Dreams of a Wild Heart

by Danube Adele

  It suddenly occurred to me that just before his stony, implacable look fell into place, there’d been a hint of panic. About what? Me staying? He didn’t want me to stay. Laying here within the cocoon of passion that we’d experienced, my heart suddenly felt like it was taking a hit. I’d thought he cared at least a little about me, but was it all in my head, or was something else going on? Had he allowed himself to enjoy me because he knew I’d be leaving? That hurt.

  “But you’re going back. You don’t have to join with me anymore. That was forced on you anyway. I don’t understand why we’re having this conversation. You should be happy.”

  “Yeah. I’m happy.” Wasn’t I the stupid one? I climbed off him, avoiding his grab with a sharp look.

  “What?”

  “Nothing. I have work to do. Can we head back?” I was across the room, wanting space, wanting the dress on so I wouldn’t feel so naked and vulnerable. If I could go back, it would be time to meet with Cynthia at the clinic, and I could keep myself busy.

  “What the fuck?” He was suddenly beside me, pulling the dress out of my hands and holding it away from me. “I thought you’d want to go home.”

  “I do. Give me the dress back.”

  “Talk to me.”

  “About what?” I lifted my hands dramatically. “I think everything’s been said. I’m going back home, and you can keep your nice life.”

  “I don’t understand female talk. Just tell me why you’re mad?”

  Knowing that he was stubborn and knowing I would be stuck naked until I explained, I took a deep breath and said as calmly as I could, “It’s my problem, not yours. I thought you might have feelings for me. My mistake. Now give me the goddamn dress.”

  “You think I don’t have feelings for you? I scaled the fucking cliff for you! I fought a battle and spilled blood for you! I accepted your choice of me to join with you.”

  “You had to,” I muttered.

  “Is that what you think? I didn’t have to accept you. None of us had to accept you.”

  Hope sprung. “Then ask me to stay.”

  “For what?” He motioned around the room. “What do I have to offer you?”

  “I don’t care about your things. I care about you.”

  “Until the blush wears off because you get tired of not having the modern conveniences of your home. There’s no central air here. There’s no plumbing or electricity. There are no markets or hospitals or clothing stores.”

  “Ask me to stay.”

  “I can’t! I won’t! How long before you decide this isn’t for you? A month? A year? It will happen. This isn’t the life you’re used to. When you’re tired at the end of the day on Earth, you can stop by the hamburger place for some quick takeout. When you’re tired at the end of the day here, you still have to cook the damn food, if we have any. This place takes work, every single day, in order to survive. You’re going to stand here one day and think to yourself that this place sucks, and that you got a bad deal.”

  Understanding dawned. “You’ve got it all figured out, don’t you? You think I’ll be like your mother? That I’ll go off and have affairs and leave you behind?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “You didn’t have to. I’m a smart girl. It’s perfectly clear. You think I’ll somehow have control over you and you’ll be as helpless as your father was.”

  He didn’t say anything, but his silence was damning.

  “Give me my dress.” Silently, he handed it over. “And just so you know, not all women are like your mom.” Not that I thought he’d actually believe me. This had been quite an adventure, not one I was ever going to forget, but it was time to get back home.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “Leave me at the small clinic.”

  My anger filled the ride back to town, partly at myself, but mostly at Tabron. In silence, we completed the short ride, and I took no pleasure in the scenery, hardly noticing it at all, since I was focused internally, still arguing with him, hypothetically, for being so boneheaded. But I was at a point where I recognized what I needed to do. Carlos had moved on. He was happy.

  I felt a sense of peace about that. For the first time in a long time, guilt wasn’t riding me.

  But there was nothing left to do here. There was nothing left to say. At least I would be able to get home and appreciate my family, take a survey of my life and see what I really needed to do to be happy. I was tired of finding myself on the stunted, short end of the stick emotionally.

  Tabron didn’t respond to my request, but did as I asked, slowing the horse and making a turn down a side lane that led into the center of town. Many of the usual villagers were out doing chores, and some waved to me with friendly smiles, which I returned. It was just past breakfast. Raseen was outside her store sweeping up the sidewalk. She’d disposed of a lot of the trash in front of and around her location, which I was glad to see. There was a wary look on her face, as though she didn’t know how I was going to react to her.

  “Tabron, I need to get off now. I’d like to talk with Raseen for a few minutes.”

  He stopped the horse, and with little effort, I held on to his arm and let my legs slide over the side. He barely looked at me when he said, “I’ll see you tonight.”

  I watched him ride off for a moment, feeling my heart squeeze painfully in my chest. He was trying to create emotional distance between us. His heart was going to be safe from my greedy female hands and he was going to be sure of it. Now I needed to make sure my heart was safe.

  “Are you all right?” Raseen had leaned her broom against the side of the building and was coming toward me hesitantly.

  “I’m fine.” I gave her a rueful smile. “Men. You can’t live with them, and you can’t...” Unfortunately, I couldn’t really make light of my feelings just yet.

  “Tabron’s life was a hard one. Then his parents were so sick, and the town was fed up with his mam acting with so little self-respect. His poor da became a shell of himself because of her.”

  I remembered that conversation from a few days earlier. “That’s right. You grew up together.”

  “Part of the time.” She looked toward the palace. “He didn’t come out and play too much with the rest of us when we were children. Jedsyn was his friend and would spend time with Tabron and his father until his mam became blatant with her behavior. Then Jedsyn’s mam put an end to that. Tabron was always quiet. Watchful, like he needed to look out for himself all the time. There was no love in his family. It was clear he wasn’t a wanted child.”

  No. His mother hadn’t wanted him. What would that do to a child? Make him distrust the world at large and women in particular? I held back my smirk, which was more self-flagellation than anything. I understood why he felt as he did, but what was I supposed to do with that? My life was waiting for me back home.

  “I thought you’d be mad at me for letting Draxton come in and take the boy.”

  I reached out and gave her a firm hug. “I thought you might feel that way. Please don’t. There was nothing you could have done. So much has happened. Draxton is supposedly gone for good.”

  Raseen pulled away with a cautious look around. In a quieter tone she said, “Don’t believe it. He’s known for being one of the king’s favorites. I’m sure the king was involved with the killing of the boy yesterday. There’s no explanation for it.”

  “But the king was the one who enforced the banishment.”

  She shrugged. “I just think you should be careful and watch your back. I don’t think we’ve seen the last of him yet. In any case, you’ve got some who are already looking for care this morning.”

  Looking up the cobblestone block, I saw a short line out front of the makeshift clinic and felt a small burst of pleasure at the sight. At least someone wanted me to stay and help. I arrived to see Cynth
ia already looking at an older man’s deep cut across his knee. It looked like it had bled quite a bit, and she’d caught it with some of the gauze.

  “Sorry not to wait,” she looked up at me anxiously, her eyes round with concern. “I just wanted to help Toryn here stop the bleeding.”

  “You’re doing fine,” I smiled. “How did this happen, Toryn?” I was getting gloves on so I could help out with some antiseptic and a bandage.

  His grin was genuine, even if it was missing some teeth. “Lost my balance. Fell on the rocks here. Ruined my pants.”

  “I’m sure if you asked for some help, someone would be able to help you sew ’em up and get the blood out.”

  He shrugged noncommitally.

  “Make a new friend. Find a new woman to keep you warm at night.”

  His look of surprise was followed by a short bark of laughter. “No woman in her right mind would have me, and I’d wonder after anyone that would.”

  I was glad to see that he could have a moment of levity, that the sparkle in his eyes could still be lit. There was satisfaction in working with people and helping them through the challenging moments in their lives. Sharing a smile, a laugh, even a cry, was so human. We needed each other.

  Once Toryn left, there was a steady stream of patients for the next few hours. Mostly, people had general concerns about aches and pains they were having. Then there was a mother with a toddler that had a fever. After doing a quick check of the little one who, though wan and pale, was still giving bright smiles to me, I diagnosed a common cold. My stomach growled, which reminded me I hadn’t eaten breakfast and it was already lunch time.

  “I need to eat. Then I thought I’d come back with more supplies.”

  “I can come back in the afternoon, or even help you get more supplies to move in here.”

  Not for the first time, I thought Cynthia was different from the rest of the villagers, even if she was from one of the outlying towns. There was something more polished about her. Her blond hair looked softer, well-kempt. Her face was clean and she smelled fresh. I wondered why she would remain here. What was she after?

  “You’ve been great help. If you came back in a few hours, maybe we could work together to organize the materials. These people deserve some kind of medical care.”

  “They do.”

  We walked out together, and I was waving to her when it occurred to me she’d said “they” instead of “we.”

  I thought of going to see Raseen, hoping she’d be okay with me bringing some food back for her and Cyral, when I saw the scar-faced warrior and two of his cronies slamming out of the door where Tarra had once gone “visiting.” Tarra suddenly snagged my arm, surprising me and pulled me along down the street. A wide smile covered her face, as though we were just having the best time.

  “Tarra?” I knew I looked confused.

  “Smile. Go with it,” she murmured in a hard tone through her grin.

  The warrior with the scar spotted us moving up middle of the cobblestone street toward the palace. “Tarra!”

  “Yes?” She had a friendly look with just the right amount of questioning, her brows slightly arched.

  “Where are your friends?”

  “My friends? You mean Myrna?”

  The scar-faced warrior came to us with two of the other men. He was a friend of Draxton’s. “Wellan’s wife.”

  “I’m not her keeper,” Tarra gave a light, tinkling laugh. “However, I would expect her to be there.”

  “You’ve been seen coming from there.”

  “Of course I have.” She gave him a look that clearly asked if he was stupid. “She’s my friend.”

  He grabbed her arm sharply, shook her and made her cry out. “You will tell me.”

  “Let go of me! How dare you!” Tarra struggled to free herself.

  “Leave her alone!” I tried to yank her back toward me, but he wouldn’t let go of her arm, and she cried out in pain. Damn animal! A swift kick to his kidney would hurt him, but he had two other men with him who looked just as unfriendly.

  “Syra!”

  Bruner, his face contorted into a mask of anger, was riding down the street on his horse, a small group of three of his own men flanking him. Syra, the scar-faced man, let go and stepped away from us rather quickly, but not without a look of resentment. As they came even with us, Bruner was already off his horse, stepping between us to shove Syra hard, nearly knocking him to the ground.

  “You dare put your hands on the king’s niece?”

  “She won’t tell me where Wellan’s family has gone.”

  “I don’t know where they’ve gone! I told you!” Tears welled up in her eyes and her voice trembled. Rubbing her arm she said pitifully, “Then he grabbed me.”

  “What is your interest in Wellan’s family?”

  Not meeting Bruner’s stare, Syra muttered, “It’s the king’s business.”

  “Fine. But if I see you bothering any of the women in town again, it will become my business. Now be on your way!”

  Syra and his men moved off toward the palace, but that was only the beginning of the interrogation. Bruner turned on us. “What are you about here, Tarra?”

  She shook her head. “Nothing. I was enjoying some fresh air with Ceci.”

  I nodded to corroborate.

  Suspicion creased his brows. “You play a dangerous game, little girl. One I don’t think you understand. It’s going to get you killed.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  He gave her a twisted smile. “Of course you don’t. You haven’t heard talk of revolt?”

  “Revolt?” Her hand fluttered delicately to her chest. “Here?”

  “I know you’re up to your pretty little neck in this, and it’s going to cost you your life.”

  “Really, Bruner. As if you would care.” Funny. Her tears had dried up, and her tone had gone from pathetic to derisive.

  His lips thinned. “I don’t. Stay out of trouble. Next time I might not be around to save you.”

  “Why are you here now?”

  Bruner looked at me. “The king wants to see you before the dinner hour.” He didn’t wait for my response before he was riding out toward the fields with his men in tow. It hurt that Tabron hadn’t been the one to find me. I was anxious to see how he was processing the day’s events. I turned to Tarra.

  “What the hell is going on here? If you’re going to involve me in your cover-up, I have the right to know.” I said all this in a forceful whisper, even though I kept my expression pleasant.

  She did the same. “There are ears everywhere. Let’s talk in your medical facilities within the palace. No one ever disturbs that room.”

  “And then you’ll tell me everything.”

  “I will.” We walked back toward the palace arm in arm, looking like we were just out having a nice walk on a sunny day, but as soon as we were sitting at the desk in the rear of the room, she opened up.

  “There is a revolt. Men are gathering at a camp three days’ ride from here. It is time for the true king to come home.”

  “The true king?”

  “Ral’e stepped in when the true king died because his son was too young to rule. Kraggon is no longer a boy and is ready to take his rightful place. It was always expected that when he reached maturity, he would take his father’s place.”

  “So why isn’t he here?” I asked.

  “Ral’e has refused to give up the throne.”

  “What do the people say about all this?”

  “Anyone who has spoken out has either disappeared or been hung as an enemy of the state.”

  “No one’s allowed to speak out. I knew he was a tyrant.”

  “That’s not even the worst. Morten told Kraggon that Ral’e was the one who mu
rdered both of his parents and blamed it on the Sunan. Now, Kraggon has a small settlement that’s been growing larger and stronger for the last few months.”

  “What’s your part in all this?”

  “I’m trying to find willing recruits so I can transfer them out. If I hadn’t transferred Wellan’s family this morning, they would likely have either disappeared or hung to make up for whatever transgression the king felt he committed.”

  “It was Morten. He’s such a snake.”

  “Not only that, but he’s twisted. You have to stay clear of him. I think he has an unnatural fixation on you. He watches you. I’ve seen him.”

  This was all so messed up. Maybe it was time for me to go. “You said something about transfer. What is that? Is that the mylunate?”

  Tarra looked surprised that I’d heard of it. “Mylunate is the reason we can move from place to place or...planet to planet.”

  “Today, Tabron said he would take me back home once I helped the king.”

  “He did?” She seemed surprised before her face turned thoughtful. “I wouldn’t have thought that of him, but I also don’t know him well. He’s always been quiet and withdrawn, though I have seen him a time or two help Raseen with goods. He’s loyal to his friends, even if they are no longer around. Still, I know someone who can get you back home. It really is going to be the safest place for you.”

  I asked curiously, “Didn’t you want to go to Earth? Why haven’t you gone?”

  “Brausa is my home. In the past, I was always selfish, thinking only of myself, my own desires, and lately I’ve seen how ugly I was. What I’ve come to realize is that I do care. I’ve made the decision to stay and fight for my home.”

  “I can understand.”

  “When you’re ready to leave, let me know. The woman who can help you is named Jory.”

  I committed the name to memory. Going home looked like a sure thing, but I didn’t want to make plans without first talking to Tabron. “Thank you so much. I’ll let you know when I’m ready.”