Tug Of Law (Bernadette Mackenna Cases Book 4)

by D. R. Bailey

“What!” exclaimed Bernadette unable to stop herself.

  “Don’t speak!” said Eve almost angrily.

  “Sorry… sorry…”

  “I said I didn’t want that, and she told me I had no choice. I had agreed to it. She said it was that or my parents. It seemed like telling my parents would be worse. So, I nodded. Then she got the bible, lectured me on homosexuality. Of course, I know now all that anti-gay stuff was put in later, but she said God knew I was a terrible sinner, the worst kind. I sort of half believed it. She told me that the bible says not to spare the rod. All this time I was standing there naked and scared out of my wits at what was going to happen.”

  Bernadette felt Eve move closer to her, and Eve’s arms draw around her for comfort, but she kept very quiet.

  “Then she put the bible down and she told me to bend over the table. She walked around in front of me, so I could see her flexing that cane. Telling me how I was going to get the whipping of my life. She relished that part, I could tell, making me scared of what it was going to feel like. She said I deserved it for being a mortal sinner, a harlot and lesbian bitch, things like that. She said I had had it coming for a long time. I could tell she’d been planning it somehow, a way to get me into that situation. And then…. then she began…”

  Eve pulled her closer now, and Bernadette could feel the wetness on her back, as Eve’s tears flowed freely as did hers. Bernadette’s were mixed with an indescribable anger she could hardly control. The anger of wanting to somehow physically hurt Eve’s sister very badly if she only could.

  “She whipped me with that cane, over and over again, but not fast, slowly. Stroke after stroke, deliberately. Each time she’d tell me I was a whore, a slut, a sinner. Then she would do it again. It fucking hurt, it stung like fire. I tried to count them, but I lost count. I cried but she didn’t stop. I begged her to stop. She just told me to take it. I’ve no idea how many times she did it but eventually, it finished. She stood there looking at me and I could see she was so happy at what she had done.”

  It was all Bernadette could do to stop herself from swearing out loud in anger. Eve was still talking.

  “She made me lie there for a long time before I could get up. She asked me if I had learned my lesson. I nodded though it taught me nothing but what a fucking bitch she really is. Then she let me go and get dressed. I looked in the mirror and I saw the stripes; my backside was crimson. I was ashamed, so ashamed that I had let her violate me like that. I hated her, I fucking hated her so much…”

  The dam finally burst, and Eve began to sob into Bernadette’s back pulling her arms so tight, while her body was wracked with sob after sob after sob. Bernadette’s hands came up to clasp Eve’s and she held them fast. She still did not dare turn around although every part of her being wanted to do so.

  “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, my darling,” Bernadette whispered.

  “She hurt me so much, Bernadette, so much and she enjoyed it, I could see it in her face, I could see how much she had loved doing that to me,” Eve said through the sobs.

  “I’m sorry, darling, can I hold you? Please let me hold you.”

  “Yes, yes, I want you to.”

  Almost with a sigh of relief, Bernadette turned around and took Eve into her arms. Eve sagged gratefully against her chest and put her head on Eve’s shoulder. Bernadette stroked her hair softly.

  “It wasn’t the end of it,” Eve said at length.

  “No?”

  Bernadette wondered what else her dreadful sister could have done, and how she was going to stop herself somehow remonstrating with her sister one way or another. If her sister was standing there right now, Bernadette would have slapped her into the middle of next week without hesitation.

  “No, I thought it was over, but it wasn’t. I avoided her as much as possible, while she smirked in the background. A week later she came to my room. She said that my parents were going out for the afternoon and I was to get another caning. She said once was not enough, and I was to be ready to be punished whenever and wherever she wanted. If I didn’t agree she said she was going to tell my parents. She said I was a filthy sinner and she had prayed to God. God had told her she had to beat the lesbianism out of me.”

  Eve’s voice was beginning to sound stronger, tinged with anger.

  “What happened?”

  “I told her to fuck off. I said no way was it happening again. I ran downstairs to my parents and I told them I was gay. I wasn’t going through it again. My parents were understanding and accepting, more than I expected. My sister was livid. I think she wanted to have that power over me, and I took it away. From then on, she was against me in everything and I began to hate her. I do, hate her, I hate her so fucking much!”

  “Fuck!” said Bernadette.

  Eve looked at her. She was relieved, as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Eve was tentative wondering how Bernadette had reacted. “Are you… angry with me?”

  Bernadette was slightly incredulous., “With you? Why should I be? Fuck no, darling, I’m fuming, with your sister. I’d like to give her a taste of her own medicine. What a fucking bitch! I want to slap her so hard, I can’t even begin to tell you.” She softened herself a little. “But how are you? It was obviously very painful for you. Are you feeling a little better?”

  “Thank you, yes, it feels better for telling you. I’m hungry now though. Would you like some lunch?”

  “Sure, but shall we order a takeaway?” Bernadette didn’t want her to feel obliged to cook, especially not after what Eve had just been through.

  “I would like to make it, it will help me, relax me a little.”

  “OK, so…” Bernadette paused, she had to ask, now they were through perhaps the worst confession, “Is there more?”

  They were in the zone and she felt it might as well be all out there if there was anything else. It would be good to get everything out into the open. It had all gone well so far.

  “A bit, not bad like that, but I’ll tell you afterwards.” Eve smiled for the first time. “Consider this an intermission.”

  “OK, my darling, but can I… kiss you?”

  “I want you to kiss me so badly it hurts.”

  They kissed. It was a full-on fireworks kiss. Bernadette felt the shivers go up her spine and wondered, not for the first time, exactly how Eve produced such a reaction in her. Eve said she felt it too, but Bernadette had never felt anything like it from anyone else.

  Eve got up and went to the kitchen. Bernadette followed her and they made lunch together. They made a Vietnamese salad with zucchini and carrot noodles, other fresh veg and stir-fried pork. Eve served it up with a small portion of rice. They sat at the table very close to each other. Bernadette kept caressing Eve’s arm as they consumed the food. They ate in reflective silence. Afterwards, Eve led her back to the sofa.

  “So, this is round two.” She smiled.

  “OK, should I prepare myself?” Bernadette laughed lightly.

  “My sister didn’t do anything else which I haven’t told you, I promise. But there was part of me which hated what my sister did,” Eve began.

  “And the other part?”

  “I liked it, it turned me on somehow.”

  “Did you get off on it?” Bernadette said quietly.

  “Yes, a lot. Then I would stop because I felt it was dirty. I felt I shouldn’t have liked it. I never shared what happened with my friend Fiona, I kept it to myself all these years. But I’ve thought about it often.”

  “And the Shibari? Was that really part of the whole thing, an extension of it?”

  “No, it’s just another kink that I have,” Eve giggled, “I’ve always fantasised about that.”

  “And this other part?”

  “I tried it a bit like I told you. I tried out some spanking with my friend, and others. But it’s not something I really like so much, actually doing it. But I like to hear about it, watch others doing it, the thought of it tu
rns me on.”

  “OK, so you like the dirty stories, or hearing Imogen spanking D’Arcy the other night?” said Bernadette wondering where this was leading.

  “Yes, and, the thing is, that I…” Eve sighed, “I watch stuff when you are at work.

  This didn’t sound too bad, Bernadette, and hardly unexpected from the hints Eve had given her in the past.

  “I thought as much,” Bernadette said not making a big deal out of it.

  “I watch videos of girls on girls, you know porn and stuff and I watch videos of girls spanking other girls. I read stories about it, I’ve got quite a few books on my Kindle app, lesbian Femdom, books like that…” Eve trailed off again, she obviously felt bad about it somehow.

  “OK,” said Bernadette. She wasn’t sure what else to say. It didn’t bother her particularly, but it seemed it was bothering Eve.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry. I don’t mind, darling, I just don’t know why you wouldn’t tell me. I don’t mind if you watch porn or not.”

  Bernadette was trying to give a mild response, keep things on an even keel. There were tell-tale signs in Eve’s face of tension mounting. She’d seen it before, the last thing she wanted was for this to escalate.

  “I don’t know why I couldn’t tell you.”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “It does matter, it matters to me. I feel as if I’ve let you down somehow. You must think I’m terrible.” Eve seemed determined to wear a sackcloth.

  Bernadette did not want her to indulge in self-castigation. Eve almost wanted her censure, and she didn’t want to give it because she didn’t feel Eve had done anything wrong.

  “You haven’t, I love you just the same whatever you’ve done. I don’t think that at all. I just wish you felt you could have told me, darling. All this time I’ve been wondering about those pictures you’ve been drawing, and the dirty stories. I just thought there was more to it.”

  “You thought I was a pervert is that it?” Eve said suddenly flaring up.

  “Wait, what?” Bernadette was taken aback.

  “You thought I was a sick fuck who likes being spanked, is that it?” There was sudden anger in Eve’s tone.

  Bernadette stared at her. “I never said that, darling, what? No, of course not.”

  “You think I’m fucking slut, a whore who spends all day watching fucking porn, wasting your money, do you, do you?” Eve raised her voice.

  Bernadette could see the warning signs clearly. This had happened before, she tried desperately to remain calm, to reassure her. “No. I don’t, I never said it, I didn’t, I don’t think that, please, Eve, stop it, darling, please.”

  Apparently, Eve was past being able to stop herself.

  “Well, I’ve got news for you. I don’t fucking care what you fucking think, you bitch!”

  “What? What did you call me?” Bernadette went white as a sheet. The wave of anger directed at her hurt her almost physically. Eve had shouted at her before, but this was different.

  “I said you are a bitch, fuck you, Bernadette!”

  It was almost as if she did not recognise the Eve she knew, her mind went numb.

  “You don’t mean that, no, no, you don’t mean that, Eve, say you don’t mean that, darling, please.” Bernadette had no idea how they had suddenly arrived at this point and it was once again spiralling out of control.

  “I know what you’re thinking, don’t tell me I don’t know what you’re thinking!”

  Bernadette had no clue where this had come from, her natural instinct to hit back was subsumed by the hurt the words were inflicting on her.

  “What? No, I’m not thinking anything, I’m not, really, I’m not, I promise you I don’t think badly of you, I love you… I…”

  Eve wasn’t listening, she was lost in something, almost as if she wasn’t even seeing Bernadette at all. Bernadette was wondering what to do when Eve let fly.

  “This is who I am, if you don’t want me like this, then fuck you… no, I mean it, honey, fuck you… just FUCK YOU…” Eve shouted at the top of her voice, her eyes flashing blazing anger, then abruptly she stood up, turned on her heel and walked out of the room.

  For a few seconds, Bernadette stood speechless. She had no idea what just happened. Things had gone from nought to sixty in less than a minute. Then she heard the front door slam. She got up almost blindly stumbling towards the living room door. A numbness which was already creeping over her triggered something inside. Something deep and hopelessly insecure. This had happened before, not with Eve. The demons rose up to engulf her. A well of despair burst inside her. She dropped to her knees and screamed, “Noooooooooo….”

  It was a gut-wrenching scream, a heart-breaking scream of despair, her voice cracked.

  “Eveeee… no… no… no… noooo…”

  She began to sob violently, and her shoulders began to shake. The memories of Rebecca appeared in her head and all of the hurt and pain which had been walled off for so long came to the surface. She cried hysterically, until her voice was shrill, and she fell forwards onto her arms.

  “Don’t leave me, please don’t leave me, Eve, please don’t leave me, please…” she sobbed over and over again, until it became a whisper, a mantra, “Please… don’t leave me…”

  The past collapsed in on her. Rebecca had left her, walked away and cut her heart in two. It had happened suddenly, just like this, out of the blue. Now it was happening again. The unbearable weight and anticipation of the pain to come had been too much, it had broken her, completely.

  She didn’t hear the front door open again and shut so quietly, nor the soft barefoot steps padding lightly across the room. Strong arms took hold of her and lifted her up. A pair of blue eyes took in the puffed and tear streaked face, the expression of abject misery. Kneeling there on the floor, Eve took her wordlessly into an embrace and held her close, flooding her with love. Eve had unleashed her own demons and now she was full of regret and remorse.

  “I’m never going to leave you, my darling, never,” Eve whispered, “I’m sorry I’m so sorry for what I’ve done, for what I said, I’m so sorry I don’t know what I was thinking, but I would never ever leave you.”

  Bernadette stayed silent hearing the words, but the shock of the last few moments was rendered her speechless.

  “It’s OK, baby, it’s really OK, I promise you, darling, I promise you. I promise you I won’t leave you, I won’t, please, believe me, believe me, darling.” Eve said softly, kissing her face, her cheeks, her eyes over and over again while Bernadette still stayed unmoving and unresponsive, almost catatonic.

  Eve’s eyes welled up with tears seeing what she had done. She coaxed Bernadette to her feet and took her upstairs. Eve laid her on the bed and covered her with a quilt. Bernadette’s eyes were staring blankly into nothing. Eve slipped in beside her and put her arms around her fiancée.

  “I’m so sorry, my darling, I love you so much, I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

  Time passed while Eve listened to Bernadette breathing, and soon afterwards Bernadette fell asleep.

  ✽✽✽

  Eve left Bernadette to sleep and went downstairs to draw. Bernadette woke towards early evening and looked around the darkening room as if seeing it for the first time. She had no idea what had suddenly triggered Eve. Her head was starting to clear. She began to remember Eve had come back, picked her up. Eve had said sorry over and over again. Bernadette had been unable to respond. She had been completely numb. She was considering getting up when she heard light footsteps and Eve came into the room.

  “You’re awake.” Eve smiled, coming to sit beside her on the bed. “How are you feeling, my darling?”

  “OK,” said Bernadette looking up at her.

  “I… feel terrible.”

  “It’s OK.” Bernadette smiled weakly.

  “It’s not.”

  “Don’t sit up there, darling, come under the covers, co
me in with me. Hold me, I just want you to hold me.”

  Bernadette wasn’t someone to carry grudges and besides she was deeply irrevocably in love. Although it had hurt her deeply, her need and love for Eve overrode anything else.

  Eve needed no second bidding and Bernadette turned towards her. Her arms went around Eve, and Eve sighed gratefully.

  “I don’t know what happened. I’m so sorry for what I did. It was unforgivable,” Eve whispered.

  “But I forgive you anyway,” Bernadette said her lips close to Eve’s.

  “I called you a bitch, a fucking bitch. I screamed at you. I said such awful things.”

  “I know, and I still love you, and you’re still here with me, and that’s all that matters. Nothing else matters.”

  “Did you really think I was leaving you?”

  “I don’t know, I was so afraid. It just brought everything back about Rebecca. I froze up, I couldn’t think. I just screamed…”

  “I heard you.” Eve gave a low chuckle. “I was just outside the door.”

  “Why did you walk out like that?”

  “I was taking myself away because I knew I was out of control. I knew I had behaved terribly badly, and I wanted to make sure I stopped.”

  This was a candid confession and did much to assuage the anxiety which the outburst had engendered in Bernadette. If Eve could see what she did was wrong, that in itself was a good thing.

  “Really?”

  “Yes, really.”

  “I thought you were leaving, I really did.” Bernadette became suddenly serious and it was true, she had felt exactly that. It had floored her, dropped her like a stone.

  “Well,” said Eve with some resolution, “Some things are going to change.”

  “They are?”

  “Yes, for a start, I am going to control myself in future. I cannot behave like that anymore. You don’t deserve it. If I start to get like that, then I’m going to go outside until I can calm myself down.”

  “Will you be able to?” Bernadette asked her hopefully.

  “I’m going to try. If I can’t then you may have to slap my face.”

  “I couldn’t do that,” Bernadette laughed.