Skyclad

by Max Ellendale

  "Nothing," I said.

  "We were discussing Ella bringing her boyfriend to Thanksgiving," Mrs. F said as she sat down, draping a cloth napkin over her lap.

  "He's not my—I mean." I shook my head. "Forget it," I said, taking a seat across the table from Jed. He narrowed his eyes at me when my tone grew dismissive. "I can't."

  "What's going on?" Papa J glanced between us.

  "Why isn't he your boyfriend?" Mrs. F pressed. "Haven't you been dating for months?"

  "Dinah, really? Leave her be," Papa J chimed in.

  "Ella," Jed called my name as I gripped the edge of the table. Anger, foreign to my usual state of being, rolled over my shoulders like a wave of arctic ice. My insides threatened to implode.

  "Come on, Jake. It's important. I'd like grandkids someday, you know." Mrs. F gestured, her fork clattering to her plate.

  "What about me? I can give you grandkids." Jed huffed.

  "Stop, everyone just stop a minute." The words exploded from my mouth like acid. Three sets of eyes fell on me. "I don't have a boyfriend, okay?"

  "All right then." Papa J readily accepted whatever I had to say. "Let's eat then."

  "No. Just wait." I glanced at Jed who held tightly to a butter knife and slice of toast. "I don't have a boyfriend but I am seeing someone."

  "What's the difference?" Mrs. F shrugged.

  "The difference is… that I'm seeing someone and her name is Mae." Again, the words tumbled from my lips except this time through clenched teeth. Jed glanced between all of us as if awaiting the responses. Papa J stared at me for a moment, but Mrs. F's face paled.

  "Are you happy?" Papa J asked, setting his fork down while he watched me.

  "Yeah. I am," I told him, fighting the lump that rose in my throat.

  "Then I'm happy for you, too, Ellbell." With that, he picked his fork up and returned to eating. No one spoke for a few seconds. Jed looked from me to our mother.

  "You're… seeing who?" Mrs. F broke the quiet.

  "A woman," I repeated. My tongue seemed to swell in my mouth, thickening my words.

  "Ella," she said, her tone laced with disdain. "Are you sure that's something you want to do? What will people think? Your brother is getting married in three months. You can't possibly show up on the arm of a woman."

  "What?" I couldn't believe the words that came out of her mouth.

  "Dinah, for chris'sake." Papa J's brows narrowed in shock as he gazed at his wife.

  "Are you kidding me?" Jed chimed in.

  "Ella," the way she said my name again, with so much distaste and disappointment, had my eyes brimming with tears. She ignored the others. "How can a woman possibly take care of you? Provide for you? You deserve better."

  "I can provide for myself," I spat, shoving away from the table to stand. "I'm leaving." I looked to Jed, fighting the surge of emotions that threatened to take hold.

  "No, wait. Mom, are you for real? How could you say something like that to her?" Jed turned on her.

  "Dinah. You just insulted our daughter's integrity and for what reason?" The rage in my father's eyes scared me. I'd only seen him react this strongly a handful of times in my life.

  "Jake, you can't possibly be okay with this?" Mrs. F gripped her napkin, wringing in in her hands.

  "I can't believe what I'm hearing coming out of your mouth," he said, rising from his chair. I stormed out of the dining room and rushed down the hall. Jed hurried after me, grabbing my arm as soon as I snatched my bag from the table.

  "Let me go," I choked.

  "Ella, please—"

  "What will the women at the church think, Jake? The other board members! Our daughter dating a woman—"

  "Of all the closed-minded, ignorant—"

  The arguing continued, escalating voices pounded against my ears. I shouldn't have to deal with this at this stage of my life. Standing in the hall of my parents' home like a rebellious teenager being cut to her knees for the worst possible offense. Shame washed over me like a sodden blanket. I wanted nothing more than to crawl in a hole and croak.

  "We'll be tossed out—"

  "We live in Boston for God's sake, Dinah!"

  "Ella," Jed's soft voice drew my attention to him as a single tear slid down my face.

  "I have to go," I said, fighting to control my voice.

  "All right." His eyes, glassy with emotion, bore into me. "I love you."

  "I know," I said, pulling away from him to escape the house filled with angry rumbles and shouts.

  Chapter Five

  "Simon, if you can't keep your mouth shut during class you can walk yourself right out that back door. You've been in my class before and we don't have time for your crap. Get it together," I had no control over my mouth as I laid into Simon. The class hooted and clapped as Simon's face went red. He mumbled an apology under his breath as I turned back to the slide presentation.

  My mind raced. A few hours ago, my mother's beliefs tore me down to nothing. I felt like nothing as I stood there in front of the class teaching them about First Nations, Music and Culture. The topic was really important but I couldn't give a damn right now. I lost my place mid-sentence and turned around to see thirty-some-odd faces staring back at me.

  "You know what, you can all just go. Class is over for today," I said, clicking off the presentation. Some of the students shifted in their seats, others remained as if they weren't sure what to make of my announcement. The side door that connected my classroom to the lower floor opened. Delia stood there, her mobile phone pressed to her ear.

  "Yeah, she's here," I heard her say before she clicked the phone off.

  "I'm serious. I'll see you next week." I gestured for the class to leave and eventually they began filing out rather quietly. The students began to mumble once they hit the hallway. Delia walked in and I pushed myself back to sit on the desk. My hands trembled and I wondered if the students noticed my crazy. Luckily my Ice Queen namesake would cover for my outburst on Simon.

  Delia approached, waiting until the last student left before she spoke.

  "Mae called me. Why haven't you answered her?"

  "It doesn't matter." I waved her off, hopping from the desk and shoving whatever books or papers I left scattered, back into my bag.

  "Of course it does. She's really worried." Delia stared at me. "Have you been on a bender?"

  "What? Don't be silly." I made to walk past her but she grabbed my arm. Everyone seemed to be grabbing me today. I glanced at her and jerked my arm away.

  "Answer your girlfriend."

  "I lost my phone."

  "What's the matter, Ella? Seriously. What happened?"

  "Nothing. I'm going go to cancel my next class," I said, stopping in my tracks when I realized that I was about to step into a crowded hallway.

  "I'll do it. Just tell me what's wrong." Delia moved to stand beside me. Again, I found myself fighting back tears. I rarely cried as a rule, and in the past decade, only Mae had seen me do it. And Jed recently. I understood why Mae moved me to tears but I didn't like the fact that it was happening more frequently.

  "Things didn't go well at my parents. I'm going home. We'll talk later," I said, though much nicer this time.

  "All right. I'll check on you later."

  I found my phone on the floor in the car. Half a dozen missed calls from Mae, two from Delia, and one from Jed accompanied the unread text messages. I pocketed the phone without bothering to read or call anyone back.

  In a trance, I drove out of Beverly to Salem, eventually parking my car in the lot beside Mae's store. I closed my eyes, dropping my head back on the seat and sighing. Mae and Delia hadn't done anything wrong. Nor had my students. I had to get a hold of myself before I saw anyone else today. Maybe I should've gone home.

  A knock on the window stopped me from throwing the car into reverse. Liz, in all her wild-haired glory, tapped the glass. A lit cigarette hung from her mouth as she pulled the door open.

  "Oy, Ella. What've you done, ay? Mae's go
t the right rickies in her britches worrying about you."

  "Right what?" I shook my head.

  "Who the devil knows, love. I make up more shit than the news." Liz tugged me from the car. "C'mon."

  "I should've known you'd be out here smoking your life away." I coughed at the smoke as she puffed the last few drags on the cigarette.

  "Don't forget drinkin' my life away, too," Liz said, dropping the cigarette to the floor and stomping it out.

  "Why do you?" I asked as we walked toward the shop.

  "It tickles me," she said perkily, holding the door open for me.

  The shop assaulted me with Halloween decorations. Spiders dangled from the ceiling beside bumbling bats. Skeletons plastered the walls and a giant cauldron surrounded by a fake billowing fire sat in the middle of the store. Jax greeted me with a warmer nod than usual and I noticed she wore a lot less makeup today while she assembled small batches of crystals into pouches. Several customers browsed the wall of incense as a lone woman sorted through the table of herbs. Liz left me to tend to them.

  "She's in the back," Jax said, nodding toward the curtain.

  "Thanks," I said, ducking under it to head toward Mae's office.

  I opened the door to find her sitting on the sofa, her elbows on her knees as she cradled her phone in her hands. She looked up, her expression sullen as if she didn't expect me to walk through the door. Her eyes widened immediately and she stood.

  "El, what—"

  I shook my head, closing the door behind me to lean against it. Again, I found myself fighting tears and the emotions that went along with it. Except this time, I wasn't winning. Mae hesitated, taking a step forward but when I didn't move toward her, she held out her hand. Tears flowed freely at that point and I moved to her, unable to control myself any longer. She hugged me as I buried my face against her shoulder. Foreign sounds escaped me, sobs that I'd never heard myself make. Mae rubbed my back as I held onto her.

  Why had Mrs. F's words hurt me so? Nothing else in life pained me as much as her rejection. Mae tensed suddenly, the same way she had on Beltane. Her body softened soon after though her embrace tightened.

  "I'm sorry," she whispered, which only made me cry more.

  Mae tugged me to the sofa, pulling me down with her while continuing to hold me. She stroked my hair when I began to calm down. My breathing slowed and my sobs quieted to hiccups. We sat there for what seemed like hours as the hurt pulsed through me, quenched only by the passing of time.

  Doors opened and closed around us as the intuitives finished their readings and the shop wound down in the afternoon. By that time, Mae had me lying with her on the sofa, a blanket draped over us. She brushed my hair away from my face then drew along the back of my hand that I had resting between her breasts. The storm inside me settled and airy clarity returned. I took a deep breath, releasing it slowly.

  "During the last six months that Billy and I were together, he never said a word to me. He ignored me all day and night. In the beginning of that time, he'd only talk to me if he wanted sex, and even that was silent. Then after, nothing. When I left, I never looked back. I wasn't even upset about leaving him. In the six years since, it never bothered me. He never crossed my mind unless someone asked," I said, not quite sure if I was talking to Mae or myself.

  "Maybe you didn't love him," said Mae, continuing to stroke my hair.

  "I didn't."

  "How can you tell?" Mae pressed her lips to my forehead. We grew quiet again.

  "I'm tired," I said, every ounce of energy gone from my body at this point. "And I need to go feed Monkey."

  "I'll come with you."

  "I'd rather just go alone and sleep. Will you come by later?" I looked up at her, meeting her gaze for the first time in days.

  "Yeah, of course, kitten." She lifted my hand to her lips and kissed my palm. "Are you sure that's what you want?"

  "I'm so tired." I nodded.

  "I'll come by after closing then."

  I nodded and peeled myself away from her. Part of me wanted her to go with me, but I knew I needed time to pull myself together.

  Mae walked me to my car and, reluctantly, I drove away. Left only with the sight of her billowing skirt in my rearview mirror.

  ***

  The cranky buzz of my vibrating phone on the nightstand woke me from a deep sleep. Monkey lay curled up at my feet. Apparently, she liked me again after her extra-large dinner. I lifted my phone to see my brother's number on it.

  "Hello?"

  "Are you okay?" Jed's concerned voice flooded my consciousness.

  "Yeah," I said, rolling onto my back. Dampness coated the pillow beside me because I fell asleep with wet hair. "Where are you?"

  "Still in Boston but at Zoie's folks'."

  "Did things calm down?" I toyed with the elastic of my panties, aching for any distraction away from this conversation.

  "Yeah. Papa J had it out big time."

  "I know."

  "I'm sorry that happened. If I had expected it, I wouldn't've pushed," he said.

  "It's not your fault, Jed."

  "It's not yours either." His tone soothed me a bit as Monkey jumped from the bed when the front door opened.

  "I have to go."

  "Call me tomorrow."

  "Bye."

  I listened to Mae's soft footsteps, followed by whispers when she greeted Monkey. The door, already slightly ajar, opened fully and Mae smiled when she saw me watching.

  "I thought I'd be waking you up," she said, sitting on the bed by my hip, her bare feet crossed at her ankle.

  "My brother called and woke me." I tucked my arm behind my head, which caused the hem of my shirt to lift above my navel.

  "Damn him." Her playful words made me smile a bit half-heartedly. She placed her hand on my exposed stomach, caressing me gently. "I brought some dinner. Hungry?"

  "A bit." I nodded.

  "C'mon." She patted my belly, enough to make a light slapping sound. Mae grinned when she held her hand to me. I took it and she yanked me into an embrace as we stood.

  "What'd you bring?" I asked, taking her hand.

  "You'll see."

  Mae led me to the living room where two brown grocery bags sat on the coffee table. She unloaded freshly cut fruit, chocolate dip, and lettuce wraps stuffed with something.

  "Chicken salad," she said, setting out two plates on the table along with silverware.

  "Did you make all of this?"

  "Yeah. Except the chocolate. I bought that." She popped a blueberry in her mouth before sliding to the floor, sitting cross-legged by the table. I joined her, leaning over to kiss her cheek.

  "Thank you."

  "Strawberries and watermelon are separate." A grin spread across her luscious lips. I laughed and, in that moment, the whole world melted around us. No one else mattered but her.

  "I'll never live that one down, huh."

  "Nope. Eat," she said, nodding toward my plate.

  Mae put on an episode of a television show about clones while we ate. I hadn't realized how hungry I was until the first bite of food hit my stomach. After several wraps and a plateful of fruit, I leaned back against the sofa, nursing the food baby in my gut.

  "Better?" she asked while dipping a plump, ripe strawberry into the chocolate. I watched as she brought it to her mouth. Teeth broke the flesh of the berry, spreading the chocolate over her lips. Her tongue poked out to lick the excess confection away.

  "Yeah…" I gulped when she dipped a second strawberry. This time, she crawled over and held the fruit to me. A smile pressed the corners of her mouth when I took a bite. She used her thumb to wipe a drop of juice from my chin, then leaned in to lick the chocolate from my lips. I kissed her, grabbing a fistful of her hair to keep her close. She straddled my lap when the kiss intensified.

  "Yummy," she said, breaking the kiss and licking a bit of chocolate from her finger. "Like you."

  "Is that all you think of me? I'm heartbroken," I teased, tugging the strings on
her blouse and skirt at the same time. Her skirt gathered loosely at her hips when I pushed the shirt over her head. In typical Mae fashion, she wore no undergarments. Her perky breasts enticed me but I restrained myself, instead resolving to take in her form. She laughed, the muscles in her neck tightening when she tossed her hair over her shoulder.

  "Yes, your yumminess is all that matters." She played along and I let my hands linger on her thighs. We shared a quiet moment after which she pulled her skirt over her head and tossed it aside. Mae sat there while I gazed at her, taking in every inch. Thoughts rolled through my mind, my mother's harsh words, and the look of shock on my father's face. Mae's provided for me more than anyone has. I deserved better than Mae, according to Mrs. F, but what's better? What's better than her heart, her touch, her words? Nothing. Nothing at all.

  "You're beautiful," I told her. "Everything about you."

  "What are you thinking about, kitten?" She ran her fingertips over my arms, sending goosebumps over my skin.

  "You."

  "What else?"

  "Just you."

  "Ella, you haven't looked me in the eye in half an hour. Talk to me, my breasts appreciate the attention, but talk to me, too." She laced her fingers with mine as I drew my eyes to hers.

  "You take good care of me," I said.

  "You take good care of me, too." Her soft smile told me that she believed me, and I already knew that I believed her. Mae leaned forward, closing the space between us with a soft, sweet kiss. I caressed her cheek with the back of my hand. Tender, loving touches followed. A brush across my neck. My palm against her hip. I kissed her chin as she grazed her lips over the space between my eyebrows.

  She slid back in my lap. Her bare heat pressed against my knee while she kissed down my neck, tugging the collar of my shirt aside. When her lips met my navel, I tugged my shirt off. I wanted her lips on me everywhere. Ached for her fingers to caress me. My need burned so heavily that I found myself battling another swell of emotion that threatened to release more tears.

  With her eyes glued to mine, she took the waistband of my panties in her teeth. My core shuddered with anticipation when she dragged them down my legs. Clothes littered the floor around us. Mae kissed her way up my body. From my ankles, to knees. Knees to hips before straddling my lap again.