Hold On To Me

by Taylor Holloway

  Ross was crazy to discourage his daughter from singing. It would be a crime if she did anything but make more music. Rosie shouldn’t be allowed to let go of her dream. She needed to hold onto it, chase it, and make it hers. And I felt the exact same way about her.

  21

  Ryan

  Rosie went home with me after her party ended. We didn’t talk about why she left with me. I knew that she realistically didn’t have anywhere else to go, but the fact that she was hanging on my arm and leaning into my kisses told me that she wasn’t intending on sleeping in my guest room tonight. I wasn’t intending on letting her, either.

  We had so much to talk about. So much that I needed to tell her about the real reason I was even in her life. So much that I needed to tell her about the fact that I was relatively sure that her father had inadvertently engineered tonight’s meeting only for it to backfire on him massively, but… it could wait. It could all wait. It had to. Because as soon as we were alone together in my car, the only thing I could think about was Rosie.

  She was quiet on the drive back to my house. She kept playing with the tips of her long, dark hair and I suspected that she was thinking about Victoria’s suggestion of dyeing it blonde. Secretly, I hoped she didn’t. I liked Rosie’s wild, long, natural hair. It suited her free-spirited personality.

  Before I knew it, we were pulling into my driveway. Before I could second-guess it, we were walking inside, up the stairs, and to the spot between the two doors that led to separate beds. And before I could make the movie I’d been planning all night, Rosie was already beating me to the punch.

  “Ryan, do you want to sleep with me tonight?” Rosie asked me. Her voice was soft, and her eyes were very wide and nervous-looking.

  Even though it scared her, Rosie made the first move. Again. I was in awe of her. I was going to need to step up my game if I was ever going to beat her to making the first move.

  As before, I couldn’t find the words. So, again, my answer would need to be physical. That suited me just fine. I took her in my arms, tipped her face up to mine, and kissed her.

  She leaned up into me enthusiastically, burying her hands in my hair and yielding instantly. I was pushing the door to my room open and drawing us backwards into it a moment later. Although we’d barely known each other a day, I’d already fantasized about this moment enough for three lifetimes.

  Just like in my fantasies, I pulled her closer, always closer, and she followed wherever I led. I shrugged out of my jacket and shirt artlessly, clumsily stepping out of my shoes and wanting to feel her skin against mine. Desperate for it.

  Her hands reached around to unzip her cute little dress, and I stilled them with my own. I wanted to be the one to undress her. I wanted to be the one that worked the zipper down her pale, fragile back. I wanted to be the one that peeled the little blue dress off her lush, sexy curves. I undressed her with relish and when I saw her standing in just her little lingerie set, it surpassed every fantasy I’d ever had. Not just any fantasy I had about Rosie, either. Any fantasy I’d had ever had about a woman in my life.

  “Rosie, you’re so beautiful,” I heard myself saying. It seemed so inadequate of a thing to say, but it was true. She was beautiful.

  I swallowed hard at the sight of her. She was utterly perfect. Slim where a woman should be slim, and curvy where a woman should be curvy, Rosie had the sort of curvaceous-yet-toned body that even modern photoshop struggled to achieve. But instead of standing proudly, she sat down on top of my bed and bit her full, bottom lip. She crossed her arms in front of her bouncy, round tits. She frowned.

  “Ryan, um… I should tell you now, I guess. I’m a virgin.”

  I nodded. I’d suspected that. Part of me was excited to share this with her. The other part? Scared shitless that I’d mess it up. You only got one shot at the first time.

  Still, I was the one who knew what I was doing in this situation and appearing nervous would only make her feel more nervous too. “We only have to do what you’re comfortable with,” I told her, sitting beside her. “I’m not going to rush you, I promise. You’re totally in control.”

  She smiled hesitantly. “You’re ok with me being a virgin? You’re not grossed out?”

  My breath puffed out of me in disbelief. “Rosie, no. I’m honored that you’d trust me to be your first.” Grossed out? God no. The opposite of that. I kissed her again and tried to impart upon her how not-gross I found her.

  “Are you sure you’re not weirded out that I don’t know anything?” she asked again when we broke apart. “I don’t want to disappoint you.”

  She didn’t want to disappoint me? Ridiculous.

  Shaking my head in bemused disbelief, I grasped her hand and pressed the soft palm firmly against the erection in my pants that I’d been fighting against for so long that it hurt. “You tell me if I’m grossed out, or weirded out, or disappointed. What do you think?”

  “Oh,” she whispered. Her already rosy cheeks turned scarlet and her little hand traced up and down my cock with such wonder and eager innocence that I almost came then and there, in my pants, like a teenager. Did she know that she was teasing me by touching like that? I shook my head at her, suspecting that she did.

  Besides… “Oh”? That’s what she has to say? Oh? She’d need to communicate more than that if we were going to do this.

  I pressed her back atop the coverlet and got on top of her, one hand on either side of her shoulders. I was straddling her on all fours like the animal I was. “You have to promise me you’ll tell me what you need, Rosie.” She was very good at setting boundaries, but I needed some too. If I was going to do this—to deflower this beautiful woman underneath me—I needed know she wanted it as much as I did. I needed to be one-hundred percent sure.

  Rosie stared up at me and touched my face. I leaned into her palm. Her expression was dreamy. “I promise,” she told me.

  Emboldened, I slid the straps of her bra off her shoulders. Her skin was impossibly silky, soft, and warm under my fingertips. “Promise me if I hurt you, you’ll say something.”

  She breathed in deeply as her nipples met the cool air and tightened instantly into hard, rosy colored points that begged to be teased. “I promise.”

  “Promise me if I’m going to fast, you’ll say something.” I unhooked the now-useless garment from behind and threw it away, onto the ground. Rosie watched it go with wide eyes.

  “I promise,” she replied breathily. Even her sighs were musical.

  “Promise me that if what I’m doing doesn’t feel good, you’ll say something.” My voice sounded confident, but in reality, I was begging her. I cupped her from below, squeezing, and watching with satisfaction as her breathing sped up and her green eyes dilated. She curved her back up, sending her chest forward into my hands.

  “I promise.”

  “Promise me that if you need me to do something differently, you’ll say something right away,” I continued, working my way down her body to where her panties still presented an obstacle. I slipped my thumbs underneath the lacey fabric on either side of her hip bones.

  “I promise,” she repeated, obligingly lifting her lower body so I could work them off her long, slim legs. Between her thighs, my fingers found warmth, slickness, and soft, damp curls. She spread her legs eagerly for me, letting me stroke and explore.

  “Has anyone ever gone down on you before?” I asked her, desperate to kiss her intimately.

  She shook her head, eyes squeezed shut. “No,” she whispered. “Are you going to?”

  “Yes. But only if you want me to,” I told her. She spread her legs wider in answer, but that wasn’t enough. I didn’t want reluctant, implied consent. I wanted Rosie to give me enthusiastic consent. “Only if you tell me that you want me to,” I clarified.

  Rosie squirmed underneath me. This was all new for her. She didn’t know how to ask for pleasure, or how receive it. Although it was almost physically painful to wait, that’s exactly what I did. I’d wait all night
if that’s what it took. In reality it probably only took about thirty seconds, but it felt like all night.

  “I want you to,” she said, opening her eyes and looking down her naked body at me. There was uncertainty in her eyes, and some fear, and probably insecurity, too. I was ready to make all that go away for her.

  Finally.

  She tasted just like heaven. I went slowly, kissing and following my fingers with my mouth only when I thought she’d be ready for the sensation. I obviously couldn’t know what felt good for her, but I watched her reactions and tried my best to figure it out.

  Beneath me, she gasped and whimpered as she got accustomed to the feeling. It wasn’t long before her noises became excited, needy. I loved on her relentlessly with my tongue, wanting to make her come this way, to show her how good it could be. Not only did she need to be warmed up, but she looked so goddamn sexy from this angle this was almost as good as fucking her. Her pussy was so tight I could barely get two fingers inside her, but once I did, she started making noises that indicated that she was feeling the perfect opposite of discomfort.

  Rosie jerked and gasped her way to climax when I finally put real pressure on her clit, pawing the back of my head and clenching around the two fingers I’d slid inside her. She fell back on the pillow, gazing upwards with parted lips.

  There, I thought with satisfaction, now maybe you’ve got an idea about what our bodies can do to one another. And this is just the beginning.

  I’d been hard for so long that my body shook with anticipation when I finally straightened and peeled my jeans off. I went for the condom in my pocket and telegraphed every move I made so she knew exactly what I was planning. Rosie took in the sight with hooded eyes and a shy smile.

  “Do you want this?” I asked her, and she nodded eagerly. She was staring at my cock with rapt attention.

  “Yes,” she answered, reaching for me again before I could get the condom unwrapped. I paused at her eagerness.

  I thought she… oh.

  Her lips closed around the tip of me and in an instant, I was totally at her mercy. She may have never had sex before, but she was clearly no stranger to sucking cock. Either that or she was a goddamned prodigy. I tilted my hips up to give her better access and she scrambled forward, grasping and gasping for air as she proved that little mouth on her could do much more than sing.

  “Rosie, if you keep that up, I’m going to come in your mouth,” I warned her. Her eyes flashed up at me, teasing.

  Ok, I thought to myself. Well then, you’re going to get what you’re asking for, Rosie. Buckle up.

  I placed a hand on the back of her head and eased her forward, watching her eyes widen as she took me more deeply. I fucked her face with a leisurely rhythm, holding her by the hair at the nape of her neck and enjoying the expressions on her sweet face almost as much as what she was doing with her lips and tongue. She wanted this? I was more than happy to oblige.

  “Christ Rosie,” I groaned, grinding my teeth against the rising bliss. She looked so good on her knees that it ought to be criminal.

  She really was a stubborn little creature. I’d thought that I understood that before, but this was on a whole different level. Even when I could tell she was just shy of gagging and choking, she kept taking me deeper. With every slick stroke she drove me higher and I challenged her more.

  Soon the tables were turning again, leveling out any power imbalance as I came closer and closer to coming and she proved herself to be disciplined enough to disregard her own gag reflex.

  “Last warning,” I told her. My voice wasn’t nearly as teasing it had been. I wasn’t sure she really wanted our night to end like this, but I was about to make the decision for us both. The corners of her lips drew up into a sly smile.

  “You asked for it,” I groaned, coming hard down her virginal little throat and feeling like the world’s most satisfied monster.

  When the haze inevitably cleared some time later, Rosie was curled up under my arm, with her chin on my chest.

  “Are you ok?” I asked, pushing her hair out of her eyes and getting a proper look at her. She was smiling contentedly.

  “Yeah,” she looked up at me with an unfamiliar expression on her symmetrical features. “I’m great.”

  Awe? Was that what I was seeing in her eyes? It was definitely what I was feeling right at that moment. Rosie was awesome, in the truest sense of the word. She was perfect.

  I kissed her forehead. There was still a lot unsaid between us. Secrets I needed to tell her. Some of them were about her father. Some of them were about my past. All of it was ugly. But in that moment, the darkness receded. It was just me and her, holding each other in the semi-dark, and feeling safe, content, and happy. I might be falling for her. I decided not to ruin it yet with the truth.

  22

  Rosie

  Not signing up for Monday classes was a real stroke of genius on my part. As always, I woke up at seven a.m. the next morning. Yet when I woke up in Ryan’s bed the next morning with him next to me all sleepy, deliciously undressed, and warm, I had no trouble whatsoever in closing my eyes again and drifting back off into happy dreams.

  My body felt different after spending the night in Ryan’s bed. If anything, the feeling reminded me of the body high that I got after a particularly good yoga session. It felt like I’d pushed my body beyond the understood limits of itself and found a new normal.

  There had been several opportunities to lose my virginity in my past. I dated a couple of ok guys in high school that got relatively serious. Those guys certainly thought they were close to getting me to put out. I’d thought so too, even though I hadn’t been that into them. In hindsight, I was very glad I waited until I was a bit older and wiser. I waited until I could pick someone that would make losing my virginity a very happy, very pleasurable thing, instead of an awkward, fumbling mess.

  I’m not overly sentimental as a general rule. I don’t go around viewing the world through rose colored glasses and thinking that my life is going to turn out like a Disney movie. It wasn’t like I thought that Ryan was in love with me or anything crazy like that. But I believed that Ryan was kind, smart, and good. He’d been absolutely wonderful. Sweet, giving, just perfect. The night before, when he made love to me, I felt like he listened to my body and my words. Because he knew I wasn’t as experienced, he put my needs first before his own, and that was what made me comfortable enough to enjoy myself. I couldn’t wait for round two.

  When Ryan’s bedside alarm went off at eight-thirty, he smacked the snooze button in a sleepy haze. He wrapped himself around me like a tired, grumpy dragon guarding his treasure. I reveled in the feeling, even if he was a bit too warm and his arms a bit too tight. I liked being his treasure too much to complain.

  But all good things, even sweet morning cuddles, eventually come to an end. When Ryan’s alarm went off again fifteen minutes later, he reluctantly turned it off and sat up. He looked happy to see me.

  “Good morning,” I said cheerily.

  He blinked sleepily and smiled at me. “Good morning Rosie.”

  “You have to work today, don’t you?” I asked. It sucked, but I already knew that he did. It was Monday morning.

  He nodded. “Yeah.” He looked over at the clock. “Ugh. I have a nine a.m. conference call I can’t reschedule. Otherwise I’d call in sick.”

  “Do you want to take a shower with me first?” I asked hopefully. One good night in his bed and I was already addicted to him. I’d obviously never had sex in a shower before, but I was game to give it a try. Ryan’s blue eyes lit up.

  “Yes.” He sounded almost as excited as I felt.

  The sudden ringing of my phone ruined the moment. Who on earth would call at eight-fifteen a.m. on a Monday? I reached for it and nearly dropped it again when I saw who was calling.

  “I have to take this. Sorry,” I mumbled, scrambling out of bed and out of the room like lightning.

  My brain had gone from turned-on to turned inside out. I
t was my mom.

  I answered on the third ring. My hands were shaking. “Hello?” I took a deep breath. “Mom?”

  “Rosalind?” The familiar voice—and familiar tone of disappointment—made my eyes tear up.

  Yeah. It’s me. Mom, you called me… finally.

  “Yes?” I managed.

  “Rosalind, I’m calling because your great-great-aunt has died.”

  My mouth fell open.

  My great-great aunt, Soon Yi, lived in Seoul. She had to be north of a hundred years old, and I’d never met her. I’d never even spoken to her on the phone. We’d literally never had any contact whatsoever. I wasn’t even sure if my mom had ever met her great aunt. Although I was aware of Soon Yi’s existence, and she was—perhaps—aware of mine, like a lot of the Asian diaspora, our family had been steadily falling out of contact with the motherland since stepping off the boat.

  “Rosalind?” My mom repeated.

  “Yes, I’m here. I’m sorry to hear about Auntie Soon Yi.” I paused. “What happened to her?”

  “She was old.” My mom was never one to mince words. “I think she had a stroke,” she added after a moment. “My grandfather didn’t say exactly but that’s what it sounded like to me. She fell down shaking and then she went to sleep and didn’t wake up.”

  I bit my lip. This was the most I’d spoken to my mom in an entire year, and I was desperate for contact. “Are you alright? Are you going to Korea for the funeral?”

  “I’m ok. And no, I’m not going to Seoul. It’s much too expensive.”

  “Oh.” My mind scrambled for something to say. There was so much I wanted to say to my mom, but all of a sudden, I couldn’t find the words.

  “Ok, well I just thought that you should know.” My mom sounded distracted and far away. I could tell she couldn’t wait to get off the phone with me, her disappointing daughter who disobeyed her continuously and betrayed her by speaking to my dad. “Good bye Rosalind.”