Passing Through Darkness- The Complete Cycle

by Malcolm McKenzie

  And then, in that emptiness, I wasn’t alone.

  My eyes snapped open. Yoshana’s right hand was on my heart. The sphere of darkness was gone.

  The exercise came undone in an instant. My pulse raced.

  “Ssh,” she soothed, her palm warm on my chest.

  “It’s -”

  “In you. Yes. It’s all right.”

  “When you said I needed to practice centering, I thought you meant for more than a few seconds.” Inside me, something coiled and seethed.

  “Calm down. Deep breath. Go back to your center.”

  I started to open my mouth, then obeyed instead. I closed my eyes, took deep breaths, let my muscles relax. The presence that now shared my body quieted.

  Yoshana nodded. “Good. Normally we’d have practiced meditation for a few days before we let the Darkness in, but we don’t have time. You’re going to be my most accelerated student. Don’t worry, the amount in you now is easily manageable. Less than what was in that peasant girl your Prophetess exorcised.”

  She paused, then added, “Under normal circumstances, if you couldn’t handle this much, I’d just pull it out of you.”

  “But?”

  “But here, with so much of it in the air around us, it would just find its way back in now that you’ve been opened to it. So if you can’t control it, I’ll have to kill you.”

  She gave me her wild grin, and patted my leg. “Calm down. Deep breath. Go back to your center.” And she laughed.

  Terrible and awesome as she was, Yoshana was a surprisingly good teacher. She was patient and methodical, and if at times she was shockingly blunt, by the same token she seemed to hold nothing back.

  Of course, I might have expected her methods to be as brutal as they were effective.

  “Let’s test integration,” she said, and in a single, smooth motion produced a blade from her boot and slashed it across the back of my hand.

  “Ow!”

  I grabbed my wounded right hand with the left, but where I had thought to see blood, black particles welled up instead. The cut had severed two large veins, but they didn’t bleed.

  “Good,” Yoshana said. “Keep an image of your body integrity. If you think of yourself as whole, you’ll heal. Don’t let your mind form thoughts of yourself being crippled, or bad things will happen. Always stay focused on your goals.”

  Grigg walked up. “Focus and restraint must be the bastions of your will.”

  Yoshana glared at him. “Let’s keep it to one instructor. We can’t afford for him to get confused.”

  She gave me a long look. “Although I can’t spend the next week doing nothing else but train you. I’ll give you as much time as I can, but when we’re moving or bunking down, Roshel will take over.”

  My pulse sped up for an entirely different reason. Yoshana laughed at me again. “Calm down. Deep breath. Go back to your center.”

  As distracting as Roshel had been before, it was ten times worse now. If I allowed my thoughts to turn to her at all, the presence inside me surged with violent desire. The miller’s daughter in Brambledge had gouged deep wounds into a romantic rival’s face. Now I could understand why. The feelings took all my willpower to control. And Roshel’s knowing smile didn’t help any.

  We had remained in camp all morning, and when the sun was overhead, we made a meal of some of the small animals the group had killed in the night. The pig was slowly roasting on a spit - I supposed that would be dinner.

  Yoshana summoned up another, larger cloud of the Darkness. “I’d like to give you more time, but we don’t have it. We need to get moving tomorrow. What’s in you now isn’t enough to accomplish much. You’ve handled it acceptably so far. I’m going to take you up to your capacity.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “There’s a limit to how much of the Darkness someone can handle. It’s not physical - there’s a surprising amount of room for it in your body. It’s a question of control. The more there is, the harder it is to master, and the more it will sweep you up and carry your mind away. What’s in you now could only possesses someone with a very weak will, but like I said, it’s not enough to help us much. Taking you to your capacity means you’ll be much stronger and more useful, but it’s risky. That concentration can control the vast majority of humans.”

  Rather than think about that, and what would happen if she was wrong about how much I could manage, I asked, “And what’s your capacity?”

  The grin again. “A lot more than yours.”

  “And that thing that was attached to the shaman?”

  The smile vanished. “More still. More than I could control. The shaman was just a shell. It wanted a human body for some reason, but that wasn’t a possession. That was a Darkness wraith controlling a living corpse. The wraiths get even bigger than that, but if we fight one, we aren’t going to win.”

  “You said it responds to human will.”

  She nodded. “To a point. In your typical possession, the Darkness is still doing what the host wants. Not what he consciously wants, but what the deepest parts of the mind want. The id, the subconscious, was what they called it in the Last Days.”

  “Monsters from the id,” Grigg chimed in.

  “Would you stop that?” Yoshana snapped. The Select just grinned.

  “Anyhow, when the concentration gets thick enough, it starts to think for itself. It develops its own will. If a cloud like that holds together, it’s almost like a god.”

  I nodded. “We had those down in the Green Heart, in the foothills of the Sorrows. Way down at the southern end, I mean. Some people worshipped them. The folks on the edge of the Sorrows down there… they weren’t quite right.”

  “Yes. And the wraiths up here get far bigger than that. There’s a reason the demons won’t move through these hills. Not even the Hellguard could cope with some of what’s in here.”

  “But we’re going to.”

  “No. We’re going to avoid it. I made a mistake in that last village. I had expected a human leader, no stronger than me. Not as strong as me. The way it turned out, we’re lucky we survived. We can’t afford any more surprises. So far we’ve lost two men, and Joav’s hurt. That’s why I need you able to help with scouting.”

  I nodded again. This was the Overlord Yoshana, admitting error, taking me into her confidence, treating me almost like an equal. “Show me what I need to do.”

  The presence in me was stronger now. No - that’s not quite right. It wasn’t in me. It was me. The Darkness was as much a part of me as my eyes or my hands.

  “That’s right,” Yoshana urged. “But keep yourself centered. What you feel, it feels. What you want, it wants. Control yourself, and control the Darkness. Then let it flow with you.”

  Each individual particle of the Darkness was tiny. It could ooze out through my pores and I didn’t even feel it. And when it was outside my body, it was as if I was larger. I could feel the wind on parts of me beyond my skin. I could see all around myself without turning my head. It was amazing.

  “Maximum control range for most people is about a hundred yards,” the Overlord explained. “You run a trickle of it out - it can be a thin enough strand to be invisible, but you get enough sensory input for it to be useful.”

  I concentrated, trying to extend my focus.

  “No! Not here. In this environment, something can latch onto that string and follow it back to you. And it may not be something we can deal with.”

  Chagrined, I pulled the whole cloud back inside my body.

  Yoshana grinned and patted my shoulder. “You had the right idea, but we’re going to have to train you a little differently than normal. I want you to learn how to sense concentrations of the Darkness, and avoid them. Let’s play a game.”

  For the next hour, I practiced sending out probes of the Darkness. Soon, the Overlord began to parry them with her own. And then the “game” began in earnest. If the strand of Darkness under her control detected mine, it followed back to me and struc
k.

  Just hard enough to draw blood.

  “It’s a two-for-one exercise,” she laughed. “You’re getting practice healing yourself, too.”

  I growled. She had slashed me open a dozen times. The Darkness within me sealed my wounds, but it still hurt.

  By the time was sun was low in the west, I was exhausted. I understood now why Yoshana, Grigg, and Roshel hadn’t taken watches when we’d been marching. The total concentration required to keep my extra senses alert and under control was more draining than any physical exercise. And there were worse things out there than Yoshana, that would hurt me far more.

  “You’ve done well,” the Overlord said. “Excellent progress for the first day. Let’s eat.”

  The fire was warm and bright, and the roast pig was delicious. Grigg and Roshel sat on either side of me. The Select punched my arm and said, “Now you know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of Yoshana’s lessons. Worse than mine, aren’t they?”

  We all chuckled. With the power of the Darkness in me, I was truly one of them now.

  “Let’s bunk down early and make some progress tomorrow,” Yoshana declared. “Same watches as last night.”

  I was asleep the instant my head touched the ground.

  We were in a deep cavern or a vast, stone-sided well. There was no sky I could see above, or floor I could touch with my feet. We all bobbed and floated in thick, viscous blood. There were dozens of us, human and not, demons and drelb, men in armor and paleos in ragged hides. Whenever one of us came near another, we would rush together, grappling in a frenzy each to submerge the other, drowning our foes in the thick, choking liquid.

  And as we thrashed and fought and died we all laughed in the glory of it.

  A woman was near me, and I knotted my hands in her hair and held her under until the struggling stopped and only afterwards I realized that it had been Prophetess.

  I was just beginning to wonder if I should feel something when Yoshana leapt onto my back and plunged my face beneath the surface.

  I woke up screaming.

  “Calm down. Deep breath. Find your center,” said Yoshana. The Overlord sat by the fire ten feet away, a little smile on her face. I felt a hand on my shoulder and flinched violently, sat bolt upright, realized it was Roshel. My heart was pounding like it was trying to burst out of my chest.

  “Deep breath,” Yoshana repeated, more forcefully.

  I inhaled through my mouth, held it, and let the air out in a ragged gasp. And again. After the third breath I realized a cloud of Darkness was surrounding me. I flailed my arms at it, then realized it was my own.

  “Object lesson,” the Overlord said, her white hair stained as red as her skin by the firelight. It reminded me of my dream, and I looked away.

  “You absolutely must still your mind before you go to sleep,” she continued. “I put Roshel next to you because she can take care of herself. If Erev or Joav had been near you, you might have killed them.”

  I looked again at the cloud around me. It shifted and seethed, as perturbed as I was.

  “You knew this would happen?” I accused her.

  “Sure. It always does.”

  “Don’t you think you could have warned me?”

  “I find this gets the point across more effectively.” Her smile broadened.

  “Told you her lessons were harder than mine,” Grigg said.

  I spent half an hour meditating before I dared go to sleep again. But I had no more dreams - or at least none that I remembered, or that made me wake screaming.

  “Your Prophetess is right about one thing,” Yoshana said the next morning. “The Darkness is dangerous. Control it, or it controls you.”

  I nodded shakily. She had driven that point home with a hammer.

  We moved slowly that day, but we moved. After a breakfast of smoked pork and dried fruit, I felt well enough to let the Darkness out and put Yoshana’s lessons into practice.

  Questing out with my new senses, I could feel the edges of the probes emanating from Grigg, Roshel, and Yoshana. Yoshana’s I recognized instantly, and I found I could distinguish the others’ as well. There was a kind of intention radiating from each strand of Darkness, imbued with the character of its master.

  Yoshana had been right, of course - the Sorrows were saturated with the stuff. Tiny particles of it were almost everywhere, most so dispersed they were barely perceptible. Any time I sensed any concentration at all, I reported it to Yoshana. After a while she got sick of it.

  “If it’s smaller than what we first put in you, just ignore it,” she said. “That’s no threat. Unless it’s a thread leading back somewhere.”

  “How do I know if it’s a thread? Do you want me to follow it?”

  She sighed, and Grigg laughed. “You wanted to train him. It’s a fair question.”

  “Exercise your judgment,” the Overlord said.

  “His whole day’s worth of it?” Erev snapped. “He just fell off the turnip wagon and we’re supposed to trust his judgment?”

  I had seen lots of expressions on Yoshana’s face. I didn’t ever want to see that one again, even directed at somebody else. Erev obviously felt the same way. He mumbled an apology and moved out of her line of sight - although of course nothing was really out of Yoshana’s line of sight.

  Yoshana was many things. But I shivered at the reminder that one of those things would always be a ruthless killer with a short temper.

  There was a brief round of drizzle in the afternoon, which didn’t improve anyone’s mood. None of us had slept well, and progress was slow enough without the rain. Yoshana called a halt well before sundown, in a little clearing with a fire pit in its center.

  “Think it’s safe to camp where the natives do?” Erev asked tentatively.

  “Not really. I don’t think anywhere else in here is safe either. At least we can make a fire.”

  We set out to gather wood, searching for downed branches that weren’t too wet. We paired off as a precaution, and I was not at all displeased to go with Roshel.

  “You’re doing well,” she said. “I think you’re picking it up faster than I did.”

  I grinned. “So am I a factor now?”

  “Oh, I should certainly think so.” And she grinned back.

  We were still smiling at each other as we reentered the camp, loads of slightly damp wood in our arms. The fire was already roaring - Yoshana must have again used the Darkness to drive water out of the logs.

  The white-haired Overlord sat on the far side of the fire pit, next to Erev. She leaned over and whispered in his ear. Even by the firelight, I could see his face go pale.

  He looked at me and rasped, “Gray skin paying off for you, huh?”

  I set down my sticks at the edge of the pit and asked, “What do you mean?”

  He jerked his chin at Roshel. “She had a thing for Grigg, you know. Couldn’t have him, so… guess you’re the next best option.”

  Roshel put her hand on my shoulder. I shrugged her off. Fear, lust, and rage, Yoshana had said. That was clearly just about right.

  “Why don’t you come on around to this side of the fire, Erev? I think it’s just about time we had a rematch.” I picked up two of the sticks I’d dropped.

  The soldier got to his feet, shot Yoshana a glance, and headed my way. I tossed a stick at him. Yoshana bared her teeth like a wolf.

  Erev snatched the branch out of the air, but there was no swagger in his stance. The look on his face was pure resignation.

  He came fast and sudden, just like before, but the blood pounding through my veins was black and no creature of flesh alone could be a match for me. I shifted outside his stroke, smacked his wrist with my stick. Something cracked, wood or bone I wasn’t sure. He lost his grip on his “blade” and I dropped mine, grabbed him by throat and crotch, and threw him. He landed in a heap ten feet away.

  No one around the fire moved.

  Erev slowly climbed to his feet. “I’m all right,” he announced, though he
picked his way as stiffly as an old man. And he made no move to reclaim his stick. With a sudden flash of insight, I recognized the look on his face. It was the realization that Yoshana was willing to sacrifice him to make me into whatever I was becoming.

  The Overlord was grinning from ear to ear.

  Whatever I was becoming, I liked it.

  7. The Bones of Yesterday

  We developed a cadence, efficient but punishing. A day’s march through the forest, alertness stretched taught as a bowstring. I found I was good at it. Perhaps because my studies of the Darkness began in the toxic stew of the Sorrows, my touch was lighter than the others’… maybe even than Yoshana’s. On one occasion I guided us around a mass that clung to a tree like some giant, black hornet’s nest. I probed close enough to find strangely dissolved bodies of animals surrounding it.

  “The Darkness reproduces itself,” Yoshana explained. “There’s thousands of times more of it in the world now than there was at the Fall. It needs certain minerals to do that. It can find some of those in the bodies of animals. And of course humans.”

  After dinner there was training. The first night I learned to set a ward.

  “Most times we just use a circle on the ground. With a little practice, you can maintain it in your sleep. Anything crosses it, you wake up.”

  The white-haired Overlord sighed. The color of her hair didn’t make her unlined face look old, any more than it did mine. Most of the time she radiated an energy that made me think she must live forever, as elemental as the sky. And perhaps she would. A Select could live well over a hundred years. The Hellguard, as I understood it, were older than the Fall. With her mastery of the Darkness, there was no reason to think wounds or disease or age itself would ever overcome Yoshana.

  But now she seemed tired. “In here, you have to make a cage. Surround the whole camp, in the air too. You can’t keep that going in your sleep. It’s not that easy awake, either.”

  She let out another long sigh. “It wasn’t this thick in the Sorrows before. It’s always been bad, but it’s getting worse. Nothing I read suggested the concentrations we’ve been seeing.”