I’m not gentle by nature, but I can be gentle by obedience. I’m not patient by nature, but I can be patient by obedience. I’m not peaceful by nature, but I can be peaceful by obedience.
I can. And I will.
I can be the unglued woman made gentle, patient, and peaceful. God, help me. God, forgive me. And in the shadow of that realization and repentance, the miracle begins.
Dear Lord, please open my eyes to see the places I need You to change in me. I know I have wrapped my identity in so many things other than You. I want You to change those rough, imperfect places in me. Help me become the woman You created me to be. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
77
IS MY PAIN TALKING?
We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
—2 CORINTHIANS 10:5
Sometimes something little can feel really big. A look from someone that suddenly made you feel like they didn’t like you. Or someone doesn’t return your phone call and you feel like it’s an indication that you’re not important.
Usually these things aren’t true.
The look was just a look with no hidden meaning.
The missed phone call was just a slip on that person’s to-do list.
But if we’re not careful, those misguided feelings can create issues that distract us, discourage us, and trigger past pain that starts taunting us. They can fill our minds with thoughts that are not accurate.
It happened to me on the Friday after Thanksgiving. My sister Angee and I got up at 3:00 a.m. and were in line at a store thirty minutes later. I know. I agree. That’s crazy.
But like a hunter stalking prey, I was after something. In this case, the buy-one-get-one-free washer and dryer. Angee was after a half-priced computer. When the store doors opened at 5:00 a.m., we both scored. Happiness abounded. Then we left to get some breakfast. This is the part of the story where the happiness faded.
In the drive-through, my credit card was “not approved.”
Let me get this straight. It was approved at the store just five minutes ago when I made a major purchase. But now for a little two-dollar bundle of egg, cheese, Canadian bacon, and an English muffin, suddenly I’m not approved?
Our Lord doesn’t whisper shameful condemnations. Spiritual convictions, yes. Personal condemnations, no.
Not approved.
Ouch.
My sister wasn’t fazed. She whipped out cash, paid for my breakfast, and headed to the next store on our list. But I let those words “not approved” hang like a black cloud over my head. It bothered the stink out of me. I knew it was just some technical glitch, but I let my mind dwell on it until it was no longer about the card.
When that girl leaned out of the drive-thru window and in a hushed tone said, “I’m sorry, ma’am, but your card keeps showing that you’re not approved,” it felt personal. Really personal.
Suddenly, past pain from other times I’d felt rejected and my current embarrassment started running their mouth inside my head. You’re nothing but a loser. You are unwanted. Unloved. Disorganized. Poor. Not acceptable. You are not approved.
I wish I could tie up this story in a nice bow and give you a pretty ending, but I can’t. It was anything but pretty. I felt awful. And I went to bed wondering if the Lord Himself might come down and say, “Lysa TerKeurst, I have had enough of your immature reactions. You are no longer approved to be a Bible study teacher. Look at you!”
But that’s not the Lord’s voice. Our Lord doesn’t whisper shameful condemnations.
Spiritual convictions, yes. Personal condemnations, no.
As I stared wide-eyed into the darkness that enveloped the room, I whispered, “Give me Your voice, Jesus. I need to hear You above all these painful thoughts. If I don’t hear You, I’m afraid this darkness is going to swallow me alive.” Nothing came. I couldn’t hear a thing.
I had a choice. I could lie in the dark replaying the awful events of the day, or I could turn the light on and read God’s Word—His truth—which is the best thing to do when lies are swarming and painful thoughts are attacking like a bunch of bloodthirsty mosquitoes. It is choosing to do what 2 Corinthians 10:5 encourages us to do—take every thought to Jesus and let Him correct or redirect it with the truth of his Word.
Lies flee in the presence of truth. Comfort comes into our pain when we bring it to Jesus. And while reading God’s truth that night didn’t change the fact that I needed to make things right in my thoughts, it gave me the courage to do so.
Dear Lord, please drown out the other voices . . . please hush the negative thoughts . . . and speak. I want to hear You above all the noise. Help me discern Your convictions and the Devil’s condemnations. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
78
GETTING UNSTUCK FROM MY THINKING RUT
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
—ROMANS 12:2
Have you felt discouraged with your progress toward having better reactions? Maybe you think, What’s the use? I just stuff my emotions. Or, What’s the use? I can’t help but yell.
Sweet friend, I believe there is more to it than claiming that because we act a certain way, that’s the way it will always be.
Brain research shows that every conscious thought we have is recorded on our internal hard drive known as the cerebral cortex. Each thought scratches the surface much like an Etch A Sketch.
When we have the same thought again, the line of the original thought is deepened, causing what’s called a memory trace. With each repetition the trace goes deeper and deeper, forming and embedding a pattern of thought. When an emotion is tied to this thought pattern, the memory trace grows exponentially stronger.
We forget most of our random thoughts that are not tied to an emotion. However, we retain the ones we think often that have an emotion tied to them. For example, if we’ve had the thought over and over that we’ve failed at having a good reaction, and that thought is tied to a strong emotion, we deepen the memory trace when we repeatedly access that thought. The same is true if we decide to stuff a thought—we’ll perpetuate that stuffing. Or if we yell, we’ll keep yelling.
If we change the way we think, we’ll change the ways we act and react.
We won’t develop new responses until we develop new thoughts. That’s why renewing our minds with new thoughts is crucial. New thoughts come from new perspectives. The Bible encourages this process, which only makes sense because God created the human mind and understands better than anyone how it functions.
A foundational teaching of Scripture is that it is possible to be completely changed through transformed thought patterns. That’s exactly the point of today’s key verse, Romans 12:2: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
And, as we learned yesterday, Scripture also teaches that we can accept or refuse thoughts. Instead of being held hostage by old thought patterns, we can actually capture our thoughts and allow the power of Christ’s truth to change them.
I don’t know about you, but understanding how my brain is designed makes these verses come alive in a whole new way. Taking thoughts captive and being transformed by thinking in new ways isn’t some New Age form of mind control. It’s biblical, and it’s fitting with how God wired our brains.
I can’t control the things that happen to me each day, but I can control how I think about them. I can say to myself, I have a choice to have destructive thoughts or constructive thoughts right now. I can wallow in what’s wrong and make things worse, or I can ask God for a better perspective to help me see good even when I don’t feel good.
Indeed, when we gain new perspectives, we can see new ways of thinking. And if we change the way we think, we’ll change the ways we act and react.
Dear Lord, teach me to trust You and to believe that even though my situation is overwhelming, You always have the best for me in mind. Give me Your perspective today. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
79
THE ROOT OF MY ROT
Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
—PSALM 139:24 NLT
Recently, a friend of mine hurt my feelings and I got all bent out of shape. And, honey, everyone in my house knew Mama wasn’t happy. I tried everything to usher gentleness back into my tone and my temper.
I quoted verses.
I rebuked Satan.
I bossed my feelings around with truth.
I even tried to take a nap.
But none of these activities soothed me.
What really sent me over the edge, though, was a smell that started to fill my home that not even three strongly scented candles could mask.
Unfortunately, as the mysterious, awful smell continued to waft through my home, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what it was or where it was coming from.
Finally, I realized my daughter had placed a trash can in the middle of my bedroom floor so she could toss scraps of paper as she worked on a school project. Some food had obviously been thrown away in that forgotten trash can that had surpassed gross and moved into the final stages of rot.
I didn’t have the heart to find out what the rot was; I just knew the trash can had to go. Immediately.
The smell was an outside indication of an internal situation. And the trash can wasn’t the only thing that stunk that night. So did my attitude.
My reaction was also an outside indication of an internal situation.
How we react is a crucial gauge of what’s really going on inside us.
The reason I couldn’t be soothed by quoting Scripture, bossing my feelings, rebuking Satan, or even taking a nap is because God wanted me to be aware of my stink . . . something inside of me that stunk . . . a place starting to rot.
I’d been hurt by a friend and didn’t want to confront the issue or forgive the person who had hurt me. I’d stuffed bitterness in my heart and tried to pretend it wasn’t there. But the rot was there and the stink from deep within my heart kept spilling out.
God didn’t want me to temporarily mask the situation by feeling better in the moment. He wanted me to address the root of my rot—to see it, admit it, expose it, let Him clean it up, and shut it down. Immediately.
Psalm 139:24 reminds us of King David’s plea to the Lord: “Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” We must have this same attitude when it comes to our own lives.
A little rot can spread fast and furiously if not dealt with swiftly and seriously. That’s why it’s so crucial to pay attention to our reactions today.
How we react is a crucial gauge of what’s really going on inside us.
When people or issues or situations bump into our happy, it’s not wrong to feel annoyed. But if that annoyance leads to a reaction out of proportion to the issue at hand, we can bank on the fact that this eruption has a root of rot.
Here are some telltale signs of roots of rot:
• I throw out statements like, “You always . . . You never . . . Why can’t we ever . . .”
• I start gathering ammunition from past situations to build my case.
• I use words and a tone outside my normal character.
• I justify my reaction by pointing out how hard my life is right now.
• I demand an apology, all the while knowing I should be giving one.
These are not fun to admit, but here’s the beauty of the situation: The quicker we see a root of rot, the quicker we can get rid of the stink and move forward.
Dear Lord, thank You for bringing to light the rotting areas of my life. Help me address these areas with Your grace and truth. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
80
I QUIT
Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.
—2 CORINTHIANS 7:10
My heart is stirred today to say it’s time to quit.
Not ministry.
Not a diet or an exercise plan.
But quit being critical of a friend I love very much. The crazy thing is, I’m not a critical person. But I’ve found myself slipping into a pattern of giving this person what they give me.
They criticize.
So, I’ve started criticizing back. A lot.
And I’m feeling very convicted today that I need to model a different attitude and approach to life.
Recently, my pastor said something very convicting in his sermon. He said, “Jesus didn’t die so we’d be sorry. He died and then He was resurrected so we’d be changed.”
Changed.
There is a big difference between being sorry and being changed.
To be sorry means to feel bad. It’s a temporary little prick of the heart.
But change only comes when we’re repentant. Being repentant is a deeper conviction to correct and transform our behavior—our habit—our wrong tendency.
In 2 Corinthians 7:10 we learn, “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow leads to death.” Leaves no regret—those are powerful words.
I want to live a life of no regrets.
And I think today is a really good day to address something that could lead to a big ol’ pile of regret.
So, each time I’m feeling the need to criticize I’m going to see it as a call to flip my words to encouragement.
There is a big difference between being sorry and being changed.
I might still need to address some issues with this person but I will do it by pointing out their strengths and the responsibilities that come with those strengths rather than constantly focusing on their weaknesses.
For example: “You are an influencer! Have you noticed when you are happy others are happy but when you are negative it really affects those around you? I need your help to keep things positive today. Do you think you can accept this leadership role? How can you be a positive influence in this situation?”
I’m not naive enough to think this will be easy. I will need grace. They will need grace. But at least if I’m aware of how I need to change, change can be set in motion.
Are you up for quitting some old habit, negative attitude, or wrong tendency? I know I am. The next time we’re presented with an opportunity, let’s remember the words of my pastor, “Jesus didn’t die so we’d be sorry. He died and then He was resurrected so we’d be changed.”
Dear Lord, I’m ready to quit. Instead of critical words, I want to speak kind and encouraging ones. Will You please help me make this shift? In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
81
RECEIVING GRACE
I will bless the LORD at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
—PSALM 34:1 KJV
I couldn’t even blame this one on hormones. It was just too much, happening too fast, in too condensed of a time period, with too many people determined to get on my last good nerve.
I’ll give it to you in two-word snippets. And while I’m running down my list, see if any empathy starts to find its way to your heart. Because I’m convinced if there is one way all us girls are alike, it’s in the reality that life isn’t always so pretty.
Computer crash. Birthday forgotten. Whiny child. Stained pants. Pounds gained. Feelings hurt. Tempers short. Dog fleas. Pantry ants. Throbbing head. Interrupted nap. Sibling spat. Time out. Messy car. Gas prices. Urgent errands. No time. Doctor appointment. Waiting room. Waiting room. Waiting room. Misplaced belonging. Futile search. Hand wringing. Messy kitchen. Chores undone. Laundry piles. Paper piles. Dinner flop. Early bedtime.
Sheer exhaustion.
And yes, all that and more happened on my birthday. And all the girlfriends sighed a unified, “Have mercy.”
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sp; I really wish I could put a godly spin on how I reacted in these situations. I would love to share how I smiled and remained calm and didn’t yell at those I love and didn’t pout about the forgotten birthday. I would love to be able to say I took the high road and handled everything with grace as my little halo shined.
In the midst of my mess, God is there.
But I’m afraid only one word describes my overall attitude: ugly. And when my ugly comes out, I am so often tempted to think God leaves me. I wouldn’t blame Him. Who wouldn’t want to get away from someone with an ungrateful heart and a stinky attitude?
But God is too full of grace to walk away. Grace doesn’t give me a free pass to act out how I feel, with no regard for His commands. Rather His grace gives me consolation in the moment, with a challenge to learn from this situation and become more mature in the future.
Grace is the sugar that helps the bitter pills of confession and repentance go down without choking. That’s why the writer of Hebrews says, “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need” (Hebrews 4:16). Grace is the reason I can go to God quickly, immediately—before I’m cleaned up—and boldly ask for His help. In the midst of my mess, God is there.
When I am short-tempered and flat-out grumpy, I often don’t feel God. But the reality is, He is with me. All I have to do to sense His presence is to acknowledge His presence, ask for His help, and make the choice to praise Him despite my feelings.
Though praise is not often the first or even the tenth thing we naturally think about when the messy realities of life hit, if we keep praise in the forefront of our minds it will become easier and easier to make that choice. Just like any other discipline, practicing it over and over will help it to become more natural. I can become a woman whose heart declares, “I will bless the Lord at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth.”
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