Confessions (Tattoos & Tears Book 3)

by Amiee Louise

  “H...he’s...he...fuck me...he’s beautiful.”

  She grins with such pride and once again, I see my girl. The girl I fell in love with.

  “He’s six months old now; he was born on the first of June, he was two weeks overdue, and he was eight pounds four ounces. He reminds me so much of you, he has your mannerisms. Every day he does something new, he learns something new, and he gives me hope, Sam.”

  Her voice is thick with unshed tears, and I reluctantly hand her phone back to her.

  “He’s so pure and innocent, Sam. He’s my little miracle, and he melts my heart every time he looks into my eyes. It’s like he can see straight into my soul.”

  She tucks her phone away. I hear the awe in her voice, and a small smile ghosts her lips as she speaks of our son.

  “I still can’t believe it myself, I almost lost him. I'm terrified someone's going to take him away from me, and I find myself getting up in the middle of the night, just to watch him sleep. I have to remind myself that I’m his mum and he’s a little person, who is completely dependent on me. The day I gave birth to him, I was fucking terrified, and I’d never felt so alone.”

  A tear slips down her cheek, and she swipes it away. I regard her intently and take her hand in mine. I expect her to pull her hand away, but she lets me hold it in mine. I softly stroke her knuckles soothingly and she seems to visibly relax, for the first time since she came here.

  “I won't apologise for protecting our son, I did what I had to, but I’m so sorry for putting you through that, Sam.”

  She sobs, and the sound pierces my heart.

  “Shhh, it’s alright, angel, everything’s going to be alright, I promise you.”

  As I say those words, I am not sure whether I really truly believe them. After a few minutes of letting me hold her, she pulls away, and I am bereft of the loss of her warm body against me. Before I can get my thoughts in check, I tangle my hand in her hair and crush my lips to hers. Fuck, I have missed the feel of her soft lips, the contrast of her softness against my ruggedness. We both lose ourselves in each other, and for that moment, I forget the day I lost her. It is almost as if it never happened. Death stole everything from me that day. It tore her from me and turned my life upside down. Now, suddenly to have a second chance, a decent shot of happiness and I’ll do everything in my power to make that dream back into a reality.

  24

  Peyton

  Six Months Ago

  I look like a fucking whale. I’m exhausted, my back aches, I have been experiencing painful cramps, and my baby boy is kicking the shit out of me every time he moves around in my stomach. He’s two weeks overdue, and I’m desperate to meet him now. Remy is being a total sweetie, and I’m getting daily visits from my friends Joel, Blaze, and Henley. In the months I have been in Santa Monica, I have made some lifelong friends. I will be forever grateful for their support and for accepting me as one of their own.

  “That baby is going to come out wanting Ben and Jerry’s instead of milk, you know that don’t you, beaut?” Remy says playfully, and I laugh.

  “Only the best for my boy, Rem.”

  He chuckles. I am in the kitchen helping Remy put the shopping away. I have been having pains for a few months, but according to my baby book What to Expect when you’re Expecting a woman can experience pains in the last three months of pregnancy. ‘Braxton Hicks’, or so I’m told. I am putting some milk into the fridge when it happens, a sharp tightening cramp in my stomach and a gush of warm liquid trickling down my leg. Shit. It’s happening. I drop the milk on the floor and clutch my stomach.

  “Rem, my water just broke. I think the baby’s coming,” I say in a panicked voice.

  His face goes deathly white. He swallows a few times before he speaks.

  “I’ll go and get the car, hang in there.”

  He rushes as fast as he can out of the house. I use the worktop as an aid to make my way out of the kitchen and into the large open plan living room. That’s when the pain rips through me, and I thought I had experienced pain, but this is a completely new kind, I scream out in agony.

  “REMY!”

  I hear the roar of his car’s engine in the driveway and the sound of his boots across the floor, as he comes bounding in through the front door.

  “I’ve called ahead, beaut, they’re expecting us.”

  He grabs my hospital bag and puts his arm around my shoulder as another pain tears through me. I cry out, and my legs buckle underneath me. His strong, solid arms stop me from falling.

  “I’ve got ya,” he soothes, and he carries me down the steps.

  He bundles me in the front of his car and goes around to the driver’s side. He pulls out of the driveway at breakneck speed and drives us to the hospital.

  “Hang in there little fella. Your mum’s been waiting patiently for you, and now suddenly, it seems she’s not ready. We need you to hang in there, just a little while longer, mate.”

  He talks to my stomach as he drives, and I suddenly feel the urge to burst out laughing.

  “What’s so funny?”

  I laugh hysterically.

  “He’s just like his dad. Once he’s got his mind set on something, he doesn’t give up until he’s got it, and he’s got his tiny mind set on coming out right now.”

  I blink back the threatening tears. I will not think of Sam, not now. Remy cocks his eyebrow at me.

  “Is that what the rock star did, beaut? Did he set his mind on you and stalk you into submission, until you relented and agreed to go out with him?” Remy says derisively and smirks wickedly. I narrow my eyes on him.

  “Ha ha, very funny, Logan.”

  I clutch my stomach.

  “Mummy’s here baby boy, listen to uncle Remy, just a little bit longer, because I’m not giving birth in this car.”

  Remy raises his eyebrows.

  “Damn fucking straight, you’re not giving birth in my car! I’ll be sending you the cleaning bill!”

  He laughs and another pain tears through me.

  “Oh God, Rem, it hurts.”

  I cry as he reaches over the centre console and holds my hand.

  “I know, I know it does, it’s going to be alright, I promise,” he says softly as he plants a kiss on the back of my hand. “Shush, it’s alright, beaut, not too much further, we’re nearly there.”

  After what seems like a lifetime, we pull up outside Cedar Sinai Hospital, which is probably only ten minutes from the house, but it seems like so much longer. Remy helps me out of the car and wraps his tanned, corded, arm around my waist. A nurse is waiting outside the hospital with a wheelchair. Remy sits me down in the wheelchair, and I unexpectedly get this overwhelming feeling of loneliness. God, I want Sam so badly. I know I hate him right now, but he should be here with me. I grab Remy’s hand and squeeze it tightly.

  “Remy, please don’t leave me, I need you,” I plead with him.

  “I’m not going anywhere, I’m right here,” he appeases, and we are whisked off into the brightly lit hospital.

  As we are taken into the maternity wing, another pain rips through me, and I squeeze Remy’s hand.

  “Fuck me, you’ve got some strength in those tiny hands!” Remy jokes, and we both laugh.

  My laughter soon turns to gut-wrenching sobs.

  “I’m so scared, Rem.”

  We have stopped inside a private room, and Remy crouches down in front of me, clutching my hand tightly.

  “Listen to me, beaut, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere, I promise you. You and that little boy aren’t going to want for anything, I can guarantee you that. Even though he’s not my baby, I’ll take care of you both and look after you as if you were my own. I will protect you with my fucking life, I swear.”

  He squeezes my hand tightly again. He says those words with such conviction and passion it makes me sob harder. He is willing to sacrifice the life he’s become accustomed to, to take care of my baby and me. Remy Logan, you never cease to amaze me.

&
nbsp; “Hey, I said that because it’s the truth, not to make you cry.”

  Remy smiles, and as he says those words, another sharp pain overwhelms me.

  “Make it stop, Rem,” I plead with him, and he chuckles.

  “I wish I could, but I think we’re a little too late for that, beaut!”

  I narrow my eyes at him, and he smirks as he holds his hands up defensively. Hormones and sarcasm, definitely not a good combination. Remy helps me to my feet and lifts me onto the bed. A nurse steps into the room and starts hooking me up to machines to monitor the baby’s heartbeat. The strong, steady sound of my baby boys’ heartbeat, da-dum-da-dum, echoes throughout the room and I can’t hold back the sobs, as another contraction rips through my body.

  “Rem.”

  He strokes my knuckles.

  “I’m here, beaut,” he says through clenched teeth as I squeeze his hand. He looks to the nurse with concerned eyes. “Isn’t there anything you can do for her? Please?”

  His voice is laced with desperation, and I see his eyes glaze over. The nurse smiles warmly at him.

  “The contractions are too far apart at the moment, but you and your wife will both meet your baby soon.”

  A look passes between Remy and I, but we don’t correct her. The truth is, I couldn’t wish for a better man to help me bring up my baby. He’ll never replace Sam, but Remy is the kindest, most caring, gentlest, most loyal man I know, and I am proud to have him back in my life.

  A few hours pass, and the contractions are getting more regular. They are so close together now that the nurse is urging me to push. The pain is being controlled by the intake of gas and air.

  “I need you to push for me, Louise. You’re doing really well,” she soothes, and I do as she says. “I can see the head, honey, good girl, a few more pushes.”

  I scream and look into Remy’s terrified eyes.

  “Make it fucking stop, Rem, please,” I plead, and he takes my hand in his, kissing my knuckles.

  “You’re doing so well, beaut, eyes on me, don’t take those gorgeous eyes off me.”

  He smiles warmly, and my eyes lock with his.

  “Good girl, that’s it, focus on me.”

  The nurse takes her position and looks up at me.

  “When your next contraction comes, I need you to do a really big push for me, honey,” she says softly, and as the next contraction comes, I push with everything I have. I am crippled by a burning hot stinging sensation between my legs. It feels like someone is branding me with a red-hot poker, on my very sensitive lady parts. Fuck me. I’m in absolute agony, and I feel exhausted.

  “Good girl, you’re doing really well, honey. Listen to that handsome husband of yours and stay focused.”

  The nurse smiles.

  “One last push, honey, you’re doing perfect.”

  I push one last time, and the room is filled with the cries of my baby. Remy has the biggest grin on his face, and my jaw aches just watching him. The nurse cleans the baby off, checks him over and places him on my chest.

  “Congratulations, both of you, it’s a boy.”

  I look down at my baby boy, and I am rendered breathless by how beautiful he is. Dark tufts of black hair, which remind me so much of Sam, the cutest little button nose and he looks so angelic. He is a tiny human, totally dependent on me. He is something so precious, innocent and pure that Sam and I created. My eyes glaze over at the thought, and I kiss his head softly. I’m instantly in love.

  “Hello, beautiful,” I whisper, and Remy is gently stroking my hand.

  He whispers softly in my ear, “I left you once, I’m not leaving you again I promise you, beaut.”

  He kisses my forehead, and with those words I cuddle my baby boy closer to me, cherishing the most beautiful moment that will stay in my heart forever.

  Freddie Maxwell Stonebridge, born at 16:08pm on Saturday 1st June 2015.

  25

  Peyton

  Present

  "Why are you pretending you're immune to my charms, angel?" Sam rasps, and my breathing starts to quicken.

  I feel the all too familiar heat between my legs and I know I'm completely and utterly fucking screwed.

  “I...Sam...Don’t."

  I am lost for words as his blazing green eyes lock with mine, and he runs his short nail down my arm. I shiver at the contact, and it feels like every nerve in my body is lit up from the inside out.

  "See, even after all this time, I still affect you the way you affect me, angel," he rasps.

  I follow his gaze down to his impressive erection, clearly visible through his hospital gown, and I feel my cheeks heat.

  "God, I've missed being inside you so fucking badly it hurts, we've got some catching up to do, angel. Don’t pretend you haven’t thought about it, how I made you come over and over again, how my cock felt buried deep inside you. I'm going to fuck you so hard and so thorough, that everyone within a five-mile fucking radius will know my name. You'll be fucking begging me to stop."

  His voice is rough and gravelly with lust, it practically oozes sex. I know my traitorous body will give in to its needs. I will surrender to Sam Newbolt, and there won't be a thing I can do about it. Shit.

  Our moment is interrupted by the rowdy arrival of the other three members of Rancid Vengeance stepping into Sam's hospital room. They all look so different from how I remember them. Jax's usually messy dirty blonde hair is now straight down to his shoulders and a lighter honey blonde. He has shaved off his signature goatee beard and is clean-shaven, he reminds me of a tattooed version of Thor! He looks more muscular, defined and extremely handsome. His cheekbones are chiselled, and his smile is dazzling. He could be a model, or in a shampoo advert and I can definitely see what made Ruby fall for him. Jax looks relaxed wearing a pair of loose black combats, motorcycle boots and a tight-fitting dark denim shirt with the sleeves rolled up and the first three buttons undone, revealing his tattooed chest. Finding love with my best friend definitely suits him.

  Brody’s signature Mohawk has been replaced with a shaved head, and he looks so much better than the last time I saw him. He is healthy, tanned, tattooed, more muscular, and actually looks much younger than his thirty-one years. He is wearing baggy jeans with a chain hanging from one belt loop to another, a white vest with pink and blue paint splashes in an elaborate pattern on the front, a white and black skull scarf around his neck, and black Converse. It is so good to see him back on the straight and narrow. Before this whole thing blew up, Brody and I actually became really good friends after a Jack Daniels induced heart to heart conversation over a game of truth or dare. That night defined our friendship and showed me a side of him he usually keeps well hidden. Behind the public, flamboyant facade lies a deeply complex and lonely man who desperately craves the love of a good woman.

  Lucas' usual faux hawk hairstyle has been traded for a light brown, almost blonde shaggy spiky style. His clean-shaven face is now stubbled making him look ruggedly handsome. He is also tanned, visibly leaner, and more muscular. He looks as if he has added more tattoos to his ever-growing collection. He is wearing black skinny jeans, a worn black ‘Led Zeppelin’ vest, and black biker boots. I am so happy to see them all, they became like family and like the big brothers I never had.

  The chatter stops abruptly, as Jax's mouth drops open and forms a perfect ‘O’ shape, and his familiar wide hazel puppy dog eyes settle on me.

  "Peyton? What the...Fuck me."

  His usually warm brown eyes turn cold. He narrows his eyes, regarding me frostily and he steps away from me.

  “Get the fuck out,” he says through clenched teeth; the tone of his voice is deadly. My smile fades as I feel tears pricking my eyes at Jax’s reaction to me. Sam looks up at him, with a fierce glint in his green eyes.

  “Jax, rein it the fuck in,” Sam says, in his most authoritative voice.

  “No, after what she fucking put you through? She waltzes in here like nothing’s changed? Like she can just pick up where she left off? She
deserves to know dude, she deserves to know what…”

  Sam stops him from carrying on his sentence.

  “If you know what’s good for you, you won’t carry that sentence on, Jax. Just fucking leave it,” he says low and menacingly, annunciating the last four words.