"I know." I sighed as I rolled to a stop in front of the house. Jed's moderately sized Colonial offered a welcoming break from the tightly woven areas of the city. Mae glanced at me as I shifted the car into park.
"How close do your parents live to here?" she asked, unbuckling her seatbelt.
"About twenty minutes. I don't see their car yet."
"El?"
"Yeah?" I gripped the steering wheel and stared straight ahead.
"I love you. Nothing's going to change that."
"I love you, too," I croaked, swiping at the single tear that escaped and cleared my throat. "We should go in." Lately, I disgusted myself with the amount of tears I shed. Moving me to emotions was restricted to sad movies about animals and stubbing my toe. My Ice Queen title wasn't something I was ready to relinquish.
"C'mon," she said, after kissing my cheek.
We exited the car together. Mae, with her multicolored patchwork coat that covered her usual attire, held her hand to me when we reached the walkway. I accepted her gesture, lacing her fingers with mine. Jed's formerly green grass shrunk away from the cold into wiry brown patches. The tree in his yard had a purple and yellow crocheted blanket around its trunk.
"Did you stop by here?" I nodded toward the tree, smirking at Mae.
"Nope. I didn't hug that tree. Maybe Zoie did." Mae laughed softly and linked her arm with mine as our boots clunked up the wooden steps.
Zoie answered the door clad in skinny jeans and the ugliest brown sweater in the world. A giant embroidered turkey covered the entire front of it.
"Ella! I'm so glad you could make it." She burst through the threshold to hug me. I returned her embrace awkwardly then let her go. "This must be Mae."
"Nice to meet you," Mae said, a bright smile spread across her face when Zoie hugged her, too.
"Come in, it's freezing." Zoie, in her usually cheerful demeanor, waved us inside.
Chatter emanated from the kitchen and sitting room while the smell of roasting turkey wafted through the house. My mouth watered at the thought of it. Wooden panels darkened the room and offered a casual coziness that was a stark contrast from the bright whites of my parents' home. Jed emerged from the kitchen as Mae and I took off our coats.
"Ellbell and her pretty lady." Jed grinned and he, too, hugged us. "I'm happy you decided to show up."
"I made her," Mae admitted, her grin endless.
"She made me." I nodded.
"That's what I like to hear." Jed grinned and put his arm around my shoulder as he led us into the living room. "Tara, Frank, this is my sister Ella and her partner, Mae. These are Zoie's parents." Equally blonde, fair, and nerdy, her parents warmly shook our hands.
"This is our youngest daughter, Sonora." Tara gestured to the grumpy looking teenager with purple hair that matched her spandex pants. Sonora stared at Mae and me a little longer than she probably should have. Zoie approached from the kitchen in time to shove her sister's shoulder.
"Excuse my wayward sister for staring," Zoie said, sticking her tongue out when Sonora scoffed.
"It's all right," I said when Jed ushered us to sit.
"We're used to brats hanging around." Mae lifted a brow at Sonora who, at first, frowned heavily. "Especially ones that probably have better plans in mind than hanging out with a bunch of old farts on their day off." Sonora smirked at Mae, her posture changing from a disgruntled slouch to an amused one.
"Mae," Zoie said. "Do you know about herbs?"
"I do. Why?" Mae's brows flicked upward as she turned to Zoie.
"I think I bought bay leaves instead of sage. Or sage instead of bay leaves." Zoie gazed off into the distance, a thoughtful expression tightening her petite features. Mae chuckled.
"I can help," she offered.
"Awesome. Okay." Zoie hopped up and waved her toward the kitchen. Mae glanced at me as she rose from the spot beside me. She kissed her finger then wiggled it at me as if saying, "Be right back," as she followed Zoie into the kitchen. I swallowed down the anxiety that rose in her absence.
"So, Ella, Jed tells us you're a teacher," Frank said, gazing at me from behind his thick black rimmed glasses.
"Yes. Undergrads mainly," I said, the quiver in my voice unnerved me. All I could think about was seeing Mrs. F walk through the front door and the look that would melt over her face when she saw me.
"Ah, do you enjoy it?" Frank continued, leaning back in the armchair. His brows lifted above his glasses.
"I do. It's challenging but that's what makes it enjoyable. Jed had mentioned that you're a chemist?" I queried, pushing through the small talk like a pro.
"Yep. And my darling wife here is a pharmacist. We mix well." He chuckled at his own joke. Sonora rolled her eyes when Jed chortled. Tara patted his hand while grinning.
The front door creaked open followed by the boom of my father's voice, "No one panic! The pies are here." Eruptive laughter filled the house as Jed rushed to the foyer. My heart thundered in my chest and I swallowed down the upsurge of emotion. Sonora sat smirking on the sofa, watching the calamity that was my father.
"Easy there, Pop." Jed carried in two pies, one in each hand, through the living room and into the kitchen. Papa J followed, carrying another set of pies on a cookie sheet. Zoie snatched the tray from him after kissing his cheek. Tara and Frank stood, greeting my father with warm chatter and handshakes. Sonora stared at her phone after waving to him.
"Ellbell," he erupted, grinning at me from beyond the clatter. Mrs. F wasn't with him when he entered which made my stomach churn even more. He joined us in the sitting room after Jed and Tara rushed off to the kitchen. Frank followed him and snatched Sonora's phone from her hands when he sat.
"Dad!" She snarled, huffing and puffing when she crossed her arms.
"Hi Pop." I stood to greet him, kissing his cheek during our embrace. "How are you?"
"I'm good. Why haven't you answered when I called you, hmm?" He lifted a brow at me and I shrunk a bit when I sat.
"I don't know…"
"It could've been an emergency. Like what pie you wanted to eat on a holiday." His super serious tone made Frank and Sonora chuckle.
"Where's Mrs. F?" I jumped right to it, unable to stand it a second longer.
"Parking the car. She ran me in with the pies."
"Oh." Shit. Part of me had hoped that she'd decided to opt out. Mae would shove me if she knew my avoidant thoughts. Speaking of which, what had Zoie captured her to do?
"El, your mother is—"
"Hello," Mrs. F's singsong voice interrupted him as she called down the hall. The front door thudded shut followed by the click of her heels echoed on the wood floor. Jed hurried out of the kitchen to greet her. They exchanged a cheery round of greeting before heading to the living room. Mrs. F paused when she saw me, her pace skipping a step when we made eye contact.
"Ella," Mrs. F said, as if she didn't expect to see me.
"Hi," I said. Awkward tension melted around us. Sonora seemed the most aware. She looked on with wide eyes. Mrs. F greeted me with a stiff kiss on the cheek, which I returned cordially.
"C'mon, Nor, let's go help your mother and sister in the kitchen." Frank nudged his daughter and the two rose, Sonora reluctantly, and wandered off.
Mrs. F sat across from us while Jed perched himself on the arm of the sofa beside me. A thick silence dangled in the air around us. Knowing my family, Jed and Papa J would stick with the quiet until one of us broke it.
"How did everything work out with that foster case you called about?" Mrs. F asked, folding her hands in her lap. Zoie appeared in the dining room and began to set the meal out on the table. She glanced at us, wide-eyed at first. Mae exited the kitchen and handed her a casserole dish. Her eyes fell on me immediately and a swell of emotion rushed me. My eyes welled up a bit but I forced my feelings aside. I loved her so much and feared the rejection my mother would offer.
"Um… good. Yeah. Mae applied for emergency guardianship and Jax got to stay with her in
stead of being moved. It's the best thing for her. Thanks again for your advice," I said, wringing my hands together the entire time.
"Is she a foster parent?" Mrs. F asked, the shift in her tone evidenced her effort.
"She wasn't until all of this happened."
"Dinner's almost ready, love." Zoie approached Jed and kissed his cheek. Mae joined her, holding her hand out to me. I took it, gripping her hand tighter than I thought I would when she seated herself beside me. Mrs. F stared, Jed watched with caution, and Papa J looked on, seemingly amused. The warm expression Mae wore sent pangs of jealousy through me. How did she look so calm all the time?
"Are you going to introduce me?" she asked me, her unwavering smile settled me a bit. In her eyes, I saw her light.
"Um… yeah. This is my—" Girlfriend, lover, favorite. "Partner, Mae." Jed's title seemed the most appropriate.
"Nice to meet you, Mae." Papa J leaned forward to shake her hand. Mrs. F tensed at the interaction, her skeptical gaze lingered on Mae, and she grew quiet.
"It's nice to meet both of you. Ella's told me a lot about you all." Mae, in her perpetual kind nature, engaged them with ease. My father appeared immediately more relaxed. Mrs. F didn't cringe or lecture me so I counted that as a success.
"Ella hasn't told us much about you. Though her description of nice seems appropriate." Papa J nodded which made Jed laugh.
"Dinner's ready, all." Tara called out.
Mrs. F was the first to stand. Mae and I hung back allowing everyone to head to the table before us.
"Nice? I'm nice?" She hissed, playfully. It brought a half-smile to my flattened expression and I nudged her.
"You're very nice," I said and Mae laughed softly. She pulled a chair out for me, a grin curling her lips. I lifted a brow at her as I sat. "Thanks."
"Just being nice," she muttered and I stifled a chuckle.
Jed carved the turkey on the table while giving a speech about hosting his first ever Thanksgiving in his own home, but the last Thanksgiving as an unmarried man. Zoie, with her doey love-filled eyes, watched him longingly. When he served the cut meat, I drew my gaze away to Mrs. F who sat across from me. Her lips pursed into a thin line when she jerked her eyes away. I couldn't tell if she wanted to say something or slap me.
Jovial voices filled the room around me. Occasionally, Sonora would join in with the adults. Mae seemed keen to small talk with Tara about the benefits of herbal remedies vs. traditional. Even with her at my side, aloneness pressed in on me like a tropical depression. At times it seemed like I sat by myself in a corner while everyone else enjoyed themselves. I had nothing to say, nothing to offer. Except the sadness that dampened my mood. In a way, it seemed like I was motherless again. Part of me knew I was exaggerating but having Mrs. F right in front of me was much worse than anything I conceived about talking with her again.
Beneath the tablecloth, Mae squeezed my thigh and I glanced at her. I hadn't touched a bite of dinner. The lump in my throat was hard enough to swallow.
"El?" Her soft whisper drew the lump upward, causing tears to press against my eyelids.
"Pineapple," I told her. Her brow furrowed and she set down her fork.
"Okay, come with me." She spoke under her breath, though slipped her hand in mine. I squeezed her as she laced her fingers with mine. All I wanted to do was retreat to my bedroom with her and never leave. We stood together, placing our napkins by our plates, and Mae led me to the bathroom. She closed the door behind us and I all but fell apart.
"I want to leave," I said, a sob catching in my throat when Mae hugged me. I squeezed her, burying my face against her shoulder. Mae rubbed my back, cooing soft, soothing phrases to me until I calmed.
"Did someone say something?" she asked.
"No, I just feel wrong. Like I shouldn't be here."
"I know." She stroked my cheek when I leaned back to look at her. Her eyes, deeper gray than usual, seemed sad. Thumbs brushed away my tears then traced my bottom lip. I kissed her finger while holding on to her arms. "I'm sorry you're hurting, baby. I am."
"It's not your fault, Mae." I sniffled a bit, releasing her arms to stroke her hair. It soothed me to touch her and reminded me of the comfort in our togetherness.
"It's not yours either. I'm glad we came here today. There's only one person who even bats a lash at our relationship, El, and you already knew that."
"Yeah. She hates me."
"I don't think she hates you. Maybe she's just ignorant."
"Maybe. Or maybe I'm an embarrassment as a daughter. Maybe she should've picked someone else."
"Now you're projecting, El. That's not going to make any of this better."
"I know." I sighed. She was right.
"Let's get through today and tonight when we get home, I'll tie you up the way you like. Until you can't anymore." A wry smile tugged the corners of her mouth and I chuckled softly.
"Tease." I swatted her hip and her smile melted into a grin.
"Not a tease when it's a promise. Maybe this time I'll use nothing but my tongue." She bit her bottom lip while glancing at the ceiling as if contemplating it.
"Mae." I laughed harder when heat rushed my cheeks followed by a lurch in my stomach.
"Hmm?" She chuckled and kissed me. "C'mon, let's go back."
"Okay." With my spirits slightly higher, I followed her back out to the hall, her hand held tightly in mine.
Half way there, my phone buzzed in my pocket. Mae paused and glanced at my hip. I dug it out to see a message from Jax, Can you pick me up?
"That's odd. It's early," said Mae when I showed her.
"I know. Let me call her." I hit the call button and flipped the phone to my ear. Mae leaned in to listen.
"Can you get me?" Jax asked, her voice stilted when she answered.
"Of course. Are you okay?" I dug my keys out of my pocket and Mae nodded.
"Yeah, this was a bad idea," Jax didn't elaborate.
"Tell her I'll get her," Mae said, taking the keys from me.
"Mae's coming to get you."
"Okay. I'll wait outside."
"If you can't talk, text me what's going on." Her odd tone and mumbling finally tipped me off that she wasn't alone. Mae kissed my cheek then ducked out the door.
"Okay. I'll do it now."
"Are you safe, Jax?"
"Yeah, I'm okay."
"Okay. She'll be there in ten minutes," I said as Jed approached. He put his hand on my shoulder.
"I'll text you," she said and hung up.
"What's going on?" Jed asked, concern flooded his voice.
"Jax asked to be picked up from where she's volunteering. Mae went to get her," I explained. My phone vibrated and I slid open the text.
Volunteering was OK. Little kids left. Older started drinking in bedrooms. 1 had drug needle. Told house director n left. I showed Jed the text Jax sent me.
Good decision. Stay outside.
I will.
I'm sorry that happened.
Some things don't change.
You have.
Thanks. Her response was slightly delayed.
Tell me when Mae gets there.
I will.
"Poor kid." Jed shook his head. "Tried to do something nice."
"I know." I sighed. "Being around drugs and stuff upsets her."
"As it should." Jed squeezed my arm. "Let's set her a place. Sonora will be happy to have another kid here."
"I didn't think of that."
Jed and I stayed in the hall for a bit while I awaited Jax's text.
"Is everything all right?" Mrs. F approached us after some time, concern widening her eyes.
"Mae went to pick up her foster," Jed answered for me.
"Oh." Mrs. F turned to me. "Ella, I was wondering if we could talk a moment. Alone."
"Right now?" I gulped and I think Jed did, too.
"Yes. Right now." Mrs. F's firm 'mom' nod told me I didn't have much of a choice.
"I'll um… go set Jax a place."
Jed jerked his thumb in the direction of the dining room and ducked out. My phone buzzed a moment later and Jax's text said, She's here. With Jax safely in Mae's hands, what excuse did I have?
"All right." I nodded and Mrs. F walked off toward the bedroom. I followed her, feeling like an unruly teen about to be scolded or shamed. Or given a few lashes with a whip. I sat on the edge of the bed, tucking my hands between my knees. The woven quilt beneath me pressed against my thighs and I imagined being branded by the pattern.
Mrs. F paced a few times before speaking to me.
"Ella… you have to understand—"
"No, I don't. I don't have to understand anything." My anger surprised me and I bit my tongue. I didn't want to be as intolerant as she was.
"Just, please, Ella. Just listen a minute."
"Oh, I listened plenty if you hadn't noticed."
"Ella—"
"No—"
"Enough." Mrs. F swooped in front of me and grabbed my hands as she crouched. It took every ounce of willpower not to jerk away from her. "I don't understand this, Ella. I don't."
"I'm not asking you to understand anything," I spat and clenched my teeth. I could barely look at her and settled on staring at the jewelry box on the dresser.
"Ella, please. Just listen."
"I'm listening."
"All right." She sighed, drawing her gaze away but not releasing my hands. "I'm worried about this. Worried about what it means for your life. Are you sure you want this, Ella? Are you sure this is right for you?"
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that I'm sure it's 'right for me.'" She had me trapped there in front of her. My tone flattened as I fought my agitation.
"I just don't understand what she has to offer you that a man doesn't. Do you really love her, Ella? Could you really love her the same way?" Mrs. F drew her gaze back to mine.
"I love her better." Just thinking of Mae as an active part of this turned anger into hurt again. "And she loves me."
"I know. I know." Mrs. F sighed and released me, standing again to pace.
"How do you know?" I watched her as her heeled feet pressed tracks into the carpet.
"I can see how she looks at you. But that's not the point. Ella, a decision like this can change your life and change how the world sees you. Doesn't it bother you?"
Skyclad Page 16