Hurdy Gurdy

by Christopher Wilson

  Tom will reach full-term in ten days. Dick and Harry, the twins, are due their birth a week after.

  To feed them the daily blood they require, I must go bleed myself, from the largest artery in my arm, collecting the most vital fluid I can spare before I fall faint.

  I thank God that every last thing in His dominion has an exact pattern, knows His reason and works to His exquisite plan.

  I think myself a fortunate man.

  For, it is sure as fleas, if I had not been conceived out of trickery, through a mean-spirited monk on the Pope’s errand, orphaned at birth, given away to a monastery, educated as scholar and doctor, taught the truths of Saint Odo, killed by the pox, been spoken to by Death himself, given a sight of Hell, then raised to Heaven, told the meaning of life by the Almighty radiance which is Our Lord, and been then resurrected to the rude clamour of life, befriended a rat, been robbed in the woods by a one-legged man, led to discover woman, sentenced to death at the stake for debating philosophy in Latin with a pig, lived on to lick a salty leper, gone feral in the forest, been rescued by an epiphany of toads, become married to Faith, become father to Francis, and widowed a second time, when Aristotle misled me, I would not be here, now, with the cheery, silky-skinned, golden-haired, azure-eyed, rosy-cheeked Widow Caroline, with her scents of butter-milk and honey, who sees to all my domestic needs, in return for her board and three pennies a day, playing footsie before the warmth of this fire, peeling roasted chestnuts, sipping spiced mead, and wrestling my new Hurdy Gurdy, thinking of our imminent bed-time.

  And may the great blessings of God shower down on you too.

  About the Author

  Christopher Wilson’s novels include Gallimauf’s Gospel, Baa, Blueglass, Mischief, Fou, The Wurd, The Ballad of Lee Cotton, Nookie and, most recently, The Zoo (2017), which was shortlisted for the HWA Gold Crown Award. His work has been translated into several languages, adapted for the stage, longlisted for the Booker Prize and twice shortlisted for the Whitbread Fiction Prize. He lives in North London.

  By the Same Author

  GALLIMAUF’S GOSPEL

  BAA

  BLUEGLASS

  MISCHIEF

  FOU

  THE WURD

  NOOKIE

  THE BALLAD OF LEE COTTON

  THE ZOO

  Copyright

  First published in the UK in 2021

  by Faber & Faber Limited

  Bloomsbury House

  74–77 Great Russell Street

  London WC1B 3DA

  This ebook edition first published in 2021

  All rights reserved

  © Christopher Wilson, 2021

  Cover design by Faber

  The right of Christopher Wilson to be identified as author of this work has been asserted in accordance with Section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988

  This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights, and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly

  ISBN 978–0–571–36196–0