Captured

by Myers, K. L.

  “I thought I was dying. It’s why I asked you to kiss me one last time. Blackness was taking over. I couldn’t breathe. I felt weightless. My heart was barely beating. The pain went from overwhelming to numb. That’s when I knew my time was coming to an end. Then you said you loved me. I was okay with dying. I was happy. You made me happy, Willow, so I let the darkness take me under.”

  “But you didn’t die,” she blurts, so much anger coming through, I’m shocked she’s allowing me to explain but giddy by her sassiness at the same time. I’ve missed this woman.

  “I woke up two days later in Dr. Price’s office, hooked up to several machines. It was weeks before I was well enough to even feed myself.”

  Jamal sets a cup of hot tea in front of Willow, but she pushes it away. “Something stronger please, Jamal. I think I need it.”

  Jamal quickly returns with a tumbler of brandy, setting it down in front of her.

  “I still don’t understand. How did you get there, and why wouldn’t you tell me you were alive? I would have taken care of you.” She shakes her head. Tears form in her eyes, but she wipes them away and faces me with a cold stare. “The letters, our child. Is this all a sick joke to you?”

  Rage radiates from her. She sits straight up, her arms crossed in front of her chest, and if looks could kill, I’d be dead, buried six feet under, and the daisies long since popped up. She hates me, and I can’t blame her. I made the wrong choice, but for the right reasons. I just need her to give me enough time to explain.

  Jamal pulls a chair up next to her, and I look to him, trying to figure out what he’s doing. Before I can speak again, he says, “Miss, I called Dr. Price the second I heard the gunshot. I figured someone would need help. When I came into the room, you were running for the bathroom. I called out to you, but you kept running.

  “That’s why you told me you couldn’t call 911 when I asked you to? What else, Jamal?” She’s calmer with him but still angry. Her words are clipped and her posture stiff.

  “You were so distraught you passed out on the bathroom floor, so I carried you to your bed.” Willow sweeps her hand in front of her, motioning for him to continue. She knows that part. She wants him to get the part she doesn’t know. The part I’m dreading her finding out.

  “I had intended on telling you where Brecken was when you came to in the morning, but by then, I had orders not to.”

  And this is where I wish I could turn back time.

  Willow’s face turns red as she looks my way. Her mouth opens and closes a few times before she slams her fists on the table. “Orders?” Grunts or growls or whimpers, I’m not sure, they’re all muddled together as they fall from her lips. I’m about to go to her, but she picks up her tumbler and hurls it my way, missing my head by less than an inch. “I hate you! Do you hear me, Brecken? I fucking hate you!”

  Tears spill down her cheeks as she flies from the chair, knocking it to the ground. “And you,” she yells, turning on Jamal, with a finger pointed at him. “You were my friend. My only friend. How could you let me suffer like that?”

  Jamal attempts to say something, but I stop him by stepping in front of him. “This is not Jamal’s fault. If you want to be angry at anyone, be angry at me, but please… please, Willow, let me explain why I’ve stayed away.”

  She shakes her head and begins to back away from me. It can’t end like this. I didn’t stay away from the woman I love, miss out on being in her and Wade’s life for her not to hear me out. Damn it, we must be able to fix this. I can’t live if we can’t.

  “You were still refusing to live fully. You wouldn’t grow as long as I was here to save you.”

  “That’s bullshit,” she screams.

  “Is it?” I counter. “Were you leaving the house? Did you write anything after giving me the notebook? Did you contact anyone from your old life? The answer to all of that is no, Willow. You weren’t living. You were coasting by and only giving me parts of you. I couldn’t keep being a bandage. I wanted you healed.”

  “So, you pretended to be dead. Solid fucking plan. You didn’t heal me. You broke me.”

  “Really?” I scream back. “You go into the real world now. You’re writing. You have a movie. And you’re the most amazing mother I’ve ever seen. You’re the radiant woman I saw at that signing. You needed me gone, so you could find yourself. I hate that it had to be that way, but you are so damn stubborn.”

  “So, it’s my fault?”

  “For fuck’s sake, Willow. Stop fighting me on everything. This was the only way I could think to heal you. I’m sorry I hurt you in the process.”

  She huffs and shakes her head. “I didn’t need your fucking money. I would have figured shit out. But good job making it all look real.”

  Jesus, she’s a pain in the ass. “I had transferred everything I had to you well before the shooting. I wasn’t a good person. I’m sure you remember that. I wanted you taken care of if something happened to me. I wrote those letters for the future. I never thought I’d need to use them. But then Amber happened, and everything changed. As I lay there in Dr. Price’s office, I knew it was an opportunity to force you to become the woman I knew you could be all along. So, I instructed Jamal to keep my survival a secret. I had every intention of coming back to you, I swear. But then I heard you were pregnant.”

  I’m helpless to move as Willow walks over to me and slaps me so hard my head jerks to the side. “You knew! You son of a bitch. How could you stay away knowing I was carrying your child? What kind of monster does this to someone he claims he loves?”

  “I’m sorry. I knew how you felt about being a mom. I needed you to believe in yourself before I could come back. It was best for you and him.”

  “Why do you feel you need to show your face now? Christ, Brecken. It’s been three years. Three years Wade and I have lived without you.”

  “I know.” I hang my head. “I know.” I reach my hand out toward her, but she pulls out of my reach. “You did it. You learned to live without me when I wasn’t sure you ever would. Jamal has always kept me apprised of how the two of you were doing. He begged me to let you know so many times, but I just couldn’t. I never intended for you to see me. Hell, something inside me couldn’t move when I saw you on the red carpet. I was mesmerized by your beauty. When you walked into the building, I knew I couldn’t live without you, so I came home.”

  “And now that you’ve seen me, I wish you would leave. Go, Brecken, just go. You’re dead to me, so let’s just leave it that way.”

  34

  Second Chances

  Willow

  I just stood there as Brecken walked out the door, wondering how my life got to this point. My heart shattered, my mind confused, and nothing, I mean nothing, making sense anymore.

  I turn to Jamal. “How could you keep this from me? From Wade? He deserved a father, and I deserved the man I loved. The man I still love despite my anger.”

  “I know, Miss,” he says, hanging his head in shame. “I tried to convince him to let you know the moment you knew for sure you were pregnant, but he wouldn’t reconsider. Don’t be so hard on him. He did what he felt was right. Put yourself in his shoes. He found a woman he loved, and she was murdered. He fell for you, and his past came back and could have killed you. In his mind, he was protecting you. It’s all he’s ever wanted, to protect you and help you become the woman you were before Abe’s death.”

  I want to feel sorry for Brecken, but I just can’t. Not after everything I’ve gone through. Not after almost losing Wade. That day always haunts me. Twenty-six hours of labor is something no woman should have to go through. But through it all, Jamal sat by my side.

  “Jamal, I’m scared” I lie in my bed at Dr. Price’s clinic. “We’ve been here for eighteen hours. Why won’t this baby come?”

  “It happens, Miss. The doctor said you’re just slowly progressing.”

  “I know, but these contractions hurt so bad. I can’t take it much more.”

  “You’re st
ronger than you think. I have faith in you.”

  The baby’s heart rate keeps dropping, and even though I’ve switched positions several times and they’ve increased the Pitocin drip, my cervix still won’t efface. I watch the monitor intently as the tiny blips go across the screen. Jamal holds my hand as we sit together. Shit, another contraction is building, this one stronger than the last, and I squeeze his hand with everything I have.

  “Breathe, Miss. It's almost over. You’re doing great. That’s it. Keep breathing. Focus on me. I’m here for you.”

  Just as the contraction ends, the screeching sound of the monitor alarm goes off. Seconds later, the door opens. Both Dr. Price and his nurse fly through.

  “Willow, your blood pressure is up, and it’s causing some distress for the baby. We’re going to reduce your Pitocin drip for now and see if you can progress the rest of the way on your own.”

  Nurse Bemmerl clips off one of my IV tubes and adjusts something on one of the other lines. “I’m going to increase your LRs for a bit.”

  Doesn’t she know I have no idea what the hell she’s talking about? Fuck, woman, speak English to me, will you? “What are LR’s”

  “I’m sorry, Mrs. Summers, that stands for Lactated Ringers. It will help hydrate you.”

  Several more contractions come over the next few hours, and Jamal once again helps me through the pain. Each time the nurse pops in, I’ve effaced just a bit more but still not to where I need to be. Hours tick by, and finally, in my twenty-sixth hour, I’m fully effaced.

  “I’ll get Dr. Price. Mrs. Summers, please don’t push until he’s here.”

  She is absolutely nuts. Doesn’t she know it hurts so bad that I can’t help but push? Finally, when I can’t control myself any longer, Dr. Price enters the room. He’s pulling on his gloves as he walks to me.

  “This is it, Willow. Are you ready?”

  Am I ready? Is he fucking kidding me? I was ready twenty-six hours ago. “Push,” he says, and I do, with all my might as the contraction takes control of my body.

  “Stop pushing.” What? Stop? No. I can’t. It hurts too bad. The next contraction starts. “Push,” he tells me once again, and I push, this time bearing down with every bit of power I can muster.

  “AHHH!” I scream from the pain.

  “Stop!” Dr. Price yells above my screaming. The monitor is flashing and beeping. “I’m sorry, Willow, but the baby is in more distress. We’re going to have to deliver him by cesarean.”

  It was the worst and best day of my life all at the same time, and to think I didn’t have to go through it without Brecken. He could have shared in the wonderment of the experience with me. He’s an idiot, and I’m foolish to even think I could possibly forgive him.

  “I don’t know if I can forgive him, Jamal. I know you want me to put myself in his shoes, but I’m not sure I can.”

  “I understand. It’s quite the shock you’ve experienced today. Maybe tomorrow, with a clear head, you’ll feel differently. You’ve both been through so much over the years.”

  We have been through a lot, but what made it better was, we were facing it together. Brecken took that away from us. I don’t think Jamal can understand that, and I’m too tired to try to make him understand. “Good night,” I say on a yawn. As I exit the room, something comes to mind, and I stop and turn. “Jamal?”

  “Yes, Miss.”

  “You suggested Wade's middle name be Abraham. Why?”

  He doesn’t answer at first, and the silence makes me anxious. There have been too many secrets. I’m done with that.

  “Jamal,” I demand.

  “It wasn’t me, Miss. Mr. Wade suggested it. When I told him you were having a son, and that you wanted to name him Wade, he was elated. He couldn’t believe you would honor him in such a way. Then he asked me to suggest Abraham as the middle name. He felt that you needed to have a reminder of the two men you loved most in your life, be a part of your future.”

  “Thank you for your honesty.” I walk away, not as sure in my anger as I was a few minutes ago. I’m still furious, but Brecken, the damn ass that he is, is already breaking through my rage.

  For the first time in a very long time, my bed feels empty and cold. I lie awake, staring at the ceiling, trying to determine what I’m going to do.

  Can I forgive Brecken?

  35

  Lost Without Her

  Brecken

  I was too arrogant and overconfident not to expect that when I would finally go to her, she’d turn me away. Losing her never entered my mind, but I also hadn’t known she was carrying my child, or I wouldn’t have done it. Hindsight. The words she said to me tonight haunt me.

  You’re dead to me, so let’s just leave it that way!

  There is no way I can do that. I already did the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do by staying away from her. I’m not doing that again. I’m going to fight for her whether she likes it or not. She has no idea how much I love her and Wade.

  The night Jamal told me Willow was pregnant, my heart burst with joy. I wanted to rush to her, wrap my arms around her, and swing her in circles, but I knew that was the worst thing I could have done. She needed to finish healing. To finishing writing. But most of all, she needed to live, not only for herself but for our child. My stepping back into the picture would have only given her an outlet to fall back into her comfort zone, where she wouldn’t have to risk anything. I wanted her to know she was strong enough to take risks and come out on the other side a winner.

  What Willow doesn’t know is that I’ve never been far, and I’ve truly never left her alone. When I was finally healed enough to leave Dr. Price’s facility, I had Jamal bring me back home. Not to the sanctuary where Willow was, but to the old shack from the time the property was first built. The tiny stone home was hidden on the back side of the estate, nestled behind the cedars and junipers. It gave me the privacy I needed to be close but stay hidden. No one but Jamal and I knew it was there.

  Many nights, I’d stand amongst the trees, watching Willow loom in her window. Her sadness was evident even from the distance separating us and nearly brought me to my knees. I wanted to rush to her. To tell her everything would be alright. But the timing wasn’t right. So, I settled with sneaking in during the night to watch her sleep. I became a creep, watching her without her permission, but I couldn’t help myself. I needed to be near her.

  I swear she felt my presence each time I was there. She’d turn away from the wall toward me, her hands finding my pillow. Sometimes, she’d whisper, “Brecken,” in her sleep. It made me want to crawl into bed with her and pull her into my arms, but all I could do was walk away, broken because she wasn’t healed. She wasn’t ready for me to be there beside her.

  That stubborn woman refused to move on.

  For months, I stayed in the shadows, waiting for her to stop mourning me. I waited for her to leave the sanctuary. To decide that she was ready. But she remained holed up, ignoring our child growing inside of her. I wanted to storm the gates, break down her walls, and beat through her thick-headedness, but I didn’t. Willow needed to be the hero in her own story, so I stayed away, giving her the time to come to grips with that reality.

  And when she did, it was glorious.

  She became herself again, writing like a possessed maniac. I knew she had talent after reading her and Abe’s story, but that was only a preview of what was in her mind. The day I read Captured by a Monster, I was awestruck. It was our story. Our beautifully, twisted story brought to life through her eyes.

  I fell more in love with her than ever.

  And missed her more too. It’s why I went to the premiere. I had to see her.

  Now that I’ve seen her, really seen her, I have work to do. I broke us. It’s time to do everything in my power to fix us. To show her we’re better together. That our love can survive this. Will survive this.

  And the battle starts tonight.

  I wait until the light in her room goes out before I head into
the house. Jamal is waiting for me at the valet’s entrance as he usually does. I brush past him and head for the stairs. I turn her doorknob gently, trying not to make any sound, and tiptoe in. My intention of quietly slipping through her bedroom door is thwarted by Willow’s scream.

  “My God! What are you doing here?” she screeches as she flicks a light on.

  “Please calm down. I can explain.” I lift my hands in front of me in a sign of surrender.

  Willow sits up, letting the sheet fall and exposing her creamy white skin. Instantly, I feel my length begin to harden. I’ve fantasized about the two of us being in this room together for so long.

  “I told you to leave me alone, Brecken. I don’t want you here.”

  “If I thought that was true, I wouldn’t be here.”

  “Are you kidding me?”

  Shit. Wrong thing to say. “Okay, look. I was wrong for what I did. I know it now. Being away from you, not being a family, has been killing me, but if you can honestly look me in the eye and tell me that you and Wade are better off without me, then I’ll leave. Just say the word.”

  Willow pulls her legs to her chest and rests her forehead on her knees. Her body begins to shake as she cries in silence. I can’t stand her suffering, so I rush to her side and take my place beside her on the bed. I should have been here all along.

  Pulling her into my arms, I whisper, “Shh, Willow, don’t cry. I did this to you, to us. I can’t give you back the time we’ve lost, but I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make up for it.”

  Her arms wrap around my neck. “I hate you, Brecken. I hate you so much for leaving me and letting me think you were dead. I’m so damn angry at you, but I can’t deny that I still love you. I never stopped loving you.”

  Her tear-soaked green eyes look up at me, searching for understanding. I do understand. Why she’s angry. Why she hates me. And that she loves me.