Jaxon sighs. “I feel like I should probably report your behavior. You can’t act like that toward a teacher. If I were anybody else, you would’ve been expelled by now.”
He’s right. But I wouldn’t say the things I’ve said to him to just anybody.
“It’s just fun to act like that with you. You’re so easy to rile up.” I grin. “Your face turns red. I get the feeling that you might like me more than you think is appropriate. So, you won’t turn me in, because you feel like, if you reported my behavior, you’d feel like a hypocrite.”
His mouth falls open, but he abruptly shuts it. “Why are you at Spy School?”
I raise an eyebrow. “Uh, because my parents went here. And my grandparents. And my great grandparents.”
His eyes flash. “Brooklyn, you know I’ve read your file, right?”
My eyes widen as I realize what I told him.
Yes, I am fourth generation Spy School, but Brooklyn Taylor isn’t.
“Cazzo,” I say, because sometimes cussing in English just isn’t satisfying enough. I clear my throat. “Was there something you needed to talk to me about, Jaxon? ’Cause, I’ve really got a lot of things to do.”
“Did you just... swear at me in Italian?” He furrows his brows.
I shrug. “I didn’t really swear at you; I just swore in general. Considering I spent most of my teen years in Italy, I prefer to swear in Italian when I’m really upset. It’s more fulfilling than just dropping an f-bomb.”
He grins, but it quickly falls. “I contacted Michael Sinclair. About you. I don’t think you’re here to spy on the school, but I can’t take any chances. I don’t think you are who you say you are.”
I just smirk, because I know that Michael Sinclair will back my story. “Think what you want. But when Michael Sinclair gets back to you, you’re going to feel awfully silly for giving me the third degree.” I stand up from my chair. “Is that it?”
“No.” He folds his hands on the desk in front of him. “I know this isn’t any of my business, but I don’t think you should keep seeing Killian.”
“You’re right. It’s not any of your business.” I nod. “If that will be all, I will see you in class tomorrow.”
He starts to say something else, but I just walk out of his room, completely fuming. I leave there and head straight toward Killian.
Killian will help get my mind off Jaxon.
Destroy.
I am so mad at Jaxon as I make my way toward Killian’s room. How dare he tell me that I am too good for Killian. How dare he say that Killian is just using me. I am in control of my own body, thank you very much. I don’t need anybody to tell me what is right or wrong for me, and I definitely don’t need him to tell me who I should and shouldn’t sleep with.
When I get to Killian’s room, we skip the talking and go straight to kissing, because that is what I need.
Killian isn’t using me. I’m using him. We’re using each other. We are both getting something out of this, and Killian knows exactly where I stand with the whole topic of a relationship.
Still, as I kiss him, I wonder what it would be like to kiss Jaxon. And as Killian slips inside of me, I wonder what Jaxon would feel like. And I know I shouldn’t think about another guy while I’m having sex with Killian, but I can’t help it. Jaxon gets under my skin like nobody else can.
It isn’t until we’re done and both breathing hard that the guilt hits.
I got off thinking about somebody else. That isn’t right. I shouldn’t do this. I should just focus on Killian.
Killian’s eyes meet mine, and they soften. It’s in that moment that I realize he’s actually falling for me. This is no longer just a game to him. And if I keep doing this, I am going to break his heart.
“You know you shouldn’t like me.” I prop my head up on my arm, looking at him. I usually leave the second we’re done, but I need him to know where I stand. I need him to know that I am not ready for a relationship, and I might not ever be.
“Why is that?” He smiles, clearly amused. He thinks I’m playing hard to get, but I’m not.
“My parents messed with my head. The things they did... I’m not ready to talk about them yet, but they ruined me, Killian. I’ll never be able to truly give my heart to somebody.” Because I’m broken.
I’ve never admitted that to myself before, but I am. I’m broken beyond repair.
“It’s Spy School, Brooklyn.” He licks his lips. “We’re all screwed up. Hell, I haven’t seen my parents in three years. That’s just how this life is. But if you don’t form your own relationships and bonds, then what do you have?”
“I’m good at my job. I’m really good.” And I am very proud of that fact.
“What good is this job without a team, though?”
I’ve always been a solo. Occasionally, I will be forced to team up with somebody else on a mission, but it’s usually just for a short amount of time. This is the most amount of time I’ve actually spent with people. Usually, it’s all about the job. But here... it’s important to make bonds at Spy School. It’s important to make friends that will last a lifetime. I know that if I let myself, the people I’ve met here could become my friends for life. And I want that. I so want that. But I can’t.
How will they feel when they learn the truth? That Michael Sinclair sent me here to spy on them. He sent me here to find who is leaking secret Spy School information to the enemy. When they learn that, how can they ever trust me? How could we ever be friends?
“Brooklyn, you can hide from everybody else, but I see you. And the girl I see is incredible. She’s nice and smart and funny.” He pauses, shaking his head. “You are the hottest girl I’ve ever met, and it’s not just because of the way you look. It’s everything about you. You literally exude confidence. And you’re like a magnet. People can’t help but be drawn to you. The second I saw you in Jaxon’s class, I knew I had to have you. When you showed up in my dorm Monday afternoon, that was the hottest thing that has ever happened to me. You didn’t even speak. You just shoved me down onto the bed and you used my body to pleasure yourself.”
The things he says about me... he makes me sound like a better person than I really am.
“Killian—”
He cuts me off. “No. I don’t want to hear any more of your excuses. I just want to know if you want to be with me.”
My mouth drops open to tell him something—anything. But I don’t know what to say.
“Please be my girlfriend,” he says. “The other stuff we can figure out later.”
“I can’t. I’m sorry.”
He angrily gets up from the bed and starts putting on his clothes.
“Killian, we’ve known each other since Monday. You can’t expect me to commit myself to you after three days.” My voice shakes as I say it, because I’m scared I’ve ruined a good thing between us. “Maybe if you just give me time.”
“You can’t commit yourself to me, but you can come over to my dorm every day for sex and then leave?” He huffs.
I sit up, looking at me. “I thought we both wanted the same thing.”
“It was never just about sex for me.” He puts his shirt over his head. “I’m leaving. Lock the door on your way out.”
Killian turns and walks out of his room, slamming the door shut behind him. My chest aches, and I feel like I just completely destroyed our relationship.
I destroy everything I touch.
Will I ever learn my lesson?
Twisted friends.
As much as it hurts, I try to push Killian to the back of my mind and head toward Carson’s dorm.
Carson told me that I had to figure out which dorm was his without asking any of the other students. I’m sure he thought he was being clever in his thinking that I would assume I had to hack his file, but seeing as I am a pretty mediocre hacker, I outsmarted him. I asked a teacher. I told him that I forgot which dorm room was Carson’s and that he was tutoring me tonight, and the teacher didn’t bat an eye as he opene
d his file and told me Carson’s room number.
Ha.
Take that Carson.
I am feeling pretty smug as I knock on his door.
When his door swings open, Carson smirks, like he’s impressed. I get the feeling that Carson doesn’t often smile, so I will take it as a victory.
I push a piece of hair behind my ear. “Hey, Carson. Can I come in?”
He sighs, stepping back. “A deal is a deal, I suppose.”
I walk into his room, not at all surprised by what I see. Black out curtains cover the window, many computers screens are spread across multiple desks, and a few light bulbs have been unscrewed from the sockets to make it darker in here. In typical hacker fashion, he’s got a trashcan full of energy drinks.
I pause at the computers when I notice that he’s got the schools security cameras pulled up, and it flashes between cameras. I spot Ellie walking down the hall and cringe as I realize that is the hallways I walk down to get to my room as well.
Carson is a freaking genius hacker, and I need him to be my new best friend.
I also need to make sure I keep my computer screen lid shut, because I get the feeling he’s the kind of guy who could hack my webcam while he’s half asleep. Not that I think he’d spy on me. I’m not that interesting.
“Impressive.” I point to the screens.
He shrugs, like it’s not a big deal, but I can see the pride in his eyes. He’s proud of his accomplishments, as he should be.
Carson shoves his hands into his pockets and looks at me. “What can I help you with, Brooklyn Taylor?”
I raise an eyebrow at him. “How much do you know about me?”
I wonder if he knows that I’m not really Brooklyn Taylor, because the way he said my last name... it’s like he knew that I am a complete phony. I wouldn’t be surprised if he did know, but I wonder how good he is at keeping a secret.
He grins. “What would be the fun in just telling you?”
“Whatever.” I wave a hand. “I need your help hacking into a few files.”
“How many is a few?” he asks.
I bite my lip before responding. “Uh... pretty much every student and teacher at Spy School.”
He furrows his brows as he studies me. “Do you know that before a week ago, Brooklyn Taylor didn’t exist?”
I don’t say a word. I just press my lips into a line, knowing that there is no point in denying it.
“Who are you really?”
I turn his words back around on him. “What would be the fun in just telling you?”
“That is my price.” He takes his hands out of his pockets and crosses them over his chest. “Tell me who you really are, and why you’re here, then I will help you out.”
“I’m Brooklyn Fairchild, and I can’t tell you why I’m here because it’s top secret. But you’re smart. I know you’ll be able to figure it out from my name alone.” I take a step closer to him. “But if you tell anybody, I will kill you. And trust me, I know where to hide a body where nobody will ever find you.”
He doesn’t say anything for a full minute, he just looks at me, like he’s trying to figure out if I am serious or not. Whatever he decides, he nods.
“Okay, Brooklyn Fairchild. I will get you your files. Give me a few days to get them together.”
I grin. “Thank you. And I know you said that me telling you who I am was your price, but I’ll still owe you a favor.”
To my surprise, he smiles at me. “I want to be friends with you. That is the favor that I want.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Really?”
He nods.
“Sure. I like you. We can be friends.”
And that is how I, Brooklyn Taylor, or Brooklyn Fairchild, became friends with Carson Thomas.
What twisted friends we’re going to be.
Deadly mistake.
After leaving Carson’s room, I am feeling a little guilty—or a lot guilty—for how I left things with Killian.
I like him. I do. He’s smart, attractive, and he makes me happy. He makes me so happy. And not just because of the sex, though the sex is great, but he’s become my friend. I don’t have a lot of those. And I know deep in my heart that I can’t fully commit to him, but why can’t I be his girlfriend?
Being his girlfriend doesn’t mean I’m going to spend the rest of my life with him. Heck, it doesn’t even mean I will spend the rest of the month with him. It just means that, while we are together, I will be committed to him. I won’t have sex with anybody else, and I won’t date anybody else. That is something I can promise Killian.
I walk straight to his room to tell him that I’ve changed my mind. I do want to give this a shot, because I think he is worth it. He’s worth the risk of getting my heart broken. I mean, what does it really matter? I’m already broken anyway.
When I get to his room, I don’t bother knocking, because I never do. Not since the first day I burst into his room and pounced on him.
I expect to find Killian sulking in his room. Or maybe I expect to find him doing his homework, which he always seems to be doing. He likes to study. But what I didn’t expect to find was him lying on his bed, completely naked, with a girl from our class riding him. His hands are all over her naked breasts, and she is moaning out his name.
His eyes snap to mine when he hears the door open, and that is when I see the panicked look on his face.
I want to yell at him and ask him what he’s doing, but I don’t have that right, do I? I told him no. He asked me to be his girlfriend multiple times, and I said no. What stings is the fact that he couldn’t even wait more than a couple of hours to go find another girl to screw.
I turn around and start to walk out of his room.
“Brooklyn, wait.”
But I don’t wait. I don’t want to see the other girl he’s hooking up with. I just want to get the hell out of here. I want to forget I ever saw that. And most importantly, I want to forget I ever knew Killian Young.
Jaxon warned me that Killian wasn’t the commitment kind of guy. But it didn’t matter then, because I’m not the commitment kind of girl. But dang it, something in me has changed since I got here. I want a connection with somebody. I crave it.
I don’t even realize I’m crying until I feel a tear fall off my cheek and onto my chest. I wipe at my face, wanting the tears to go away.
“Brooklyn.”
I pause when I hear the familiar voice.
Jaxon.
I look at him, but then I continue walking. I really don’t need him to tell me ‘I told you so,’ even if I deserve it.
I continue walking until I get to my room, and I shut the door behind me. I lean against the door, allowing myself to cry. I try to tell myself that Killian isn’t worth the tears, but he is. Killian is a great guy, and I completely screwed things up with him.
I slide down the door and sit on the floor. I hug my knees to my chest and lean my back against my door.
Why can’t I just love like a normal person? Why do I have to be so screwed up?
There is a knock on my door, and I tense up, knowing that it’s Jaxon. I try to remain quiet so he won’t know I’m here, but I know he can hear my sobs, even as I try to silence them.
“Brooklyn, open up,” he yells, pounding on the door again.
I consider getting up and opening the door. I consider letting him console me, but I don’t want that right now. I just want to wallow in my misery alone. I did this to myself, and I deserve to feel this pain.
I deserve a lot worse than this pain.
So much worse.
The doorknob jiggles. It’s unlocked, but I have my back pushed against the door. I think that will be enough, but then I feel my butt being scooted across the floor as my door pushes open and Jaxon steps inside.
He shuts the door and looks down at me. I expect him to say something, but he doesn’t. He just sits down on the floor beside me, he pulls me into his lap, and he lets me cry on his shoulder. And it feels really freaking good.
He gently strokes my back.
He tells me everything is going to be okay.
And he makes it really hard not to like him.
I’m getting attached to people here. And I think it’s because, for the first time, I don’t have to hide who I am. Yes, I’m lying about my name and age, but I don’t have to lie about the fact that I am a Spy School agent. Here, I can be myself, and I am relaxed. It’s a problem. It’s a big freaking problem.
I should tell Michael Sinclair to reassign me. I should tell him this is too hard.
But I know that he needs me here. I can’t just give up. If I did, I would prove to my parents that I’m really not good enough. If there is one thing I am not, it’s a quitter.
“What happened?” Jaxon continues to gently rub my back and it feels so damned good.
I sit up a little bit. “Nothing but what I deserve.”
He wipes the tears from under my eyes. “I highly doubt that.”
I take a deep breath. “Jaxon, you don’t know the horrible things I’ve done.”
“I see your heart, Brooklyn. You’re a good person.” He doesn’t break eye contact as he says it, and I can tell that he truly means it.
If only he knew the vile things I had done.
“Killian asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said no.”
He nods. “Haven’t you told him ‘no’ a lot?”
“Yeah.” I sniff. “But this time he got mad at me, and I don’t blame him. But he left. And then I left. I had to meet with Carson about... something. And then I went back to apologize to him. I wanted to tell him I would give it a shot, even though I wasn’t certain. I am certain that I like Killian. But when I got to his room...” my voice breaks, and a fresh set of tears roll down my face. “Killian was having sex with another girl.”
“Cazzo!” Jaxon exclaims.
I wipe my cheek with the back of my hand. “Did you just cuss in Italian for me?”
“I’m going to murder Killian.”
This makes me grin. “No. Killian is free to do what he wants. I am the one who turned him down. I can’t fault him for seeking companionship elsewhere.”
The Undercover Life (Spy Academy Book 1) Page 6