"Clearly not as much as it bothers you. Or the people at your church or the guests at Jed's wedding."
"I just… I didn't mean that, Ella."
"Well, you said it. And you hurt me, Mom, you really did." The admission brought prickles of tears back to my eyes. Mrs. F's demeanor softened some and she sat beside me on the bed.
"I didn't mean to hurt you, Ella. That's the last thing I wanted."
"It's the first thing you did." I turned my face away from her. Telling her I was upset was bad enough. Showing it was something I wasn't ready to do.
"I just don't understand where your life has gone since the breakup with Billy."
"You can understand my research trips to the Congo, Middle East, China… but you can't understand why I left Billy?" Anger resurfaced and I clenched my fists. "It's been six years or more even, I barely remember, but why is it that you do? You don't have any idea…"
"Well then tell me, Ella? Tell me why you're making these choices?"
"Billy was a fucking terrible person, Mom! The last year of our relationship was miserable. He ignored me for months. In the end, he wouldn't have noticed if I died in the bathroom or left the country for a month. He didn't love me. And I didn't love him. Not in the end anyway. He put me out like yesterday's trash and every so often, your questions about him remind me of how worthless and expendable he thought I was." Why was I telling her any of this? I didn't owe her any explanations for my choices or my relationships. I certainly didn't want her pity but I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted her to say either. Nothing could change her initial reaction or the pain it caused.
"I didn't know that." Mrs. F pursed her lips again as she stared at me. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"It doesn't matter what I didn't tell you. What matters is your reaction to what I did tell you. And you rejected me because of how you thought I would make you look."
"I love you, Ella. I love you and your brother. Nothing will ever change that."
"Yeah well, I used to think that, too. I still can't believe how you reacted. I never expected that." I ran my fingers through my hair and leaned forward with my elbows on my knees.
"I'm not sure I can accept this, Ella. I'm not sure I'll ever understand this choice."
"I'm not asking you to anymore."
A gentle knock sounded on the open door. I looked up to see Mae standing there. Worry smoothed her brow as it had in the past when I'd disappeared from her for a while. I stood and glanced to Mrs. F. She watched the two of us when Mae stepped in the room.
"You okay?" she asked, her hands falling to my waist.
"Yeah." I wasn't sure if I lied to her or not. I wasn't dead, so technically I was okay. She hugged me and, I imagined she and Mrs. F shared some sort of glance over my shoulder. "Is Jax all right?"
"She is. Jed's got her eating some pumpkin pie and she's cheered up. Let's go have some dessert, okay?" Mae urged me from the room, leaving Mrs. F by herself.
Coffee and pies littered the table when we returned. The teens moved to the living room where Sonora showed Jax her guitar. They sat on the floor together while Sonora explained to Jax how she learned to play. I knew Sonora only a few hours and this was the perkiest I've seen her yet. Jax's eyes, bright and attentive, also seemed somewhat out of character for her. Together they made the perfect alternative pair. Purple hair met black, while emo mingled with mermaid.
"Are you sure it was the pie that cheered her up?" I muttered to Mae.
"Nope." Mae laughed softly as she pulled out a chair for me again.
Frank and Papa J spoke animatedly about some sort of medical jargon while Tara helped pour coffee. Jed and Zoie sliced the apple pie and set it out on small china plates. Mrs. F emerged from the bedroom and Tara caught her right away, querying about some sort of bridesmaid gown style for the wedding next month.
"Let's sit in the living room," I said, tugging Mae from the table. She took her coffee with her and we perched together on the sofa. Neither of the girls seemed to mind. Mae sat with her feet tucked beneath her skirt, facing me. I left my hand resting on her knee, suddenly feeling possessive of her since my talk with Mrs. F.
"Did you go to Revere? You look familiar," Sonora said to Jax as they examined the guitar strings together.
"Oh. Yeah for half a year before they moved me. I was at Salem last then dropped out. But I got my GED." Jax released the guitar strap and Sonora tossed it over her head. "Are you in college?"
"Not yet. Maybe for the spring semester." Sonora shrugged. "You?"
"Yeah. Maybe spring." Jax glanced at me and I smiled at her. "Ella teaches in Beverly. I want to go there."
"Really? That's cool." Sonora glanced between us, though when she looked back at Jax, her eyes lingered a moment longer than usual. "Do you work?"
"Yeah. At Mae's store. I like it." Jax leaned back on her elbows, her legs remained crossed.
"Wait for it…" Mae whispered.
"For what?" My brow furrowed when I looked to her.
"Coming up next is a hair flip."
"What?" I stifled a laugh.
"Just watch."
"So where do you live?" Sonora plucked a few strings while Jax watched.
"In Salem. There's a loft above the store. Mae and I live there but mostly me. Mae likes to stay at Ella's or in the store." Jax shrugged.
"Is it, like, your own place?" Sonora's brows lifted. Her strumming stopped and she tossed her hair over her shoulder in a flourish.
"Bingo. Now, wait for the touch." Mae hissed in my ear. I bent my arm to stroke her chin while I watched the girls.
"Kinda, yeah." Jax nodded. "Mae let me set it up how I wanted, too."
"Cool. I'll have to see it sometime." Sonora glanced at us, her pale cheeks slightly pinkish.
"Yeah, whenever." Jax shrugged. "So are you in the wedding?"
"Maid of honor except…" Sonora glanced toward the kitchen. "The dresses are hideous. Pink and awful."
"It'll clash with your hair." Jax laughed which made Sonora reach around the guitar to swat her leg.
"Ass," she said, joining in chuckling. "Mom wants it back to blonde for the wedding."
"See that?" Mae nodded and squeezed my knee. "Hair flip, touching. Sonora knows what's up."
"What do you mean?" I laughed at Mae joining in on the kid speak.
"She likes Jax. I think we have two baby lesbians here." Mae nodded and we glanced at Jed and Zoie when they joined us.
"Three if you count me," I said which made Mae snicker.
"What was that I heard about the bridesmaid dresses?" Zoie's squeaky voice interjected as she yanked Jed down on the sofa.
"She said they're pretty nice." Jax covered for Sonora like the little sociopath that she was.
"Yeah." Sonora nodded.
"Good. Jax, talk some sense into her about that purple hair, would you?" Zoie leaned against Jed, draping her leg over his as the two of them yawned at the same time. Jed's droopy blues spoke of his turkey hangover.
"Sure." Jax snickered and wagged her eyebrows at Sonora. "Blonde will look better on you."
"Think so?" Sonora, only half-believing, pulled her hair forward to pet it.
"Yeah. I like blondes." Jax shrugged.
"Oh that was very direct right there. I see what you're saying," I whispered to Mae and she grinned, kissing my shoulder.
"Jax has a job, Nor. You should take a leaf from her tree," teased Zoie.
"Her leaves are pretty tame." Mae grinned and Jax shot her a knowing look.
"Jed, you look thrashed," I said. He nodded and stretched out on the sofa.
"Do the dishes, will ya, Ellbell?" He yawned exaggeratedly and hugged Zoie.
"Don't tease her. The dishes are in the dishwasher." Zoie swatted his chest.
"Mae?" Jax interjected.
"Yes, ward?" Mae lifted an eyebrow as she glared at Jax. The girls giggled.
"Sonora's gonna come over tomorrow," Jax said, glancing to Sonora then back to Mae.
"Are you aski
ng me or telling me?" Mae queried, the corner of her mouth twitched as she fought a grin.
"Er… asking. Yeah." Jax nodded and so did Sonora.
"Okay." Mae laughed and toyed with my fingers. "Speaking of tomorrow, we better get going."
"Already? It's only almost ten." Jax nearly pouted.
"Jed and Zoie are about to pass out on us," I said.
"Unlike the retirees over there." Jed jabbed his thumb in the direction of the dining room where our parents talked together in animated tones. Clinks of coffee cups on saucers mingled in between.
"Jed, don't be rude." Zoie poked his chest.
"C'mon," Mae said, patting my leg before she stood with me. "And you too, Jax. You're opening the store tomorrow, right?"
"What? Me?" She hopped up, her eyes wide with surprise.
"Oh yes, you. Us old folks need to sleep in." Mae chuckled and we made our rounds to say goodbye.
My father walked us to the door. "Answer my calls or I'm showing up at your house at two in the morning on a Monday," he warned.
"That's hardly a threat," I said, kissing his cheek. He released me before turning to Mae.
"Is it?" he asked.
"It's a threat. Trust me," she said, laughing as he hugged her. "It was nice meeting you."
"Likewise." Papa J ushered her out, his endearing smile steadfast.
Mae smiled and waved for Jax to follow her. Jax bid everyone farewell and ducked out ahead of us.
Mrs. F approached. She didn't say anything but she squeezed my hand and kissed my cheek as we parted ways. She loved me. I didn't doubt that. The new phase in our relationship was hard to swallow and, as I walked the cold path toward the car, leftover emotions travelled with me.
Chapter Ten
I woke up alone in Mae's bedroom, naked between her purple sheets. With Jax in the house, we hadn't done anything last night, though Mae insisted on me sleeping naked beside her. Of course, I obliged. No matter my state, as long as she held me, I was content. I rolled from the bed and snatched my shirt from the floor, tossing it on as I pulled the elastic from my hair.
When I opened the bedroom door, animated chatter filled the living space. Jax and Mae stood in the kitchen, flipping pancakes and making quite a mess. Mae handed Jax the pan and the mess escalated. They cracked up and scraped a pancake off the cabinet.
"What are you two doing?" I yawned as I stepped over a patch of flour on the floor. Mae moved to me, slipped her arms around my middle, and kissed my cheek.
"Making breakfast," Jax announced as she stacked a perfect pancake onto the pile. "There we go."
"You left me all alone in a strange place," I whined to Mae as she swayed with me, her hands on my rear.
"Lies, all lies," she said against my neck. I leaned against her, allowing my sleep hangover to drift.
The bathroom door opened and out came Sonora, clad in pink pajamas with elephants on the bottoms. She approached Jax and the two of them stood hip-to-hip by the stove. After a few more pancakes on the plate, Jax wrapped her arm around Sonora's middle.
"And so we had an overnight guest?" I whispered to Mae who nodded. "Is that why you're up early?"
"Yep. With hawk eyes on those two." She tugged me toward the sofa that found its way from the back of the store to the living room. I leaned on the arm while she stood in front of me. "You're taking her to the fitting today, right?"
"I am. I think my sister-in-law's sister is dating your child," I jested as Mae tucked my hair behind my ears.
"Officially. They met a week ago and already spending the night." Mae glanced over her shoulder at the two of them.
"My mother is going to blame me for it."
"El, those girls were gay before you were, trust me." Mae smirked then kissed me softly.
"Have they…?"
"Not yet, according to Jax, but almost."
"I'd say buy them some condoms but..." I teased. Mae shoved my arm, which made me laugh a bit.
"I don't want her heart broken, you know?"
"Oh yeah. I know." I nipped her bottom lip. "We're not going to be here every second, Mae. Eventually, she'll be alone with her."
"I know." A soft sigh escaped her pouty lips.
"You're having mom feelings," I said with a grin. "Protective mom feelings."
"Hush up." Mae glanced over at the girls again who playfully flicked batter at each other until the last batch of pancakes finished cooking.
The four of us shared breakfast together until Jax and Sonora disappeared to the bathroom with about a dozen towels.
"Are they really going to strip her hair back to blonde?" I asked as Mae dragged me on to the sofa. I tugged my shirt down to cover my thighs. "And where are my pants, huh?"
"That's the plan and I hid them so you'd be forced into only a shirt." She grinned, pressing her lips to my cheek.
"Wicked witch is what you are," I said as Mae sat sideways, leaning against the arm and urged me to lay between her legs. I rested my head on her chest when her thighs squeezed my hips. She tugged the woven blanket from the back of the couch and tossed it over us.
"Only when it comes to you." The blanket offered an opportunity for her to slip her hand up my shirt and rest it on my abdomen. "You haven't talked much about what happened with Mrs. F last week."
"Nothing really to talk about." I shrugged.
"Are you sure you still want me as a wedding date, El? I won't be offended. I promise." She drew circles around my navel, which sent quivers of enjoyment up my spine. Goosebumps formed over my flesh.
"Of course I do and if Sonora asks Jax, we need to be there for them, too."
"I didn't think of that."
"Me either until now."
"What do the dresses look like?"
"They're actually pretty. I mean, other than being pink, they're nice. Bell sleeves and not too long or anything. Like a mix of something from the 60s and Victorian era all in one," I explained as I stroked her arm.
"Hmm… I'll have to come up with something matching. How big is the bridal party?" Mae brushed hair from my neck and planted delicate kisses here and there.
"Small, just the two of us. I'm the best man though." I smirked and Mae shook her head.
"So basically one sibling on each side in matching dresses, right?"
"Yes," I affirmed and Mae chuckled.
"Small weddings are nice, I hear," she said, nipping my cheek. "After the fitting, Jax is working until closing with Opal. Want to order in at your place?"
"Oh yeah. Definitely." I peeked up at her and she grinned, her arms tightening around me.
Half an hour later I had dressed and Sonora emerged from Jax's room. They unveiled her perfectly crafted platinum blonde locks with a single strand of pink behind her right ear.
"So? How'd we do?" Jax asked as Sonora turned in a circle.
"Your mother will be pleased." I grinned at Sonora and Mae applauded.
"It'll go perfect with the pink dress," said Mae.
"Oh don't remind me." Sonora groaned.
"C'mon, blondie, we better get going," I told her and turned to Mae. "Meet you at six?"
"I'll be waiting." She kissed me, releasing my hand as I moved to the stairs.
"Call me later?" Jax said to Sonora.
"Of course." Sonora glanced at Mae and then kissed Jax on the cheek. She turned bright red then rushed ahead of me.
***
"That wasn't too terrible," Sonora said as we redressed in the fitting rooms. "The pink is light at least."
"I can hear you, brat," Zoie called out from the sitting area.
"Seriously, Zo? Pink?" The lock clicked on Sonora's door as she exited the stall. I followed behind as I tugged on my boot.
"It's pretty. Thanks for fixing your hair at least." Zoie nodded toward her sister.
"Jax helped." Sonora sat on the bench, tucking her knee to her chest as she laced on her sneakers.
"What's the story there?" Zoie asked, glancing at me but I kept quiet. It was Sonora's business
to tell.
"No story…"
"C'mon. I saw how you looked at her and Mom said you were over at her house twice this week." Zoie egged her on. Tara entered the room and I fully expected their conversation to stop. Their mother and the tailor carefully returned each dress to the wrappings.
"I like her." Sonora shrugged, switching to the other foot. "She's interesting."
"Did you ask her out?" Zoie queried. I glanced to Tara who, was clearly listening but didn't seem to bat a lash at the girls.
"Not yet."
"Does she like you, too?" Zoie asked, tugging on her ballet flats and standing to inspect the final alterations to her wedding dress. The simple white dress clung to her when she tried it on and the belled sleeves reminded me of something Mae would wear.
"I dunno. I think so." Sonora looked at me. "Do you think she does, Ella?"
"Yeah, I do." I nodded and joined her on the bench.
"Ask her out to somewhere nice like dinner or the movies." Tara joined in the conversation. "Or even to the mall to look at Christmas decorations when they do the lights show."
"Yeah… I could do that." Sonora folded her legs and picked at her nail polish. "Do you think she'd like that?"
"Most girls like that," Zoie said.
"What do you and Mae do on your dates?" Sonora's gaze returned to mine and I stumbled over my thoughts. I couldn't exactly give her the whole truth.
"We like to stay in a lot. Cook or order in. In the summer, we went to the commons for picnics and stuff. Liz and Delia have house parties that we go to. Things like that." Followed by nights filled with… "Mae always comes up with little surprises. Things she knows I like."
"What about you and Jed?" Sonora turned to her sister.
"We do the things Ella said but we like going out to dinner on Fridays. It's our thing. And sometimes the philharmonic. Jed likes music like that, too." Zoie handed the dress off to the tailor who ducked out with it.
"Ew, we're not doing that. Maybe a concert though," Sonora said thoughtfully.
"You better get a job, kid, if you're going to have a girlfriend." Tara wagged her finger at Sonora.
"What if I go to school?" Sonora frowned a bit.
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