by Kat Mizera
“Tessa.” Toli sounded confused and surprised, which made sense since they so rarely argued about anything, much less hockey.
“It’s okay, Toli.” She reached over to put her hand on his hip. “I’m just having a bad night. I’ll be okay tomorrow.”
“I don’t want to leave it this way,” he whispered, resting his chin on her shoulder. “If you really need me to stay, I won’t go. We can go to the doctor tomorrow and make sure everything is okay. This is your fourth pregnancy—you know your body better than anyone.”
“Dr. Diaz knows what she’s doing,” she said quietly. “I’ll call her tomorrow and see what she thinks, but I’m sure it’ll be fine. If she finds anything, I’ll call you.”
He kissed the side of her face, moving her onto her side again and sliding one hand around front to caress her stomach. When the baby kicked against his hand, he chuckled in her ear. “He’s letting me know you’re unhappy,” he said softly. “I know you’re tired, and I promise I’ll do everything I can when I get home so you can just rest.”
“You know you can’t,” she said, shaking her head. “You have practice and games and spending time with the kids isn’t optional… it’s going to be okay. I’m uncomfortable tonight but it’ll be better tomorrow.”
“What can I do?” he asked, running his hand along her hip. “You want a massage? Something to drink?”
“You need to sleep,” she whispered, resting against him. “You have to be up early.”
“I can function on very little sleep,” he said. “Let me do something for you.”
“You can’t do anything unless you’ve suddenly grown a uterus,” she murmured.
“No.” He chuckled softly. “Unfortunately, I have not.” He palmed one of her full, heavy breasts and gently rubbed her nipple. It hardened at his touch and he softly kissed the spot behind her ear. “Even eight months pregnant you want me,” he teased.
“I do,” she admitted. “I want you all the time. Especially lately.”
“Really?” His eyes widened. “Why didn’t you say something?”
“You’ve been tired, practicing extra hours, mentoring some of the new guys and taking Raina to school and to softball when you’re home.”
“I can’t possibly be more tired than you,” he protested. “Sweetheart, you know I’ve always got the energy to make love to you.”
She smiled to herself, moving closer to him. “I know, but I feel huge right now—I don’t feel very sexy.”
“You think your pregnant body bothers me?” He shook his head. “You’re the most beautiful woman in the world to me. You’re carrying my son—you’re not huge, you’re pregnant.”
“It’s hard, Toli,” she said, covering his roaming hands with hers. “I’m really exhausted. I don’t think I can do this again.”
He paused. “You mean another baby? No, I agree this is plenty—this makes five between us and three under the age of three. I’ll have four wonderful sons and a beautiful daughter. I don’t need any more children.”
“Oh, thank god.” She closed her eyes. “Will you get fixed?”
“A vasectomy? Sure.” He nodded. “Over the summer, first thing, I promise.”
“I love you,” she whispered. “I really miss us—everything is about them. We spend every waking moment with the kids or hockey, and it’s like we never have time together.”
“I know,” he stroked her hair. “We’ll go to dinner when I get back, just us, and once the baby comes, we’ll make time to be alone. We’ll send Raina to Zakk and Tiff, leave Alex with Anton and the babies with your parents. Then we can maybe get away for a week. Where do you want to go? You love Maui.”
“Ugh. I can’t even think about being in a bathing suit.” She sounded so sad he wrapped his arms around her.
“I’m sure you’re going to be as perfect as ever within a few months.”
“I guess.” She yawned. “I’m so tired, Toli, but I can’t sleep.”
“Close your eyes and leave the rest to me.” The laughter in his voice told her exactly what he had in mind.
2
Toli had been genuinely surprised at the hurt in his wife’s voice. One of the things he loved about her was the fact that she understood how much he loved playing hockey. He loved her and their children more than anything, even hockey, but she allowed him to have both the game he loved and his family too. She’d never behaved this way before and for the first time he felt a twinge of guilt. It was his fault she’d gotten pregnant again less than three months after their last son was born, and though she’d sworn she was okay, now it seemed to be overwhelming her.
He loved this woman so much, she was everything to him. Seeing her carrying his child filled his heart with so much love he almost couldn’t stand it. They had a busy but wonderful life with his grown son Anton, her daughter from her first marriage, Raina, and their two boys. He’d never known life could be this good, and this was the first time she’d ever shown any resentment at all about his job.
He pressed his lips to hers, kissing her lovingly, until her mouth opened under his. His tongue gently toyed with hers, making her sigh with pleasure this time. He ran his hand over her stomach, feeling his son moving and smiling to himself. Knowing how miserable she was, he didn’t want to tell her how much he loved seeing her pregnant.
Granted, he hadn’t gotten her pregnant on purpose this time—it had been one of those moments where they got caught up in the passion and completely forgot she wasn’t yet back on the pill. Sure enough, she’d discovered she was pregnant again within weeks and although she didn’t know he knew, he’d found out she’d cried when she took the pregnancy test. She’d been with her friend Tiff when she did it, and Tiff told her husband Zakk Marcus-Cloutier. Zakk, who was his teammate and closest friend, told Toli, who felt like a real shit.
They weren’t always in each other’s business like this, but this situation had been different. He hated that she’d been upset at the idea of having another baby, so he’d done everything he could to make it easier for her. But when it was all said and done, he was gone with the team and she was home with three kids. He wanted the pregnancy to be over as soon as possible, and he planned to make sure she had help no matter how much she protested. He had already increased their cleaning service from once a week to twice and started looking for a nanny. Tessa hadn’t liked any of them so far, but he would find one. She needed help and he wasn’t going to let her do it alone anymore.
“Toli, there’s no comfortable way to do this,” she whispered finally.
“Sure there is.” He chuckled softly in the darkness. They’d made love dozens of times while she was pregnant, but it had been over a month since they’d done it. She was so tired, all the time, and considering how active their sex life was in general, it never occurred to him to complain; he had it better than a lot of guys he knew.
He turned her on her side so that her back was up against his front. He slid out of his boxers and gently pulled down her panties. He pressed his lips to the tender spot behind her ear and felt goose bumps cover her skin. Her head fell back against his chest and he sought out her lips, kissing her as tenderly as he knew how. Knowing she was unhappy made him forget everything else; she was his life and if he could distract her from the discomfort of pregnancy by making love to her, he was all in. Sleep be damned.
Pressing against her, he softly stroked her tender breasts, letting his thumb slowly bring a nipple to life. She was always so responsive; it amazed him that after four years together the passion between them still sizzled hotter than the desert sun. She moaned with sheer need and his cock immediately sprang to attention. Their breathing was the only sound in the room and he sensed how much she wanted him.
Toli was up early the next morning, before Tessa or any of the kids and he quickly got dressed and made coffee. He looked out the window a few times until he saw the garage door go up in the house across the street and then sent a text to Zakk, who lived there.
Can you
come over for a minute?
Zakk replied almost right away: Sure—give me a few.
Toli had a cup of coffee as he started making himself some eggs for breakfast. He was still worried about leaving today, and was hoping to get the boys fed and dressed and Raina to school before he had to go so Tessa could sleep. He didn’t know what was going on with her, and although he had to leave today, he was going to make sure she had back-up in case she needed it.
“Hey.” Zakk came in through the garage, a smile on his face. The six-foot-seven-inch forward had played on the Sidewinders with Toli for five seasons now and they were tight; not just teammates, but the kind of friends that took care of each other’s families when the other couldn’t.
“Hey.” Toli smiled back at his friend. Zakk was only twenty-seven and Toli had never imagined being this close to someone more than a decade younger than him, but they’d been roommates before they got married and that bond had only gotten stronger now.
“What’s up? Bored? House too quiet?” Zakk was joking since he had four kids at home and knew exactly how chaotic it could be.
“No.” Toli paused, pouring a cup of coffee for his friend and handing it to him. “I’m worried about Tessa.”
Zakk frowned. “Something wrong with the pregnancy?”
“I don’t know. She’s been really agitated and last night she asked me not to go today.”
Zakk’s mouth fell open. Tessa was probably the most laid back of all the wives, and she never whined or complained like some of the others. “Dude—maybe you shouldn’t go. That’s not like her at all.”
“I know.” Toli sighed. “But we’re making a run for the playoffs and you’re already out for at least two more weeks—the team needs me.”
“Your wife needs you.” Zakk met his gaze. “I don’t know why the hell you knocked her up again this soon.”
Toli grunted. “It was a mistake, dammit. Didn’t you get your wife pregnant before you were even married?!”
Zakk chuckled. “Yeah, but we didn’t have any kids together yet. Yours… well, this is number five. How many do you need, buddy?”
Toli chuckled too. “Believe me, this is it—I’m getting snipped this summer.”
“About fucking time.”
“I know, I know.” Toli stared out the window. “Look, I need a favor.”
“Anything.”
“Can you spend some time over here? I know you have your hands full at home, but something about the way she acted last night kind of scared me. I need to know you’ll check on her—really check on her, not just call.”
“Of course. I’ll even pick up Raina from school if that helps?”
“That would be great.”
“I got this, Toli. Don’t worry.” Zakk sipped his coffee and nodded.
“Uncle Jazzy!” Raina came around the corner and ran straight to his arms. She’d been calling Zakk Jazzy since she was a year old and now it was Uncle Jazzy or just Jazzy, depending on her mood. They were exceptionally close, something that had started when she was practically a baby. Though Zakk had two beautiful daughters of his own, as well as his twin stepsons, he and Raina had a special bond.
“Mornin’, darlin’,” he said, kissing the top of her head. “How are you?”
“Good.” She turned to Toli. “Morning, Daddy.”
“Good morning, my love.” Toli smiled at her; she was going to be stunning, just like her mother with her long blond curls and big blue eyes. “Eggs or waffles?”
She glanced at Zakk. “You pick.”
He laughed. “I wasn’t going to stay for breakfast, but since you asked so nicely, how about waffles?”
“Okay.” She sat down at the kitchen table and told Zakk all about her softball games last week. “Will you come tonight, Jazzy? Daddy’s going out of town and Mommy’s so tired.”
Zakk glanced at Toli and then back at her. “Of course, sweetie. How about I take you tonight so your mom can rest?”
Her eyes lit up. “That would be awesome!”
They talked while they ate and Toli finally glanced at the time. “Raina, you need to get ready. Go finished getting dressed and brush your teeth. When you’re done I’ll braid your hair, okay?”
She nodded before hurrying up the stairs.
“I’ll take her to school,” Zakk said quietly. “You just deal with the boys before you wake up Tessa.”
“Thanks. You sure Tiff won’t mind?”
“Nah, she’s already up; she just texted me. The twins are riding the bus today so she’s just got to feed the girls.” Their daughter Savannah was two and Brooklyn was six months.
“I’m going to braid Raina’s hair and then I’ll get the boys up. If you could take her to school, that would make things that much easier.”
“No problem. Send Raina down when she’s ready.”
“Thanks, buddy.” Toli took the stairs two at a time, anxious to get the boys dressed and fed so he could spend five minutes with Tessa before he had to get ready to go.
3
Tessa was so grateful she got to sleep in she smiled as she loaded the dishwasher with the dishes from lunch. Toli had been so sweet and loving this morning, she was almost willing to forgive him for leaving her alone with three kids while eight months pregnant. He was truly the greatest guy she’d ever known and she loved him to death, but this pregnancy was making her cranky. She hadn’t felt like this with her other three pregnancies and some inexplicable woman’s intuition was telling her something was off. Whether it was physical or emotional, she wasn’t sure. She just knew she was edgy and scared, and with Toli gone, she didn’t know what to do about it.
A knock on the door made her look up and she called out for them to come in; anyone who knew to knock on the garage door had to be a friend or neighbor.
“Hey.” Zakk, her best friend’s husband, as well as her husband’s best friend, stuck his head in.
“Hey yourself.” She smiled at the tall blond who had become like a brother to her. “What are you doing here?”
“Came to say hi and ask if you wanted me to pick up Raina from school?”
She arched an eyebrow. “Did Toli ask you to do that?”
“Actually, I offered when I was here this morning and she asked me to take her to softball tonight.”
“If you don’t mind, that would be great.” She dried her hands and moved towards the family room. “Come sit down—my back is killing me.”
“You should go get a massage,” he said.
She laughed. “Yeah, I should do a lot of things, but with three kids in the house, finding a sitter is more work than it’s worth.”
“I’ll watch the boys if you want to go.” He met her eyes. “Tessa, it’s okay to ask for help—you’re eight months pregnant.”
“I know. I thought my mom was coming but with my dad still recovering from hip replacement, it kind of put a kink in my plans.”
“Toli’s really worried about you,” he said quietly. “What’s going on, Tessa?”
She sighed, looking away. “This whole pregnancy has been a cluster-fuck. I was in no condition to get pregnant so soon and he didn’t even think about what this would be like for me.”
“He didn’t do it by himself,” Zakk reminded her gently.
“Um, he was in charge of birth control until we decided if we wanted one more. We were thinking we would wait a year and decide for sure. Then he just forgot. Not once, but twice. It wasn’t fair!” Tears filled her eyes. “We talked about it, it’s not like I was assuming anything. We made the decision to use condoms for six months to a year until we had a better idea what we wanted to do since I wasn’t thrilled about getting an IUD. And he just forgot.”
“He felt bad,” Zakk agreed. “But you had options.”
Her eyes widened. “Abortion? Really? When we’re married and financially well-off and already have three beautiful kids? I’m pro-choice but that seems really wrong somehow.”
“It’s only another month, hon.”
&
nbsp; She laughed bitterly. “Spoken like a man who gets on a plane and runs away for weeks at a time and only has to concentrate on the thing he loves most in the world—hockey. No midnight feedings, no colicky babies, no vomit-covered clothes. Just hockey and hotels and room service. How about another five years of misery—times four?”
He had the grace to flush. “I meant the discomfort of being pregnant, not the other stuff.”
“Whatever.” She got up and padded into the kitchen, pouring a glass of water.
“Look, do you want me to—” He stopped abruptly as she winced, her hand going to her stomach. “Tessa? What’s wrong?”
“Braxton-Hicks contractions,” she murmured. “I’m okay.”
“You’re really pale.” Zakk gently touched her cheek. “Are you sure you’re okay? You want me to ask Tiff to come over?”
“That would be great.” She gave him a wan smile. “Sorry I’m bitchy, but I asked him not to go—I told him I didn’t feel well. I guess I’m finally seeing why all the other wives bitch about your schedules. It really sucks to be the one left behind all the time. This is the first time Toli ever had to make a choice, and I guess he made it.” She sank into a chair and rubbed her temples. She felt a headache coming on, and that last contraction had been strong. It was too early for this and she tried to breathe deeply.
Zakk kissed the top of her head. “You’ve always been so strong and self-sufficient; I don’t think Toli understood that this time was different. I’m gonna call Tiff and I’ll pick up Raina after school. You just relax.”
Tessa watched him go feeling even worse. She hadn’t meant to pick a fight with him, but deep down she knew he would tell Toli what she’d said and right now she didn’t care. She’d asked him not to leave. In more than four years together, she’d never asked him to put her before hockey, and this one time he’d completely downplayed her emotions. When this baby was born, she was taking a vacation; playoffs be damned. Toli could ask his mother to fly in from Moscow and take care of the kids if that’s what it took. She didn’t care how he handled it, but she was taking a break from everything. Including him.