Hesitate

by Brooks, Anna

  “Sadie, seriously?” He rubs a hand down his face. “I know you’re talking about him, so no point in pretending otherwise.”

  She sighs. “You’re right.”

  “I know I am.”

  I lean into Q, and he tightens his arm around my shoulder as we settle in for the unexpected show. I’m glad she asked this because no matter how much I want to tell her that Kai is a piece of shit who will never leave his wife, my duty as her friend is to be there for her no matter what choices she makes.

  It’s not up to me to tell her what to do, and I’m super glad that Brodie is about to. I don’t know him more than what I’ve learned over the past few hours, but I can tell he’s about to lay it out for her.

  “Then, yes. That’s exactly what I’m telling you.”

  He shakes his head. “He’s never gonna leave her.”

  “He has the papers. He—”

  “He’s never gonna leave her.”

  “But he—”

  “Sadie, honey,” he interrupts her, but this time, she presses her lips together, and her downcast eyes shoot up to him. “He’s never gonna leave her. And I don’t know much about you, but you don’t come across as the type of woman who puts up with shit from anyone, so why are you letting this asshole jerk you around like this?”

  I prepare for Sadie to get pissed and am about to interject when she answers him. “Because he’s my daughter’s father. I didn’t know he was married the night I met him, and I… I don’t know. I guess I just keep thinking one of these days he’s going to leave her.”

  “If he was gonna do it, he would have already. I know it’s easier said than done, but you need to get over him. Get rid of that asshole and move on with your life. You’ll find a good one soon enough.”

  Sadie presses her lips together and nods, and it breaks my heart that she’s hurting. “You’re right.”

  “I know I am,” he repeats. “I’m pretty much always right. Ask Q.” I’m thankful he lightens the mood, and instead of looking up at Q when he laughs, I continue watching the sadness on my best friend’s face.

  She swallows and blinks, and then clears her throat before she jumps up. “Well kids, I think it’s time for me to go. It was awesome meeting you, Q. Brodie, same, thanks for the pep talk.”

  “It was. We’ll have to do it again soon.” Q stands next to me and rests a hand on my shoulder.

  “I’ll walk you out.” Brodie gets up as well.

  “Oh, I’m fine, I’ll just—” She stops talking, and I tip my head up to see Brodie shooting her with a look I’ve been on the receiving end of from Q often enough to know that Sadie isn’t gonna win. It’s the I’m the man and I’m doing it so stop questioning it look, and feminist or not, no woman can deny that a man who looks out for his friend’s girlfriend’s best friend by making sure she gets to her car safely is a sexy as hell trait.

  Brodie shakes hands with Q, and while he’s close, he leans in and gives me a hug, inadvertently separating me from Q. “Keep his ass in line,” he whispers to me, and before I can respond, Q yanks me out of Brodie’s arms and pulls me next to him with a hand tight on my waist.

  Brodie winks at me as he fights back laughter, and then looks at Sadie. “Ready?”

  “Yeah, if you are.” She walks toward the kitchen, calling over her shoulder, “Bye, Maddy. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “Okay.”

  As soon as they’re out of the apartment, Q turns me to face him. “Told you it’d be okay.”

  “I know. I’m sorry I was so worried. I just—”

  “Sweetheart, it’s fine. Shocked the shit out of me she asked about Kai.” It’s crazy that he remembers everything I tell him. I told him about Sadie and Kai a long time ago, and I think I said Kai’s name once. Which is proof he really does pay attention. “I just hope she listens to Brodie and moves on, she seems like a real cool chick.”

  “Me too, and she is, she’s the best. Thank you for making tonight so great.”

  He drops his chin to his chest. “It wasn’t hard to have dinner with my girl and our friends.”

  “No, but I appreciate it all the same.” And I want to show him how much I appreciate tonight and all the other nights he’s made so good for me. I slide down his body, and his hands loosen, thinking I’m going to sit down again. But when I continue until my knees hit the floor, his fingers tighten in my hair. “Madeline,” he growls, “get up.”

  My palm presses against his crotch that’s already thick and swollen, and instantly, he hardens behind his jeans.

  I don’t expect it, so when he hauls me up and throws me over his shoulder, I screech. He takes me down the hallway and tosses me on the bed, and before I can even figure out what’s happening, he slams his mouth to mine.

  My legs part for him because he’s exactly where I like him, where he belongs, where my body wants him to be. I reach for his shirt, which he pulls back just enough for me to rip off. He yanks up mine and throws it behind him, then rips the cups of my bra down, sucking one breast into his mouth. My hips shoot up, or at least try to, but they’re met with his hardness, which is making it so I can’t move. “Q,” I whine and try to get some friction where I need it the most.

  And because he’s Q, and he gives me exactly what I need when I need it, he doesn’t make me ask for it again. He lifts his body off mine and rips my jeans down, the material scraping against my tingly flesh. The anticipation makes me wetter by the second.

  He surges up and closes his mouth over my panties. “Oh my God.” My back arches, my thighs tense, and my vision becomes blurry as waves of ecstasy flow through me.

  Just his mouth on me makes me climax, and as I’m coming down, he bites the fabric and pulls it down my legs. “Not done yet.”

  His heated eyes find mine, and I watch them get darker when he presses my thighs open but lose them as his head lowers and he latches on again. But this time, he adds his fingers to the mix, and God, I want to feel his thick cock inside me so bad. I push up on my elbows and call his name, and he licks me from pussy to my clit, then around my belly button, between my breasts, until finally he’s hovering over me. “What, baby? I’m kind of busy down here.” He reminds me exactly where when he thrusts a third finger inside me. My eyes roll back in my head, and I press my chest into his. “How the fuck are you more beautiful every time I look at you?”

  “God.”

  “Want you comin’ again for me.”

  Tipping my chin down, I laugh and moan as I reach for his muscular biceps. “That won’t be hard to do.” I pant when he circles his palm over my clit.

  “Q.”

  “Shh.” He brings his other hand to my jaw, cups it, then slides his thumb into my mouth.

  I suck on it, and he watches my lips, my eyes, then he dips his head and watches as he fucks me with his fingers, his nostrils flaring and corded neck tightening. He brings me up so many times, I lose track, but somehow, he manages to never let me come down. And when he’s finally done playing with my body, I don’t have anything left in me but the aftereffects of sheer bliss.

  Chapter 9

  Madeline

  Waking up with him is an amazing feeling, and being with him is awesome. I love everything about him, but starting the day with his arms around me is something I absolutely love. The fact that he holds me in his sleep means the world to me.

  I’m not usually awake before him, so I know he must be really tired, and I don’t want to wake him. So instead of running my lips all over his body like I want to, I slide out from beneath the covers and make my way to the bathroom where I turn on the shower. The steam fogs up the mirror rather quickly since it’s such a small room, and I step beneath the warm spray. Muscles I didn’t even know I had are deliciously sore this morning, but I smile at the reason I’m tense. Everything Q does makes me smile. I have a head full of shampoo and am just finishing shaving my legs when the door is yanked open.

  And there he stands in all his naked glory. Packed full of muscle and not an ounc
e of fat on him, he steps inside and laughs. I drag my gaze up from his perfect penis that appears miraculously harder than the rest of his muscles, past the methodical ‘V’ that I know after seeing him shirtless the first time is actually not a myth, up over his square jaw, to his glittering green eyes. “What’s so funny?”

  “Your shampoo is purple.”

  “It helps keep the color. What are you doing?”

  He grabs me by the shoulders and spins me around, tilting my head back to rinse out the shampoo. “Missed you.” His fingers gently drift through the strands and when the shampoo is out, he cups the back of my head. I open my eyes just in time so see his mouth descending on mine. Yay.

  And when his lips make contact, my lids close, and I get lost in his kiss. His hips give small thrusts, like it’s out of his control, grinding his cock into my belly as he devours my mouth. A low rumble forms in his throat and somehow ends up down mine right before he spins me around again.

  I gasp when he hauls my back against his chest, one arm a band around my waist, pressing my lower back against him… all of him. He reaches up, and before I can think about what he’s even doing, he unclips the showerhead from the wall and brings it down between my legs. “Oh.” I push up on my toes, which elicits a grunt from him when his dick slides between my ass cheeks. “Oh God.”

  “Put your hands on the wall.”

  My palms hit the tile faster than I can blink, and when he unhooks his arm, I know why. Because he angles the showerhead and then uses his other hand to drive two fingers straight up inside me. “Shit.” I rock into his hand and the dual sensations have me climbing instantly. “Q.” I moan and fist my hands against the wall, wishing it was his broad shoulders I was grabbing.

  “Close already, sweetheart?” His voice is heated but playful.

  “Shut up,” I breathe.

  “Can feel it.” He strokes his fingers in and out, circles them against my sensitive and quivering entrance, then slams them inside and hits a spot I’ve never felt before. “Jesus, Madeline. I can feel you gettin’ wetter, tightening up on me.”

  “Q.” I start to push up, afraid of what I’m feeling because it’s so powerful, it’s going to overwhelm me.

  He suddenly drops the showerhead, and water sprays against the wall. “Fuck.” He holds me tighter against him, his forearm pressing against my belly where he holds me still, and begins finger fucking me like I never have been before. Fast, rough, and so much pressure.

  “Oh God… Q… I… I…”

  “Let it happen, baby.”

  My head shakes even though my hips are rocking into his fingers. “It’s too much.”

  “Not enough.” His teeth sink into the skin just below my ear and despite the harsh breaths he’s panting there, the moist sound coming from between my legs is the only thing I hear. “Fuck, yeah.” he mumbles. “Give that to me.”

  I don’t know exactly what it is, but I give it to him. I want to give him everything. My breath freezes in my lungs, my heart stops, my back arches, and my knees give out when my entire lower body spasms. His fingers are relentless as they slide out and rapidly rub against my swollen clit, and an orgasm like I’ve never experienced pours through me. My breath comes out in an echoing moan, and my hips jerk as fire and ice shoot through my veins and spread to my skin.

  I begin to double over, but he holds me up and slides his hand up from my waist to my jaw and turns my head. The gentle way his lips touch mine and soothe me makes the back of my eyes burn. He pulls his head back, and his eyes pinball over my face and finally settle, gazing into my own. “How you doin’?”

  “Seven. Seven. Seven.” I smile when it’s clear he has no clue what I’m talking about. “Did you ever watch Friends?”

  “Babe,” he states like I’m insane. “Do I look like the kind of guy who watches Friends?”

  “No, but you also don’t look like the kind of guy who works on a computer all day, so I’m gonna change that tonight and introduce you to the best show ever.”

  He kisses my cheek. “Oh, yeah? You think so?”

  I turn fully in his arms, and when I do, it reminds me that he’s still hard. “Q.” My eyes drop, but he tilts my chin up.

  “Let’s clean you up. I’ve gotta get going soon, too.”

  “But—”

  “Shh.” He cradles my face and then runs his nose along my jaw and up, and his teeth graze my ear. I hate that he hasn’t let me touch him yet, but respect that he respects me enough and has enough restraint to pleasure me while he waits for me to reciprocate. I want to, I wish he’d let me, but I just have to wait in anxious anticipation. “Thank you for giving that to me, sweetheart. It’s something I’ll never forget.”

  “Yeah, me either.” I giggle, and he presses his lips to my forehead and then bends down to fix the showerhead. We both finish up and discuss our plans for the day. He’s going to pick me up after work, and we’ll go to the Mediterranean restaurant again for dinner since it’s my new favorite, not because of the food but because it’s the first place he took me, and then when we get back, I’m going to introduce him to the best TV show ever.

  * * *

  For the entire day, I was on cloud nine. I could actually feel my lips stretching happily as the minutes ticked by, getting closer and closer to seeing him again.

  I’ve never had this before… this all-consuming, heart on fire, needy kind of love, and I want to do everything I can to keep it. It seems like forever ago since I last saw him, but in reality, it was less than ten hours since this morning. He knew he was going to be swamped today, so he followed me to work, then sent me a text earlier that said he’d meet me at the restaurant. This was the first time in almost a month that he didn’t drive me to and from work, and for those short minutes, I missed sitting next to him and holding his hand.

  Which is why, when he walks into the restaurant wearing a pair of dark wash jeans and a hunter green Henley, I get out of my seat and rush to him, practically throwing myself into his arms and pressing my face into his chest. I ignore the curious eyes and whispers, for once not giving a shit about people looking at me, us, and focus on how good it feels to have him hold me. To know he feels the same and to know he’s not going anywhere.

  He chuckles as he wraps his arms around me, the vibration stirring the butterflies in my stomach awake. “Hey, sweetheart.”

  I tilt my head up, and he lowers his, kissing me softly. “Hi.”

  “Miss me?”

  “Don’t be smug.”

  “Madeline, you ran across the restaurant and threw yourself into my arms nine hours and thirty-seven minutes after I watched and felt you fall apart in the shower, which was the hottest fuckin’ thing I’ve ever seen; there’s no other way I can be but smug.”

  I tilt my head, and his eyes drop to the smile that spreads across my face. “You counted the minutes?”

  He playfully nips my lower lip, and I swear there’s another side to this man who I see every day. “Now who’s smug?”

  “I’m not smug. It’s cute.”

  “You’re cute.”

  “There it is again.”

  He grins. “You like it.”

  “I like you.”

  “I like you more.”

  “I love you.”

  I’ve never seen someone’s face fall so quickly, but I have felt that rapid decline because my heart just plummeted to my gut. Shit. I didn’t mean to say that.

  “Mad—”

  “Sorry, that’s… I…” I tear out of his hold, and I know the only reason he allows it is because we’re in a public place. “Let’s order. I’m starved.” I force my shoulders back as I take my seat and lift my menu to hide behind it so I can avoid Q like the coward I am.

  I feel him sit across from me, but he doesn’t say a word, his playful nature from a few minutes ago vanished. It’s not exactly tension that’s in the air, but there’s something unpleasant. For the first time since the morning I kicked him out of my apartment, I don’t want to be around h
im.

  “I think I’m going to get the same thing I did last time, what about you? Are you going to try something different or stick with the same thing? I told the waiter to get you a beer, but he hasn’t brought it yet. Do you want an appet—”

  “Look at me.” Q snaps my name, and I bite the inside of my cheek as I lower the menu. “Sweetheart, stop it.”

  “Stop what? I’m not doing anything. I’m just—”

  “You’re talkin’ a million miles a minute. Just chill.” He takes my hands in his across the table, and my shoulders stiffen, pulling away from his touch. When I hear the growl roll off his tongue, I swallow and relax, letting him hold my hands. “Listen, Mad—”

  Nope. I know what he’s going to say, and I can’t hear it. I rip my hand away from him and stand so fast, my chair falls over. Out. Just get out. Away from him and the humiliation that he doesn’t feel the same way I do. I run frantically through the restaurant and out the front door, avoiding all the eyes again staring at me in shock.

  I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I start running toward where my car is parked down the block and across the street. “Madeline, stop.” I hear Q behind me, and somehow before I’m even to the end of the block, he’s got five fingers clamped around my bicep and is pulling me away from the street, just as a car whips by and their horn wails and tires squeal. My hair whips around, and when it clears, I see nothing but Q’s hunter green T-shirt. “Jesus.” He tucks me against him, his chin resting on the top of my head, my face plastered to his chest and his arms like a vise. “God, baby. What in the hell are you thinking?”

  I’m thinking I needed to get out of here, away from him and the mortification that I just told him I love him.

  My body shakes with adrenaline, and I inhale an uneven breath through my nose. I can’t believe I just did that. The “I love you” thing, but also the almost getting hit by a car thing. I could have died. Q could have seen my body splattered all over the pavement because I ran away from him because I’m afraid of my stupid feelings. I’m such a moron.