The Cowboy's Honor

by Amy Sandas

  Dean nodded, but he didn’t turn around.

  Courtney finally stepped forward to place her hand on Dean’s shoulder. The tension running through his body was like lightning trapped in a bottle—explosive and frightening. She could sense his desire to shrug off her touch, though he didn’t move.

  She dropped her hand back to her side.

  “Let’s get him tied to the saddle while he’s still unconscious,” Kincaid said as he stepped forward.

  Both men hefted Hayes between them and dragged him outside.

  Alexandra turned to Courtney, concern in her eyes. “Are you all right, Court?”

  Courtney nodded, took a deep breath, then nodded again. “I’m fine. Surprisingly.” She gave a little laugh, realizing it was true. In thinking of everything she’d gone through in the last twenty-four hours, she probably should have been close to hysterical. But she wasn’t. She really was fine.

  Dean and Malcolm had Hayes in custody. She hadn’t been hurt beyond a brief prick of Hayes’s knife and had actually assisted in her own rescue. She might even be a bit better than fine.

  She gave Alexandra a smile. “I imagine you’d like to go help your husband.”

  “I should get a horse readied so they can tie him to the saddle before he comes around.”

  “Go ahead. I’m all right.”

  Alexandra sent her an earnest look before walking away. “You did good, Court.”

  Courtney agreed. Once she was alone, she took a moment to acknowledge how much she’d changed over the last weeks. The old Courtney would never have even considered fighting back against a man with a weapon. She liked the woman she’d become. She hoped, when this was all over, that she wouldn’t lose that at least.

  By the time Hayes started to come around, he was secured to the saddle, with his hands tied tight behind him and one ankle tied to the stirrup, ensuring that if he tried anything stupid, he’d likely get dragged to his death.

  Courtney watched the proceedings from the porch. Though she tried to keep the circumstances in perspective, Dean’s demeanor worried her. She wasn’t sure what she expected of him, considering everything, but she had hoped at least to glean something of what he was feeling from his expression or his familiar gaze. But he seemed to do everything he could to keep from looking at her.

  And she did what she could to not interfere.

  “I’ve gotta let my brother know Hayes has been caught. Then I’ll fetch the MacDonnells and meet you in town,” Dean stated once Kincaid and his prisoner were ready to go.

  Kincaid nodded and gave his wife a quick kiss before mounting his horse and heading down the road, leading Hayes’s mount on a short rope.

  Courtney got the sense Alexandra would have ridden with her husband into town but chose to stay back with her instead. She slid Courtney a pointed look as she walked up the porch steps and passed by to enter the house, leaving Courtney and Dean alone outside.

  Dean turned to head toward the barn, still avoiding looking at Courtney.

  Her chest tightened with the need to assure herself he was all right.

  “Dean.” His name held a note of desperation she couldn’t hold back. It brought him to a stop, and he turned to look at her full-on for the first time since he’d charged into the house.

  Their eyes met, and for a moment, Courtney expected him to glance away again and keep walking. Thankfully, he didn’t.

  With a fierce set to his jaw and an unreadable gleam in his eyes, he vaulted up onto the porch and gathered Courtney into his arms. The relief of his rough embrace—his warmth and strength—soothed the last of her shaken nerves. She wrapped her arms around his middle and breathed him in.

  Bowing his head, he buried his face against her neck and held her tight. “I’m sorry,” he muttered gruffly.

  “No. Dean, you couldn’t have known the man would be hiding in my bedroom,” Courtney argued quietly.

  His body gave a hard jerk. “I should have checked the house. I shouldn’t have left you alone. I wasn’t thinking.”

  “It’s all right. He’s been caught. He will pay for his crimes.”

  “You could’ve been killed.” He lifted his head, and Courtney met his hard gaze.

  “But I wasn’t. I am fine, I swear it.”

  Dean made a low sound and dropped his mouth to hers.

  Courtney poured absolutely everything into that kiss—all that she was and everything she wanted to be. She allowed herself to feel in that moment as if she were truly Dean’s wife. Not just for now, but for always.

  But in the back of her mind, she knew it wasn’t enough.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Not much later, as Courtney watched Dean ride away, she experienced an odd mixture of hope and fear. His reaction to finding her in danger suggested that he might actually feel something for her that went beyond physical desire. He’d worried for her safety, he’d rushed into the house prepared to fight to protect her, and he’d just kissed her as though he were afraid to ever let her go again.

  But he did let her go, and before he turned his horse toward Randall’s and then the MacDonnells’ place, she saw a haunted look in his eyes that made her muscles tense and her skin pebble with a chill.

  Once she and Alexandra finished washing Hayes’s blood from the stairs, Alexandra insisted that Courtney claim some much-needed rest. Unable to enter her bedroom without smelling the stench Hayes had left behind, she lay down in Dean’s bed instead and was asleep in seconds.

  When she woke up a few hours later, she found Alexandra in the kitchen surrounded by the very welcome aroma of coffee.

  “Mmm…I really hope there is some of that left for me.”

  Alexandra laughed. “Of course. Have a seat.”

  “Has anyone come back from town?”

  “Not yet. Sometimes the paperwork can take a little time.” Her blue eyes met Courtney’s with steady assurance. “They’ll be back.”

  Courtney nodded, accepting that as truth, though she yearned for Dean’s presence. Something just hadn’t felt right when he’d left, and her nap had done nothing to dispel the disquiet inside her.

  Once the two women were seated at the table with their steaming coffee in hand, Alexandra drew something from the pocket of her breeches. “I didn’t have a chance to tell you earlier, but yours was not the only letter awaiting our return to Helena, I’m afraid.”

  She placed a sealed envelope on the table and slid it toward Courtney. The envelope was made of the finest paper, and the address was written in a sure and elegant hand. The handwriting had become familiar to Courtney over the years and only recently had been infinitely burned into her mind in words of love, desire, and devotion intended for someone else.

  It was from Geoffrey.

  Courtney hesitated.

  It wasn’t that she feared what he might have to say to her. The explanation she had hastily provided in her letter to him after leaving Boston had been honest and true. Being left at the altar had no doubt been an excruciatingly public humiliation. She could understand if he decided not to forgive her for having made the impulsive decision to flee that day.

  Her reluctance was because she wasn’t sure she wished to reconnect with a past that now seemed to have existed so long ago. A few weeks could never be considered a lifetime, but it sure felt like it to Courtney.

  Still, she and Geoffrey had been friends of a sort for a long time. She was worried about how he might have fared after her departure.

  Especially now that she understood how it must have felt for his true love to be out of reach. Especially now that she had fallen in love as well…with someone who had been very clear about not wanting her.

  The acknowledgment of how deeply she’d fallen for Dean slid through her like the ring of a bell. Beautiful and pure but startling.

  Yes, she had fallen in love with Dean. And the situat
ion was as hopeless as Geoffrey’s had been.

  With a deep breath, she picked up the letter and slipped her fingers along the seam of the envelope to withdraw the sheet of paper from inside. She had to read through it twice because the first time around her eyes teared up and she was pretty sure she’d missed some of what he’d written through her blurred vision.

  Alexandra reached out to cover one of Courtney’s hands with hers. “Is everything all right? What does he say?”

  “He extends a heartfelt apology and expresses his undying gratitude.”

  Her friend blinked, her eyes going wide with surprise. “Gratitude? Really?”

  “Yes. He says he understands why I left and that he is sorry for being so deceitful, but that he really had not seen any other way. He hadn’t intended to fall in love with anyone, especially not a woman his family would never consider to be an appropriate match. He hadn’t set out to hurt me and thought I understood our marriage would not be based on deep feelings. It had never occurred to him that I might hope for something more.”

  Alexandra gave a quiet snort.

  “He goes on to say that by not going through with the wedding and showing the courage to seek my happiness elsewhere, I inspired him to do the same. He and his true love have eloped.”

  Alexandra gasped. Even though she had spent her childhood in the wild territories of the West, she had grown to adulthood with Courtney in Boston and knew well the rules by which Geoffrey’s society played. Alexandra had caused a scandal herself by running away from Boston shortly after becoming engaged to a prominent member of their society. She understood as well as Courtney did how unheard of it was for a man of Geoffrey’s social standing to marry someone so far outside their social circle.

  Yet he’d done it.

  Because Courtney had inspired him.

  She was both saddened and thrilled by the news. Her jilted fiancé had managed to claim his happily-ever-after while she found herself about to say goodbye to hers.

  As though sensing Courtney’s conflicted feelings, Alexandra gave her hand another squeeze. “I’m sorry, Courtney. That must be…difficult to read.”

  Courtney shook her head and flashed a smile. “No. Not at all. I am very happy for him, and I will write back to tell him so.”

  Alexandra smiled in return. “Well, in that case, do you have something with which we can offer a toast to the lovely couple?”

  Enjoying the mischievous gleam in her friend’s eye, Courtney replied, “There is some bourbon in the parlor.”

  “Perfect.”

  The next hours were spent catching up and reminiscing with Alexandra. It was the best way to distract Courtney from worrying about Dean. With Jimena planning on staying close to home over the next few days to help Pilar, it was just the two of them in the house. They talked about their days at school and their time together in Boston’s social whirl before Alexandra had left. The only thing that would have made the time more perfect was if their friend and Alexandra’s cousin, Evie, had been present. The three of them had been inseparable, and it just did not feel the same without her.

  But Evie was back in Boston, preparing for her own grand wedding, which was to take place in just a couple weeks.

  While Courtney was thrilled for the opportunity to reconnect with her friend, she couldn’t help but notice how different it felt. Better. And the changes she saw in Alexandra were nothing short of stunning. Her friend had obviously concealed a great deal about her true nature while being groomed for a future amongst the Boston elite.

  It was clear that this woman before her, wearing breeches and a ready smile, was the true Alexandra. Her time in Boston had put polish on the wild girl she had been, but it hadn’t erased that wildness entirely.

  Courtney wondered if the changes she’d felt in herself since coming to Montana were only a similar facade. She had learned so much in the time she’d been at the Lawton Ranch. About herself as a person, what she was capable of, and most importantly, what she wanted for her future. She had left Boston in search of adventure and independence.

  She had found both on a Montana cattle ranch.

  She could never go back to the many restraints that existed in her old life. She enjoyed the freedom of thought and behavior she had experienced out here. She loved the sense of confidence and self-expression she’d gained. All those things that had been suppressed for so long, though they had always been inside her, stirring and desperate for release.

  As the day slid toward night, she strained to catch the first sound of hoofbeats signaling Dean’s return from town. It had been late morning when he and Malcolm had left the homestead. She expected them back by nightfall at least. But as the sun fell closer and closer to the horizon, she began to worry.

  Keeping supper warm and ready to be served, Courtney and Alexandra went out onto the front porch to await the return of their men. They were quiet in the gathering darkness.

  It was not long before the sound of riders approaching brought both women to their feet.

  The men rode up to the house first. Courtney’s chest tightened at the weariness apparent in Dean’s posture and expression.

  “How did it go?” Alexandra asked.

  Kincaid gave a sharp nod. “No problems.”

  “Supper has been kept warm,” Courtney said. “I imagine you are both hungry.”

  “We’ll be in after we see to the horses,” Dean replied. His tone was flat and distant.

  Rather than bringing everything to the dining room, the four of them gathered in the kitchen to eat. Kincaid explained that Hayes was being held in jail to await trial. Horatio and Clinton MacDonnell had both come forward to repeat what Hayes had told them after meeting Courtney. Hayes denied none of it, claiming he had a right to Dean’s bride since Dean had taken his.

  It was all very disturbing. Courtney shivered to think what might have happened if Hayes hadn’t been stopped. She watched Dean while Kincaid filled them in about what to expect going forward. She was only half listening. There was something in Dean’s demeanor that bothered her. It was more than his typical moodiness and more than exhaustion.

  Once again, he was reluctant to look at her, even as she willed it with everything in her. His eyes fell on her only once or twice before he shifted them away as quickly as possible. As though he didn’t want to see her thoughts—or perhaps, more, didn’t want her to see his.

  After the meal was finished and cleaned up, the Kincaids excused themselves and went up to the bedroom that had been prepared for them earlier, leaving Courtney and Dean alone in the kitchen.

  “You must be tired,” she said softly.

  “You too, I reckon,” he said gruffly, keeping his gaze trained toward the floor.

  “I got a little sleep earlier,” she replied. “Are you all right, Dean?”

  He looked up then. For a moment, his light eyes sparked with emotion before it was carefully banked behind a stern expression. “Fine. I’m gonna wash up before heading to bed. No reason for you to stay up.”

  The words were simple enough, but Courtney felt something layered in with their meaning. Something unsettling. He was putting distance between them.

  Because of Alexandra’s arrival? Was he already preparing for her to leave?

  “Go on,” he said as he turned his back to her and headed to the bathing room.

  The click of the door closing between them echoed through her.

  Numbly, she went about turning down the lights, leaving only what Dean would need to make his way upstairs. Once in the upper hallway, she paused outside his bedroom door.

  She wasn’t ready for their marriage to end. They still had eight days together before the annulment. Courtney was not going to waste them.

  Instead of continuing down the hall to her own bedroom, which she suspected was what Dean had intended that she do, she entered his room. Closing the door gen
tly behind her, she didn’t bother lighting the lamp before she shed her clothes and slipped between the sheets of his bed.

  He might have decided not admit it, but she had no issue with acknowledging her need for him. Not just in a sexual sense, but in every way. She needed to feel him close, to have his warmth and strength and quiet, awkward reluctance open up to her. At least here in this room there had been times when he’d allowed all that was between them to drop away. He’d revealed his desire and his loneliness and longing, and he’d allowed her to fulfill them as he’d fulfilled so many of her secret dreams.

  She was still awake when he came upstairs and knew the exact moment when he noticed her lying in his bed. His breath halted, and he froze in place. She couldn’t see him beyond the shadowed outline he made in the darkened room, but she knew some silent battle waged within him.

  She held her breath, curled up on her side, waiting for his decision. Would he stay or find somewhere else to sleep?

  After what seemed like a painful eternity, he continued across the room and sat down on the other side of the bed to remove his boots. The rest of his clothing followed swiftly after, and then she felt the mattress dip as he lay down behind her. Another breath and he reached for her. He wrapped his arm around her middle and drew her back against his bare chest, curling her into his body as his breath fanned over her bare shoulder.

  A moment later, he was asleep.

  Courtney remained awake for little while longer, soaking in the security of his embrace and matching her breath to his. As cherished and protected as she felt, the tight ache of dread would not leave her.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Dean awoke with his wife curled against him, naked and so damn soft. He was hard in an instant.

  He shouldn’t have lain down beside her last night. But he had been so tired, his weariness going deeper than any he’d ever known, down to his bones, to his heart and soul. And he’d needed her. Her closeness. Her comfort.