Hummingbirds Fly Backwards

by Amy Cheung

  “I want maximum,” she said without the slightest hesitation.

  “The maximum is one of our bestsellers. It can boost you up by about two cup sizes.”

  “Isn’t that kind of like deceiving people?” She seemed a little conflicted.

  “Deceiving people? Why would you say that? It’s no different than wearing makeup. It’s part of your beauty routine, that’s all. If you put on makeup, you don’t have to go around telling everybody that, do you?”

  Appearing satisfied with my explanation, she asked to try one on.

  “What size do you need?”

  “32A,” she said softly. A look of shame crossed her face.

  The woman then spent about twenty minutes in the fitting room.

  “Miss, do you need any help?” I asked.

  “Do you think it’s too much?” she asked, opening the door to her fitting room.

  On the left side of her chest were five tiny birthmarks that were lined up almost in the shape of a comma. At first, I couldn’t remember where I’d seen that before, but then it dawned on me.

  “You’re not Yau Ying, are you?”

  “Chow Jeoi, is that you?”

  It was all thanks to that comma.

  “I recognized that comma on you,” I said, pointing at her birthmarks.

  “That’s amazing! I was just wondering why I felt like I knew you.” Yau Ying squeezed my hand. We’d known each other since we were babies. She was three months older than me, and we had been next-door neighbors. We’d gone to the same elementary school, which we walked to together every day. We’d always taken baths together as girls, which is how I recognized the comma on her chest. Back then, Yau Ying used to say it looked like an ear, but I always liked to think that it was more like a comma. To have an ear on the front of your chest would just be too weird. Yau Ying used to be really chubby, and I had imagined that she’d be a hippo by the time she grew up. It had never occurred to me that she’d turn out so skinny, which is why I didn’t recognize her at first.

  “You’ve become so thin,” I told her.

  “I was fat until I was ten. But when I hit puberty, I didn’t have much of an appetite. That’s how I ended up looking like this.”

  “I never thought I’d see you again. Why did you move away?”

  In fifth grade, Yau Ying’s family moved away very suddenly. Yau Ying stopped going to our school, and we lost touch. I still had no idea why she had gone away. I was completely crushed at the time, as I was only a kid and my best friend had disappeared out of the blue. That event cast a dark shadow across my childhood. Ever since, I’d been scared that anyone I was close to might disappear in the middle of the night without a word of explanation.

  Yau Ying sat down and said, “I’ll tell you what happened. My father bought a winning ticket at the horse races.”

  I was stunned. “A winning ticket?”

  “The prize money was $1 million—and we’re talking about what $1 million was worth eighteen years ago, which meant you could buy yourself a whole bunch of houses.”

  “So you hit the jackpot!”

  “Well, yes, but my dad is an extremely paranoid person. After he won the money, he got really worried that all our relatives, friends, and neighbors would start hounding him for money—try to extort from him, kidnap his daughter, and whatnot. He got more and more paranoid, to the point where he moved all of us from Hong Kong to the New Territories in the middle of the night. My siblings and I transferred to schools there. And then he changed his name.”

  “So were you transformed into a little rich girl?”

  “Well, not quite . . . ,” she said. “My father took his million and bought only one house. At that time, no one would ever have predicted that real-estate prices would skyrocket the way they have. He used to work at a garment factory, and he wanted more than anything to have a factory of his own. So he bought one in Tsuen Wan and started his own business. For the first few years, it was very profitable. But a few years into it, he made a bad call. He thought stretch fabrics would be all the rage, and he made a huge investment in elastic bands.”

  “Elastic bands?” I was baffled.

  Yau Ying motioned with her hands. “Elastic bands come in these huge, rough strips. Each one is about the size of a dishtowel. You can blend them with other textiles to create stretch fabrics. He was speculating on the prices of elastic bands, thinking he could make a fortune off them. He took out a mortgage on the factory and used all the money to buy elastic.”

  “So then what happened?”

  “Stretch fabrics never came into fashion. He had to sell off the factory. All the elastic was shipped back to our house, which was packed with the stuff—the bedrooms, the dining room, the bathroom, and the kitchen were all full of elastic.”

  “So your father went bankrupt?”

  “No. We still had our house, but my father was deeply, deeply unhappy. He eventually mortgaged the house and started another garment factory. We moved from the top of the hill in Tsuen Wan to the bottom. The money from that winning ticket lasted us only ten years.”

  “It sounds like your father had some bad luck. I’ve always wanted to go back to our old neighborhood to track you down. But it all happened so suddenly, and even if I did go, I wouldn’t even have known where to begin. I never thought we’d see each other again,” I said.

  “Me neither! What a funny place to run into each other again.”

  “You must have a boyfriend!”

  Yau Ying said sadly, “I do for now, but I never know if we’ll still be together tomorrow.”

  “Why is that?”

  “Love never seems to last,” Yau Ying told me helplessly.

  The store didn’t seem like the right place to discuss this, so I suggested that we have dinner together that night.

  “Sounds good! He’s not coming over tonight, anyway,” Yau Ying said.

  That night, over Indian food at a nearby restaurant, Yau Ying handed me a photo of her snuggling up to a man.

  “His name is Cheung Daihoi,” she told me happily.

  “He’s so handsome!” I said, admiring the man’s finely chiseled features.

  “We’ve been together for seven years. He’s a lawyer.”

  “How did you two meet?”

  “We work at the same law firm. I’m the boss’s secretary.”

  “Your name means you’re a good swimmer, and his name means he’s a vast ocean. You guys must be meant for each other.”

  “That little coincidence was part of the reason we got together.”

  “I just met a man who has the same birthday as I do, but there’s nothing romantic between us,” I said.

  “Call them coincidences if you want, but they do make a relationship between two people develop a whole lot faster,” Yau Ying said.

  “So where does the problem lie? There isn’t somebody else in the picture, is there?”

  “I’m pretty confident that he doesn’t have someone else. And neither do I.”

  “What is it, then?”

  “My bust is too small . . . ,” Yau Ying said.

  “Your bust isn’t small. For a Chinese woman, it’s pretty much average. I’ve certainly seen smaller,” I said in an effort to console Yau Ying.

  Still frowning, she said, “You’re bigger than me.”

  “I’m not so big, either. Size isn’t the point, anyway. Some women have big breasts, but they sag. Some women have smaller breasts, but they’re nicely shaped.”

  “To be honest, it makes me feel bad about myself. Daihoi said point blank that my bust is too small.”

  “He said that?”

  “He didn’t mean it in a hurtful or critical way. It just sort of accidentally slipped out, though it’s happened more than once.”

  “But you two have been together for seven years. He didn’t realize just now what your body is like, did he?”

  “Of course not. The first time we hooked up, I asked him if he minded, and he said he didn’t like big-breasted wome
n. But I know that he actually does.”

  “As men grow older, their gaze starts to move lower—from the face to the breasts,” I said, laughing. At least that was what Sam had told me.

  “Chow Jeoi, there really is such a thing as a seven-year itch,” Yau Ying told me earnestly. “I never used to believe it. But Daihoi and I have been together for seven years, and he’s been falling asleep during sex recently. He’s never, ever done that before. I discovered that he reads Playboy. All the photos in that magazine are of big-breasted women. The law firm recently hired a young female lawyer whose breasts are huge. Whenever she sits down to eat, her breasts rest on top of the table.” Yau Ying tried to demonstrate for me. Unfortunately, her breasts didn’t reach the table.

  “You mean like this?” I tried to show her.

  “Yes, exactly like that. Daihoi is her mentor.”

  I now understood why Yau Ying had bought a push-up bra.

  I was no sex therapist. I didn’t know how to help Yau Ying solve the sex problem between her and Daihoi. But I thought about how sex with the same partner for seven years could probably get boring, especially for a man.

  “Is this really going to work?” Yau Ying asked, pointing to the bra she’d just bought.

  “You tried it on today and saw for yourself!”

  “Did you know that I’ve never bought such an expensive bra before?”

  “After the sale is over, I can buy things for you using my employee discount.”

  “Thanks.”

  “I hope it works out for you!”

  Yau Ying and I exchanged phone numbers. I’d never imagined that I’d see her again, or that, upon meeting, we’d have a big discussion about sexual troubles. But life was proving to be full of unexpected twists and turns.

  The next day, I got a phone call from Yau Ying.

  “It really works!” She sounded lovestruck.

  “He told me that I looked sexy. It was the first time he’d ever used that word to describe me. He didn’t fall asleep during sex last night, that’s for sure!”

  “So glad it did the trick! It makes you look very well-endowed!”

  It hadn’t occurred to me before that women’s lingerie and sex therapists served the same function. A woman’s once-waning sex life was now on track to regaining its vitality.

  That evening in bed, I asked Sam, “Do you ever get bored?”

  “Get bored of what?”

  “Of my body.” I sat on top of him as I spoke.

  “Why do you ask?”

  “If you’re with the same woman’s body day after day, you must get bored of it eventually.”

  “Says who?”

  “I’m asking you.”

  “When I’m with you, it doesn’t matter what we’re doing.” He pulled me close.

  “You used to hold another woman in your arms. How do I know you two don’t have some sort of secret agreement? Did you promise her that you’d never see me again?”

  “You have a crazy imagination.” He shook his head, laughing.

  “So does that mean that things are going to stay the same between us?”

  “How much would it cost to buy this apartment?” Sam asked.

  “About $2 million.”

  “I’ll buy it for you.” He sounded sincere.

  “You don’t have to do that,” I said.

  “Why not? Don’t you like it?”

  “Why do you have to buy it for me?”

  “Because you’re the woman I love most.” He kissed me.

  “But I’m not your wife. Maybe you should buy it for her.” I wasn’t willing to let the issue drop.

  “I’m indebted to you.”

  “You’re not indebted to me. Even if you were, money is no way to make up for what you can’t give me.”

  “I know. But I want to give you a sense of security, in case a day comes when I’m not around anymore. I want to give you a better life.”

  I choked back tears as I leaned over Sam. What good would it do me if I had this apartment, but I didn’t have him?

  “Don’t cry,” he said as he wiped away my tears. “Go talk to the building owner tomorrow and find out exactly how much this place would cost.”

  “Are you trying to give me this apartment as a breakup gift?”

  Sam smiled. “There isn’t a man on this planet who’d be so extravagant as to give an apartment as a parting gift. You really don’t understand men.”

  “If someday you no longer love me, then you’ll take back this apartment, right?”

  “I’m not going to stop loving you. And I’m not going to take back this apartment. Why are you so suspicious of me? So now even you don’t trust me?”

  “No, I trust you.” I put my arms around him. He probably didn’t understand that bestowing such a generous gift on me would naturally send my imagination running wild.

  The next day, I talked it over with Chui Yuk, who took it to mean the exact opposite. “If he’s willing to buy an apartment for you, it means that he plans to be with you forever.”

  The building owner said he wanted $2.6 million for it. The bank would only offer a 6 percent interest rate on the mortgage.

  “Don’t take out a mortgage. I’ll buy it with cash,” Sam said.

  “You’re not afraid that I won’t need you anymore once I get the apartment?”

  “I’ve never doubted you.”

  “So will both of our names be on the deed?”

  “No. My name won’t be.”

  “Why not?” I asked him.

  “It should have your name on it and that’s it. If anything should happen to me, you’d lose half your property rights if my name was on it.”

  “If anything happened to you, this apartment would have no value to me.”

  “Don’t be silly. You have to protect yourself. If my wife and I were to get divorced or if anything unexpectedly happened to me, she’d take half or even all of everything I own.”

  It was the first time that Sam had ever mentioned divorce.

  “Are you going to get a divorce?”

  “I’d lose everything if I did.” Sam frowned.

  “If money solves the problem, why not just offer her money?”

  “There’s more to life than money. There’s the issue of doing the right thing. Would she even be able to find another man?”

  Men always think they’re doing the right thing. They think they’re being noble by not getting divorced. They think their wives will never find other men as good as themselves. But they don’t understand that if they no longer love a woman and let it drag out, it actually deprives her of an opportunity to find a better man.

  “Do you think I could find a good man?” I asked him.

  “Yes. You’re beautiful, and lots of men would do anything to be with you.” Sam took my face into his hands.

  I’d always thought I was the one who was insecure. But as it turned out, Sam was even more insecure than I was. He ran things at the office with the utmost confidence, yet he was scared that a woman might up and leave him.

  After our talk, he left. As I watched him head for the door, I recalled how tightly he had embraced me for fear of losing me.

  “Sam!”

  He turned around and looked at me. “What is it?”

  Fighting back tears, I said, “I’m not going to leave you.”

  “You’re not going to leave me when you turn thirty?” he asked, smiling.

  I shook my head.

  Later that day, Chui Yuk came over to the shop and gave me a set of matching bedsheets and pillowcases as a gift.

  “That apartment is going to be yours from now on, so you should fix it up a little,” she said.

  “Has Yu Mogwo called you yet?”

  “He did! He also sent me a letter,” she said excitedly.

  “So are things going well?”

  “He says he really misses me.” Chui Yuk took a letter with a US postmark on it out of her purse.

  “Carrying it around with you! That must be
quite a letter. Can I have a look?”

  “You want to see it?” Chui Yuk looked surprised.

  “I’ve never seen a love letter before. Plus it’s a love letter from a writer! It has to be heartfelt and exhilarating, right?”

  “That’s right. Seeing as you’re practically groveling, I’ll let you take a peek.”

  The letter read as follows:

  Yuk,

  From where I am sitting, you can see many species of birds, including white doves. They all fly forwards, which prompted me to wonder: Can any birds fly backwards? I read in a book about a tiny species of bird called a hummingbird. Like a honeybee, it lives off the pollen of flowers. When it hovers near a flower, it can maintain a fixed position in the air, just like a helicopter. And it can fly backwards, though only for very short distances . . .

  Being apart from you, I’ve been thinking back to the days when we first met. If human beings could fly backwards—just like hummingbirds—and travel back to the past, things would be perfect. As time goes on, life only grows more complicated. Now that you’re not by my side, I can hardly remember all the sweet nothings that you and I used to exchange, and I often think to myself how I wish I could see you just a little sooner.

  Yu Mogwo

  I was jealous of Chui Yuk and her unexpectedly touching letter.

  “Well?” Chui Yuk asked.

  “He’s a born writer, that’s for sure. It’s very sweet.”

  “I know, right? I’ve been reading it over and over. It makes me cry every time.”

  “Why don’t you go see him?”

  “I can’t afford a plane ticket!”

  “Do you need money?”

  “Nope. Yu Mogwo said he wants to be left alone, and I don’t want to disturb him. If I’m not by his side, he’ll miss me even more. Then I hope he’ll come back of his own accord.”

  “Right. Not being able to have a certain thing makes you want it even more badly.”

  “So now I understand why you and Sam get along so well.”

  “Sam could never write a letter like that, one that could touch the depths of someone’s soul.”

  “But he’d buy you an apartment!”

  If only Sam were a hummingbird and he could fly backwards—all the way back to before he got married—then things would be perfect! Everything really did grow more complicated as time went on. The longer he and I were together, the longer he and that other woman were also together—and the deeper their ties grew, the less likely they were to get divorced.