Mourning Song

by Lurlene McDaniel

Dani took a long, hot shower, but Cassie couldn’t be persuaded to do anything except sit on the patio lounge chair and gaze out at the sea.

  “Austin’s in his room, but he said to let him know if we want to do anything,” Cassie said when Dani emerged from the steamy bathroom.

  “We should call Mom,” Dani announced. “It’s time.”

  Cassie gazed at the horizon. “Not yet.”

  “Why? You know she’s worried.” Now that they were actually at the beach, Dani felt really guilty about running away.

  “Later.”

  “But—”

  “Please.” Cassie glanced skyward. “It’s getting cloudy. Maybe it’s going to rain. Let’s go shopping. I’ve been in the hospital for weeks. I’d love to just poke around some stores. I haven’t been shopping in ages. We could buy something nice for Mom. A peace offering. We have enough money to get her something nice.”

  Dani eyed her carefully. Cassie’s eyes were bright, but she looked frail. “You sure you’re strong enough?”

  “If I get tired, we can come right back.” Cassie added, “You don’t think Austin will mind, do you? I guess he must be tired. You must be tired, too. Maybe he’s asleep.”

  “Let me get dressed and go tell Austin,” Dani said. “We’re going to do whatever you feel like doing, Cassie. We didn’t drive a thousand miles to sleep did we?”

  Fifteen

  SUNLIGHT GLITTERED OFF store windows as Dani and Cassie walked through the outdoor mall decorated with exotic flowers and bubbling fountains. Austin had settled himself in the center of the mall under a striped umbrella to eat a bowl of ice cream. “I’ll catch up with you,” he said.

  “Don’t you think that’s beautiful?” Cassie asked as she stopped and stared into a store window.

  Dani peered through the window of a bridal salon. A wedding dress of white satin, seed pearls, and delicate lace graced the front mannequin. “It’s pretty all right, but do you suppose they make something in white denim for the bride-to-be?”

  Cassie giggled. “That’s the prettiest dress I’ve ever seen. Will you do something with me?” she asked, her eyes sparkling mischievously.

  “Name it.”

  “Come inside, and don’t laugh or giggle—just follow me.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  Cassie took Dani’s hand and dragged her toward the door. “Just play along.”

  “Cassie! No—”

  As Cassie opened the door of the shop, a chime played “Here Comes the Bride.” A saleswoman appeared and asked, “May I help you?”

  Dani’s heart pounded, and her mouth went dry. She heard Cassie answer, “My sister and I were admiring the dress in the window, and I was wondering if I could try it on.”

  The saleswoman eyed them for a moment, then beamed. “Oh, most certainly.”

  Dani swallowed hard.

  “I’m Allison,” the woman said. “Have a seat, and I’ll show you our newest collection.” She motioned them toward two lush peach-color velvet chairs. “Let me help you find the perfect dress for the biggest event of your life.”

  Dani could scarcely believe it. Was the woman blind? Couldn’t she tell that Cassie and she were kids out for a laugh?

  Cassie sat, brushed her skirt, and said smoothly, “Thank you. I promised Mother I’d narrow the search, then bring her to see the dresses I like best.”

  The saleslady’s back was turned, and Dani buried her face in her hands and groaned over the outrageous lie. Cassie gave her an elbow in the ribs. “A girl can’t start too soon,” Allison bubbled effusively. “When is the day, anyway?”

  “The day?”

  “Your wedding day.”

  Dani shifted helplessly in the chair, wishing the floor would swallow her. “It’s in August,” Cassie said with a straight face.

  “These are the newest dresses for summer brides,” Allison said. “White or candlelight?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “The color—are you thinking of pure white or off-white? Pale pink is also being shown. It’s becoming increasingly popular with today’s bride-to-be.”

  “Uh … white,” Cassie said. “I’m into tradition.”

  “Traditional insanity,” Dani muttered under her breath, hoping Cassie’s strength would hold.

  Cassie flashed a radiant smile at Allison as the saleswoman carefully carried several gowns over to them. “That one’s still my favorite,” she told her, pointing to a smaller size of the one in the window. “How do you know it’s my size?”

  “That’s my job.” Allison smiled. “Step into the dressing room, and I’ll bet you a free satin pillow for your ring bearer that I’m right.”

  Cassie followed Allison into a dressing room, while Dani gripped the arms of the chair, planning an escape route for when the saleswoman figured out they’d been playing her for a patsy. Dani heard their murmured voices along with the soft rustle of satin as she gazed about the salon. There was gilt trim on peach-color walls; soft green carpet; charming clusters of dried flowers; a wall full of satin and grosgrain ribbons; a collection of silver, gold, and porcelain photo frames; and lush bouquets of silk floral arrangements mingled with white feathers and lace. The scent of roses and orange blossoms hung in the air. When Dani heard the door of the dressing room open, she straightened. Cassie came out smiling and asked, “So, what do you think, sis?”

  Dani was overwhelmed by the vision of her sister. Cassie stood on a carpeted pedestal in front of a three-way mirror. The gown shimmered, and Cassie seemed to be glowing.

  “Perfect!” Allison purred. “Didn’t I tell you? You’re a walkaway. That’s what we call someone whom a dress fits perfectly, without need of alterations. I’ll bet your fiancé will be absolutely speechless when he turns to see you walk down that aisle toward him.”

  Dani suddenly noticed the silk scarf wound around Cassie’s head. It looked terribly out of place. As if Allison had noticed, too, she scurried over to another rack. “I have the perfect headpiece to complement that dress.”

  Dani couldn’t take her eyes off her sister. She’d never seen Cassie look more beautiful. Her heart thumped as Allison held up a headpiece and fluffed the yards of white net. “If you’ll remove the scarf, you might try this one,” Allison said.

  Removing the scarf meant showing Cassie’s shorn hair, her chemo cut. Dani leapt to protect her sister. She couldn’t allow the saleslady to ruin the moment by having a shocked expression. “My sister already has a headpiece, our mother’s,” Dani said almost too loudly.

  “That’s right,” Cassie agreed. “My sister’s going to be my maid of honor,” she added as she eyed Dani gratefully.

  Allison almost clapped her beautifully manicured hands together. “I have a stunning attendant’s dress in summer green. Believe me, it would be lovely with your sister’s red hair. What’s your color scheme?”

  “Green would be perfect,” Cassie said.

  Allison took out several dresses in various shades of green, but highlighted one. Dani changed into the elegant gown and stepped up beside Cassie on the pedestal. Allison had pinned the bodice, and it fit her like a glove. The dress dipped off her shoulders, and her skin looked pale and creamy in the surrounding yellow light. Dani could scarcely believe her reflection in the mirror.

  “Your coloring’s so different, but you’re both quite lovely,” Allison said cheerily from behind them.

  Cassie stared at herself in the mirror. The seed pearls gleamed and the satin shone. A fine net of intricate lace covered the dress’s bodice and made Cassie’s skin look like alabaster. Cassie’s eyes trapped Dani’s in the mirror and their gazes held. “I think we look fabulous,” Cassie said, her eyes returning to her own reflection. “I feel like a princess.”

  “You both look like you stepped out of a fairy tale,” Allison said. “Aren’t weddings wonderful?”

  An unbearable sadness stole over Dani as she realized that for Cassie there never would be a wedding day. No groom waiting at the altar. Nor attendan
ts holding bouquets of flowers. Not ever.

  The magnificent wedding gown would forever be a fantasy. The Wish money easily could have been spent on giving Cassie a dream wedding. One that Cinderella would have envied. Now, what was left over after paying the enormous medical bills, would go to dress her family in mourning, and to bury her. Dani felt an involuntary shudder ripple through her.

  “Are you cold?” Cassie asked.

  “Just tired,” Dani hedged. “We should go.”

  Cassie took one long, last lingering look at herself in the glass. “Will you cry at my wedding?”

  “Yes.”

  Cassie’s gaze caught Dani’s in the mirror and she said, “Don’t cry for me, Dani.”

  Dani searched her sister’s face. Cassie looked wan and incredibly fragile. A film of tears blurred Dani’s vision.

  “I know just how you feel, my dear.” Allison assured her. “It isn’t easy losing a sister. But getting married is the natural order of things. People start new lives. It’s inevitable.”

  The door chime played its tune, and the three of them turned to see a bewildered Austin at the front of the shop. Dani could imagine how silly they must look to him. Allison stepped forward. “The groom to be?” she asked.

  Dani saw Austin’s face redden, but he flashed a crooked smile. “The best man,” he said, not taking his eyes off of Dani. “I go with the redhead.”

  Now it was Dani’s turn to blush. Austin’s eyes caught hers, and she felt her knees quiver. “We need to get home,” Dani said abruptly.

  Allison handed her a business card while Cassie went to change. “Please give this to your mother.”

  Dani took it. She noticed a silver picture frame, elaborately inlaid with flowers. She remembered that they’d wanted to buy a gift for their mother. The frame was beautiful and on impulse Dani told Allison she wanted it. “Of course, for the wedding portrait,” Allison said with a bright, understanding smile. “A perfect choice. Your mother will be delighted.”

  Dani brushed past her and hurried to change, afraid she would lose control of herself. She was glad when the three of them left.

  Back in their room, Dani felt exhausted and forlorn. She wished Cassie had never tried on the wedding dress. Dani was angry at herself. Why had she gone along with the play acting? It had only made the reality of her sister’s situation more painful than ever.

  Cassie stared moodily out the glass doors. “I would have been a great looking bride, wouldn’t I?”

  Dani’s heart skipped. Would have been, Cassie had said. Did she know the truth about her condition? Dani had been so careful. “Of course, you’ll be a terrific-looking bride,” Dani said, ignoring Cassie’s wording. “Let’s hope there’s some prince out there worthy of you.”

  Cassie smiled wistfully. “I’m going to walk down by the ocean,” she said.

  “Aren’t you tired? Maybe you should rest for awhile.”

  “I’m tired all right, but I want to smell the sea now that I’m finally here.”

  Dani watched her through the doors until she settled on the sand. With a tired yawn, Dani stretched out on the bed and fell sound asleep. Hours later, when Austin woke her, she felt disoriented and drugged. “Come on, sleepyhead. It’s time for supper,” Austin said, shaking her gently.

  “I’m not hungry.”

  “Well, I am.”

  Groggily, she sat up, rubbing her eyes. Dusk filled the room. “Where’s Cassie?”

  “She’s still out on the beach, staring at the water.”

  Dani stumbled to the glass door to see Cassie sitting alone close to the shore where the waves were breaking. “That’s what she was doing when I fell asleep. What’s she been thinking about all afternoon? Come on—let’s go get her.” She hurried to her sister’s side. “Want to go get some dinner? Austin and I are starving.”

  Cassie’s knees were pulled up to her chest and her chin was resting on them. Her short hair fluttered in the breeze and Dani saw tears on her cheeks.

  “Cassie what’s wrong?”

  “You know what’s wrong.” Cassie’s voice was barely a whisper.

  “No, I don’t. Tell me.”

  Cassie turned. “Why didn’t you tell me I’m dying?”

  Sixteen

  DANI FELT AN icy chill run through her. “What are you talking about?”

  “Did you think I didn’t know? Hadn’t figured it out?”

  Desperately Dani tried to make Cassie feel better. “Oh, sis, the trip’s been a downer. You’re so tired—”

  “Stop lying to me!” Cassie pressed her hands over her ears.

  Austin crouched next to Cassie and turned her gently toward him. “Why don’t you both come inside and talk.”

  “Someone should have told me, don’t you think? Someone should have said something.”

  Tenderly, Austin hugged her as one might hug a small child. She clung to him, uttering soft, whimpering cries.

  Dani felt numb. She thought about the half-truths they’d told and the outright lies. She realized she was just like her mother. She’d tried to protect Cassie from the awful truth. Dani felt disloyal to her sister, but sad that her choices were so awful. She didn’t know what to say.

  Austin broke the awkward silence. “I think you’d better call your mother.”

  The airport was crowded with tourists. Dani scanned the passengers coming through the door of the plane that had just arrived from Cincinnati, a sick feeling of apprehension knotting her stomach. When she had called, her mother had sounded hysterical, but once her mom had realized Dani and Cassie were all right, she’d calmed down and spoken in a deliberate authoritarian voice. “I’ll be on the first flight I can get tomorrow morning,” she’d said. Dani had given her their hotel phone number. “I’ll call you back as soon as I can make arrangements. And when I get in tomorrow, Dani, you and I have plenty to discuss.”

  Dani had hardly slept. When morning had finally come, she’d discovered Cassie already out walking on the beach. Austin was sound asleep. They had planned on going to the airport together, but right after breakfast, Cassie had been stricken with a headache. She’d insisted that Dani and Austin go on without her, and even though Dani had hated leaving her sister alone, she’d seen no way around the dilemma. She couldn’t be in two places at once. Should she leave Cassie alone? What would happen if something went wrong? She had given Cassie a pain pill and gone with Austin.

  Dani continued to fret until she saw her mother deplane. Surprisingly, Dr. Phillips was walking beside her. Her mother stopped short in front of her. She looked haggard and angry. Dani didn’t know whether to hug her or not.

  “Where’s Cassie?” Mrs. Vanoy asked.

  “Back at the hotel.”

  “You left her alone? You have absolutely no common sense.”

  Dani winced at her mother’s words.

  Dr. Phillips nodded hello to Dani and directed them, “Let’s get our luggage and go.”

  As they rode in the van, no one made any attempt to talk. At the hotel, her mother swept into the room, dropped on the bed next to Cassie, and gathered her in her arms. “Oh, baby, are you okay?”

  It was obvious that Cassie was in great pain. Still, she begged, “Don’t be mad, Mama. I wanted to come so bad, and Dani knew it. Please, don’t be mad at her.”

  Dr. Phillips quickly checked her and began asking questions. “Headache?”

  “Bad one,” Cassie mumbled. “I’d felt better. Yesterday. I really felt good, but now …” She leaned back and moaned.

  “I’ll give you a shot.” He drew clear liquid from a vial into a syringe and slid the needle into her arm. In minutes, the look of pain had eased from her face and she was asleep. Her mother leaned over, kissed her forehead, and tucked the blanket up around her chin.

  The four of them went into Austin’s adjoining room. Seeing the look of anger on her mother’s face, Dani stepped out onto the patio for privacy. Her mother followed, leaving the door open.

  “Do you have any idea of the
hell you’ve put me through these past three days young lady?”

  “Mom … I’m really sorry. I never meant to hurt you, or endanger Cassie … but… it was something I had to do for her.”

  “I’m partly to blame, Mrs. Vanoy.” Austin came out onto the patio. “Don’t put all the blame on Dani.”

  Dani’s mother turned on him. “I’m disappointed in you too, Austin. I thought you had better sense. Your parents don’t know—I couldn’t reach them, but just as soon as they get back in the States—”

  “Mom, please … I practically forced Austin to help me.”

  “But why, Dani? Why didn’t you come to me?”

  “I tried to, but you wouldn’t listen.”

  “When? You never said a word.”

  “Yes, I did … before she had her convulsion. But you were totally down on the idea of a vacation.”

  “A vacation!” her mother fairly exploded. “You call taking a critically ill girl hundreds of miles from her medical support system a vacation! And what’s this craziness about One Last Wish and a huge check?”

  Dani jutted her chin. “We both left you letters explaining everything—”

  “I don’t care what your letters said. You don’t simply pull a girl in your sister’s condition out of treatments and take off. What’s the matter with you? Are you trying to kill her?”

  Dani felt as if she’d been slapped. Dr. Phillips came to her defense. “Catherine, slow down,” he insisted quietly. “We’ve talked about this. Unfortunately, the treatments weren’t helping. Don’t blame Dani.”

  “I was scared to death,” her mother told Dani, pressing her hand to her mouth. “Don’t you know how scared I was? How could you be so insensitive? You’re old enough to understand.”

  Dani nodded, feeling tears brim in her eyes. “I was scared, Mom. I knew it would be hard on you, but what about Cassie? Every mile of the trip, I was so afraid.” Dani ached to put it all into words. “After she told me about the One Last Wish letter, I decided I had to do something for her. That gave me the push to take the risk.”

  Dani cleared her throat before she went on. “Everything Cassie planned to do with her life was being taken away. Then JWC, whoever that is, wrote and said do something to make it better. Cassie wasn’t strong enough to do it alone. I wanted to do something for her that would make her happy—something that would leave her with a wonderful memory. This was all I could think of. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I would do it all over again for her.”