Passing Through Darkness- The Complete Cycle

by Malcolm McKenzie

  “I think I like my current job well enough.”

  Gurath’s expression hardened, just a bit. “And how long do you think that will last? How compatible do you suppose you really are with your prophet’s Universalist twaddle? I’ll give you another one from Aquinas, since you’re so fond of him. ‘Where there is a definite nature, there must be definite activities proper to that nature. Now it is certain that men’s nature is definite. There must therefore be certain activities that in themselves befit man.’”

  “I don’t -”

  “Don’t follow what I’m saying, Select?” the demon demanded. “If man’s nature is definite, then what are you? Nothing that God created, certainly. So what are the activities that befit you? Are there any? So do you just let yourself be put away, an abomination allowed out on occasion, when there’s something worse to be fought? Or do you embrace the truth, which is that you create yourself? You could be a greater being, one who shapes myth and convention. Or… you could just be an abomination on a chain, like I once was. You can surrender to the imagined will of a god that doesn’t exist and wouldn’t care about you if he did… or you can make your will into a true god. Which do you prefer?”

  Fear more what he can make you do to your own soul. The Hellguard’s attempt to turn me was transparently obvious… but was he wrong? If the option was war… not only war now between Our Lady and the Darklands, but the stupid, perpetual war that had engulfed the world since the Age of Fear… if I could bring peace… shouldn’t I?

  I glanced at my companions. Tess’ face was full of horror, as I’d expected. There was no compromise in her on this sort of issue. Cat was impassive. She loved Tess, but she respected strength. In part she loved Tess because Tess was strong. Universalist morality was meaningless to the paleo.

  I found myself searching for the answer in Dee’s eyes, but the occultist wore his usual bland expression.

  “Minos, you can’t be seriously considering this!” Tess blurted.

  “Dammit, Genia!” I snapped. “Can you shut up and let someone else think for once? If there’s a chance for peace - if I can be the person who brings that peace - then shouldn’t I do it? Am I thrilled at the idea of being a demon’s viceroy? Not really. But I don’t see a better option, and like he said, I’m here, and maybe this really is what I’m supposed to do.”

  Her face went very still, and very softly she murmured, “Who else is fit to rule here but me?”

  My cheeks heated as if she’d slapped me. Stephen had said that, in his fit of mad rage, as the Darkness had taken control of him. Just before Melaret had stabbed him to death. Anger boiled up.

  “What, you think I’m like Stephen? You think I’m some nasty little tin-pot dictator with delusions of grandeur?” The woman was ridiculous. She couldn’t ever stop picking at me, couldn’t ever trust me to do the right thing. Here, with the wreckage of the Last Days around us and the Darkness gathered at our doorstep, she thought I was trying to make myself feel important? “After all that I’ve done? For you and for the Church? I’ve done the best I could, Genia, and even if you’ve never been willing to see it, it’s been pretty damn good, thank you very much! I’m a hundred times the man Stephen was, and a hundred -”

  My eyes went back to Dee’s face, and I sputtered to a halt. We do not suspect that he is acting in us, because he follows the current of our inclinations.

  I drew a long, shuddering breath, and turned back to Gurath. “No.”

  “No? Just like that you’re picking her dead end over my open path to freedom? She’s just asked you to deny yourself. All that I ask is for you be true to who you are.”

  “Yep. The problem with what you’re asking is that who I am is very frequently a selfish asshole.”

  The demon’s smile was thin. “Or at least not very smart. A superior being is offering you a kingdom, and you’re spitting in his face.”

  “Jesus said his kingdom isn’t of earth. And neither is mine. I’m not buying what you’re selling, Gurath. You know the last thing your daughter said to a Hellguard? Hear, Israel. The Lord is God. The Lord is one. There is no God but God.” I met Gurath’s piercing eyes. “And you’re not him.”

  His smile twisted mockingly. “And where is my daughter now? Dead. Just like your God.”

  “Nietzsche took that as an axiom. He never bothered to prove it.”

  “And you can prove he’s wrong? You can prove your God exists? Because smarter men than you have tried, and I have to say that so far you’ve utterly failed to persuade me.”

  I remembered Dee’s words, which finally made sense to me. “‘But because we cannot see his essence, we are brought to the knowledge of his existence, not by what he is in himself, but by the effects which he works.’ I can see how God works, through people like Tess. And I can see how you work. And I know which I like better.”

  The demon took a step back, laced his fingers together, and cracked his knuckles. “So. We’re enemies, then?”

  I chose my words carefully. Not just because the Hellguard was so very, very dangerous, but because I wanted to be understood. I’d experienced a strange clarity.

  “We’re certainly not friends, or allies. But if you’re asking whether I intend to make war against you? No.”

  The big face smiled a bit. “Then you did understand, at least a little.”

  “I don’t think I understood what you meant me to. I understood what she meant me to.” I nodded at Tess. And I remembered my conversation with Father Roric. “Is gardening one of your talents, Gurath?”

  “No.”

  “Mine either. But my father was good at it. I remember before the war, him telling me about a big pine tree that grew in our yard. He said sometimes he was going to prune a branch he thought was sick or dead, and he’d find green shoots coming out of it. He said sometimes you risked taking the good with the bad if you pruned too much. Sometimes it was better to just let what was dead or rotten fall under its own weight.”

  The demon scowled.

  “I find your philosophy dangerous and evil,” I went on, “And I think what you’ve done to your people is revolting. But it’s not for me to wage war because of that, or because I think I can do better. This isn’t the kingdom of heaven where we’ll see perfection. It’s just earth. And I’m certainly not God to judge, any more than you are. Maybe I’m the one who’s wrong, or maybe there’s some good in you, or if there isn’t… one of these days, you’ll fall under your own weight.”

  Gurath stroked his chin. “Well. That’s insulting. I’m not worth killing?”

  “No. Not that. It’s that this isn’t Heaven, it’s earth, and here man is made of crooked timber. We’re not going to invade the Darklands even though you’ve turned them into outposts of evil. I’m not going to start a war and kill whatever green shoots there might be.”

  The Hellguard chieftain barked out a laugh. “Funny. In the end, you renounce war, not because you understood truth, but because you rejected it.”

  “I understood your truth, Gurath. It’s just that I also understood a better one. I could believe what you do. Or I can choose to believe in something better. I choose better. We’ll go now. If you don’t bother us, we won’t bother you.”

  I turned away, putting my back to Cocytus and its devils. Get thee behind me, Satan…

  An iron grip closed on my shoulder and spun me around. Gurath’s other hand wrapped around my throat and lifted me off the ground like a doll.

  “There’s one question we haven’t answered,” he growled. “I follow your logic why you won’t join me. And I follow your logic why you won’t kill me. What we haven’t addressed is why I shouldn’t kill you.”

  I found that somehow his grip left me just enough air to croak out a response. “You said you hadn’t lied to me -”

  “What, about safe passage? I never promised you safe passage. That did -” he gestured contemptuously with his other hand at Legion’s corpse, “But I told you it was a liar. Really? No better answer than pathetic
whining about deception? Is it all just too unfair?”

  The demon’s voice dripped sarcasm. His grip was tightening.

  “Roshel,” I choked out.

  “Yes, she’s more of a military threat than you, I agree. But I wasn’t just flattering you when I said you’d be a good ally. Which also means you’d be a bad enemy. You and your prophet might be more effective than Roshel at unifying your people. Why would I take that chance, when I can end the threat right here? No, I don’t think you’re going anywhere after all.”

  Air wasn’t coming anymore. I caught sight of Tess’ face. Her eyes were wide with horror, but her hand was locked on Cat’s arm.

  Anger flashed, feebly. So she wouldn’t even let Cat fight for me?

  And then clarity returned. The paleo would just get herself killed if she intervened. Tess understood that. She was letting me go, as she had to. As I had to. With or without the Darkness in me, I was proud, and selfish. That was my human nature.

  When Yoshana’s blade had been at Tess’ throat, Tess had recited the Anima Christi, commending her soul to God. Not the famous psalm saying she wouldn’t fear the shadow of death, because she had been afraid. As I was now. Instead, the prayer putting herself in the Lord’s hand at the end. I looked at her and forced a smile. I could do no less.

  Gurath’s grip tightened. “And so it ends, Minos. ‘In the world, of course, destructive capacity is still the real proof of power.’ That was Benedict the Sixteenth again. Despite being a priest, he wasn’t a fool. If you’d studied him, you might not have found yourself here.”

  Dee spoke up. “A bit out of context, Lord Gurath. More completely, Pope Benedict said, ‘After all, the tenor of our faith is that God’s distinctive greatness is revealed precisely in powerlessness. That in the long run, the strength of history is precisely in those who love, which is to say, in a strength that, properly speaking, cannot be measured according to categories of power. So in order to show who he is, God consciously revealed himself in the powerlessness of Nazareth and Golgotha. Thus, it is not the one who can destroy the most who is the most powerful - in the world, of course, destructive capacity is still the real proof of power - but, on the contrary, the least power of love is already greater than the greatest power of destruction.”

  I had to smile at the most cowardly man I knew confronting the most terrible being I’d ever encountered. Eius in obitu nostro praesentia muniamur. May we be strengthened by his presence in the hour of our death.

  The last thing I managed to say in the demon’s grip was, “John the Baptist said, ‘he must increase, but I must decrease.’ I understand now. The Lord has conquered death. We can’t do that alone. But if we die with him, we will live with him.”

  The demon smiled back. “People keep saying that. Let’s see if it’s true.”

  11. It Is Finished

  “And then what happened?” Roshel demanded.

  “I’m sorry,” Dee said. “I appear to have run out of water, and exposition is thirsty work, especially in this heat. Might someone bring another pitcher?”

  The headquarters of the Order of Thorns was indeed uncomfortably hot in the early fall afternoon, which didn’t contribute to the Overlord general’s good humor. Although she would have been furious with the occultist even in more comfortable conditions.

  If I still had the Darkness in me, I’d wring the truth from his scrawny body, Roshel fumed. A dozen thoughts chased through her head. What had happened to Minos and Prophetess? Why was the loudmouthed occultist here alone, and why for the love of God wouldn’t he answer a simple question? Was she now the ultimate military authority in Our Lady?

  The satisfaction of that last idea warred against nebulous rage and dread of the unknown. Her feelings for Genia Carter were mixed, but Minos was a friend.

  A friend who wasn’t quite the general that most people thought. Not the general that Roshel was. The thought was disloyal, and she hated herself for it.

  Nearly as much as she hated Doctor John Dee in that particular moment.

  But before Roshel could voice her frustration, Railes was at Dee’s side, his dagger at the occultist’s throat. His snarl distorted the skull tattooed on the side of his face into a ghastly shape.

  “You’re thirsty, you stupid bag of wind? How about I open your veins and you try drinking your own blood? That’s my commander that’s missing, and my woman! She’s been too patient with you.” He shot a glare at Roshel. “But I’m done! What the hell happened?”

  “Minos was quite explicit that I should tell his story if he didn’t return, and I am attempting to do justice to that request,” Dee sputtered. “And I must hasten to add that if you were to slit my throat, I could hardly finish that story, now could I?”

  “I can cut pieces off you that’ll still leave you able to talk, you -”

  “Captain Railes. Stand down!” The authority in the Metropolitan’s voice lashed at Minos’ adjutant. Blinking, Railes dropped the knife. It clattered on the stone floor, throwing echoes into the sudden silence.

  The Bishop of Our Lady, Father Roric, and Tarc the Select stood in the doorway. It seemed to Railes that Tarc wore a hint of that irritating little smirk he so often had. Sure, you treacherous bastard, Railes seethed. You always had it in for the boss, and he put up with you ’cause you’re Select, and ’cause he felt bad about killing your buddy. And now you’re happy he’s gone. Well, guess what? You’re not going to enjoy life without him around to protect you.

  But he braced to attention and addressed the Metropolitan. “Sorry, Your Eminence.” There would be time to settle up with Tarc later.

  “I suppose,” the Metropolitan continued, “that in some ways I’m fortunate that Doctor Dee has taken his time, since he won’t have to repeat himself for me. But now, Doctor, let’s get to the point. What has happened to Judge Minos and Prophetess?”

  The Metropolitan was an old man who had seen a lot of the world. He understood the look that Railes tried to hide. “And Cat, of course,” he added.

  “I must say,” Dee began, “that when I’ve visited the paleos, I found they showed much more respect for my narrative skills than some of the supposedly more civilized denizens of Our Lady. But I do understand that perhaps it’s time to hasten the tale along, as art must sometimes take a back seat to -”

  “Dee!” the Metropolitan snapped. “Four people went out. Only one came back.”

  “And not the one any of us would have preferred,” Railes growled, picking up his dagger.

  “Ah. Well. Then, to get to the point, as it were -” Dee eyed the weapon, “Gurath let us go.”

  “What?” Everyone said it at once.

  “Yes. He set Minos back down and said we were free to leave. Gurath explained that he hadn’t been certain whether Minos was lying about his intentions in order to escape with his life. He thought Minos might be able to deflect the Darkness probing his mind. But when Minos was facing his death, Gurath could read his intentions clearly. And so, realizing that Minos was telling the truth, he released us, apparently content to let his plans mature at their own pace.”

  Railes’ knife slid again from a hand weakened with relief and stuck point-first in a crack in the floor.

  “I must say,” Dee went on, “That I do wonder whether that explanation was entirely true, or whether Gurath was just toying with us for his own amusement. He’s not a pleasant fellow, you know, and his sense of humor can be rather perverse. For example, I have only repeated his vile slanders against my own person out of a strict sense of narrative accuracy.”

  “Then where are they now?” Roshel demanded. “Why are you the only one here?”

  “Ahh. Well, you see, something happened on the road.”

  “For God’s sake, Dee! What happened on the road?”

  “Ah. Well. I’m not sure exactly how to put this -” Dee realized that Railes was stooping once again to retrieve his knife and opted for brevity. “Minos and Prophetess decided they weren’t coming back. At least for now.” />
  “What about Cat?” Railes demanded.

  “To hell with Cat,” Roshel snapped. “What do you mean they decided they aren’t coming back? Sorry, Railes, but the future of the Source takes precedence over your love life. I don’t care what’s turning blue.”

  Dee considered which question to answer first. Roshel was by far the senior commander, but Railes was closer, and was the one who had pulled a weapon. “I believe Cat will be along shortly. She just wanted to be sure that Minos and Prophetess, or should I say Miss Carter, got where they’re going. And as for that, you see, the corollary to Minos’ decision that there is no need for war is that there is no need for a warrior.”

  That wasn’t exactly his strong suit anyway, Roshel mused. Although she hadn’t seen him when he’d been leading the Shadowed Hand in the service of Rockwall, which had arguably been the high point of his military career. So maybe she was being a little unfair. He certainly wasn’t much of a general, though. The idea of supreme military command, without Minos having to die for her to get it, was very appealing. She fought to keep down a smile that would be inappropriate.

  “That’s fine, but we need a prophet,” Tolf burst out. The captain of Prophetess’ personal guard had been silent to that point, but was now visibly distraught.

  “Well, again, no,” Dee said. “Miss Carter, who has become quite insistent that she no longer be referred to as Prophetess, also felt rather strongly that her particular calling had come to an end. At least for now. One never knows when God may call her to that task again, after all. You see, they both felt they had become central foci for rallying the people to war, and that war was no longer the answer. They debated for some time the notion that some kind of struggle against a common enemy was needed to maintain unity. But Miss Carter persuaded Minos that, whatever the historical precedents, a new approach was needed. An order based on love rather than shared hatred.”