She cringed. “That’s not good. Why didn’t you pull away?”
I shrugged. “He used to be my best friend. I guess, maybe nostalgia? I don’t know. But when I kissed him, it wasn’t like I was thinking how hot it was or anything. I don’t want him in that way.”
“Then why are you holding on to him? I mean, besides the guilt?”
“He was part of the life I hated, but he was the one thing holding me together. It’s not so easy to just cut that off.”
“Well, isn’t that what Josh had to do?”
I huffed out a small laugh. “You know, we came back here once.”
“You did?” Her eyes got wide, like she was in on this huge secret.
“About two years after we ran. We were driving nearby on our way to a new place and I thought how hard it must be for him to just leave everyone behind.”
“I take it they didn’t see you since they all assumed Josh was dead.”
I shook my head. “We snuck through at night and parked down the road in a cluster of trees and snuck up behind one of the trucks. Josh was telling me all these stories about his brothers, trying to hold in his laughter. But the longer we stayed, the clearer it became that staying and watching them was harder than if we hadn’t stopped. But I think that it was good for him. He got to see them one last time. Well, except for Derek. And when we got back to the car, he said that he was basically giving up on his old life. He knew there was no going back, and it was time to move forward.”
“Don’t you think maybe the same applies to you now?”
I sighed, knowing she was right. “I know. I just…need some time. Levi has always been very good to me. I can’t just run out of his life after he helped me.”
“Just don’t wait too long,” Kat said, standing from her seat. “The last thing you want to do is let Josh believe that you want Levi instead of him.”
I nodded, knowing she was right. Josh would never understand what Levi meant to me. “Would you mind doing me a favor today?”
“Sure.”
“Can you watch Alessa for me? I want to go see Levi.”
“Yeah, I can do that, but when everyone goes all crazy around here, you’re the one that has to explain it.”
When I arrived at the hospital to see Levi, I found out he had already been released. Panicked, I hurried over to his father’s house, the last place that I knew he lived. It took a good half hour of explaining what had happened all those years ago and lots of hugs before I finally got his current address. Not to mention how awkward it was that I had to explain that their son had been in the hospital because he was trying to help me.
Levi’s father wasn’t a saint, but his mother was one of the nicest people I’d ever met. I didn’t think she really understood just how crooked her husband was. He had to be involved with my family.
I banged on the door of Levi’s penthouse repeatedly, waiting for him to answer. I had begged the doorman to let me up to see him, explaining what had happened to him. It was with great reluctance that he let me up, and even then, he was standing right beside me until Levi answered the door.
When the door finally swung open, I launched myself into his arms, only realizing seconds later how painful it must have been for him.
“Sir, would you like me to have her removed?”
“What?”
“Well, she was quite insistent that she come check on you.”
“It’s fine, Martin. She’s always allowed up.”
“Very good, sir.”
Levi pulled me inside, favoring his right side as we stepped further into his penthouse. “What the hell were you thinking, checking out of the hospital?”
“I was thinking that I would rather be at home than in that hospital.”
“Did the doctors actually clear you, or did you just check yourself out?”
He sighed and motioned for me to come in. He was only wearing a pair of sweatpants and his chiseled chest was mottled with deep bruises. He looked terrible.
“It’s not like there was anything they could do for me at the hospital.”
“They could have monitored you. Look at you! You can barely see out of both of your eyes!”
“You could always stay here and take care of me,” he said, trying for a grin, but instead grimacing.
I led him to the couch and adjusted the pillows behind him. “I should have never let you do that,” I sighed.
“Do you want to tell me what the hell happened in there? I was out for most of it, but even I know there’s no way we should have walked out of there.”
“I…We had help from Josh’s brother and some…friends.” He looked hurt and I knew exactly why. “Levi, you have to understand, Josh and I have been running for so long, and it wasn’t just us that we had to think about. Our daughter was wrapped up in this, and his brothers…”
“You didn’t trust me,” he said, his shoulders sagging.
“I wanted to-“
“But you didn’t. Every time you called me, I answered and helped in any way I could. I gave you money so you could keep running. Do you know what that did to me? I thought you were dead, and when you called me…Christ, it was like I was being given a second chance.”
“Levi-“
“Just tell me this, was it you or Josh that didn’t trust me?”
I hesitated because the truth was a blow to him no matter how I phrased it. “I didn’t know if I could trust anyone, Levi.”
He blew out a breath and looked away. “Talk about a knife to the chest.”
“I wanted to so badly.”
“And I wanted you.” He grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips. “Don’t you know that I’ve always been in love with you? I was so stupid when I was a kid. I thought we had all the time in the world. I never thought that one day you would be gone. And then you were and my whole world collapsed. I can’t lose you again, Carla. Please tell me I haven’t lost you.”
I blinked over and over again, trying to come up with something to say. I knew I needed to tell him that it was never going to happen. What we had was long gone. But as we sat there, him broken and battered, I just couldn’t find it in me to break his heart all over again. But I couldn’t give him hope either.
“I love Josh,” I whispered.
“Just give me some time,” he murmured, pulling me in closer. “Give me some time with you, even if all I get is to talk to you. Just give me that.”
I pulled back, standing suddenly. This felt way too hard, too complicated. I was in love with Josh, but my guilt for Levi was making me do stupid things.
“I should go.”
“Wait-“
“I came to make sure you’re alright, and I did that.”
He stared at me for a moment and then scoffed. “Is that all I get? After years of keeping your secret, waiting by the phone for you to call and let me know you’re alright? After walking into your father’s house, determined to find a way to keep you and your daughter, even your boyfriend safe, you’re just walking out like I mean nothing to you?”
“Levi-“
“I never took you as the manipulative type. You always went after what you wanted, and you were always honest about that. But this? To just throw me out of your life like I mean nothing? If that’s what all this was, if the only reason you contacted me was to use me, then you can go and live your life somewhere far away from me.”
He stood and walked away, leaving me just standing there in his living room. Without thinking, I crossed the room and followed him over to the window where he stood and wrapped my arms around him from behind.
“I can’t give you what you want,” I whispered.
His hand covered mine and he turned to look at me over his shoulder. “I’ll take whatever you’ll give me right now.”
Josh
“Any luck on the job hunting?” Eric asked as I walked through the door.
I tossed his spare set of keys on the side table and sat down with a huff. “The garage in town is a piece of shi
t. Without Rusty, it went downhill fast.”
“So, make an offer,” he shrugged.
I snorted, laughing slightly. “With what money? Being on the run for the past seven years hasn’t exactly increased my credit score.”
“I’ll cosign a loan for you.”
“Just like that,” I said, staring at him in disbelief.
“Are you planning on running again?”
“No,” I said, my brows furrowing.
“Then why wouldn’t I back you?”
I glanced away, ashamed to say that I hadn’t been expecting my brother to offer his own money up like that. If something happened, he would be on the hook, but he didn’t even give it a second thought.
“I can’t let you do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s too risky.” I looked back at him and shrugged. “I have nothing to my name. I’m living with you, your fiancé, Andrew, and Joe. Plus, I have a baby and…a woman in tow.”
“And the sooner you get in there and get that business squared away, the sooner you can find your own place. Besides, Joe’s moving out.”
“He is?”
Eric nodded. “Believe it or not, our little brother is opening his own tattoo shop. He’s saved enough money and the place he’s buying has an apartment overhead.”
“Is he taking Andrew with him?”
Eric grinned. “One can only hope, but I doubt it.”
“It’s not like I can say anything. Look at me, the only reason Carly and I were able to run when we needed to was because of her rainy day fund and because Levi gave her money.”
“And I bet that just eats you up inside.”
I held back from calling him an asshole only because he had helped us. “Would you want to be living off your girlfriend’s ex-fiance’s money?”
His eyebrows shot up and he laughed. “That’s a mouthful.”
“No shit. Where is she, by the way?”
He stood quickly and walked over to the fridge, grabbing a beer.
“Eric, where is she?”
“You know, I don’t think the where is very important.”
I tilted my head and glared at him. “Are you gonna tell me, or aren’t you?”
“I aren’t.”
“What happened to brothers first?”
“Believe me, I’m thinking of you.”
“Shit,” I swore, pacing the kitchen. She went to Levi. I knew it. “Did she at least take Derek or Hunter with her?”
“Hunter followed her. Derek stayed here to watch over Alessa.”
I ran a hand across my jaw and sighed. “Where’s Derek now?”
“He said he had to check in with Reed Security.”
“What the hell am I supposed to do with her?”
“Well, I wouldn’t suggest taking Derek’s route and killing her.” I glared at him. He held up his hands and shook his head. “I’m just saying.”
“What would you do, if it was Kat?”
“I would probably lose my freaking mind. Why is she seeing him anyway?”
Before I could answer, the back door opened and Carly walked through. “Where have you been?” I asked, getting in her face.
“I went to see Levi, but I think you already knew that.”
“Carly, I told you-“
“I know exactly what you told me,” she snapped. “It’s not that simple.”
“Then make it clear to me, because I can’t see how you can let him back in your life when you know what he wants from you.”
She was quiet for a moment and Eric slipped past me, cuffing me on the shoulder. “I’ll just let you guys talk.”
Once he was out of the room, I turned back to Carly, waiting for an answer.
“I went to see him because I wanted to thank him and tell him that I’m with you and he has no chance.”
“So, it’s over?”
She looked away and I clenched my fists, trying my best not to lose my shit.
“I tried, but…he said I was being manipulative.”
“How?”
“Josh, I called him when I needed him. He knew I was alive, but I never let him have a way of contacting me. And then when I needed him again, he offered everything to me, and I walked away while he’s healing from a beat down. He’s right. I used him for years and then I was going to kick him out of my life. That’s not who I am.”
“So, you’re going to keep seeing him.”
“Not like that. I told him I could never give him what he wanted.”
“And you think he’ll give up just because you said that?”
“I need you to trust me on this. I won’t let anything happen, but I can’t just walk away from him like he means nothing to me.”
I nodded, but I was feeling anything but understanding. “Well, until you decide what you really want in your life, this isn’t going anywhere.”
“What?” she asked in shock. “We have a child together.”
“And you’re still seeing a man that loves you. Can’t you see how much that hurts me?”
“So, it’s only your feelings that matter.”
“No, but if we have any hopes of beginning a normal life together, we can’t have him looming in the shadows, waiting to take his shot at you.”
She shook her head at me. “You’re unbelievable. We used him to get what we needed. That man almost died trying to protect us and you want me to just walk away from him.”
“I want you to choose your family over him.”
“He is my family,” she shouted. I felt like I had been slapped and took a step back. She sighed, running her hand over her face. “Josh, before you came along, he was family. He was my best friend and the one that was always by my side. Now I have you and Alessa, but that doesn’t make him any less my family.”
“How the hell do you expect me to deal with him? Am I supposed to invite him over for family dinners? Are you going to slip away to see him for Thanksgiving? How does this work?”
“I don’t know, but I know I can’t just cut him out of my life. I want you. I’ve made that very clear, but I’ve never let anyone push me around before, and I’m not about to start now.”
She stormed out of the room and up the stairs. It was so clear to me that Levi was already pushing her around. But she couldn’t see that, and until she did, our future was hanging in the balance.
Days of awkward cohabitation passed between Carly and I. We barely spoke to each other, and when we did, it was only a few strained words. She was staying home, taking care of Alessa, and I was working with Eric until my loan from the bank was approved. If I couldn’t buy the garage in town, I would just start my own. It would be harder, needing to buy everything, but it was worth it to have something that was my own. The next thing I needed was to find someplace to live. I just didn’t know what I was looking for.
“Looking for someplace to stay?” Andrew asked, looking over my shoulder at the paper. “You know, they have computers nowadays that do shit like this a whole lot faster.”
“I’m not used to living with a ton of technology.”
“Well, welcome to the new world, man. Get used to it. Technology is used for everything nowadays. And when you get that loan for your garage, you’re going to have to get a secretary that can run the office side of things. Someone that knows how to use a computer, since you suck at it.”
“I don’t suck at it.”
“Oh, sorry.” He cleared his throat. “You’re technologically disabled.”
“Whatever, asshole.”
“So, if you find a place, can I move in with you?”
I gave him a strange look, shaking my head. “Why would you want to live with me and a baby?”
“You’re bringing the baby with?” he said, sounding struck.
“Why wouldn’t I bring my child to live with me?”
“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “With you and Carly all on the outs and whatnot, I figured that she would get her own place.”
I shook my head and
sighed. “Why wouldn’t you want to stay here with Eric?”
“Well, they’re getting married. It would be a little weird to live with them after that.”
“Right, but not now.”
“Nah, but hey, we could live together and you could be my wingman.”
“Andrew, I’m trying to keep the woman I have. I’m not going to be your wingman. Why don’t you just get your own place?”
He shrugged. “Why live somewhere alone? Besides, I don’t have anything to put in my place.”
“Neither do I.”
“Yes, you do.”
“What are you talking about? It’s not like Eric is going to let me take his kitchen table with me.”
He snorted. “Trust me, you don’t want it. Besides, it holds too many memories for him.”
“Ew,” I said, shoving away from the table.
“Not like that. At least, I seriously hope it’s not like that. No, he broke half the chairs here when Kat left him.”
“That sounds like a wonderful memory.”
“Anyway, when you disappeared, Eric packed up your apartment and moved your shit into a storage place.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I mean, it’s not like you had great shit, but it’ll do until you can afford everything you need.”
I could hardly remember what I had in my old place. Seven years was a long time to be gone. Which reminded me that I had a bank account when I left. “Hey, do you know what happened to my bank account?”
“Yeah,” Andrew nodded. “It’s still open.”
“After all these years?”
He shrugged. “We always figured you’d come home at some point. All of us have been adding money to it over the years. I’m sure it’s not much, but it’s something.”
“You all did that?” I asked in disbelief.
He cleared his throat and shrugged uncomfortably. “Well, don’t get all teary-eyed about it. None of us believed you were dead. Geez, don’t be such a baby.”
He turned and walked away, but I didn’t miss the way he swiped at his eyes before he walked out.
Wanted Dead or In Love: A Small Town Romance (The Cortell Brothers Book 3) Page 24