Hold On To Me

by Taylor Holloway

  That was for sure. Speaking of which… “Rosie Ross is going to be here in a couple of hours,” I told Alexandra. “Please let me know right away when she gets here.”

  “She’s coming here?” Alexandra’s eyes were wide, and guilty. She didn’t look excited about meeting the woman she’d cyberstalked.

  “Don’t worry,” I told Alexandra. “She doesn’t know about your part in any of this, and I won’t tell her unless I have to.”

  Rosie didn’t know about any of this yet. She had no idea about the conspiracy her father had engineered to control her… yet. I was going to tell her—at this point I had to tell her everything—but Alexandra would just get freaked out if I told her so.

  Alexandra looked relieved. I shuffled back to my office, wondering how long I could keep these plates spinning. My hands were feeling awfully full at the moment.

  “Conroe, do you agree?” A voice chirped from my speakerphone when I sat down back behind my desk. “Conroe?”

  I froze. I hadn’t remotely been paying attention. I didn’t even know what we were discussing anymore. Adrenaline shot through me.

  “Sorry about that, I was talking away on mute,” I lied. “I want to see everything in writing before agreeing to anything.” I was hedging, but it was a good, reasonable, lawyerly response. What lawyer doesn’t want to see things in writing? There was a general noise of agreement on the other end of the line.

  I exhaled in silent relief. On Friday, I felt like I had a handle on my life. Then I met Rosie. What a big difference a weekend can make.

  26

  Rosie

  “This apartment has its own private balcony,” Hunter was telling Trina and me. He waved his arms excitedly toward the unattractive sliding door. “That’s pretty rare at your price point.”

  I tried to look interested in the apartment and its itty-bitty balcony, but I had to stifle a giggle whenever I looked at the man showing it to me. The fact that our apartment hunter’s name was Hunter hadn’t quite stopped being funny yet. He was even wearing a hunter green sweater. I wondered if he did it purposefully or was blissfully oblivious.

  Trina and I looked around at the ‘balcony’. It overlooked a big, smelly dumpster. Given that he was trying to argue the dumpster view was a selling point, I suspected he was just oblivious.

  “Wow,” Trina said, staring at the alleyway with displeasure. “How scenic.”

  Hunter bobbed his head up and down and beamed. Her sarcasm flew right over her head. Hunter wasn’t the apartment locator that we’d wanted to work with, but when the woman we’d called saw our budget, she sent Hunter in her place. Apparently, she was too busy and important to deal with likes of us. Even in the world of student apartment hunters, Trina and I were on the low end of totem pole.

  This was the third apartment we’d looked at, and arguably the worst of the bunch. At just under five hundred cramped square feet, this apartment was smaller, uglier, older, and more inconveniently located than our old place. The only thing this place had going for it, aside from being just barely within our extremely modest budget, was the fact that it was not under an illegal marijuana growing operation. It was, after all, a top floor unit. Trina and I had insisted on that this time around.

  “I really don’t like this place,” I whispered to Trina as Hunter started waxing poetic about the apartment’s northern exposure. I thought the whole apartment smelled kind of funny, and its distance from campus would double my morning walk to class. Trina didn’t look impressed either.

  “Ok good, because I hate it,” she replied. “I think the first place we saw was the best.”

  I couldn’t help but agree, although when we’d seen the first place, we’d both assumed the subsequent apartments would be better, rather than worse. Hindsight was twenty-twenty, I guess.

  Austin is an unexpectedly expensive place to live. In between a top-tier research university, a bunch of tech companies, the state government, and a booming music scene, there are way more people than housing in this city. The laws of supply and demand were basically demanding that Trina and I lower our already pretty low standards if we wanted to find a place.

  “You two will have to share a bathroom,” Hunter said, showing us the tiny bedrooms next. “But the bedrooms themselves aren’t that small. Plus, they’re identically sized. You won’t have to fight over who gets the bigger one.”

  The bedroom spaces were unremarkable, which made them just about the best thing about the apartment so far. “At least we don’t have to worry about our furniture fitting,” I quipped. Trina grimaced.

  Getting new furniture was the least of my worries at the moment. I’d probably be sleeping on the ground for a while. Unless I could just continue sleeping with Ryan instead…

  No. I shook my head to physically dislodge the thought. Although I definitely wanted to keep seeing him, and although being in his bed was extremely comfortable (to say the least), I was moving out of Ryan’s house as soon as possible. I’d abused his generosity already, and although he swore that I was not an imposition, whatever it was that we were doing relationship-wise would be quickly poisoned if I overstayed my welcome. Besides, I needed my own place to live for my own peace of mind. I looked around myself. It just wouldn’t be this apartment.

  When Hunter pushed open the bathroom door to reveal that the smell I’d been worrying about was a massive amount slimy green shit growing on the ceiling in thick, furry sheets, I’d had about enough.

  “You know, Hunter, I think we liked the first place better than this,” I interjected as gently as I could. I was ready to go back to the first apartment and sign paperwork. I mean, at least that place didn’t have a mildew mural on the bedroom ceiling. “Do you have any other places for us to see that are more like that?”

  Hunter frowned. “Not really. These are the only three apartments that I have right now in your budget, period.”

  Trina and I exchanged a glance. “Well I guess we should just start the process of signing the lease then,” she said after a moment. “We really need a place to live. We want to move in right away.”

  Hunter’s expression fell. “Ok. Well we can try for that.”

  “What do you mean, try for it?” I asked. “It’s in our budget. They need a tenant, and we need a place to live. We can do this today, right?”

  Hunter looked apologetic. “Honestly? Probably not. There are probably at least three other applications on that unit, and the building might just decide they want to go with them.” He paused. “It’s because the unit is so nice”

  It wasn’t really that nice. It was nicer than this apartment, but that wasn’t saying all that much. It was in a good location though, and it seemed neat, clean, and safe. At my price point, I knew that I couldn’t really ask for more.

  “You mean you don’t think we’ll get it at all?” Trina asked. Her eyes were wide. She’d confided to me that she was already tired of staying with Chris. Apparently, he snored and left the seat up.

  Hunter shook his head. I could tell he was trying to be delicate, and it worried me. “No, I don’t mean that. I just don’t want you to get your hopes up. Usually I recommend that people put in multiple applications. But if you’re really interested in that place, and only that place, we should put in your application right away.” He pulled out his phone and poked at it while he talked. “The application fee is seventy-five dollars,” he told us. “I’ll also need some forms for your credit checks, copies of your bank statements, and I’ll need to get your utilities bills verified, too. Oh, and you can get a reference from your last apartment, right?”

  Trina and I exchanged a worried glance. Would they take one from the police instead? I was pretty sure our landlord was now a wanted man. “Don’t we just need a security deposit?” I asked. That’s all we needed the last time we got a lease.

  Hunter shook his head. “No. Sorry. That building is pretty selective.” He shrugged. “You know how it is. They can afford to be really picky. The nicer a place is, the pickier
they can be about who they rent to.”

  They could afford to be picky, but Trina and I couldn’t. We needed a place to live right away. I bit my lip. I had an idea. I didn’t like it, but it came into my brain without my permission and now it wouldn’t go away.

  I took a deep breath and plunged forward. “What if we just put down all the rent for the next six months right now,” I suggested, knowing that it would mean a call to my dad and another chip out of my pride. “Would that help move the process along? Maybe move us to the front of the line?” I arched an eyebrow at Hunter and tried to project the sort of confidence and privilege that always seemed to get my dad exactly what he wanted.

  If I did this, I’d be solving a short-term problem by creating a long-term one. Still, the worst-case scenario was that I could pay my dad back out of my student loans next semester. It would feel like shit, and it would give him some heavy-duty guilt ammunition to use against me if I stepped out of line, but at least I’d have a place to live.

  Hunter blinked in shock. “Do you have that much cash?”

  “Let me worry about that.” I frowned at him and drew myself up to my full height. I put on my most imperious face. “But I want to move in today. For this amount of money, I expect no long-winded paperwork, no reference checks, and no competing against anyone else.”

  Hunter nodded at me, seemingly dumbfounded. I could see him reevaluating me and sliding me up a few levels in his mental rankings. It was funny how money and attitude always seemed to do that. “Let me call them and see what we can work out.”

  27

  Ryan

  At around noon on Monday, I received an apologetic call from Ian. I’d been expecting him.

  “Ian, stop. Just stop. It’s not your fault,” I told him, cutting off his explanation midstream. “You got played by Ross. We both did.”

  He exhaled in relief. “Oh good. How’d you figure it out?”

  “Alexandra ‘fessed up.”

  I sighed. The day felt like it was dragging on and on. The only thing I’d done today that felt remotely productive was calling Ward Williams at the Lone Star Lounge and negotiating Rosie a cut of the cover charge. She wasn’t going to make a lot for her performance, but I never let my clients work for free.

  Not that Rosie was really my client. She wasn’t not my client either, though. We were at a delicate point in both our professional and personal relationship. She wasn’t really my girlfriend either, although I sure as hell wanted her to be. The sooner we could actually talk, the better.

  “Sooo…” Ian asked a moment later, reading my silence in a way that only a blood relative could, “how did things go last night with Rosie?”

  “None of your business.”

  He snorted at me in apparent amusement. “That good huh?”

  He had no idea. And I intended to keep it that way. Time to change the subject.

  “Did you know that Victoria asked Rosie to open for you guys next Friday?”

  “Yeah. We talked about it this morning. I think she’ll be great.”

  “This morning?” Alarm bells started going off in my head. Ian didn’t rise before noon. He was practically physically incapable of it. Like me, rising at all was a daily battle for Ian. If he’d already spoken to Victoria today…

  “You weren’t the only one to score last night,” Ian replied in a whisper that told me that Victoria might still be at Ian’s. Or maybe he was at her place. Either way, my headache increased by a factor of two.

  Great. They were sleeping together. That was just what I needed. Ian might be stable, but Victoria existed in a state that was almost totally antithetical to stability. She vibrated on a wavelength that was just… heightened. I knew she was probably fun to be around, but the last time Ian had spent significant time with a woman who had that particularly exciting personality type…

  I bit my tongue. If I was honest with myself, Victoria reminded me a lot of a more grown up Jen. Maybe that’s why I had such a difficult time being around her. It was nothing to do with Victoria personally. It was my own ghosts that made me nervous.

  “Good for you,” I finally forced myself to say. Being disapproving would only push Ian away. I learned a long time ago that Ian would just keep things from me if thought I wouldn’t approve or couldn’t accept what he was up to. That would accomplish nothing, or worse. It might make him lie to me.

  I struggled to keep myself calm. To soothe myself, I looked for alternatives. Maybe Ian and Victoria would be nothing more than a one-night stand? That would be good.

  I knew they both had short attention spans. Victoria had gone through two of my friends already, leaving nothing but destruction in her wake. But Ian was no saint. He was just as fickle, and as promiscuous. I hoped that at least one of them would get bored and move on quickly.

  “Thanks man,” Ian replied. I could hear how happy he was, and it made me want to punch a wall.

  Victoria was not good for my brother. I knew Ian. I knew what was good for Ian. I knew better than he did what was good for him.

  AA meetings were good for Ian. Meditating was good for Ian. Therapy was good for Ian. Keeping a strict, vegan diet and getting a lot of exercise were good for Ian. Those things had kept him sober for over a year. And more than just sober—they kept him stable.

  Victoria wasn’t stable. She was like a walking tornado. If she didn’t get the hell away from Ian, she was going to upset the apple cart and send the apples careering into the upper atmosphere. She’d destroy his delicate balance and Ian would cope the only way he knew how—racing to the bottom of a glass. We’d be right back where he’d been before the intervention that saved both our relationship and Ian’s life. I wasn’t sure either of us would survive a second round.

  “Please just be careful,” I begged. I knew I shouldn’t say anything, but I couldn’t resist. “Protect yourself.”

  I’d long wondered if it was the music business that created addictive personalities, or if just attracted them. Perhaps it was a bit of both. With Ian, he was born looking for something that regular life just didn’t give him. Of the two of us, he’d always been the one that was the risk taker. I was the studious, boring, smart one, and he was the free-wheeling, talented, fun one. It had been that way since we were kids. Exposure to the wild world of music had just brought out what was always in him.

  Jen had been the same way, but for different reasons. She was so sensitive that she just felt things more deeply than other people. It made her highs go higher and her lows go lower. Music, and the drugs and bad behavior that accompanied the business, just amplified her already wide range of emotions. It hadn’t been a sustainable problem to have.

  I wasn’t sure what Victoria’s problem was. I just knew that she had one.

  “I’m always careful,” Ian replied. “Don’t worry little brother. I always use protection.”

  Gross. And that wasn’t even what I meant.

  28

  Rosie

  “…and here are your keys.” Hunter slid the two sets across the desk. They jingled merrily when Trina and I scooped them up. “Your new apartment will be cleaned and ready for you to move in tomorrow.”

  Ok, so it wasn’t the one-day turnaround I’d wanted, but as expected, daddy’s money had done the trick. I looked at my new keys in satisfaction and dropped them in my purse.

  “It was a pleasure doing business with you Hunter,” I told him.

  “Likewise, Ms. Ross.”

  Trina was looking at me funny when we left the office a few minutes later, but we now had a place to live. I hadn’t realized quite how much not having a place to live had been weighing on me. I felt so much better knowing that I had an address again.

  “Well that was fun,” I said, stretching. I’d gotten stiff sitting there motionless for so long while we negotiated. “Want to get some lunch?”

  Trina nodded blankly. “Rosie, you know you’re kind of scary sometimes, right?” she said eventually.

  I frowned. “Scary?”


  Trina nodded cautiously. “It’s only sometimes,” she told me. “But when you get in the right mood, you sure do know how to boss people around.”

  I blinked at her in confusion. “And that’s scary?” She was always telling me to be more assertive around guys. Hadn’t I just been assertive in my negotiations over the apartment? I was trying to decide whether to feel hurt by what she was saying.

  Trina bit her lip and looked at me nervously. Maybe she didn’t want to make me angry and provoke my scary side. I struggled to keep an open mind.

  “Never mind,” she said.

  “No way,” I protested. “You have to tell me now!”

  Trina looked down at the ground. “You’re not monster-scary or anything,” she said. Her tone was hesitant. “It’s more like it’s just a side of you that I’m not used to seeing. You become this other version of Rosie who knows she can throw money around and get whatever she wants from whoever she wants. You wrapped that Hunter guy around your little finger like it was no big deal. It’s just kind of intimidating.” She paused. “Seriously… Never mind. I sound crazy. Forget I said anything.”

  I couldn’t. Trina just described an asshole. I didn’t want to be an asshole.

  “I just wanted to make sure we had somewhere to live,” I said weakly. “I didn’t mean to be rude to anybody.” I hung my head and wondered if I should go apologize to Hunter.

  Trina’s eyes went wide when she saw my reaction. “You weren’t rude!” She lowered her voice before continuing. “I’m really bad at explaining this. You really weren’t rude. It was just like you became somebody different while we were in there. Sometimes—especially when you’re dealing with money or negotiating for something you want or need—you get this ruthlessness to you that I’m just not used to. You looked at him and it was like you were looking through him. He was in your way and you were going to get what you wanted no matter what. You did it just now with Hunter. And you did it that time we played Monopoly. Do you remember that?”