The Designate

by J B Cantwell

  “Because the sooner we get out of here and get down to it, the sooner we’ll know what we’re up against,” she said under her breath.

  Josh had finally peeled himself up off his bed and set his tray down on the table beside us. And he had brought someone with him. I was disappointed to see it was another Burn designate, this time a girl.

  Recruit Anna Munson

  Designation: Burn

  15

  “This is Anna,” Josh mumbled.

  “Hi,” Anna said. “Is it ok if I—Josh said that—”

  “Pull up a seat,” Hannah said, scooting over to make room for her.

  “Thanks.”

  I looked at Hannah and she shrugged.

  “It doesn’t matter who we sit with,” she said. “The only thing anyone cares about is where they land on that viewscreen. It might seem like I look weak for hanging around two Burns and an infantry, but the truth is that when it’s time to choose who to save, who to follow, no one will look anywhere but on that board. And only we, individually, can control where we land in the ranks.”

  Several glances shot in our direction. Hannah hadn’t lowered her voice at all.

  She spooned up a large mouthful of mash and shoved it in as if it were some delectable cuisine. She sat back in her seat, smacking her food loudly.

  I stared.

  “What?” she said thickly, looking around at all three of us.

  Nobody said a word.

  “Hey, it’s better than what we get in the holding pens when you’re a Red. Keeps us fit. Keeps us alive. Eat up, children.”

  I picked up my spoon and followed suit. If I could just ignore what I was eating while I was eating it, things might have gone a bit better, but it was hard to block out the sticky mouthfuls of mash as I choked them down.

  When we were done, we filed out of the mess hall behind the sergeant. It seemed odd to me that we had such a limited range of movement. Everywhere we went, we went in a line and followed a leader.

  As we made our way down the hallway I kept looking over my shoulder to see if Alex’s group was on the move. But the corridor was stubbornly empty. I saw no one.

  When we made it to the bunk room to gather the rest of our clothing for the day, Holt didn’t leave us. But another man entered alongside him.

  “Joshua Dane,” Holt called. “Anna Munson. Elijah Green. All of you will be on special detail today. Please follow Dr. Bundson.”

  Hannah and I exchanged looks. Why would they want only the Burn recruits? Before we could speak a single word, Holt was shouting for us to join him. We all lined up behind and followed him out of the room like a flock of baby ducks.

  The rest of the day was miserable. Everyone was tired, for one thing, but the air was hot and sticky, so moist that each breath full made me feel like I was slowly drowning. I could feel the sweat sliding down my back underneath my fatigues, and while I wore a large, heavy pack full of supplies, it didn’t seem wise to ask for a water break. Asking questions was an idiot’s way to a low score. I kept my mouth shut.

  The obstacle course that awaited us was slick from the humidity. The routine was to get over the nets, under the bridges, over the fences and up the rope. Only the strongest, just two, made it to the top of the rope in the end. And then we started all over again. For two hours we repeated the course, again and again. By the time noon rolled around I was shaking head to foot.

  At lunch it was just me and Hannah. Josh and Anna had not returned from their activity.

  “Where are they?” I whispered.

  “I don’t know,” Hannah whispered back. “They didn’t take them last time. I guess they figured that the punishment of the Burn was enough punishment anyone needed.”

  I tried to imagine Josh and Anna on their hands and knees somewhere, scrubbing floors. That image was comforting, but I felt sure that my conviction was false. Even though coming to this place was a choice we had all made, it seemed more and more like a prison every day. And prisoners, I knew, were not treated like the rest of the population.

  I gulped down a mouthful of mash. I had to stay out of the Burn. I had to.

  After lunch it was more basic physical training. Running, push ups, sit ups. Through my exhaustion I tried to imagine why a sit up might help us defeat the enemy, but it was no use. I had to do them whether or not I had a good reason why.

  I was relieved that my leg hadn’t acted up once over the course of the day. Since the running had been at a slow, even pace, my muscles were able to hold everything together. But by the end of the day it seemed like every fiber of muscle in my entire body had been accosted.

  Back in the bunk room I dropped my pack and collapsed onto my bed.

  Beside me, Hannah carefully removed her pack and then sat to take off her boots. A long sigh escaped her as she rubbed her feet one at a time. I had a few blisters myself that I would have loved to do the same to, but as things stood I could barely move.

  “You better get up, Pink,” she warned. “They’re changing the board.”

  I sat up, dazed, and watched the numbers on the viewscreen shuffle with the new points from the morning’s exercise. They ranged now from 50 to 180, and I was relieved to find that I had landed right in the middle of the pack. Hannah glanced up at the board, just long enough to see that we had a new leader. Herself. Her scores from the morning had landed her at 176.

  “How did you do that?” I asked.

  “Easy,” she said, her fingers lacing between her toes. “I’m little.”

  I lay back down on the bed.

  “And you call me little,” I said.

  “Well, we’re little in different ways.”

  She pulled off her shirt and snapped me with it. She wasn’t trying to be mean, but her words got my attention.

  I didn’t want to be seen as little. Hannah was little because of her physical stature. But she had a big brain and a big attitude, and now a big score, to go along with it.

  Quietly, and without much notice, I saw Josh, Anna, and Elijah come back into the room. They looked strange. Their skin had a sickly green quality to it, and the proportion of their features was slack. I got to Josh first, helping him sit down on his bed.

  “Hey,” I said, trying to sound comforting. “Where have you been? What happened?”

  He seemed to barely understand me. He stared into space. Then, after a moment, he showed me a small puncture would on his hand, right in the place where an IV would be attached.

  “What is this?” I asked.

  He visibly shook himself.

  “They pumped us full of … something,” he struggled.

  “What was it?”

  Hannah joined me at Josh’s bedside.

  “I don’t know,” he said, finally meeting my gaze. He looked terrified. A thin, lonely tear streaked down his cheek.“We weren’t alone in there,” he said. “There were other recruits. Big ones. Everyone was hooked up. I tried to get out but I was strapped down to the bed.”

  He was holding his head in his hands now.

  “It hurts,” he moaned.

  “What do we do?” I asked Hannah.

  “Nothing,” she said. “There’s nothing we can do.”

  “What about the infirmary?”

  “No,” she said. “They won’t help him.”

  “How do you know?” I asked.

  “Because of last time,” she said. “The Burns get sent out for strengthening on any day they fall to the bottom. It’s meant to build them up. I think they want them to grow into bigger soldiers, or at least stronger workers for the Burn. But they always come back like this. In pain.”

  Josh’s eyes were fluttering, and I could tell he was about to fall asleep. I stood up, motioning to Hannah, and the two of us lay him down in his bed, covering him with his blanket. He was asleep almost immediately.

  I scanned the room. Elijah was already down on his bed. But Anna was still staring ahead. She acted as if she had no idea where she was or what was going on. As I sat down at her
side and asked her the same questions, she remained quiet. Finally, she looked at me, her eyes slowly filling with horror.

  “It’s okay,” I said. “It’s over now.”

  She gave me a nearly imperceptible nod.

  I helped her into the bed, but I left her boots on. I had a suspicion that these three might be sleeping all night and then have trouble getting ready in the morning. At least this way they were already dressed.

  So this was it. This was how they would keep us running, keep us terrorized. No matter the benefit, I doubted that anyone in this room would want to be picked for the same punishment that these three had suffered.

  I looked up at the viewscreen again. If they were trying to get us to work harder, run faster, then the fear of whatever it was that had happened to these three would certainly work. But I couldn’t help thinking: was it their bodies they wanted to tamper with? Or were they changing their minds as well?

  Chapter Eight

  None of the three Burn recruits showed up for dinner. I wanted to bring them food, my own dinner if necessary, but after what had happened to them today, I was wary of doing so. Would I be accused of stealing?

  They’re too tired to eat anyway, I told myself. It might’ve been true, but I didn’t know for sure.

  After dinner that night, on the way back to the bunk room, a hand on my shoulder made me jump. It was Alex, headed back toward his side of the building. He urgently stuffed a folded piece of paper into my hand and then quickly turned back to join his group. I was happy it was Hannah who was following along behind me, not someone who might have tried to call attention to our interaction.

  I glanced back at her, but her face was blank. She was covering for me in case anyone else had noticed what had just happened.

  I slipped the paper into my pocket and walked back to my bunk. I sat for a moment, looking around the room, trying to decide if I should open it up there or maybe wait until lights out.

  “What are you doing?” Hannah asked. “I thought you had to go to the bathroom.”

  I could have hugged her.

  “Yeah,” I said. “I’m just so tired.” I tried to keep my face controlled as I pushed myself up from the bed. I headed straight for the bathroom and locked myself into the first available stall, unfolding the note as soon as I sat down.

  “I’m so glad you’re ok. I thought when I didn’t see you on the bus that you had gotten into some sort of trouble. Something is going on here. We thought we’d be going through regular training like you are, but instead they’ve got us inside all day, stuffing our brains with computer programs. Already we’ve had two chip upgrades to our lenses. It makes the work easier. And then there are the vitamins they pump into us, or at least that’s what they call them. They’re probably steroids, though. The needles hurt, but they give us some sort of pain killer. Then at night we run for an hour, I guess to stay fit since we’re not exercising like you are. But I don’t understand why we’re separated. Our bunk room has plenty of room for more. Does yours? This place is creepy. -A”

  I reread the note five times, hanging onto every word he wrote. Then I stood up from the toilet and flushed the paper down.

  I didn’t know how I was going to respond. I hadn’t kept anything with me I had brought from home, and it never would have occurred to me to bring paper. It was such an antiquated way of communication. And besides, paper was expensive. Most people just communicated through their lenses, and many didn’t know how to write the letters of the alphabet by hand legibly enough to be read. I had learned, though. My father had left a small library of books on our shelves, and I had spent many hours of my childhood flipping through the pages, sometimes writing out passages that I enjoyed.

  When I got back to my bunk, Hannah was there, folding up her fatigues and getting ready for bed.

  “You should go to bed,” she said. “You look exhausted.”

  I furrowed my eyebrows at her, but she didn’t say anything more. How could it be that she didn’t want to know what was going on?

  She was right, though. I was tired. I drew my blanket back to get into bed and found, just visible beneath my pillow, a thin strip of paper and a pen. I looked up at Hannah, but she had averted her eyes. Hannah was tricky. Sneaky. This wasn’t the first time I’d been glad that she was on my side.

  I slipped into bed and waited. I was so tired that I nearly fell asleep, but as the lights went out and people dropped off one by one, I got out of bed again and made for the bathroom. Locked in a stall, I wrote back.

  “Everything is fine, I guess. The workouts are hard. But why won’t they let us talk to each other? It doesn’t make sense that we’re not getting the same training. How did you do on the tests? Maybe it’s because you’re bigger than most.”

  It was true. Alex was tall and wide. But did they have special training for that? In my mind flashed a picture of those men who had come back from the Service, clean and pressed. Huge. A chill ran down my spine at the thought of them.

  “It’s hard. Harder than I thought. But I guess anything’s better than staying home while the place rots. I wish we had a chance to talk.”

  I didn’t know what else to say. I miss you? I wish we were together? Those things were true, but I knew if I wrote them here he would get the wrong idea. Or was that the idea I wanted him to have? Sure, Alex was tall, and definitely handsome. And he was one of the nicest people I had ever met. But I had never considered a romance with him. Not with anyone, really. All of my focus had always been on escaping home, on getting away. But now? I struggled with the idea of being with him in more than just a friendly way. We were both technically adults, both away from our homes for the first time in our lives. But I missed a friend, not a lover. I desperately wanted him by my side again. He made me feel safe, and in this place I felt only marginally safer than back at home.

  “Today we did an obstacle course for hours and hours. Then we ran and practiced lining up and saluting. It was stressful, and I’m exhausted. Tell me about your day the next time you can write.”

  I reread the note, trying to see it from his perspective. There was no romance in it. When I was satisfied, I folded up the paper and slid it into my pants. I flushed the toilet and went to wash my hands. When I got there, Lydia was waiting, arms folded, sneer in place.

  “What were you doing in there so long, Pink?” she said.

  I raised my eyebrows.

  “You sure do seem to spend a lot of time in the bathroom,” I said, deflecting her question.

  “I might say the same about you.”

  I turned on the tap and washed, ignoring her gaze. I wasn’t sure what she was looking for. A fight?

  I walked out of the bathroom without a backward glance and made for my bed. Hannah rolled over as I got in.

  “Did you do it?” she whispered, barely audible.

  “Yes. Thanks,” I said.

  I slid the pen underneath my pillow and planned for the note’s delivery the next night after dinner.

  Chapter Nine

  But there was no next night, or at least no Alex. Days of training started to fly by. Five? Six? Every day the three recruits that landed in the Burn section on the viewscreen would be taken away the next day, then return to us with the same terrible look in their eyes, the same headaches, the same exhaustion. It struck fear in the other recruits, myself included, and we all raced to stay above the line separating Burn from Infantry.

  Every night after dinner I had the balled up paper in my left hand, waiting to deliver it. But night after night our line walked back to the bunks alone. Each night I trailed the line at the very end, just in case he showed up.

  And then, on the eighth night, he found me.

  I hadn’t seen his line at all, and I was surprised when he grabbed me by the shoulders and flipped me around.

  I barely recognized him.

  His eyes were bloodshot and wide. His hands seemed massive and stronger than I remembered. He grabbed me by the shoulders and then stuffed his note
into my right hand. Unable to think clearly, I took in his form. His new form. He hadn’t gained at all in height, but the width of his body, the rippling muscles that had been absent just days before, shocked me. I gasped.

  “We have to get out of here,” he whispered. His voice was hoarse, as if he had been yelling at the top of his lungs for hours. His eyes flitted down the hallway, up into the ceiling above. He seemed aware of some predator that I couldn’t see.

  He released my shoulders and was just turning away when I remembered.

  “Wait,” I hissed.

  I put my own note into his hand. Then we both turned and ran back to our rooms, separated again.

  Hannah saw my face when I walked up, but she held onto her questions. I thought about the note I had just handed off. What an idiot I must have sounded like. It had been written so many days ago, though not much had changed since then. Holt continued to work us into the ground. Gradually we each became stronger as the days passed. My leg continued to hold out, not betraying my secret.

  And now I had sent my message, which had felt so desperate at the time, to Alex, who was physically altered to alarming proportions. Whose face showed more fear than I had ever seen in it before, even after a beating back home.

  I dropped my pack and made immediately for the bathroom.

  “I don’t want to use your name in case this is found.

  They are doing something to us. We’ve spent hours every day hooked up to tubes, pumping us with something I can’t name. It feels like they’re replacing our blood with this stuff. It puts me out every time, and when I wake up I’m in my bunk, exhausted and head pounding. Every morning we weigh in. I started off here at 165. Now I’m 178. The exercise has changed, too. We still run, but now they’ve added weights. It’s like I can see my muscles growing before my eyes.