Unattainable

by Schlosser, Jamie

  It was always a little weird emerging from my ‘zone’ after so many hours. Burying myself in the music made it so easy to lose track of time and tune out the world.

  I closed my laptop and unplugged it, feeling a bit nostalgic because this was basically my last day in the studio. I’d become so familiar with the setup, and although all the top-notch DJ equipment was owned by NTT, it didn’t feel like it was borrowed.

  I’d come to think of it as mine.

  My backpack was slumped against the wall, and I went over to it to pack up my laptop and headphones. I spied the little dolphin journal at the bottom of the bag. Earlier, I’d been so eager to get to the music that I never looked inside to see Aiden’s latest note.

  While idly pacing to the other side of the room, I skimmed through the first twenty pages.

  We’d been passing this thing back and forth at least once a day, and I liked to read over everything from the beginning. Sometimes an entry was a love letter. Other times it was just one sentence, a question, or a short reply.

  I stopped at the latest exchange that began two nights ago. I had just written: Truth dare.

  Aiden responded the next morning: Ask away.

  Tell me something I don’t know about you.

  Sometimes I feel like a fraud.

  What are you even talking about? You’re the least fake person I know.

  I’m not country enough to be a country artist. I grew up in the city. Until recently, I’ve never worn cowboy hats and cowboy boots. I don’t have an accent. Should I list more reasons?

  What’s your favorite music genre?

  Country.

  Well, there you have it. Passion doesn’t always come from where you grew up or what you wear. Make the kind of music you want to listen to. Do what you love.

  I love you.

  Amused, I snorted. Such a perv. I was about to write ‘You can do me anytime’ but decided to go with something a little more heartfelt.

  You know how we started writing in here with our best memories of each other? I have a new answer: Every day. Every day I spend with you is my new favorite. Each moment is better than the last, and I can’t wait to make a million more memories with you.

  I found myself smiling as I scribbled out the last line. I’d just dotted the period when the lights flickered.

  Alarmed, I glanced up at the recessed bulbs in the ceiling. They dimmed, then brightened again.

  I held my breath for a few seconds, my sneakers glued to the carpet beneath my feet. Several seconds passed, and when the lights stayed on, my eyes darted to the closed door.

  I needed to get out of here. Pivoting, I took a step toward my bag against the back wall.

  Then everything went dark.

  The pen and notebook fell from my grasp and clattered to the floor.

  Heart pounding, I stood frozen with fear, the only sound my own labored breathing as I waited for the power to come back on.

  I couldn’t see anything. There were no windows down here, not that it would’ve helped with it being nighttime. And since the studio was so well insulated, I was stuck in absolute silence.

  No sight. No sound. Just nothingness.

  I knew someone else—someone braver—would’ve felt their way out the door, down the hall, and up the stairs.

  But I couldn’t.

  I couldn’t.

  All-consuming dread built up in the pit of my stomach until I felt like I might vomit.

  Clutching my churning gut, I lowered myself to the floor on trembling hands and knees. My backpack was less than ten feet away, and it was my only hope.

  I crawled forward at a snail’s pace, patting the carpet in wide arcing motions until my fingers made contact with rough material and a zipper.

  Yes.

  I automatically groped around in the front pocket where I usually kept my cell phone.

  But it was empty.

  Damn it.

  It was then that I remembered I’d left it on the charger in my room. I was used to not having it down here—there was no signal, so it was useless. Although, right now the flashlight app would’ve been pretty handy.

  A tiny green light blinked at me from inside the main pouch, and I let out a triumphant whimper of relief.

  My laptop. My wonderful laptop.

  That little flash meant the battery was dying, but it also meant it still had some juice left. And right now, I’d take anything I could get.

  Hastily dumping the contents of the bag, I grabbed the sleek device with shaking hands and lifted the screen. A glorious blue glow illuminated my arms and face. I was still too terrified to venture out into the dark hall, but it was enough light to keep me from puking all over the studio.

  I glanced at the bottom corner to see how much battery I had left. Eleven percent.

  Now all I could do was sit tight, try to keep my shit together, and hope the electricity got restored before it died.

  THE POWER WENT OUT.

  I might not have even realized it if it wasn’t for the pineapple nightlight a few feet from my head. I was lying in bed, struggling to stay awake while I waited for Corrie to join me when the entire island experienced a total blackout.

  I sat up so fast I made myself dizzy.

  Corrie.

  Alone in the basement.

  In the dark.

  Not good.

  Catapulting myself from the mattress, I didn’t even bother putting on a T-shirt or shoes. I just went straight for the door, grabbing my room key and phone along the way.

  Using the light on my screen to see, I sprinted past the elevators to the stairwell.

  If there was a world record for quickest time making it down ten flights of stairs, I probably broke it.

  Blocking the light on my phone by pressing it to my stomach, I scanned the lobby to see if anyone was still out and about. The last thing I needed was to run into anyone—shirtless and on my way to the studio in the middle of the night during a power outage.

  The luau was still going on in the lounge. Several drunk voices carried my way, and I caught a glimpse of the bartender lighting candles while I slinked by, unnoticed.

  I tiptoed behind the fountain, then took a shortcut through the event room. I jogged by the round tables set up for breakfast tomorrow. From how clean it was, you’d never know there was a party in here just a few hours ago.

  As I made it to the staff-only door, the crushing weight of urgency lightened. I was almost to Corrie.

  But just as I cracked the heavy wood open, I heard a deep voice from out in the hallway say, “Come on out of there.”

  I stiffened, slanting my head to hear better. Was that Theo? Was he talking to me?

  “Aiden, I thought we talked about this.”

  What the hell? How did he know I was in here?

  Confused, I was just about to step into the hallway when I heard giggling out there, joined by another male voice.

  “Mr. Legend.” That sounded like Jordan. “Well, this is awkward.”

  “Oh. Hey, guys,” Theo said slowly, seeming as puzzled as I felt. “What are you two doing in the janitor’s closet?”

  “Well…” The uncomfortable giggle accompanied by the accent could only be Twila. “Guess you caught us.” Her voice turned concerned. “Are we in trouble?”

  “No.” Theo scoffed, amused. “But you guys need to be more discreet. I was in the kitchen getting some candles and I could hear you two, loud and clear, if you get my drift.”

  “Please don’t tell anyone.” Jordan again. “With eliminations tomorrow, we don’t need any strikes against us for being together.”

  Jordan and Twila together. Huh. I wasn’t all that surprised, and I was a little bit amused that Theo thought it was Corrie and me making all that noise.

  However, I was in too much of a hurry to find it funny.

  They needed to wrap up this conversation so I could get to Corrie. The basement door was just feet away from the closet. As long as they were standing there, they were in my w
ay.

  “I won’t say a word,” Theo promised.

  Quiet responses were mumbled, then footsteps shuffled past.

  Hopping with impatience, I waited a minute before sticking my head out and shining my light down the hall. No one was there.

  I ran, my bare feet slapping against the ceramic tile floor. Practically sliding down the stairs to the bottom level, I kept my phone pointed forward, searching for Corrie and hoping she would see it. Hoping she would know I was coming for her.

  But when I got to the studio, I couldn’t find her.

  “Corrie?” I looked under the desks.

  Her backpack was on the floor. A tube of her favorite lip gloss, a half-empty bottle of water, and a few pens were scattered around it.

  “Corrie!” Still no answer.

  I was about to panic when I saw a soft glow coming from the plexiglass window in the isolation booth. I quickly opened the black door, and the sight before me pierced my heart.

  Corrie was balled up on the floor, her back against the wall and her knees to her chest.Her hands were covering her eyes as she sang along to the music coming from the laptop sitting in front of her.

  It was “Wild Horses,” the song we did for our duet at the winter concert.

  Corrie didn’t look up. Didn’t even notice I was here with her. Just kept singing with her palms pressed to her face.

  She was somewhere else in her mind. She’d gone to her safe place. She’d come to me—a memory of me—to get her through her fear.

  And damn if that didn’t make me feel like a hero.

  I didn’t think it was possible to love her more than I already did. But as I gazed down at her, so fragile and special, I wanted to protect her. Possess her.

  Love her forever.

  I wanted to marry her someday. Fill her with my babies.

  I could have a family again. A family of my own.

  The mental vision of us in the future caused an overwhelming burst of joy to ignite inside my chest. I dropped to my knees, reaching out to tap Corrie on the shoulder.

  She gasped and recoiled.

  “Baby, it’s me,” I said over the music.

  Her hands fell away from her eyes and tears swam there when she saw me. “You came. You came for me.”

  “Of course I did.” Scooping her up, I took her place on the floor and plopped her sideways on my lap. “I couldn’t let you have a party down here without me.”

  She let out a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob, wrapping her arms around my neck and squeezing me tight.

  The song ended, but it started up again, on repeat.

  “Sing with me,” I requested, before taking the first line, just like I did two and a half years ago.

  Corrie joined in at the right time, her warm breath fanning over my collarbone as we harmonized. By the time we made it to the chorus, the trembling in her body subsided and she drew random designs on my chest with her finger.

  I felt complete as our voices merged. Whole in a way I didn’t know was possible. Corrie was my other half, my partner, and my best friend.

  I wasn’t wrong when I saw her that first night a couple weeks ago—she was the key to my happiness.

  When the song was over, she kissed the side of my neck. “I love you, Aiden. So much.”

  “I love you, too.” I tilted her chin up and connected my lips to hers.

  The laptop suddenly went black and the music stopped, but we didn’t quit kissing. I cradled Corrie in the pitch-black isolation booth, our tongues stroking and melding in perfect rhythm as we forgot about the outside world.

  Just like all our other imperfect moments, we made the best of a less-than-ideal situation.

  A storm could literally be raging around us, and it wouldn’t matter as long as we were together.

  WE FELL ASLEEP TOGETHER IN the studio. After our lips were chapped from making out and exhaustion took over, we curled up on the floor, squished together in that tiny booth. Without having to explain it, Aiden knew I was too paralyzed with fear to go anywhere. He understood that making the trek out of the basement would’ve been hard for me.

  So he stayed.

  The alarm on his phone went off around four a.m. and when we woke, the power was back on. Reluctantly, we both returned to our own rooms. Me, to get a couple more hours of sleep. And him, to get dressed so he could report to the event room at the ass crack of dawn where the karaoke winners were to be announced.

  This one really upset him—I could tell as soon as I met him in the cove at eight like planned.

  Aiden was sitting on the sand, his shoulders slumped. His elbows were resting on his knees, and the palm trees on his shirt were stretched over his muscular back.

  “Hey, baby,” I said happily, getting his attention.

  His face lit up as soon as he saw me walking toward him and he opened his arms. “Hi.”

  I didn’t need to rub salt in the wound by asking him who the finalists were. He would let me know when he was ready.

  Until then, I could be a good distraction.

  I straddled his lap and rested my head in the crook of his neck while we hugged it out.

  After I kissed him all better, I told him of my brilliant idea to hunt for sea shells. I wanted to collect as many objects from this beach as I could. Maybe I’d make a memento of our time here. A necklace or a picture frame.

  When the storm passed a couple hours ago, the rain stopped, the wind quieted, and now all kinds of interesting things were unearthed on the shore.

  “Ooh, a sexy one.”

  Aiden lifted a skeptical brow. “It’s a sea shell.”

  “Shaped like a penis,” I added, earning a chuckle from him as I waved the phallic object in front of his face.

  I dropped it in my purse, and we continued to shuffle our feet through the still-wet sand, walking slowly side by side as we searched for more treasures.

  Sighing, Aiden lightly kicked some seaweed back into the water. “So, Twila and Stan made it through.”

  I gave him a concerned glance at the melancholy tone. “And you’re not happy about that?”

  “It’s not that I’m upset about the winners—just confused, I guess. Stan’s been a front runner from the beginning, and I didn’t know he could rock out, but he nailed “Break Stuff” by Limp Bizkit yesterday. It was really awesome.”

  I snickered. “I would’ve paid good money to see that.”

  “You’ll get to when it airs. Twila, though…” Pausing, Aiden shook his head. “She bombed.”

  “What song did she get?”

  ““Closer” by Nine Inch Nails.”

  “Ouch.” I winced, unable to picture the pretty blonde jamming to such raunchy lyrics. “That’ll make for good TV, though.”

  “True. But everyone else did really well. Jordan, especially. He belted “High on You” by Survivor like a pro. Hit all the notes perfectly. Elliot and Dawn got rock ballads, and they were great, too. It doesn’t make sense that Twila beat them.”

  “Maybe it’s more about appeal,” I supplied, trying to think strategically. “Ross might’ve been factoring in overall star quality when he made his choice. Twila’s got the right look and I bet she’ll be a fan favorite.”

  “I considered that, but what’s even more confusing,” Aiden went on, “is how upset Twila was when she was announced as a finalist.”

  I stopped sifting through the grit with my toes to look at him. “Are you sure they weren’t happy tears?”

  He nodded. “I’m sure. She kept mouthing ‘sorry’ at Jordan. Maybe she’s sad because he’s leaving. They’re together.”

  “Like, in a relationship?”

  “Yeah. I just found out last night.” Aiden quickly explained the encounter he overheard before he came to find me in the studio.

  Ohh. Now it made total sense why she’d lost all interest in my boyfriend. She’d found her own.

  Good. “Well, her reaction doesn’t seem shocking to me, then. Her man’s being sent home, and who knows when
they’ll see each other again?”

  Aiden sent me a small smile. “I guess you’re right.”

  “Speaking of leaving, I can’t believe we’re headed back to the real world soon,” I commented, sadness tinging my tone. “I’m gonna miss this place so much.”

  “You know we can come back anytime, right?” Aiden bent down, then stood and handed me a couple more shells.

  “Right,” I responded wryly. “Your private jet. I keep forgetting about that.”

  Admittedly, it was weird to be dating a billionaire. Aiden didn’t act like one and having that much money was almost too surreal for me to comprehend. What would he do with all that dough? Invest it? Donate it? Keep it in the bank?

  Of course, I didn’t voice any of those questions out loud. Our relationship was way too new for me to be prying into the guy’s finances.

  But if he wanted to fly me back to Nuevo Amor, I wouldn’t turn him down.

  Aiden’s phone chirped with a text.

  He dug it out of his pocket and frowned at the screen. “It’s Theo. I have to go.”

  “Okay.” I shook my purse, clinking the shells. “I think I’ll stick around here for a little while.”

  Aiden smiled—the kind of smile that made my insides do a happy dance. Then he leaned in for a slow kiss. It was one of our more innocent kisses, but it never ceased to amaze me how just a gentle brush of his lips could send my pulse into overdrive and cause the need for a change of panties.

  My heart was still galloping as I watched him wade through the knee-deep water and disappear around the other side of the rock wall.

  Instead of continuing my pursuit of ocean souvenirs, I took a seat and dipped my toes in the water. I didn’t care that the air wasn’t as warm as usual or that the horizon was dark with the retreating clouds. It didn’t matter that my shorts were getting wet from the damp sand.

  I just wanted to soak up every minute here.

  My time on this island had been like a fairy tale.

  I got to do the job I love in a literal paradise with the man of my dreams. I didn’t think it was possible for my life to change so much in such a short amount of time, but it had.