Under the Wicked Moon: A Novel

by Abe Moss

  “Oh my god!” Paula shouted to the ceiling.

  Jennifer and Yvonne laughed themselves out of breath. Suddenly the third young woman appeared between them, poking her head inside. Kristin.

  “Are you guys talking about me?” she asked. “I heard someone say ‘lez out’.”

  “Jesus,” Paula said. “All right, if it’ll end the current topic of conversation, I’ll go.”

  Jennifer pumped both fists in the air in a victory pose. She flipped Paula’s bedroom light on finally, revealing what a mess it was. Maria squinted awkwardly, feeling more than ever like a vampire. A lazy vampire, in her sweatpants and oversized hoodie. “Hurry up and get dressed, and…” Jennifer paused. “Maria, if you want to change, I’ve got some cute stuff you can wear. Wanna look?”

  Maria shut her laptop with a timid sigh.

  “I think I’m good,” she said. “I’m actually kind of exhausted.”

  Jennifer appeared heartbroken. “Are you sure? It’s going to be a lot of fun!”

  Maria smiled politely and shook her head. “No, I’m sorry. I appreciate the invitation, though.”

  “You really don’t want to go?” Paula asked. “I feel bad, taking off on you.”

  “No, don’t!” Maria waved her hand dismissively. “It’s fine. I was thinking about heading home soon, anyway. Even before all the lesbian talk.”

  Maria stuffed her laptop into her backpack and searched the room for anything else she might have brought. She checked her pockets for her keys, careful not to leave anything behind. Then she slung her backpack over her shoulder and started toward the bedroom door. The other three girls had already returned to the bathroom down the hall.

  “Positive you don’t want to come?” Paula asked as she pulled clothes from her closet. “You know I’ll only be entertained by those three for ten minutes tops. After that I’ll have nobody of substance to talk to, without you there.”

  Maria shared a goofy, facetious grin with her.

  “Positive.”

  Paula nodded. “All right. You want to wait a few minutes and get a lift, at least? I’m sure Jennifer wouldn’t mind swinging by your place.”

  “No,” Maria said thoughtfully. “I think a walk sounds nice.”

  “Okay…” Paula said, defeated but concerned. “Be careful, though…”

  “Of course.”

  Maria gave her a final goodbye wave and stepped into the hall. It was dim except for the light from the bathroom. The three girls inside talked over one another, so that eavesdropping was almost impossible even if Maria had wanted to. As she approached the door, however, one small fragment of their conversation caught her attention, said in a near-whisper but not nearly private enough.

  “Even with all the scars, she’s super cute.”

  Kristin’s voice.

  “You just like shy girls…”

  Yvonne’s voice.

  Maria quickened her step as she passed the door, hopeful that none of them would see her go. Even if they did, she thought, they’d likely say nothing, in fear that she heard what they said. Luckily, she reached the front door of the apartment with no further acknowledgment. She slipped her shoes on. She stuck her hand into the pouch of her hoodie one last time to check for the keys she already confirmed were there. Could never be too careful…

  She stepped out into the hall, pausing for a moment longer to hear the excited chatter from inside, and then closed the door behind her.

  ✽ ✽ ✽

  It was a chilly spring night in March. Winter was finally letting go, uttering its final, icy breaths. Maria followed the sidewalk beneath the bare-branched trees, pulled the straps of her backpack firmly against her shoulders as she walked. Frumpy as she was, at least she was prepared for the weather. Not to mention comfortable. That was the most important thing, she thought, cute clothes be damned.

  —even with all the scars—

  She bit her lips, taking a deep breath. She’d put it out of her mind any minute. By the time she arrived at her own apartment and climbed into bed, she’d forget the remark completely…

  Her phone buzzed noisily inside her hoodie pouch. She pulled it out.

  1 New Message: Mom

  She stared at the glossy screen as she walked, her reflection staring back as the passing streetlamps illuminated her. She always seemed stuck with the same expression these days. Tired. Bored. Downtrodden. Leave me alone, her expression said. The strangest part was that she was always surprised to see it, like coming face-to-face with a stranger. Inside she felt fine. Average. Poker-faced. Looking into a mirror, however, reminded her just how efficient she’d become at lying to herself and no one else.

  She lowered her phone, holding it against herself as she continued through the quaint streets of her college town. A door opened across the street and a group of boys poured out, heading to their car parked at the curb with bouts of raucous laughter. Maria turned to see them, observing them. She smiled with them, so far away in their own world, much different than hers.

  When she brought her phone back to her face, reading that same notification, she was disappointed to see she wasn’t actually smiling at all.

  She was walking alongside a fenced-in yard when something huge threw itself upon the wooden planks, scaring the absolute shit of her. Her heart leapt into her throat, and her phone leapt out of her hand.

  “Shit—”

  She bent and grabbed it up from the sidewalk. She checked it anxiously, turned it over and sighed with relief. No cracks. No scratches. This time, at least. The invisible dog continued barking and clawing at the fence long after she’d passed. Soon after, her heart resumed its regular beat.

  1 New Message: Mom

  She tucked the phone back into her hoodie pocket and decided to put that out of her mind for the time being as well.

  ✽ ✽ ✽

  She was approaching the front doors of her dormitory when someone else pushed them open on their way out. Another young woman. At the sight of each other, the other woman raised her brow skeptically, grinning likewise.

  Dolly, Maria’s roommate.

  “You’re not in for the night already, are you?” Dolly said. “You know it’s Friday?”

  “Yeah,” Maria said. “I work tomorrow…”

  Dolly stopped her. Maria tried to smile, though she had to wonder now what Dolly truly saw.

  “Lots of people work tomorrow,” Dolly said. “You’re supposed to go into work tired on a Saturday morning.”

  Maria held her breath, trying to think of an excuse or anything she could say that wouldn’t make her sound like a complete wet blanket.

  “A friend of mine is hosting a party,” Dolly said. “You should come with me.”

  Maria hesitated.

  “Fuck you, I won’t take no for an answer.”

  Her hesitation was interrupted by her own laughter. Somehow Dolly always had that effect on her.

  “What if no is my only answer?”

  “I’m being serious, you should come. If I knew you’d be home this early from Paula’s, I’d have invited you earlier.”

  “It’s not Devin’s party, is it? I already turned Paula down for that one…”

  “It’s Sterling’s party! You know Sterling.”

  “I sure don’t…”

  “Well, I’ll introduce you, then. Will you come?”

  Maria considered. Nothing against Paula or her roommates, but tagging along with Dolly was unfailingly more appealing to her on any occasion for some odd reason. Even if she knew they’d eventually be separated during the night and she’d end up floating alone in the crowd, Dolly was persuasive all the same.

  “That’s it,” Dolly said. “You want to. I can see it. Your face hides nothing from me.”

  She was half-tempted to quickly check her reflection in the front doors of their dorm to test that theory. Instead she pulled out her phone to doublecheck the time, already knowing she’d bend to Dolly’s whim regardless. She always did.

  2 New Messa
ges: Mom

  Maria frowned.

  “Don’t tell me it’s too late. It’s only eight o’ clock. Just come.”

  Maria bowed her head defeatedly. “Why do you make it your mission to convince me to do things I don’t want to do?”

  “Because you do want to do them!” Dolly said, and took Maria’s hand, leading her toward the entrance. “Come on. Let’s get you dressed so we can go!”

  ✽ ✽ ✽

  The car heater barely started blowing warm air by the time they arrived. Dolly put the car in park and shut off the engine. Maria sat in the car’s stuffy silence as Dolly rummaged through her bag in the backseat. When she finally faced forward, she did so with a big smile and a heavy sigh.

  “Okay. Ready?”

  Maria nodded patiently. They climbed out of the car. Dolly slammed her door and hurried up the walkway. Maria did her best to keep up.

  Speaking over her shoulder, Dolly said, “You’re going to love it here, Maria. Sterling has a dog and three cats, and I happen to know pets are your favorite people.”

  On the porch, a young man and woman were talking in low voices and sharing a cigarette. They quieted as Dolly and Maria approached. Dolly greeted them bubbly-like as she was prone to do, which earned her unappreciative half-smiles. Dolly opened the front door and stepped aside, holding the door for Maria.

  “After you, my dear…”

  Maria followed coyly, hands shoved into the tight pockets of the jeans she’d changed into. She still wore her oversized hoodie, much to Dolly’s earlier scorn. Upon stepping inside the strange home, Maria tried absorbing everything at once with a quick sweep of her eyes, taking in the company and summing them up in the quickest, most generalizing manner possible. She could decide quite easily whether she’d enjoy a crowd or not, she’d discovered. The more people there were, the better the party. This was simply because the larger the crowd, the easier it was to blend in and go unnoticed by any of them. Fortunately for her, the house they entered was teeming with people. More men than women, she noticed.

  “First things first,” Dolly said, taking Maria’s arm in hers. “Let’s get some alcohol in you.”

  “Oh, no,” Maria protested. “I’m good. Really.”

  Dolly paused, standing in the middle of the foyer. She took Maria by the shoulders, leveling their eyes.

  “You’re being funny.”

  “No, I’m really not in the mood for… drinking.”

  “Spring break is a week away. If you turn me down then, I’m going to slap you. Fair warning.”

  Maria chuckled, nodding agreeably. “Fair warning. Okay.”

  Dolly took a moment then to survey the people as well. Except, rather than taking inventory and deciding her options for escape like Maria did, Dolly was much more innocently looking for familiar faces.

  “Oh, Marcus is here! And Justine! Here, I want to introduce you…”

  It was usually about this time—less than sixty seconds after entering the premises—that Maria began regretting what a pushover she was to Dolly’s invitations.

  ✽ ✽ ✽

  After a handful of less-than-engaging introductions and short-lived conversations, Dolly excused herself to go make her second drink, after which Maria lost all sight of her. Fairly typical. She didn’t hold it against Dolly, though. If nothing else, she was merely grateful Dolly worried about her like she did, inviting her along in the first place. After a certain amount of hand-holding, she knew the responsibility to participate was on her.

  She just didn’t want to, was all.

  There were people outside on the back patio. Maria, getting a glass of water from the kitchen sink, peered casually out the window to see them. Dolly was amongst this crowd, chatting up more people Maria had never met before.

  She finished her water and made her way through the buzzing groups between the kitchen and the living room, smiling and nodding as she caught the brief attention of those around her in mid-conversation. In the living room she found two sofas, one of them not seating anyone at the current moment. She sat down and decided it would be here she relaxed until Dolly came to eventually check on her. More than likely, however, Maria would probably excuse herself from the party altogether long before Dolly would be interested in leaving. That was all right.

  Sitting and listening to the music playing from the speakers in the corner of the room, she pulled out her phone and checked the time. It’d been less than an hour. Only forty minutes.

  3 New Messages: Mom

  Just then, someone joined her on the couch. She looked up and, seeing who it was, lit up with genuine adoration.

  “Hi there!” she said.

  She stuck her phone back in her pocket so that her hands were free to touch the small, brown, curly-haired dog. Its entire body waggled as it stood upon her leg with its front paws, stretching its neck toward her, little wet nose twitching, sniffing. Maria scratched the dog behind both its ears, and in another instant it was climbing fully onto her lap.

  “Oh! Oh, okay…”

  The dog stood with its paws balanced on both her breasts and she lifted her face to avoid its affectionate licking tongue. It licked her all over her neck, tiny little laps.

  “I was told about you,” Maria said.

  “Well, shit.”

  Maria stiffened at the abrupt voice. She looked up, fearing in that brief instant they might be talking to her, whoever it was. A young man stood before her, smiling with only half his mouth, shaking his head disappointedly.

  “I was hoping to occupy myself with the pets of the house, but it looks like you beat me to it…” He paused, gauging Maria’s reaction. She gave what she felt was a polite smile but was probably more a grimace. “He seems to really like you…”

  “Yeah,” she said, chin still raised to avoid the dog’s flicking tongue. “Pretty cute…”

  She let her eyes sit on the dog for a while, hoping to avoid the young man’s gaze, hoping he might excuse himself elsewhere. But he did not.

  “What happened here?” he asked, and when she looked up, she saw he was pointing to his throat, indicating the scars on hers. She instantly felt hot and knew her face was growing red.

  “Oh…” she said, thinking of something to say. She wished more now than ever that he’d leave her alone.

  Her reaction must have been quite visceral—though, again, she felt perfectly poker-faced—as he immediately began to sputter and apologize.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I… I shouldn’t have asked, I’m sure that’s a pretty personal, um…”

  “It’s fine.”

  “I’m sorry that was like… the first question out of my mouth…”

  “It’s okay.”

  “This is why I’m better with pets than I am with their owners.”

  Maria laughed, albeit rather insincerely. “I understand.”

  She finally found the courage to look at him once more and was relieved to see his face was not only cherry red but long and horrified. She laughed for real, then.

  “I’m sorry,” he repeated.

  “It’s fine.” She looked down at the dog, who managed to get one good lick on her nose. She continued rubbing and scratching all up and down its wiggling body. “I actually got these from a dog. Believe it or not.”

  The young man sat next to her on the sofa, a comfortable width between them. Oddly enough, Maria felt less opposition to his company now than before. He seemed genuine. His presumptuousness in deciding to take a seat beside her carried no threat or discomfort.

  “Mind if I—”

  Before he could ask, the dog noticed his presence and abandoned Maria’s lap entirely for his instead. Maria let her hands fall into her lap dramatically.

  “Wow,” she said to the dog. “That’s all I am to you, then?”

  The young man gave the dog rubs, much rougher and more excitedly than Maria’s had been, which the dog seemed to appreciate. As Maria watched him, she got the sense he was absent for a brief moment, totally absorbed in
giving the dog his affection. Maria smiled privately as she observed.

  “He seems to like you more,” she said.

  The young man looked up, bright-faced as though she’d given him a compliment. Maria was taken aback at how adorable he was, never mind the dog. In a way, the young man and the dog in his lap were one and the same.

  “What’s your name?” he asked.

  “Maria. You?”

  The dog put its paws on his chest and licked his neck similarly. Unlike Maria, however, he did nothing to avoid the dog’s licking. Maria cringed as she watched the dog lick all over the boy’s lips and nose. He didn’t seem bothered by it in the slightest.

  “Jessup,” he said. After a little while longer having his face assaulted by the dog’s incessant licking, he finally turned his head away and attempted to settle the dog down. “All right, that’s good. I’m good…”

  “Are you here with anyone?” Maria asked. “Do you know… um…”

  She’d forgotten the name of whoever’s party this was.

  Jessup wiped his face on the sleeve of his sweater. “Sterling?”

  “Yeah, Sterling.”

  “Kind of. He’s like, a friend of a friend. I came with a group. Had nothing better to do.”

  Maria nodded. “Same.”

  Jessup beamed. His eyes moved over her face very quickly, and she felt herself shrink under his attention, however good-natured it was.

  “I wasn’t kidding,” he said. “I come to these things hoping there will be a dog. Or any pets at all. I once spent an entire night socializing with someone’s turtle through a glass tank.”

  “Wow,” Maria said, smirking. “Impressive.”

  “It’s like, I have the desire to be around people and meet new people, but… as soon as I’m with them, I can’t wait to get away. You know?”

  The smile fell gradually from Maria’s face as she listened. She knew just what he meant, but was surprised to hear him say it.

  “That’s very… honest of you to say,” she joked, though she wasn’t entirely joking.