by Damian Maher
“You might also say it’s boring,” William said meaningfully.
“Let’s be fair: they have Nitmiluk National Park and the amazing Katherine Gorge here. We could do amazing bush walks and canoeing—” Jacob said.
“—but we decided to skip it and focus on a lazy soak in the hot springs!” William said, smiling. After they found a big mall and refilled the fridge, they headed toward the famous Katherine Hot Springs.
Did you notice how the cashier watched me? I think I might have a chance with him,” Jacob said with a laugh.
“Go ahead, then!” William said, laughing. “You are more after men than I am!” Jacob said.
Okay! He just said, “You are more after men than I am!” Does this slip mean that he’s after men as well? William wondered.
At the Katherine Springs, they found a shadowy spot in the parking lot. They were taken by the charm of many small, natural pools running one into another, forming small falls. The high trees created pleasant shade, and the tropical vegetation reflected in the clear green water.
“You can’t beat this!” Jacob said.
“And we almost have the place to ourselves!” William said as the warm water put a smile on his face. “Let’s stay here forever!”
“You’re an interesting man, William,” Jacob said after a while, giving William a deep, sincere look.
William blushed and couldn’t utter a word for a moment.
“You, too, are an interesting man,” he then said.
“Is that so?” Jacob responded flirtatiously .
William nodded. He is giving me that look! They were both trying, somewhat embarrassed, not to look into each other’s eyes.
“Right now I feel like a spinning bicycle, wheels in the sky,” William said, leaning on the edge of a pool, circling his legs and thinking, This is one of the happiest moments of my life!
Jacob smiled.
“So . . . you’ve never had any gay experiences in your life?” William asked.
“I have had different experiences in my life. Some didn’t feel part of me, but, you know, time can change things and . . .” Jacob hesitated.
“What do you mean?” William asked eagerly.
“I don’t want to talk about that!” Jacob said. “Do you see those blonde chicks over there?” He pointed to two blonde beauties who were entering the pool. “Hot! So hot!”
“Well . . .” William said in shock, his hopes unexpectedly turning to ashes. Confused, he tried not to show his disappointment.
“I’ll just go and check out those ladies,” Jacob said without looking into William’s eyes.
“Okay. That’s fine,” William said, aware that his voice showed that he was on the verge of crying. He did not feel like a spinning bicycle, wheels in the sky, anymore. He observed Jacob hitting on those two women like a true hunk. He was telling them something, and they smiled, but then, as a proof that God existed, two pumped-up men appeared. It turned out that they were with the blondies, and Jacob had to say goodbye quickly.
“I guess you’re not the biggest fish in the pond,” William said to Jacob as he returned from his quest.
“Maybe not, but those girls were very friendly anyway,” Jacob mumbled, dejected. “I have to get out of the water. My skin is already as wrinkled as a Chinese Shar-Pei. Fancy a coffee?”
“Sure. Let’s go to the car,” William said.
Sitting face-to-face and talking with Jacob didn’t suit William. He felt alone and wounded and hoped that in the pool, with all the swimming going on, that wouldn’t be as obvious.
“What if we stayed here for another day, resting and simply enjoying the water?” Jacob asked as they got back to the pool. “There’s a camp nearby. I saw a sign.”
“That’s all right with me. I’d also like to go running.”
At that moment they both noticed two handsome guys nearing their thirties coming to the pool. They arrived on their bicycles, so they were obviously locals. William immediately fancied the one with short dark hair and a well-defined, sexy body. He seemed friendly and self-confident. The second one was a good-looking blond, but shorter and quite bold. Although he seemed nice, he simply wasn’t the kind of man William was attracted to.
The men spread their towels on the grass and entered the pool. With just a glance, William noticed that the dark one was interested in him.
“Hot! So hot!” William said.
“Which one do you prefer? The one with the dark hair?” Jacob asked.
“He’s a real hunk. Hot as hell!” William answered, deliberately trying to make Jacob jealous.
“I’ll move to the pool below. I’ll just prop myself up to the edge of the pool and meditate a little.” Jacob was playing it cool, as if he had not even noticed the situation, but he couldn’t hide that his voice was shaking.
“It’s okay. I might talk a bit with those guys. You know, I’d like some friendly company,” William said.
As soon as Jacob slipped into the lower pool, both guys approached William.
“I’m Alex,” the one with the dark hair said, “and this is Conrad.”
“William. Nice to meet you both,” he said, but he only had eyes for Alex.
“Excuse me. I think I’ll go to the bigger pool to swim. I could use some exercise,” Conrad said in a very friendly way, realizing that he would have to pull away.
“So you’re not a couple,” William asked directly.
“No. Conrad is my friend. A good friend. There are not many gays in this small town, so we hang out a lot together,” he said.
His charming smile had an instant effect on William. After being rejected twice—first by his boyfriend and now by Jacob—he just wanted some fun. As for sex, he was long overdue.
“What about you? Are you here with your boyfriend?” Alex asked.
“No, Jacob is not my boyfriend. We just travel together.” William told him how he met Jacob, without mentioning the snake-hunting part of the story.
“The moment I saw you, I felt this strong attraction to you. Sure, who wouldn’t feel attracted to such a hunk?” Alex grinned. “You’re a vision.”
“You might be exaggerating just a little bit!” William smiled. “But you’re utterly gorgeous.”
“Thanks!” Alex said. Then he caressed William’s feet with his and gave him a flirtatious smile.
In his peripheral vision William saw Jacob in the pool below, staring furiously. Suddenly he felt sorry for flirting with Alex. He wanted to go to Jacob and simply hug him, feel him, and talk to him. But he couldn’t.
“Let’s swim,” William said, in order to have a few seconds to himself.
At that moment, Conrad appeared from some hidden pools farther upstream, and he headed toward Jacob. William saw them exchanging a few words, but he could see that Jacob didn’t try to hide his blatant disinterest. Conrad swam away looking disappointed, almost hurt. William felt sorry for him. How can Jacob be so cruel?
Suddenly anger and disappointment dominated William’s attitude toward Jacob. I’ll just ignore him, he decided.
“Now, where were we?” Alex said, gently taking William’s hand under the water.
“You don’t waste any time, do you?” William said, feeling confused.
“Not with a man like you! And there is this sad fact—I have to leave at five o’clock. I’m a nurse. I have a night shift today.”
“Oh?”
“I guess I won’t be seeing you anymore,” Alex said with regret in his voice. “Katherine is a very small town. There simply isn’t anyone with whom I have felt the strong connection that I feel with you. I guess I’ll wind up alone.”
“Finding somebody isn’t easy. My boyfriend recently left me for a sugar daddy.”
“I imagine we would be great together,” Alex said.
“I think so, too!” William replied, lowering his voice.
Conrad came by to check on his friend.
“I must say, William, this friend of yours isn’t very nice. I greeted him in a
friendly way, and he was simply harsh. There’s a lot of anger in him,” Conrad said.
“He can be strange sometimes, but he’s a good man. He’s had a very hard life,” William said, defending him. I don’t know what’s going on in his head, but despite everything, I feel that he’s jealous .
Then William and his new friends got into a discussion about love, life, and God, until it was time for Alex to go. After Alex and Conrad put on their clothes, Alex returned to see William.
“I was thinking . . . would you want to give me your phone number? ” Alex asked with longing in his voice.
“Sure!” William told him his number, and Alex programmed it into his phone. “You never know!”
“Yes, you never know!” Alex smiled.
As Alex left, William felt sadness in his heart. He imagined how it could be if they were a couple.
Then he looked at Jacob. He was still hanging on the same place, at the edge of the pool below. Although William did not feel like talking to him just yet, he decided to go to him. He knew that the longer they didn’t talk, the harder this hurdle would be to overcome.
“I gather you had a lot of fun flirting with this hunk. I saw that he was crazy about you. How come they left?” Jacob said.
“Alex has a night shift today. And yes, they were both very nice guys,” William said. “You apparently didn’t show your friendliest face.”
“I just couldn’t stand talking to that guy. So what?” Jacob said. “I’m not in a good mood.”
“Perhaps you just don’t know what you want. I had a great time, though,” William said.
“ Good for you! I’ve had enough of this thermal water for today,” Jacob said, heading toward the pool exit. “We have to find that RV park, preferably before dark.”
*
They quickly found a nearby RV park and settled in. After Jacob made a fire, William neatly turned two varieties of tofu and some vegetables into a culinary experience. Although they agreed that the dinner was very good, Jacob and William talked only occasionally.
After dinner they sat by the fire, stabbing each other with unspoken words, drinking a beer, and then another one.
I tried to help him. I employed all the arts of indirect seduction I knew. Nothing worked, William was thinking. Look at him! He’s sitting there with a look on his face as if I’d offended him.
“Oh, my God! What is this?” William noticed a pustule on his shoulder. “Oh, God!”
“Please, not again! It’s just a pimple. You are such a drama queen!” Jacob hissed.
“Why are you so unkind to me?” William suddenly asked. “You don’t even know why this bothers me so much.”
“Oh, please, don’t even try with that psycho crap,” Jacob snarled. “Instead, you can try to be quiet.”
“You be quiet!” William answered angrily, hurt in his voice.
Riing, riing, riing. The sound of William’s phone interrupted the moment.
“It must be that fancy new boyfriend of yours,” Jacob mumbled in a demeaning voice.
“Indeed, it’s Alex,” William said, jumping from the chair and rushing toward the other side of the camp. He didn’t even look at Jacob. Enough is enough!
“Hi, Alex,” William said, out of breath, as he finally reached a discreet place.
“Hi! It’s so nice to hear you,” Alex said. “I have been thinking about you a lot. In fact, something wonderful happened. I managed to change the night shift for the morning shift, starting at eight,” Alex said joyfully. “So, if you don’t have anything else to do, and if you’d maybe like to see me, I can pick you up!”
“That’s great!” William said enthusiastically. “Would nine o’clock be okay? I have to make myself beautiful for you, you know!”
“Sure! It’s nine o’clock at the RV park entrance!” Alex said. “I’m so happy. I really needed to see you one more time.”
“Same here,” William said. “I’ll be there!”
As he returned to their car, William noticed that Jacob was giving him strange looks.
What now? Is he angry? Is he jealous? I’m fed up with his moods !
“I have a date with Alex. I won’t be back until tomorrow morning,” William finally said. He took his toilet bag and went to the bathroom. He showered and then put some expensive hydrating cream on his face and tamed his hair with just a touch of gel. You don’t look bad, he said to the man in the mirror and gave him a wink.
He chose to wear his best jeans and a closefitting gray T-shirt. William glanced at Jacob and noticed his furious look. What? Is he gritting his teeth?
“Have a nice evening! See you,” William said, waving goodbye.
Jacob didn’t reply. He just stared at the ground, sharpening a branch with his Swiss army knife. William wished, in a way, that he could stay with him. What if he goes crazy again? Stop! I can’t take the responsibility for his life. I have to live my own life.
*
At the caravan park entrance he saw Alex sitting in his beat-up car, his hand touching the outer side of the door, and he was grinning. He is so beautiful! Hot like a purebred Spaniard, he thought and almost forgot his worries about Jacob.
“Wow! Wow! Do you look handsome tonight!” Alex shouted. “I’m as lucky as one can get!”
“I guess I got myself a purebred hunk tonight,” William said, glowing. He felt so ready for that night, so energetic, and somewhere deep inside he also liked being aware of his own attractiveness.
Alex jumped out of the car and, because there were some tourists around, he greeted William with a quick, neutral hug.
“Let’s go to my place,” Alex whispered in his ear. “Would you like to?”
“I’d like that,” William said.
As they were driving, William put his hand on Alex’s leg without even a thought. It felt right.
“I like that,” Alex said, smiling. “I felt so beaten up after we parted. I know that you’re from Europe, but I had to see you before you go.”
“I needed to see you, too,” William said.
“I feel so alone sometimes. I know I won’t meet anyone here. This is a godforsaken place. There are more kangaroos around than people. And being gay makes it even harder to find somebody.”
“It feels similar living in the city. Big crowd, but you feel alone as if nobody were there.”
They both smiled.
“You are so beautiful,” Alex said, kissing William’s hand.
“You are!” William said.
They drove through Katherine to the east part of the town. Alex lived in a modern Outback house near Giles Park. It had a big terrace, and it was surrounded by huge, rustling eucalyptus trees.
“Do you want a beer?” Alex asked as he motioned William to the terrace.
“Yes, please.”
“Make yourself comfortable on the couch. Don’t be afraid of snakes. They can’t crawl up here!”
“ I admire you people!” William said as Alex put two glasses of beer on the table. “How can you live with so many poisonous snakes? Aren’t you afraid? How do you feel working in the garden?”
“Well, one almost gets used to the situation. I’ve seen many snakes in my life. I’ve even had some very near encounters. But in the end, I tell myself that if I get bitten, I’ll simply call an ambulance, and the doctors will administer an antidote. And that’s it. Our entire house is constructed so that snakes can’t come in. Actually, I like the feeling that they’re around.”
“That’s part of the Outback charm! I like the vast red landscapes, the white eucalyptus trees, and the many animals. But what I like most is the seclusion. There aren’t many places on earth where you can actually be alone. No human noises! Listening to the quiet.”
Alex smiled and said, “But you’re not alone. You’re with Jacob.”
“Oh, God, I’m so confused about Jacob. Even as we speak, I’m worrying about him. He’s gone through some very hard times in his life, and I guess he’s quite suicidal. If he hadn’t met me, who knows
. . . And the other thing is—”
“—you’ve fallen in love with him, but he’s not gay,” Alex interrupted.
Did I fall in love with him? Fall in love with him . . . fall in love . . . fall in love . . . echoed in William’s mind before he collected himself. “It gets even more complicated. Jacob was married, and he undoubtedly likes women. I don’t know if I only imagined it, but he can be friendly in a way that is, at least I feel that— I’m actually certain—is more than friendly. The way he sometimes looks into my eyes! Am I imagining it? You know how these things can deceive you.”
“It’s hard to be sure,” Alex said.
“And there’s another thing. He appears unusually jealous. Tonight he didn’t even say goodbye as I left. And—you witnessed it—he pulled away when he saw that I wanted to talk to you. He’s also jealous of my ex-boyfriend.”
“I’m getting all confused now. If you ask me, he is one of those bisexual men who represses his homosexual side. On the other hand, he may not be. Is he simply a jealous person?” Alex said.
“Wait! We’re here together, and I’m talking about another man! I came here because I like you!” William took Alex’s hands into his.
“It’s okay. I understand your situation.”
“I know you understand; we think and feel alike,” William said. “The one thing that I don’t like about you is that you smoke too much.”
“Horrible, isn’t it? But I like it too much to be able to quit. One day I will,” Alex said and nestled up to William.
“It’s so nice to feel you. I can’t remember the last time I touched a man. You are so hot,” Alex said as he pulled William’s T-shirt out of his trousers and started caressing his chest.
Although William could not believe that he was with such a handsome man, something still did not feel right. But Alex knew how to make him forget. He slid William’s shirt off his shoulder and kissed his way down to William’s belt. Then he ran the tip of his tongue up to William’s neck and kissed him gently. His hands and lips played across every bit of William’s chest.
Taken by passion, William wanted to undress Alex.