bernau said, still scrutinizing Sabine.
“I understand and all I want to do is help.” Sabine prayed she wouldn’t blush at the blatant lie. Her heart squeezed tight. Deceiving a man of God – one more sin piled up on her existing mountain of transgressions.
“There is a young Jewish girl hiding in the Klausens’ allotment. Frau Hermann was supposed to bring her to the arranged meeting place and hand her over to someone else. Are you familiar with the allotment?”
“I am.” Another lie. She knew about its existence and had seen the numbered key hanging on the keyboard in the apartment. “And I’m happy to perform Ursula’s duties while she’s gone. But I have never actually been at the allotments…Ursula deemed it too dangerous.”
“That’s probably right. You two showing up there together might have raised suspicions, but since the family is now on a trip, you can go there to tend the plants. Everyone in Berlin will understand the importance of taking care of the produce.” A slight smile crossed Pfarrer Bernau’s face.
“The perfect excuse – when shall I go there?” Sabine asked, taking an awful chance. In fact she had no idea where the allotment was.
“Not so fast, my daughter.” Pfarrer Bernau looked at her carefully and asked, “Are you sure you wish to take this kind of risk? If you are discovered, you will be labeled a traitor, and we all know the Nazis don’t take kindly to them.”
Sabine’s heart missed a beat or two, only to race at double speed afterward. Either way, she was putty in the hands of the Nazis. She smiled and projected a bravado she wasn’t even close to feeling. “Well then, I’ll just have to make sure I don’t get caught.”
“Good. You’ll receive a letter with instructions tomorrow. Follow them to the T,” he said.
“I will. But one more question: shall I take the bus or walk to the allotment gardens?”
The priest squinted his eyes. “How you go there doesn’t matter, but when you have the girl with you, you must take the underground. The name of the station will be in the letter.”
“Thank you.” Inside, Sabine rejoiced. With the name of the next station she could find the location of the allotment gardens on a city map, and then it would be as easy as counting numbers to find the correct lot.
Sabine all but danced to work and passed the day in u
tter excitement, blocking out all thoughts of guilt. Soon she would have Werner by her side again.
During her lunch break she walked to the payphone in the hallway and called Lily’s number.
“Hello, Lily. Can we meet tonight? I have exciting news,” Sabine said and for the first time since this whole spying situation had arisen, she felt like she had the upper hand.
Chapter 21
After her shift, Sabine set off at a brisk pace. She arrived at the agreed-upon bench in the Tiergarten, Berlin’s biggest public park, surprised to see Lily already waiting for her.
“You look very elegant,” Sabine commented as she approached the other woman.
“I’m attending a formal dinner this evening.” Lily lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “For work. So what’s your exciting news?”
“I have finally managed to infiltrate the resistance organization. Tomorrow they’ll give me instructions for retrieving and moving a Jewish girl.” Sabine smiled as she finished talking, but Lily’s next words deflated some of her excitement.
“A Jewish girl? That’s all you came up with?” When Sabine nodded, Lily made a scoffing noise and shook her head. “Kriminalkommissar Becker isn’t interested in another filthy Jewish girl. He wants the head of this organization. That’s the information you’re supposed to provide.”
“But…”
“No buts. I’ll tell you what to do. You play along with their little game and endear yourself to those traitors. Charm them. Prove your usefulness. For God’s sake, if needed, even rescue that stupid girl, if it serves our goal of finding out who is in charge of organizing those activities. That’s the person we need. It makes no sense to capture one girl. If we don’t take down the entire organization, they will continue to smuggle Jews out of Germany.”
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