Hesitate

by Brooks, Anna

  “Okay.”

  As much as I love touching her, making her feel good, being inside of her, I love feeling close to her the most. I love that she looks at me the same way I look at her. That her breath is harsh with need. Her eyes dark with desire. That she trusts me to do whatever I want.

  “You love me?” I ask, sliding a single finger back inside her.

  She nods, her breath caught in her throat. “Yes.”

  Her walls tighten, and she pushes her chest up, eyes watering and her lips parted. I drop my mouth to hers as she cries out her orgasm, loving absolutely everything about this moment. Straight up loving her more than I thought possible.

  I kiss her jaw, her chin, her collarbone, and drop my head while she comes down, slowly rubbing her pussy and waiting for the tremors to subside before I fuck her. My phone rings, and I lift my head from between Madeline’s breasts. “No.” She moans, and I sigh.

  “Fuck.” Her legs tighten around my wrist, and I look down at her. “I’ve gotta get that.” I drop my forehead and press a chaste kiss on her collarbone. “Hang tight.” I reach over her and answer Brodie’s call. “Yeah.”

  “Since you’re not at the gym, I know you’re not out of breath from working out, so I’m going to apologize in advance for whatever I interrupted, but I thought you’d want to know we got him.”

  I sit up and throw the covers back over her before I walk to my closet, already grabbing clean clothes so I can go into Royal. “Who?”

  “Sean Thomas.”

  Sean is a PI who works in the city who wanted to be at Royal but wasn’t able to pass the training he needed to get in with us. After he got rejected, he started his own business. “That fuckin’ guy?”

  Brodie laughs. “Yeah, believe it or not. I finally got a good picture and was able to run it through the system. He was hesitant to come meet with us, but when I told him that Maddy was yours, he changed his tune fast… doesn’t want you on his bad side. He’ll be here in an hour.”

  “Okay. Who’s there who could keep eyes on Madeline until we’re done with him?”

  “Um…” he trails off, and a minute later, he tells me Gio’s available this morning.

  “Cool, I’ll follow her to work but have him meet me there. Until we know why Sean was there and who hired him and why, I don’t want her alone.”

  “Sounds good.”

  We hang up and I hurry and get dressed, then go back into the bedroom where Madeline is rummaging through the drawer that her bras and underwear are now in. All she’s got on at the moment is a tank top that she slept in and nothing else.

  Under any other circumstance, I’d walk up behind her and slide inside, get a quickie in to start the day, but I don’t have time. She senses me getting close and turns around. “Who was that?”

  “Brodie. They found the guy who broke into your apartment. We’ve gotta get you to work so I can go in and find out who hired him and what his game is. Gio’s gonna meet us at the school until I’m sure you’re safe.”

  She licks her lips. “I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

  “I’m sure you will be, but I want to be positive.”

  “I feel bad, you guys are doing all this stuff for me and I’m not paying anyone and it’s taking time away from other stuff.”

  “It’s what we do, so don’t even worry about it. Go get dressed quick so we can go and hopefully finally put an end to all this shit.”

  Her face lights up. “Yeah, this could be the end of it, huh?”

  “Yeah, sweetheart. It could be, but it’s just the beginning of us.”

  * * *

  It takes me physically holding the arms of the chair to prevent myself from charging across the room and having a go at this assclown. He walks into the conference room with a swagger and sunglasses, then whistles as he turns in a circle. “You guys got the setup.”

  “Glad you approve,” Erik replied dryly. “Mind taking a seat so we can get this show on the road?”

  Sean lifts his chin, then removes his shades and tucks them into the collar of his unbuttoned green polo shirt. “No prob.”

  As he’s pulling the chair out, Brodie clears his throat. “Thanks for coming in, Sean.”

  “Anything to help a fellow PI.” He plops down and raises a brow at me, clearly recognizing the tension radiating off me from seeing the man who broke into my girl’s apartment and put his hands on her. “Sorry about that, bro.”

  “I ain’t your bro, asshole.”

  He holds his hands up, and Brodie murmurs my name low and quiet, warning me to shut up. When I glare at him, he gives me the slightest nod, then directs his attention back to Sean. “Who hired you?”

  “Now, gentlemen, we all know that I can’t divulge that information. Next question.”

  This smug bastard…

  “What were you doing in Madeline McKenna’s apartment?”

  “You guys have her shit sealed so tight the only way for me to produce any information for my client was to break into her place.”

  Damn straight, I locked her shit up tight. “What intel were you trying to locate?” I ask.

  “Doesn’t matter anyway. As soon as I saw you walk in with her, I knew I wasn’t gonna be able to get anything, so I hauled ass outta there. For real, I didn’t mean to hurt her. I sent a message to the client that I was cancelling the job, and it’d behoove them to lay off since she was under your protection. Got a confirmation an hour later, and that was that.”

  “Who?”

  “No clue. I got a text from a burner, and the way I deal, I don’t collect until I produce, so no transactions took place.”

  Fuckin’ Roxy. Don’t know what the hell she was thinking paying a PI to try to get more info on Madeline when I wouldn’t give it to her. “If it wasn’t made clear, I’ll say it out loud just so I can hear you confirm that you get me, bro.” I lean forward in my chair. “Madeline McKenna is off-limits. Got it? Or do I need to go into further detail about that?”

  Sean swallows. “Nah, I got it.”

  “Good.”

  He nods to the other guys and stands, but just before he walks out the door, I call his name. “I don’t need to tell you what’ll happen if I find out you kept something from me, do I?”

  Wisely, he turns around. “I’m telling you all I know. You think I want beef with Royal Ace, you’re outta your damn mind.”

  He’s barely out the door before I’m standing and marching toward my car. “You need to take a minute.” Erik grabs my arm, but I rip it out of his hold. “I’m good.”

  “Q, that wasn’t a question.”

  “I’m good,” I reassure him.

  “Brodie, go with.”

  I turn to my best friend and shake my head. “I’m good. I don’t need a fuckin’ babysitter. Just gotta go make a quick stop, then I’ll be back here to close everything out with Madeline’s case and also get some work done.”

  “You sure you’ve got your shit tight?”

  I nod at Brodie and he shrugs. “He’s good, Erik.”

  “If she calls the cops on you, I ain’t gonna bail your ass outta jail.”

  “You won’t need to, Erik. I just wanna get this shit over with for good.”

  I arrive at Roxy’s little house, and let myself inside by picking her lock. She’s got a cheap ass alarm which isn’t even set, not that I couldn’t bypass it if I needed to. Her car is in the driveway, so I’m assuming she’s home.

  Stealthily, I walk around and am actually kind of shocked at how bare everything is in here. Nothing on the walls, no decorations, not even a magnet on the fridge. Interesting.

  The sound of water takes me up the staircase, and when I hear her shower running from her master bath, I smile to myself. Perfect. I go to sit on the edge of her bed, but have second thoughts just before my ass hits the comforter. Instead, I lean against the wall across from the door that leads to her bathroom, and wait.

  Luckily, it doesn’t take long.

  The water shuts off and only about a minute a
fter, hinges creak and she shrieks when she sees me. “How did you get in here?” She covers her naked chest with her hands, and I almost want to laugh at the irony of it.

  “No more from you, Roxy.”

  “You’re not welcome in my home. Get out before I call the cops.”

  “I’m leaving as soon as we’re clear that the only way you will ever speak to Madeline will be because she contacts you. Not another visit to her apartment. No more PIs, not just because it’s a nuisance for me to have to deal with them, but because they’re not gonna find shit that you’re looking for. I made sure of it. Nobody will ever find anything on her. As of right now, your daughter ceases to exist, and I mean that in any and every possible way you can imagine. Is that understood?”

  “Wha—”

  I shake my head and push off the wall, stalking toward her. Her face pales, and her bloodshot eyes widen. The more I look at her the more I realize how drastically different she and Madeline appear. To me. Everyone else sees two women who could pass for sisters, but I see two completely different people. “This isn’t up for discussion. And if you’re trying to decide how you should play this, just know that the next person to pay you a visit will be Danny Dakota.” I incline my head at the implication. He’s her supplier and a straight up bad man, so he can make her life hell in a variety of ways. “Now, assure me you understand what I’m saying to you.”

  “Maddy is off-limits to me.” Her lip trembles, and I wait a beat before nodding and then walking away.

  On my way back to my car, I dial Danny Dakota himself, because I have to. I need to know that he understands he may need to wade in. As much as I don’t want to owe him shit, I’ll do it to finally get that bitch out of Madeline’s life. He answers just as I’m getting in my seat. “Too tired to dismantle my system?” he answers with a chuckle.

  Normally I’d throw a lame insult at him, but this isn’t a joking matter. “You just got a marker from me.”

  The line goes dead silent for a moment before I hear him telling someone to leave the room. “What exactly did I do for you in order to earn that?”

  “My girl’s mom—”

  “Roxy Rivers.” He practically purrs. Figures that after I left his office last time, he did some digging ’cause his nosy ass needs to be all up in everyone’s business. “Loyal customer with a rack I don’t mind looking at. What about her?”

  “Roxy hired the PI who broke into Madeline’s house. Mommy dearest wanted more information that she’ll never be able to get because I buried all of it.”

  He hums in understanding.

  “Hopefully, she’s smart enough to keep her mouth shut, but should she be moronic enough to fuck with Madeline, you’re up.”

  Chapter 19

  Madeline

  While my kids are doing silent reading, I step into the hallway and dial Q since I had a missed call from him. He answers on the first ring. “Hey, sweetheart.”

  “Hi. What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. It’s good actually, really good. The guy who broke into your house was a PI, but he isn’t a threat anymore. Your mom isn’t a threat. Nobody is. Everything’s good, baby.”

  I practically fall against the wall in relief, the weight of the stress of all the things and the guilt of having Q and his friends helping me has been so heavy I had a hard time standing upright the past couple of weeks. “Really?”

  “Yeah. You’re totally safe now. We can move on and put all this shit behind us.”

  “Q.” I sigh, so overwhelmed that I need to take a moment to pull in an entire breath. “Since I’m standing in the middle of the hallway while twenty-four first graders are mere feet away and I can’t show you how I feel, I’ll just have to tell you.”

  “Madeline—”

  “I love you.” I hear his teeth slam together on the other end, and much like the last time, I don’t give him a chance to respond. “I meant it the first time I said it, I wasn’t lying when I told you I did last night, but I mean it even more now. And I can’t thank you enough for everything you did for me for no other reason than you care about me. It means the world to me; you mean the world to me. I just want you to know that.”

  When the line stays silent, I pull my phone away to make sure he’s still on the line, but he starts talking so I put it back to my ear and listen. “Gio’s gonna take off since there’s no need for him to be there. I have some things to catch up on here, so unfortunately I might be a little late tonight. Do you want to come here after work and hang in my office or meet me at home?”

  “I’ll just meet you at your house.”

  “Sounds good.”

  “Um, okay.”

  “Now hang up and get back to work. If I hear your voice much longer, I’m going to want to tell you that I love you too, but I really want to be looking into your eyes the first time I say it.”

  I can’t help the gasp that flies from my throat.

  “Bye, Madeline. I’ll see you tonight.”

  He hangs up before I can say goodbye, and my eyes flutter closed while I take another moment to revel in the feel of freedom partnered with happiness. It’s been a long time—before I was even a teenager—since I remember feeling this way. And even then, it wasn’t at this level.

  Every moment I’ve been with Q, he’s made me feel loved, even when I wasn’t open to receiving it or believed he was genuine. I’ve felt safe, too, but there was always an invisible elephant in the room. His eyes constantly darted around, looking for danger. His jaw was tight. His shoulders were taut and fists balled, ready to fight off any impending danger.

  And just now, hearing his voice, he sounded different. Lighter. He sounded happier. I could almost hear the relief, and as much as I hate that we’ve had to go through what we did to get to this point, in a way I’m grateful.

  I appreciate him so much more than I would have had things been easy, and I cherish every moment we have together… of which I hope we’ll have a lifetime of.

  A child yelling brings me back to the now. I tell myself to put a smile on my face for my class, only to find there’s already one there, which stretches that smile even bigger.

  The rest of my afternoon goes by quickly, and I gather my things and take hold of my car keys, fingering the large silver one to his house that Q gave me this morning. As far as I’m concerned, I never have to step foot in my apartment again except to get the rest of my belongings. I love Q’s home; it’s exactly what I imagined myself living in when I was lucky enough to settle down and have a family.

  I walk out the side exit that leads to the staff parking, and as soon as the door shuts behind me, I freeze at what I see before me.

  Instead of announcing my presence, I creep toward the two people who appear to be arguing behind a car until I’m close enough to listen. Their conversation is so heated, neither sees me approach.

  “… that’s bullshit. He thinks it was me. I didn’t hire that private investigator. I know it was you. And now he’s all over my ass—”

  Paul interrupts my mother. “Thought you liked it like that.”

  “Real original. If you think throwing insults is going to have any effect on me whatsoever, you’re sorely mistaken. I’ve lived my entire life hearing that kind of shit, so I’m immune to it. One thing I’m not immune to is Q’s threats or being on Danny’s bad side. And I know he’s serious, so you need to call off your dog because I’m not gonna take the rap for you.”

  What the hell is going on?

  “I already did, even though she was never in danger from him. You’re the one she needed protecting from.”

  “I would never hurt her.”

  He steps closer to her, which puts him farther behind the van next to my car, so he’s even more out of sight now. “Just because Q thinks everything is good and isn’t having a man protect her at school anymore, I still don’t trust you.”

  “She’s my daughter. I would never hurt her. Ever. All I wanted was to find her to see if she’d be—”

  He slas
hes his hand through the air. “I know what you wanted from her, and that makes me sick. How could you even ask that? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

  “I have nothing else!” she screams, her words choked behind tears. “I’m nobody unless I spread my legs for a camera. I don’t know what to do with my life, okay? I was desperate. I have no money, no future, a past I am so ashamed of I can barely look myself in the mirror, and now I have a daughter who hates me even more than she did before. I fucked up enough of my life and hers, too, and I will not allow you to ruin the future she deserves. So I’m warning you now, back the fuck off.”

  “I don’t remember you having such a nasty mouth.”

  “I don’t care. All I care about right now is that my daughter lives the rest of her life happy. I didn’t do my job as a mother for the first half of her life, but I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure that happens now. Even if she never talks to me again, I can at least die knowing I tried.”

  My knees tingle, and my eyes blur as stars dance in the corners at hearing the words that I always dreamed of hearing from her but never thought I’d get. I feel like I’m going to pass out, but before I do, I have to know what the hell is happening. “What’s going on? How do you… what?” I can’t even form a sentence as my mom turns her body in my direction and steps toward me.

  “Maddy.” She sniffles and wipes her cheeks with the backs of her hands.

  I look up at Paul, forcing myself to ignore her tears so I can get to the bottom of this. “What the hell is going on? How do you know her? And you?” I point at my mom. “What are you even doing here?”

  “I came to stop him from doing—”

  “I’m not going to do anything. Christ, Audrey.” He runs his fingers through his hair, and my head rears back at him calling her by her real name and not the name everyone else in the world knows her by. “I didn’t want any of this.”

  “You think I did?” She holds her arms out. “You think this is the life I wanted for myself? That this is what I dreamed of doing as a little girl. I had no choice, thanks to you.”