Mess With Me

by Kylie Gilmore

  Joe answered the door with a sympathetic look. “Thought it would be you. Zach coming too?”

  “No, he’s too hooked on Carrie to leave her for long.”

  Joe clapped him on the shoulder. “You want a drink?”

  “Sure.” They often sat around the kitchen table, having a drink and talking. As a kid, it was water, milk or, for big talks, something more enticing like lemonade. Nowadays, it was beer.

  He sat at the table and waited for Joe to join him with the beers. They clinked bottles and each took a sip.

  Joe let out a breath. “You made her proud. She always told me that.”

  “You guys talk about me a lot?”

  “We had regular talks about you and Zach. She considered me a partner in raising you. She’d say, who needs a village to raise a child when the Campbell family is just a few blocks away?”

  Ethan picked at the label on his beer bottle. “I should’ve visited her more. I can’t believe she left me and Zach everything. I thought we were just two of a long line of kids passing through.”

  “Peggy wasn’t the kind to gush over someone. She showed them her love by taking care of them.”

  Ethan took a pull on his beer, desperate to loosen up the tight ball of regret lodged there. He met Joe’s kind brown eyes, the only dad he’d ever known and a damn good one at that. His role model. He’d become a cop because of Joe. He wanted to say the words for him too. He should’ve said them long ago. He cleared his throat, but the words still came out on a croak, “I love you, Dad.” He’d never called him dad out loud before either. It felt right.

  His dad smiled, the lines around his eyes crinkling. “I love you too, Ethan.”

  His heart thundered at the words he’d waited his whole life to hear and now he’d heard them several times over. He rubbed his knuckles over the wetness in his eyes. How had he not known deep down that he had love in his life? And why couldn’t he say it for so long?

  His dad squeezed his shoulder. “You’ve been family since the first time you sneered at me at eight years old. I saw through that tough veneer to the good heart underneath.”

  “No one adopted me.” He hated that it still mattered. Why hadn’t they? Why hadn’t Peggy? He could understand Joe not adopting him. He was a single dad with six kids plus Parker. There were so many kids at the Campbell house, Joe could barely fit them all, everyone doubling up with bunk beds, Parker on the sofa.

  “Eth, Peggy wanted to. She tried to adopt you and Zach. She wanted you to stay together, but Social Services wasn’t keen on letting single women adopt back then and they were also concerned about her age. She was sixty when she applied.”

  Ethan’s mind whirled. “What? Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

  “She didn’t want to get your hopes up if it didn’t work out.”

  “But I would’ve wanted to know. Does Zach know?”

  His dad shook his head. “You guys were ten. It was a judgment call. She pleaded her case with Social Services, and they decided not to pursue other adoptive parents for you guys. She could be your foster mom as long as she was in good health. It was an unofficial adoption.”

  Ethan clenched his jaw. He could’ve been adopted for real or at least known Peggy wanted him enough to try. How much time and energy had he wasted being angry at the world for not being wanted? And Peggy lived to be eighty-four. She definitely could’ve been his adoptive mom. What kind of system turns away a perfectly capable woman from making a family?

  His dad interrupted his dark thoughts. “I think you and Zach were meant to go to her. She gave you a stable foundation; we gave you the crazy family. I’d say you turned out okay. And, Eth, you made everyone so proud with your work, all your commendations, and how you’ve been there for all your brothers and little sister.”

  Ethan rubbed his forehead and closed his eyes. “Today was the first time I’ve ever said I love you to anyone.”

  “What’s been stopping you?”

  He opened his eyes, the truth painful to admit. “I don’t know.”

  His dad socked him on the shoulder. “We all know you love us; otherwise you wouldn’t keep hanging around.”

  He laughed a little. “Yeah.”

  The doorbell rang and his dad went to answer it. Ethan pulled out his phone and texted Zach about Peggy trying to adopt them and being turned down. Zach texted back a moment later. All good. End result was the same.

  Obviously Zach didn’t have adoption hang-ups like Ethan did. Ethan stood and headed toward the happy noise of two-year-old Viv in the living room. Her parents, Alex and Lauren, were probably dropping off Viv before they left for their honeymoon, a short couple of days away to the Finger Lakes of New York.

  Ethan couldn’t help but smile at little Viv. She certainly had her own unique style. She wore her beloved Frankenstein mask with her pigtails sticking out the top, with a Wonder Woman outfit complete with gold wristbands. Halloween was on Thursday.

  “Wow,” Ethan said. “Awesome costume, Viv.”

  She growled at him and then ran one length of the room to the other, her red cape flying out behind her.

  “Hey, Eth,” Alex said. His honorary brother was three years younger and a good man. A great dad to Viv too.

  Ethan’s chest ached and he walked right over and hugged Alex, who stiffened and then clapped him on the back. “Love you, bro,” Ethan croaked.

  Alex’s eyes were wide. “Ah…I love you too.”

  Viv ran over and clung to Alex’s leg. Ethan bent down, the words coming easier now. “I love you, scary Wonder Woman.”

  “Love you, Efan,” she said in the sweetest voice.

  His hand went to his heart. He straightened and met Lauren’s kind eyes. “She got me.”

  Lauren hugged him, enveloping him in soft feminine affection. “We all love you, Eth.”

  “Enough hugging,” Alex barked when the hug went on too long for him.

  Ethan pulled away from Lauren and wiped his eyes. Anyone would be worked up after finding out their foster mom had adopted them in spirit. Peggy was his mom in every way that counted.

  “What’s with all the mushy stuff?” Alex asked.

  His dad answered for him. “He and Zach just went through Peggy’s things. She left them everything. And Ethan just realized how much she loved them.”

  Alex bowed his head. “She was a good woman.”

  Fuck, he was gonna lose it. His throat constricted, his eyes hot. “I gotta go.”

  He left, walking at a brisk pace and then running. He took to heart the hard lesson he’d learned today. He would tell the people in his life that he loved them, and that included Ally. Would it make a difference? Would she want to stay to build a life with him?

  When he got home, he pulled the antique engagement ring from the drawer and stared at it. Did he want a committed future with Ally because he wanted to get married now or just to keep her from leaving?

  If he hadn’t been given this ring, would he have proposed?

  He closed his eyes. Yes. He wanted a home with Ally, a family of his own, his blood.

  His plan was simple. Tell Ally he loved her. Propose.

  He had everything he needed now.

  He just had to reach out and take it.

  ~ ~ ~

  Ethan wanted to tell Ally the love words in person, but he had to wait. No choice but to wait because he broke down, a delayed response to grief and loss. Honestly, he was a complete wreck for three whole days and had to take the week off work. He’d never grieved his parents, couldn’t remember them, and some part of him had held back really grieving Peggy. Maybe his heart hadn’t been ready despite his intellectual decision back when she’d first died to be more open. Now he knew what it felt like to really have an open heart, every emotion so much more intense.

  Today he and Zach had met with a real estate agent about selling the house and then cleared it out. That had helped, actually, because once they finished, Zach held an impromptu memorial service, where they each shared their
memories of Peggy and said goodbye. She hadn’t wanted a funeral, so he’d never really said goodbye before. Today’s simple ceremony with Zach had been so much better.

  Now he was feeling more like his old self again, only better. He showed up at Garner’s that night for the Halloween costume party, bursting with his newfound capacity for love. He was a little late because he’d left Thor’s hammer back at his place and didn’t realize it until he’d parked, and he had to go back and get it. Without the hammer, he just looked like a muscled guy with a red cape and boots with a long blond wig. At least it was sleeveless, so he could show he had the real muscles under the padded muscle chest top.

  “Thor!” the guys hollered. The women weren’t here yet. Probably still getting ready.

  He bounded forward and swung his hammer. “Fortunately, I am mighty,” he said, quoting the movie.

  The guys laughed. Zach snatched his hammer and twirled it around.

  He approached the bar, where Josh, the bartender and his honorary brother, stood dressed in a black hat and eye mask. “Who’re you supposed to be? Zorro?”

  “Lone Ranger.”

  “Clarissa your Tonto?” Ethan quipped.

  Josh responded in a serious tone. “No, she’s an angel. Fitting, I guess. She’s a good person.” Josh blew out a breath. “Really good.”

  “Too good for you,” Ethan joked, not sure what the problem was.

  “Yeah,” Josh said halfheartedly, seeming lost in thought.

  Ethan tapped the bar, and Josh snapped to attention. “Mead, please, and I love you, bro.”

  Josh’s jaw dropped. “Are you dying, man?”

  “No.”

  Logan, the youngest Campbell brother, approached and elbowed Ethan in the gut. “Move over, Thor.”

  “Love you, bro,” Ethan said. He was on a mission. Every single brother had to know. Four down—Zach, Alex, Josh, Logan—five to go. And his “little sister” Mad too.

  “What’s with all this love shit?” Josh asked.

  “You taking estrogen or something?” Logan asked with a smirk.

  Sarcastic bastards.

  “This is why I never said this shit before,” Ethan barked. “Fuck you all. I learned my lesson with Peggy and now I love every single frigging one of you. Deal with it.”

  The guys went silent. Everyone knew what he’d lost. And then someone said, “Well, shit.”

  Then they were crowding him, pounding him on the back, knocking into his shoulder. Someone mussed his hair. Josh reached across the bar and gave his cheek a slap.

  And he knew they all loved him back.

  ~ ~ ~

  Ally walked in to the Halloween party to a strange sight. All the guys were piling on Ethan, jostling him and messing up his wig while he grinned like the hottest Thor she’d ever seen and that included the movie version.

  She rushed into the fray with a classic line. “You are no match for the mighty Thor!”

  The guys parted, making room for her.

  “Ally,” Ethan said, serious now. He pulled her tight against his massively muscled chest made even more so with padded muscles.

  She hugged him back. She’d missed him. She hadn’t seen him since Lauren’s wedding. Lauren had told her about Ethan inheriting his foster mom’s estate and how hard he’d taken it, so Ally had called him, but their conversation had been short. He’d explained he needed some time to grieve, but he wanted to talk to her face-to-face here with all their friends because he had “serious shit to say to everyone.” She’d been cautiously optimistic that he might say he wanted to go with her on her new job adventure or that he really didn’t want her to go after all. She hadn’t given notice at work yet. Ethan’s serious talk had sounded important enough to put her plans on hold. Temporarily.

  He spoke near her ear. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  “Me too. You doing okay?” She hadn’t been overly worried about him because she knew Zach was with him a lot, the brothers leaning on each other as they said goodbye to their foster mom. Carrie had kept her updated.

  He nodded. “Yeah. I’m doing a lot better.” He pulled back, seeming to notice her costume for the first time. “You look like you belong with Thor. What is this sexy thing you’ve got on?”

  She beamed. “I’m a goddess.” The costume was a white maxi dress with side slits that showed lots of skin on her torso and from upper thigh to ankle. Gold accents made it shine with a gold headband, gold choker necklace, gold belt, and gold bracelets.

  “Yeah, you are.” He pushed his long flowing blond hair over his shoulder; then he took her hand and led her to a quiet corner of the room. He stopped and framed her face with his hands, gazing deep into her eyes. “I love you, Ally.”

  She slapped a hand over her mouth, her eyes filling.

  He pulled her hand from her mouth and held it in a warm clasp. “I’m sorry I didn’t say it before. I felt it, but something in me just shut down. No one’s ever said it to me before and it made me feel unworthy somehow, but then I started saying it and people started saying it back.”

  “What people?” she blurted. “You’re just saying this to everyone?”

  “No! Not at all. I told my dad. My brothers. Family. I love you different than that.” He shifted and his hammer bounced off her leg. “Sorry.” He set it back on the bar and Logan started playing with it, bopping Ben on the head.

  He returned to her, taking both her hands in his. “I don’t want you to go to LA or Maui or Rome. At least not with that movie star. I’ll take you wherever you want to go, but in the meantime, I want you to stay here with me because I love you.” His voice was rough with emotion, making her heart thump hard and her eyes well. “I want to build a life with you.”

  “Eth,” she choked out over the lump in her throat.

  He lifted a hand, gently stroking her hair back from her face, his eyes searching hers.

  “Yes!” she exclaimed, an electric surge of love lighting her up inside. She threw herself in his arms and kissed him all over his gorgeous face. “I love you too! I’ll stay for love. I’ll stay for you.”

  He closed his eyes for a moment, murmuring, “Thank you.” Then he smiled tenderly, cradled her jaw, and kissed her. “Are you sure? Be sure. I don’t want to hold you back.”

  “Love is worth more than any VIP first-class ticket.”

  He wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug before pulling back just enough to kiss her. She kissed him back passionately with all the love in her heart. Nothing had ever felt more right. She chose love and she’d never been happier.

  “Thor and the goddess are making out,” someone said. “Get a picture.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  It was a joyous Saturday night Happy Endings Book Club meeting at the private hotel lounge in the city. The first time since the sologamy ceremony that they’d been able to have a book club meeting with Claire. Ally marveled over the month that had passed since marrying herself. In hindsight, she’d thrown herself into sologamy with just as much blind enthusiasm as she had her old sappy romantic fantasy life, but sologamy turned out to be a good way of healing and moving forward. She’d accomplished a lot, reaching out for new experiences like her fitness classes and hiking and fishing and, finally, taking the risk of letting a man into her life. Not just any man, the best man she’d ever met. Ethan had never once tried to hold her back while she’d searched for what would make her truly content. He’d just been supportive and kind and loving. He was better than any prince she could’ve imagined. She was sure her friends thought she was a lovesick dope, but ever since Ethan openly returned her love, she’d been floating, all gooey and giddy over absolutely everything.

  Ally looked around the circle of women with a goofy smile, glad she wouldn’t have to say goodbye to them anytime soon. Now that she was staying local, she was looking for a bigger career opportunity than an assistant job, something she could really help build. She was still thinking on what. Tonight they were supposed to be talking about The Princess
Bride, an impossibly romantic fairy tale that had once been Ally’s favorite fantasy. Everyone was wearing the Dread Pirate Roberts T-shirt Claire had given them at her wedding as her promise that she’d be back to talk about the book and then watch the movie together.

  But like usual, the meeting got off track. The discussion started with The Princess Bride, but then quickly veered to the personal—how beautiful Lauren’s wedding had been last Saturday, which led to Carrie sharing some of the planning she was already doing with Hailey and the Bride Special magazine people for her own wedding next June.

  Ally chimed in. “If only sologamy ceremonies could get so much attention, right? It would probably help so many women feel good about themselves.”

  Sabrina agreed. “If you came up with something, I’d be happy to share it with my clients struggling with singlehood.”

  “Maybe I could make special kits with vows and a necklace,” Ally said, thinking out loud.

  “Or you could make it a bachelorette party thing,” Lauren chimed in.

  Missy huffed. “For the last time, women want strippers at their bachelorette party.”

  They cracked up.

  “Get the woman a stripper!” Mad exclaimed, which set them off again.

  Once everyone quieted, Ally returned to the sologamy idea, hope sparking within her. “You really think there’s a market for sologamy stuff?”

  “Absolutely,” Missy said with a nod. “I think it’s a worthy cause.”

  “Wow,” Ally muttered. “I never really thought about it before, but I have been looking for a new business venture.”

  Hailey leaned across the circle toward Ally, her brows shooting up, a wide smile lighting up her face. Not her stressed-out beauty-queen smile either, more of a super-excited smile. “Really?”

  Ally exchanged a look of concern with her friends. Ever since Josh and Clarissa had gotten together three weeks ago, Hailey had been a little…hyper. It was the first weekend in November, which meant everything had slowed down for Hailey’s wedding planning business, but Hailey had sped up, throwing herself into community events. So far she’d arranged a massive Black Friday shop-local campaign for Clover Park, a holiday stroll for the following weekend, including not just the usual decorations and breakfast with Santa, but also an ice-sculpture artist, strolling carolers, horse and carriage rides down Main Street, an outdoor crafters market under a heated tent, and a hot cocoa station with glazed nuts. She had more in the works too, some kind of holiday fundraising event at Ludbury House to benefit a local food bank and Toys for Tots, as well as something special for senior citizens she was still thinking on. It made Ally tired just hearing about it all.