Wolf Logic

by Masha du Toit

  Would it work?

  It was very like moving objects with his mind, the unfocused way he had to think about it, like blurring your eyes, not trying to control too much. Just a gentle reaching, as though he were stretching out towards her.

  The sounds came first, a tinny laughter, then some music. A radio, Nico guessed. He could see something now, yellow and brown blurs that quickly came into focus. Mandy’s hands, holding knitting needles and a bundle of yellow wool. She was sitting in an armchair. Several people were in the room with her, a woman and two children and through a door he could see a brightly lit kitchen with more people moving around, making noises that sounded like dishes being washed.

  Mandy was happy. That was good. He let the link go and opened his eyes again. It was more difficult to link, these days. He thought it had something to do with all the exercises Miss Winterbach made him do, all the talking she insisted on. When he was younger, he’d been linking almost all the time—only to the people close to him, of course, his mother most of all. He’d hated being dragged out of the link into the normal world, where he’d been forced to look at people from the outside and talk to them with his mouth. It was only recently that he’d started to understand that other people did not do what he did—that even his mother didn’t know where he’d gone when he was linked. She didn’t know about it at all. It still surprised him.

  That was difficult to understand. He could go into her head, see what she saw and feel her emotions, but she had not known about it at all.

  A sound made him sit up. His bedroom door was opening slowly, the strip of light that fell through from the corridor widening. Then saw that it was only Pouf, pushing the door open. A moment later the cat jumped up onto his bed and he felt the weight of it as it settled on his legs.

  Once again he lay back into his pillows and let his mind drift. What was his father doing?

  He allowed himself to drop into the link state and soon he heard the buzz and rattle of a sewing machine, saw his father’s hands guiding fabric deftly under the stabbing needle. He felt the exhaustion, the dull worry, felt his father’s shoulders lift and fall as he sighed.

  Nico pulled back quickly, breaking the link.

  What about Gia? But no. Gia was already asleep. He could tell from the feeling of space in her mind, as though he were in a vast hall. He broke the link again, not wanting to see any of her dreams. Linking with a dreamer could be frightening and he was not ready for that, tonight.

  What about his mother?

  He stared into the dark, wondering if he dared.

  Nobody wanted to talk about it, but he knew what had happened to his mother. He’d seen it happen, after all. The memory of it frightened him and so he’d shut it away. But he wanted to think about his mother too, to try understand what had happened. Maybe he could use what Miss Winterbach had taught him and use the words to handle the memory, just like Mandy used oven mitts to pick up things that were too hot to touch. Maybe words were the same?

  “Bird.”

  The word left his mouth and floated up toward the ceiling. It had tiny cogs that fit neatly together and whirred round and round. Birrrrrrrd.

  “Swan.” White and spreading, a floating ring of smoke, expanding. White curves, white feathers, the graceful curve of a neck.

  His mother had turned into a swan. Or— His mother had always been a swan. Which was it? He wasn’t sure. And could he still link to her? That thought left an icy trail behind, making him shiver, half with excitement, half with fear. Instinctively, he knew this was another of those things that were not allowed, like putting your finger into the electric sockets in the walls, or playing with the flame of the gas heater.

  Dangerous.

  But the thought had taken hold and he could not shake it. If he could link with his mother, it would be like having her back. Being with her again.

  His heart beating faster, he closed his eyes and tried to calm himself in the way Miss Winterbach had taught him. No good trying to link while his mind was sloshing about like this. He took a deep breath and let it out again. That was better. Another breath.

  And then he reached.

  News From Home

  Several times that night Gia was disturbed by somebody bumping into her bed or doing something at the nearby window. The first time she sat up, which drew a hissed order to “Go back to sleep, idiot, it’s not your turn yet.” So she’d pulled the covers up to her ears and tried to ignore the whispers and giggles.

  As far as she could tell in the dark, a small group of recruits were being taken outside by some senior cadets. Everybody wore black, balaclava-style masks that hid their faces, but it was easy to recognise Jooste and Govender from their impatient body language.

  The next morning, Cadet van Niekerk, whose bed was next to Gia’s, explained as they got dressed. “No, you weren’t dreaming. I saw them too, going out the window. That’s for the ontgroening. I guess they’re doing us a few at a time.” Seeing Gia’s blank look, she explained. “Ontgroening, you know. Doop? Initiation? New recruits get put through it to show they’re really part of the team.”

  “Oh.” Gia had heard of initiation, of university students forced to do various ridiculous and embarrassing things. “What happens?” she asked. “What do they do?”

  “I don’t know,” said Van Niekerk as she pulled her vest over her head. “And we’re not allowed to talk about it once it’s happened, so it’s no use asking the others. Guess we’ll find out soon enough.”

  -oOo-

  The trucks came rolling in a bit earlier that morning, so Sergeant Landman had no time to get impatient. There was no walg rubbish to dispose of, so both groups were doing checklist and refills—testing all the equipment on the trucks, ensuring that the canisters and tanks were filled and all batteries fully charged.

  This was the equipment that Special Branch used to overpower and subdue any illegal magicals they might encounter on their patrols, and it was essential that everything was in place and in order.

  Gia was in Cadet Jooste’s group this time, so she was careful to pay attention. Jooste enjoyed catching her charges in a mistake and singling them out for ridicule. The cadets quickly learnt not to ask questions. Gia looked wistfully at the other group. Cadet Mantjies had the trick of getting people to follow his orders without throwing his weight about or getting nasty.

  A creaking drew Gia’s eyes upwards. A flock of large, white birds were rowing their way across the brightening sky. The sight made her breath catch and for a moment she stared, electrified.

  Not swans. Too large. They must be pelicans or something. Flying north to escape the coming winter.

  For the first time in days she could think about her mother without that stab of guilt and fear. Where was Saraswati now? Somewhere up in that clear, pale sky, looking down at the wakening city? Or far away, chasing the summer north over the equator? Gia found it hard to imagine. She’d seen Saraswati transform into a swan, but what did it all mean, really? Was her mother just gone, her memories wiped now that she was back in her swan shape? Did she ever think of her husband, her children? Did she even remember them?

  “Watch it, Grobbelaar!” Cadet Mostert made wide eyes and Gia saw that Jooste was looking over at her. She focused back on her checklist again.

  -oOo-

  “Anybody here called Grobbelaar?” A security guard came crunching over the gravel towards them. “This the new cadets? I’m looking for a Grobbelaar. Cadet Gia Grobbelaar?”

  “She’s here,” said Jooste. “What’s this about?”

  “Somebody at the gate for her,” said the guard and, seeing Jooste’s expression, added, “Yes, I know it’s not regulations. I’ll take the blame.” He turned to the group of cadets. “Which of you is Grobbelaar? You? Good. Come with me. You can have exactly five minutes to tell your auntie that she’s not to do it again, understand?”

  “Yes, sir.” Auntie? Who could it be? She followed the guard back to the main gate. Somebody waiting for there and when Gia
saw who it was she nearly started running. Mandy! It’s Mandy! Then she saw Mandy’s face and her joy faltered.

  “You’ve got five minutes,” said the guard. “And she’s to stay that side of the boom.”

  Gia hardly heard him. She ran the last few steps to Mandy’s outstretched arms. They stood, silent, hugging one another. It felt so good to be in Mandy’s arms again, to smell the clean scent of her that had been part of Gia’s life since she’d been a little baby. Some people would call her a domestic or a char, but Gia thought of her as one of the family. In many ways, Mandy was closer to her than her own mother had been. At last Mandy pulled away and peered into Gia’s face. “It feels like years since you left. You keeping okay?”

  “Yes, I’m fine. But what’s wrong? Why are you here?”

  Mandy’s face was drawn with fatigue. “I thought they wouldn’t let me see you.” Her hands trembled as she hitched her handbag higher up her shoulder. “I had to tell them it was a family emergency—” She glanced towards the guard, who’d gone back to the guard post. Her next words were lower.

  “I couldn’t phone. They bug the phones, don’t they? And they don’t let family phone anyway. For the first few weeks? I thought it would be better just to come here myself, see if they’d let me talk to you face to face.”

  “Yes, but go on, Mandy, what’s wrong?”

  “Yes, okay, sorry.” Mandy took a shaky breath and let it out again. “Gia, do you know where Nico is?”

  Gia stared, unsure she’d heard right. “What?”

  “Nico’s disappeared. His bed was empty this morning.”

  Shock stopped Gia’s breath. She managed to get the words out. “He’s missing?”

  “Yes. And I thought, maybe—” She glanced at the guard again.

  “You thought Special Branch took him?”

  “Yes. No! I don’t know.” Mandy drew her shawl around her and seemed to shrink a little. “He’s gone, Gia. Your father put him to bed last night, with a story and everything, just as usual, and went downstairs to work. He forgot to check in on him later, poor man. He’s so tired these days, he just went straight to bed—” She rubbed a hand over her face. “Anyway, he didn’t check, so we don’t know how long— But the point is, this morning, when he went to wake him up, Nico’s bed was empty. We looked everywhere. In your room, everywhere. The windows were all closed, the front door was still locked. Your father had the key in his pocket the whole time. There’s no sign that anybody got in—”

  Mandy’s face crumpled and Gia, shocked, put her arms around the old woman again. She’d never seen her like this before.

  “No, sorry, I’ll be okay.” Mandy pulled away. “It’s just been such a shock. Your father is walking around the neighbourhood to see what he can find out and I took the taxi here. Thank heaven the guard agreed to call you, but it took me ages to persuade him.”

  “Well,” said Gia. “I don’t think it could be Special Branch. I mean, how would they do that? Get him right out of his bed without even opening the door?” She’d been unsure but as she spoke, her confidence grew. “It’s not their style. If they wanted him, they’d just do it officially, with forms and stuff.”

  “That’s true,” said Mandy. “You’re right. But who then? The—” Her voice dropped again. “The Belle Gente? Do you think—”

  “I don’t know, but I’m going to find out. I made a bargain with the Belle Gente. I mean, that’s the whole point of all this. As long as I’m in here, they leave Nico alone. I’ll speak to them. I’ll find out what’s going on.”

  Mandy caught hold of her hand. “You be careful, Gia. Don’t go doing anything stupid.”

  “I’ll be careful, promise. But I’m going to find out what I can.” A thought struck her. “Have you asked the caretaker or Granny yet?”

  Mandy blinked at her. “Granny? No. Her shop was still closed when I went past there, and I was so worked up, I never thought of the caretaker.” Gia could see the hope growing in her. “If anyone knows, it will be those two. I’ll ask them as soon as I get back. But Gia, how can I get hold of you? They won’t let me do this again and I can’t phone.”

  “I don’t know. But I’ll make a plan.” Gia gave Mandy’s hand a squeeze. “There must be some explanation, you’ll see. Probably, by the time you get back, Dad will have found Nico playing somewhere. He’s been hiding, or went to visit the neighbours or something.” Despite the confidence she was trying to feel, her words felt hollow. Something was badly wrong. She knew it in her bones. “Listen, I’ve got to go back now, or that guard will come see what’s up. I’ll find out what I can. If it’s Special Branch, or the Belle Gente, I’ll figure it out.”

  “Just be careful—”

  “Yes, I promise. Take care, Mandy, okay?”

  After a last hug, Gia turned and slipped past the boom, back into the Valkenberg grounds.

  -oOo-

  By the time she got back the rest of the recruits had finished with the trucks and had gone back inside for their breakfast. This time, as Gia had not been shovelling rubbish, there was no need to take a shower, so she went straight to the refectory. She fetched her breakfast and joined the others at the table, but her head was such a whirl she hardly noticed what she was doing.

  How could Nico just disappear? But it must be real. Mandy would never come all the way to Valkenberg for nothing. And what now? Gia could hardly march up to Captain Witbooi and ask him where Nico was. And as for the Belle Gente, how was she to get a message to them? Presumably they’d make contact with her some time. No point in her being a spy for them, otherwise. It was something she’d been trying to avoid thinking about. But now she found herself hoping they’d contact her soon. She ate her breakfast, ignoring the conversation around her, until a stir at the other table drew her attention and she looked to see what was going on.

  “Check it out.” One of the senior cadets held up a newspaper.

  “What is it, Matthews?” said Cadet Jooste, buttering a roll. “Your mom copped it?” She grabbed for the paper, but it was drawn out of her reach. “Oh, come on. What’s up?”

  “It’s McNeal,” said Matthews. “He’s the one who copped it.”

  By now the other cadets had stopped talking and all attention was focused on the conversation over the newspaper. “Who’s McNeal?” asked Vetkoek from the recruits’ table. Cadet Matthews shook the paper straight and started reading. “An accident has claimed the life of Constable McNeal at Valkenberg yesterday morning. It is reported that the promising young constable slipped while going down stairs and incurred a serious head injury...” He threw the paper down in disgust. “Promising se gat!”

  “Dead?” said Jooste. “Got what he deserved, then.”

  There was some laughter at this, but Gia noticed that not all the cadets joined. Mantjies was listening to the conversation, but his face was expressionless.

  “Can somebody tell us what’s going on?” Vetkoek tried again.

  The seniors looked over to the recruits’ table. At last Mantjies spoke up. “Constable McNeal was being held for questioning in the prison block. He was suspected for being—”

  “Suspected,” spat Jooste. “We fucking well know what that arse-kissing—” She caught Mantjies’s expression and bit back her words. “We know what he really was. A spy.”

  “McNeal was a Youth Brigade graduate,” said Mantjies to Vetkoek. “He finished his time in the brigade last year. And somehow, nobody knows how, he managed to avoid getting tested for magic during all that time. But with all the magicals being kicked out of Special Branch, they did a whole new load of testing and McNeal got caught.”

  “He was a magical?” asked Vetkoek, his eyes sparkling.

  “Yep,” said Jooste. “He rang all the bells.”

  “Acted all surprised too,” said one of the other seniors, a large young man whose name Gia did not know. “And then all this stuff started coming out.”

  “They searched his locker and his bed and they found all these...notes and stuff,
” said Govender. “Under his mattress. He was a f—” she glanced at Cadet Mantjies. “A freaking spy. Working for the Belle Gente, they say. So they’ve been keeping him in the prison block for questioning. Seems they questioned him a little too hard.”

  A silence fell and Gia, who’d been listening to the conversation with a growing sense of unreality, felt as though ice water was pouring down her spine. She remembered the ambulance pulling up to the prison block yesterday morning and the way Cadet Mantjies had watched it.

  “Some kind of spy, keeping his notes under his mattress,” said Vetkoek, crunching a bite of toast, crumbs flying.

  “He said it was just a diary,” said Cadet Mantjies.

  Gia shuddered. A spy. Fallen down the stairs. Seems they questioned him a little too hard. Her gorge rose. All the thoughts she’d been trying to suppress came bubbling up. What the hell am I doing here? How did I ever think I could get away with it?

  Surely her guilt must be visible, a giant neon sign above her, flashing spy, spy, spy in time with her pounding heart. The bargain she’d made so blithely with the Belle Gente now seemed like a trap. I’ll be your spy, if you leave my brother alone. It had seemed so obvious, at the time, the only way out of the tangle she’d created. The only way to save Nico. She’d not once thought what the consequences might be, and now it looked as if something had happened to Nico despite all her efforts. And she herself was in danger.

  Slipped down the stairs.

  She’d been a naive idiot. Thinking that all she had to do was keep her head down. Suddenly the thought of the Belle Gente making contact didn’t seem so attractive. Or did the bargain still exist? Had they decided to grab her brother despite the agreement?

  Nothing I can do right now. Got to get through this. Keep my eyes open, learn what I can and deal with things as they happen.

  It was some time before she could calm herself enough to finish her breakfast. She became aware that the other recruits were talking about Cadet Ford in hushed tones.