Big on Education

by Laurie Ames

  The blood drained from my face as the realization hit me; I was completely, irrevocably attracted to him. I was no different from the frantic females who were flinging themselves on to the hood of his limousine.

  “Relax Iddy. Sit down. It’s just a little harmless flirting. You look like you’re going to pass out. Take a pill or something.”

  I sat down on a leather chair, across from him.

  “Listen, my name is not Iddy!” I don’t know why but I felt it was important for him to use my proper name.

  “I know your name is not Iddy. Your name is Edith. Iddy is what is known as a nickname. You know, a name you give to people you are keen on?”

  He suddenly sat up and looked at me intently, as though trying to figure out what was making me tick. I could not look away from that intensity.

  Finally, he nodded, as though he had found whatever it was he was looking for. “I like you Iddy. You’re different. I’m glad we will be spending lots of time together as you write my biography.”

  WTF! A billionaire rock star likes me and is glad I will be spending a lot of time with him? And I’m already having sexual thoughts of him? Oh yeah. I was in significant trouble.

  Chapter 2: Cray

  Iddy’s family sat transfixed, just gawking at me.

  I was sitting in the living room of the home where she had grown up, comfortable in the settee where she and her sister had often fought when they were young. The fact that I already knew such intimate details both thrilled and unsettled me. However, I was not at all perturbed by their undisguised staring.

  “Is that your real hair?” Her sister – ever blunt - blurted out.

  “Bonny!” Iddy gasped, aghast at her younger sister’s rudeness.

  I smiled. Iddy was so cute when she was appalled. Her utter look of dismay just made me want to tease her.

  “How about you ask Iddy if it is my real hair?” I asked, smiling, then winking at Bonny. Bonny giggled. Iddy blushed.

  I knew why she was blushing. Because the first time I kissed her she threaded her fingers into my hair and when we both got up for some air, the first thing she said was;

  “It’s real.”

  “What is?”

  “Your hair. It’s real.”

  “The hair, I got from my mother’s side of the family. The music, from my father’s side of the family.”

  “It’s gorgeous. You’re gorgeous.” Bonny gushed. Iddy looked doubly appalled. I tried not to laugh out loud. She was so cute!

  I had gotten quite used to her various expressions in the month that we were together as she interviewed me for my biography. One of the things she had been shocked about was the amount of money I had spent on relatively basic things. I had shrugged and told her that being a billionaire comes with certain perks.

  “So where did you two meet?” Mommy dearest pressed, while scowling at me.

  I held back a laugh at the thought of Iddy’s mother seeing me in all my typical black Rock Star glory. I had considerably toned down my appearance. I wasn’t wearing makeup or nail polish. All my tattoos were covered up, including my sleeve tattoos, thanks to the long-sleeved dress shirt I was wearing. For the first time in a long time, there was no earrings, nose or eyebrow rings. Yet, she was clearly not impressed with my look. Tough is my favorite look, take it or leave it, Mommy.

  Iddy was explaining how we met. How I was looking for a biographer and how my personal assistant, Iddy’s brother, had recommended her.

  “Honey, I didn’t know you had written biographies before?”

  “I haven’t Mom. I was sort of learning on the job. Cray has given me a terrific opportunity.”

  “And she’s doing a great job of it.” I piped in, wanting to remove the uncertainty and self-consciousness that Iddy had suddenly become engulfed in. I still couldn’t understand how someone so talented could second-guess herself so much.

  “Mr. Cray – “

  “Just Cray please,” I corrected Iddy’s mother.

  “Cray. What are your intentions with my daughter?”

  I was momentarily lost for words. How forward! I liked it! I quickly edited the version that was running through my mind. I couldn’t very well tell her that I wanted to fuck her daughter into next Tuesday!”

  “Well, Ma’am, I intend to get to know your daughter very well.”

  She frowned. Clearly, she was not impressed with my answer. Tough! She better be grateful that I didn’t give her the unedited, uncensored version!

  “Cray, why does someone like you want to know someone like my daughter?"

  I deliberately told myself to keep my cool. “Someone like me? You mean someone rich and famous? It’s just money, Ma’am, a means to an end, an appreciation of my talents. And as for the fame, it comes and goes. It doesn’t change who I really am.”

  Mama gave me a scrutinizing look that said she still did not believe me. I looked her straight in the eye, refusing to back down. It was not my problem if she did not believe me. I had told her the truth. I did want to know Iddy, in every sense of the word. Physically, yes but also intellectually and emotionally. I loved talking to her. She was bright and funny and oh so responsive to my touch.

  “So sis, where is the husband-to-be today?” I noted a touch of hysteria in Iddy’s voice. She was definitely trying to change the subject, trying to get Mama Dearest’s laser looks away from me. “Are you all set for the wedding?”

  Oh. A wedding. I smiled. This was novel. I liked it. Being here, with her and her family. Being ordinarily conventional. She made me feel normal and I hadn’t felt normal in a very long time.

  As her sister was gushing about the wedding preparations, her father arrived with the harried husband-to-be and my PA, Iddy’s brother, Eddy. After the arrival of the three men, everything seemed to go into fast forward motion. Last minute plans were made, everything was double checked and we went for rehearsal at the nearby chapel.

  I ended up being useful. The entertainment canceled at the last minute and before Iddy’s sister could drown in depression or drown us in Bridezilla hysterics, I was on the phone arranging for my band members to fly down so that we could take the place of the band that had canceled. After this crucial save, Iddy’s mother was decidedly warmer towards me.

  The day of the wedding dawned bright and sunny. The wedding ceremony proceeded without a hitch. The blushing bride looked lovely. Iddy looked good enough to eat! Her mother cried, Iddy’s father comforted her and I spent copious amounts of energy trying not to openly stare at Iddy.

  The reception was equally lovely. The speeches from the parents of the bride and groom made us both laugh and cry. Iddy’s self-conscious toast to the bride and groom was received with applause, with me applauding the loudest. My band mates and I did an excellent job of course. No loud heavy rock, just easy-going soft hits from the 1990’s, mixed in with a couple of popular songs from the 60’s. I looked around, happy that everything had gone well and that I had contributed to this joyous occasion.

  Then my heart plummeted when I saw Iddy embracing another man. WTF!

  Chapter 3: Edith and her Ex

  Like a moth to a flame. Like Newton’s apple and gravity. Like the black and white stripes on a Zebra. That is how I was drawn to Carlton…my Ex.

  I began walking towards him, Cray momentarily forgotten from my mind. This was the love of my life. My first and only one.

  “Hello Carlton.”

  He turned to look at me and smiled. I felt the months melt away. My heart swelled with the love I had quenched.

  “Edith!” So nice to see you again. You look beautiful!”

  “So do you! I mean, not beautiful. Handsome.”

  He laughed. “I don’t mind being referred to as beautiful. Thank you. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

  “Ten months, 3 weeks and four days. Not that I’ve kept count or anything.”

  He laughed again and hugged me tightly. I couldn’t help but hug him back. “Oh Edith, I’ve really missed you. You always
make me laugh.”

  “I’ve missed you too Carlton,” I whispered, still reeling from the fact that he had missed me too.

  “So how have you been?”

  “Fine,” I replied, when what I really wanted to say was lonely! “And you Carlton? How have you been?”

  “So-so,” he replied. “I’ve seen better days. Linda broke up with me.”

  “Did she?” Hope swelled within my heart like a hot air balloon. “I’m so sorry to hear that.” I wasn’t sorry to hear that at all.

  “It was for the best. She and I just weren’t compatible.”

  “But when you dumped Iddy, you told her that Linda was the greatest love of your life.” Interrupted Cray, as he barged in, holding me tightly against him by the waist.

  “I didn’t tell you that!” I hissed, all the while trying to extricate myself from his grip, annoyed that he had interrupted my long overdue rendezvous with Carlton. “Stop gossiping with my brother about me and my – “

  “Of course, you told me that,” Cray said, interrupting me and tightening his grip on me. “You told me that night I gave you four orgasms.”

  “Edith! Who is this buffoon?” Carlton was more of the classical music type and definitely not a rock fan.

  “This is nobody!” I said, all the while struggling to get out of Cray’s death grip. Cray turned to look at me.

  “Nobody?”

  “Nobody!” I spat at him. I was so livid with rage that I didn’t quite see the hurt in his purple eyes.

  He suddenly let go of me.

  “I’m thirsty,” he announced then walked in the direction of the bar. Carlton followed his progression till Cray disappeared inside the bar.

  “Sorry about that Carlton. Now, where were we?”

  Carlton dragged his eyes from the direction of the bar and looked at me. “Is there anywhere we can talk privately?”

  I smiled. “I know just the place.”

  Chapter 4: Cray’s Fight

  I was on my fifth or sixth glass of tequila when I saw Eddy walking towards me. I was not yet truly drunk but I was well on my way to getting inebriated. A few more glasses and I would be able to erase the memory of the way Iddy had been looking at her ex.

  “Mind if I join you?”

  “Yes I mind,” I muttered into my drink.

  Eddy was undeterred by my forbidding mood. As my PA, he had seen me in worse moods. He had seen me smash the windscreen of my Porsche. “What ails you my friend?”

  I stubbornly remained quiet, willing him to just go away.

  “Or should I have asked who ails you?”

  Oh no! “Fuck off, Eddy.”

  Eddy only laughed. “My sister has really gotten under your skin, hasn’t she?”

  I felt my eyes fill up with tears. What the fuck? When was the last time I had cried? I couldn’t even remember. I’m supposed to be a tough guy. To cover my pain, I forced myself to laugh out loud.

  “Why would I let a plain Jane like your sister get under my skin? I’m Cray, lead singer of King of the Damned. I can have any model or actress or beatch that I want!

  “And yet we both know that a model or an actress is the last person you want.

  I sighed. “Leave me alone Eddy.” His candour was too much for me to bare.

  “What a sad day this is,” Eddy tsked. “Cray, rock star billionaire, defeated by a common, somewhat boring, and not rich ex – of his love interest.

  “This is not a competition.” I mumbled.

  “That’s where you’re wrong my friend. This is a competition and a very fierce one at that. Your heart is at stake Cray. In fact, both your hearts are at stake.”

  “What do you want me to do?” I growled in frustration.

  “Joust for her, like the olden day knights of England. She is the one for you. We have all realized that. The guys in the band have noticed the upbeat effect she has on you. I admit, at first, I hated the fact that you of all people had fallen for my sister but even I can see that both of you are better off with each other than apart. Go and fight for her. You have my blessing.”

  “How?” I asked, still not quite inspired by my PA’s pep talk. “How do I fight for her? How do I compete with an Ex who she clearly still has feelings for?”

  “Well, I better go back to the party,” Eddy suddenly announced as he got up from the bar stool. I gaped at him in disbelief.

  “You can’t just leave like that. We’re in the middle of a conversation!”

  Eddy groaned loudly with what seemed like impatience.

  “Cray, you are one of the most famous rock stars in the world. You are a billionaire. I am quite sure that these two facts give you more than enough ammunition to come up with a strategy to fight for my sister.”

  I watched him walk away and I smiled.

  Eddy was right. I was filthy rich, I was famous and I knew how to push all of Iddy’s buttons. And I was going to fight Rock Hard dirty.

  Chapter 5: Eddy

  “You want to do what?”

  I knew I looked as shocked as I sounded. In all my years as the personal assistant to Cray, I had never heard of a more preposterous idea. And trust me, being the personal assistant of one of the biggest rock stars in the world had exposed me to a lot of preposterous, over-the-top, downright insane ideas.

  The said rock star was looking at me with his famous purple eyes, a bored expression on his face. Cray could freeze or for that matter, heat water with just one look. What was the name for that? Ah yes. He had a magnetic personality.

  “Did I stutter, Eddy?”

  A short laugh laced with copious amounts of hysteria burst out of me. Eddy stuttering. That was as ridiculous as Eddy cutting his…his….

  “Let me get this straight Cray. You want to cut your hair. Purposely. Under no duress whatsoever.”

  My boss frowned in irritation. “You heard me the first time.”

  “May I ask why?”

  “No.”

  “May I suggest why?”

  Cray shrugged, already bored with the conversation. I pressed on, determined to know the truth even though I already suspected it.

  “It’s because of my sister, isn’t it?”

  Cray put down the manuscript he was reading. I knew it was the first draft of his biography, written by my twin sister, Edith. It had all been my idea to help her get over the sleaze ball who had broken her heart. Now, said sleaze ball was slowly but surely slithering back into her life, my boss had his purple eyes on my sister and my sister was too blind or too scared to give Cray the time of day. Mr. Rock star had decided that he would fight for a chance with my sister and somehow his strategy involved cutting his hair.

  There were entire blogs dedicated to his hair.

  And he wanted to shave it? All of it?

  How the heck did my innocent plan get so out of control?

  “Are you sure about this Cray?”

  I had to ask. Ever since my boss had met my twin sister, his behavior had been different. Different for the better, yes, but still unusual. I don’t know what happened between them in the month it took for my sister to interview him for the biography, and to be honest, I don’t think I want to know. Sometimes, ignorance is total bliss, especially when it comes to knowing details about who your sister is involved with. It doesn’t help matters that I know my boss inside out. When he likes a woman, he likes her hard.

  Cray, lead singer of King of the Damned, definitely likes my sister. Hard!

  My first clue was when he asked to tag along to my other sister’s wedding. You have to understand that when someone is as rich and as famous as Cray, the last thing he wants to do is to go places where he might be recognized. The one thing I have learned from my years working for Cray was that the rich and famous lifestyle isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It’s a rather lonely and isolated life.

  Anyway, I had no reason to say no to Cray’s “request” and I could tell that Cray was going to crash the wedding if I said no. I had seen that look in his purple eyes, the
look that said he was going to get what he wants whether I liked it or not.

  Cray was currently looking at me, right in the eyes, with that look, as he answered my question about cutting his hair.

  “I’m sure, Eddy.”

  “May I ask why you think cutting your hair will impress my sister?”

  He smiled a secret smile that gave me the weird and unsettling feeling that this thing between him and my sister was deeper than I had previously thought.

  “Call it a hunch.” He stood up and begun pacing the room. “Take this down, Eddy.”

  I complied:

  - Set up a foundation called “Iddy for ….”

  - Research on what problem the foundation will address; a cure for cancer, world hunger, nurturing talent, any or all of the above.

  - Publicize foundation; billboards, prime time TV spots, full newspaper page, Social Media, blogs etc.

  - Publicize Cray will cut his hair and auction it off. All proceeds to go to “Iddy Foundation”

  I looked up when my boss fell silent and gazed at him, no doubt with a shocked expression on my face.

  He trained those purple eyes in my direction. “What, Eddy?”

  “Cray, dude, you’re in love with my sister, aren’t you?”

  Chapter 6: Radio Interview

  “You’re live with Carrie on the Carrie on Rockin’ show only on 105.9 ROCK-FM, up close and personal in the studio with the very talented and very hot front man of King of the Damned. It’s good to see you again, Cray.”

  “It’s good to be seen again, Carrie. And good to know that you still Carrie on Rockin’.”

  “Always, sweet thing, always. So let’s get right to it. What the heck is this new album about?”

  “Well, it’s a side project of mine, a concept album and it’s basically a love letter to someone very special who unfortunately is playing hard to get.”

  “I can only imagine how frustrating that is for you Mr. Rock Hard Star. I bet you are not used to hearing the word ‘no’ too often.”