Pemberley

by Kirsten Bij't Vuur

  for hours without hearing anything until after I played just the one fragment of music occupying my entire mind. It cannot be denied.'

  The pudgy man was amazed to hear of someone else, a talented composer at that, having the same affliction. Little did he know that almost everyone had those moments, but normal people just had to live with them, they couldn't summon a musician to a private audience or spend two weeks travelling to see them at their summer residence. Georgiana had chosen to learn to play herself so she could satisfy her need for music. But she, too, had been privileged, to have time to practise and money to buy an instrument and lessons.

  'If you would be so kind, Mr Fielding. You are so right, I would try to listen to your new work and think of something sensible to say of it, but all this time I would be hearing those older works. If you would please play those first, then I'll be all the happier for having new compositions to relish. Thank you.'

  Georgiana decided to be polite so she seated herself next to Prince George, this time she was not going to play but rather enjoy the music she had heard so often already. Acknowledging her presence with a nod, the Prince showed an excitement that was truly endearing, and for a moment it was as if he was merely one of their friends. Then she remembered Frederick's warnings and reminded herself of his palace and his liveried staff, and how respectful and attentive everyone had been of him. And then Eric started to play.

  He would play two compositions, his first concerto, the one he'd already finished when he had played a fragment of it for Georgiana and Elizabeth in London, still living with Mr Zumpe. And the second one, which had grown under the influence of his love for Georgiana, and his dismissal from Mr Zumpe's service, after which he came to live with the girl who had taken over his dreams. Eric credited Georgiana with being the inspiration of all his own work, and she knew he meant that. He had always had original music forming in his mind, but until he had fallen in love with his shy student it had never tried to take over his life. Now, it still did, something had awoken inside him and it was not going back to sleep, despite their happiness together the music kept coming. It was mostly glad music these days, but it was as beautiful as the older works.

  Georgiana of course knew these compositions by heart, she could play most of them herself, though not at Eric's level, not yet. But still she felt his love, his hope and his despair, the night at the Ball which had paved the way for

  his later fame and fortune, but had nevertheless been a night of agony for Eric himself, who had been steeling himself to leave Georgiana, in the firm conviction that she would not be allowed to marry a nobody.

  Tears threatened, as always, and she tried to swallow them, a Darcy did not show her feelings in front of people she didn't know very well. But wait, was their guest blinking away tears himself? And why not? Most people cried when they heard this the second, or third, or any other time. They didn't know what Eric had suffered, but from their comments, the hundreds Georgiana alone had heard after a season of attending his public performances, she knew they all felt what Eric had felt, under different circumstances but those certainly of a very personal nature. Prince George, too, had known intense love and the fear to lose it, he had felt inadequate and thankless to someone he loved, and he had known hope for a better future, dashed by forces beyond his control. Truly?

  She could not watch his expression, he'd notice, so instead she let herself be carried away by the music once again, Eric's playing ever more positive but still suffused with love. An occasional glimpse showed Prince George still very much affected, he wasn't all that bad, the papers exaggerated all the time, who knew that better than Georgiana and Eric? Having been under scrutiny for months, Georgiana knew exactly how the reporters' fantasies often dictated the news. And she and Eric were just a couple of relatively unimportant musicians, imagine what they'd make up about an Heir Presumptive who didn't suit their dusty morals.

  Playing the concerto and the second piece took considerably more than an hour, and when Eric was done Prince George was intensely quiet for several moments, then spoke with a husky voice, 'That was so beautiful, Mr Fielding, even better than I remembered. Your music has flayed my hardened elephant's hide right off my very soul, and pierced it again and again and again. I bow to your immense talent. Maybe I'll be able to talk of it later, but for now my nerves are still raw, my feelings right at the surface of my being.

  I knew this might happen, which is why I am glad it is just the two of you here with me. You understand. My courtiers would mock me for being sentimental, and even your brother and his friend would only despise me for my lack of dignity.'

  Georgiana knew that wasn't true, but trying to convince a man who had spent his entire life in the public eye that Fitzwilliam and Frederick were different was impossible and even more so, useless. What did it matter?

  The prince now sounded much more sedate already.

  'You clearly disagree and I am glad you do, for I would like to hear this again and again while I still can, commit it to memory, and I cannot promise myself I will not cry again.'

  'My brother and Mr Manners are both feeling men, Your Highness, but their upbringing, like yours, doesn't allow them to show their feelings openly.'

  'Don't I know, don't I know. The suffering we put our little boys and girls through to keep up appearances. We may have all the privileges, but the price is sometimes higher than I am prepared to pay. Had I known before what the life of an heir would be like...

  Promise me you will not let your children suffer what your brother and his friends and I did, Mrs Fielding, Mr Fielding. Keep them with you until they know who they are, teach them all you know, and mostly about love. Did you go to school, Mr Fielding?'

  'I did, Your Highness, but due to my talent I had special guidance from my music teachers. And I was not accepted by my peers, which sometimes made me feel lonely and worthless, but Georgiana and I have always had a faithful best friend: the piano.'

  'My so-called friends may have given me the most grief of all, Mr Fielding. I would have given them, and my exalted position, up in a second, even then, to have your talent. Though your music speaks of hardship, too, it cannot have been easy to be a commoner on a boys' school, and I guess that was just the least of your difficulties.'

  'Well, Your Highness, I think I was quite a happy boy. My true hardships only began when I fell in love with one of my students. A huge mistake, and one that cost me more than I'd ever imagined, but ultimately brought me great happiness. It was when I fell in love with Miss Darcy that the music making itself heard within my mind wouldn't let me rest or practise anything else anymore, not until I had written it down. You heard the results just now.'

  'And I hope to hear them again the coming days. Thank you so much, Mr Fielding, for indulging me, it was beyond comparison. Now I'm very curious about those new compositions you wanted me to hear.'

  And just like that, the charming prince was back, and the sensitive human being had once again been directed back to where a British gentleman kept his better feelings: hidden deep, deep within himself.

  After their long ramble and the removing of pantaloons and skirts soaked to

  the skin, it was almost time for dinner, so all parties involved took their time washing, drying off and warming up. A private concert would take at least two hours, and Eric's new work plus discussing it would add another, there was no reason at all to return to the drawing-room quickly, so they all made sure they warmed up really thoroughly.

  'I feel so much ashamed, my love, that I cannot just trust you and ignore Prince George's attentions towards you,' Darcy admitted. 'I mean, Fowler was so calm about it, it must seem as if I suspect you of being unfaithful to me.'

  'You cannot compare yourself to Nick, my love. He has had scores of ladies, and they all wanted him for themselves. He knows his worth as a lover, and has had it proven to him over and over again. You waited for years to find the perfect woman for you, and then she bluntly rejected you, leaving you in agony. No matte
r how rich and handsome you are, my love, such a memory cannot but undermine your self-confidence. And besides, you are reticent by nature, he is outgoing. And frankly, he is used to being dependent on others, he knows what it is like to have no power over his fate. You don't. There are few men who can actually harm you, but the Prince of Wales is most certainly one of them. I don't blame you for being jealous, Fitzwilliam. Even Frederick felt it to some extent. Doesn't Anne just immediately see through people?'

  'She does. And you are totally right about my being jealous. I just cannot help it, it has nothing to do with you, which is why I will come to terms with it myself, I will try not to make it your problem.'

  'And if you do, I will just order you to our bed and spank you. That ought to prove to you I still love you. Even if you misbehave. Just don't do it before the Prince, my love. And talk to me, Fitzwilliam, I cannot help you cope if I don't know what you think.'

  'You are so strong, my dearest Elizabeth. It's so good to rely on your strength sometimes, it makes me feel so safe. Please don't let my jealousy spoil the Prince's visit for you, I know you like him. How are you feeling, my love?

  Do you still think you may be with child?'

  That just escaped him, he had not asked before because he was afraid to disconcert her, but since he did want to know her feelings he didn't regret letting such a blunt question slip. She did look surprised, but fortunately not put out.

  'I'm quite thrilled, actually. To think that the Prince of Wales braved this weather to hear Eric's music. With his patronage, even if they cannot go to

  the continent because of the war, they will be able to advance their career in music. I think they both still have a lot to learn from Mr Clementi, and with a powerful patron they can meet all the people who matter.

  And yes, beloved, I do think I may be with child. I have not had my monthly bleeding and I should have a week ago. Still, I have been late before, moving house tends to do that, and I have none of the complaints associated with a pregnancy. So I guess it's too early to tell, but I didn't lose the weight I gained in London, despite having been incredibly active for the last few weeks. I'm merely waiting what happens, I'm not celebrating yet, nor do I fear losing my freedom any longer. We'll just have to convince Jane to buy an estate in these parts that much sooner.'

  Somehow, the idea that Elizabeth might be carrying his child made the Prince of Wales' presence that much easier to bear. It was a despicable thought, to want to tie his wife to him with his child, to make her dependent on him, but Darcy couldn't help thinking it. Part of him was prepared to forgive himself for his jealousy, it was who he was, he couldn't help feeling it. But mostly he was determined to fight it, and he would win, he would trust his lovely Elizabeth, and if his jealousy made him feel humble or angry he'd excuse himself and seek out Fowler to invite him to ride out, or practise some shooting, or play billiards. It would remove him from temptation to make a scene and maybe offer the opportunity to share his frustration with a man who seemed much more able to deal with not being in control of his own life.

  And Nick indeed wasn't worried about Prince George's admiration of Anne.

  He knew there was nothing he could do about it anyway, and though he hadn't met the Prince in person, Anne clearly showed she wasn't attracted to the older man at all. In fact, Nick admired his beloved for planning to direct his attentions towards herself to spare her cousin the agonies of jealousy.

  Nick had come to appreciate their host a lot more these last few weeks, he was kind and no longer seemed to find Nick beneath Anne's notice, and was letting Nick know that. Of course it had helped that Nick had shown the gentleman how to keep his cool in the most aggravating circumstances, a simple trick of the mind he had picked up to keep himself from strangling Wellesley.

  And Nick loved the life of a gentleman, riding his magnificent Liquor, feeling on top of the world to find Anne watching him with admiration as he managed to impose his will on that strong and lively gelding, either in the

  riding paddock, trying to perfect the exercises Peter or Sarah said would strengthen his bond with the fractious horse, or in Mr Darcy's huge park, racing Mrs Darcy's wiry gelding, trying their first jumps.

  The riding was the best thing, besides being with Anne most of the time, but Nick loved all of it, billiards, shooting, fishing, reading travel journals, poring over maps. And the food, and the brandy! Most of the time he was part of the tightly knit group of explorers, but he also enjoyed being in the back of the house a few hours each day, his friendship with Simon ever deepening, helping Dora to practise reading and writing, having the occasional long talks with Mrs Reynolds and Brewer, the steward, the comradery of the stable staff who all seemed to admire him more than he deserved, even Hugo, who was not the reckless philanderer here but a highly ranked member of the staff truly in charge of his domain. No, this was an excellent life, and he would not risk it out of sheer jealousy. If Anne did indeed show an interest in the prince, or the fellow started to make serious advances towards her, it was early enough to start getting upset. He did want to meet the man but couldn't imagine a situation which wouldn't make such a worldly wise man suspicious. Both Simon and himself had accepted that they would probably see much less of their partners for as long as their royal guest was at Pemberley.

  'You're quiet, but you're not upset at all, are you?' Anne's sweet voice asked.

  She was lying in his arms, enjoying their closeness for a few more moments before Dora would arrive to help her mistress dress for dinner. At least there was one inhabitant of this huge house who was nothing but pleased to have such an important visitor: instead of walking around in riding skirts all day her mistress would want to look her best, and Dora could perfect all the new tricks and fashions she'd learned from Fanny before they would be picked at by the London critics next fall.

  'No, surprisingly little. I don't want to lose you to the Prince of Wales, but I don't think that will happen. He's old, isn't he?'

  'Almost forty, and decidedly on the chubby side. I'll try to get you included in an outing so you can meet him, but we have to be really careful.'

  'I know. It's better not to take a risk, though I'll be sorry to be so close to him and not get to see him. I could put on a livery and serve tonight.'

  She didn't like the thought of that at all, but Nick didn't mind serving others.

  He'd done it almost his entire life and this time it was the safest way to indulge his curiosity.

  'Please don't do it, Nick,' Anne said, 'what if you see or hear something you don't like and give yourself away? What if something happens I know you won't like and I give us away? I will find a way for you to see Prince George, I promise.'

  'If you don't want me to serve dinner, I won't. I love you, Anne, and I'd do anything to make you happy.'

  Of course Simon wanted to know everything that had happened and Frederick told him in detail, feeling rather obviously guilty that Simon missed so much of the fun, even more so than Nick.

  'I think I'll help with the serving tonight, to catch a glimpse of the Prince of Wales before he leaves.'

  'I may be able to do better, if you're not averse to serving a pudgy almost-forty-year-old: he has no staff of his own and I suspect he is used to being waited on hand and foot. He looked a bit rumpled today and the papers never mentioned him as anything but well dressed. I could offer him your services for his most basic needs. You might hear something interesting.'

  That would mean being treated like a servant, but Prince George didn't have a bad reputation for either mistreating servants or bad personal hygiene. It seemed too good a chance to satisfy his curiosity to let pass, if Prince George wasn't too paranoid to accept such a favour from someone who had been set up by his advisors as being his father's puppet.

  'I think I can survive bathing and dressing a middle-aged man, and maybe do his hair. If he dares to trust a member of your staff so intimately. He may still think you are his father's spy, you know.'

  'Then he can
refuse the offer. I'll find a good moment to make my proposal, and I'll let you know.'

  And that was enough talk, if they were to see less of each other, the least they could do was make their time together count.

  Chapter 14

  Dinner wasn't uncomfortable at all, Fitzwilliam seemed to have settled a lot, Elizabeth had suffered Fanny to dress her but not all out, it wouldn't do to tempt Prince George. Though somehow she didn't think he would be that

  impressed by the best attempt at fashion of an upstart country girl who had married a rich gentleman, he was surrounded by riches and had been all his life. And those dresses the ladies wore at court, to Elizabeth's eyes they were ludicrously old-fashioned, but Prince George was from a different generation and might look upon them as the standard for ladies' accoutrement.

  But when they sat down in the drawing room for drinks the Prince of Wales seemed nothing so much as distracted, he greeted all of them heartily enough, and his eyes did light up at the sight of Elizabeth and especially Anne, but he did not start a lively conversation as he so expertly could. His mind was obviously engaged elsewhere. He offered them a wistful little smile and the best and most logical excuse, which made him even more sympathetic to Elizabeth and no doubt everyone present in the drawing-room.

  'Please let me excuse myself for my current inability to be entertaining, I'm still coming to terms with a lot of feelings Mr Fielding's music stirred up in me. I didn't expect it to hit me this hard, I've had a lot of practice controlling my feelings, everyone is always ready to judge my reason, my personality, my taste. I've grown used to keeping a certain distance. I went into your drawing-room eager to be entertained, and was caught totally unaware.'

  That was almost sad, though it did resemble Fitzwilliam's and Frederick's way of dealing with life, which was in its way as unfair as how ladies were expected to always behave properly and never even feel the need to do something active or vaguely interesting. Of course gentlemen, too, had to bow to convention. They could be active, were in fact expected to, but they were absolutely forbidden to show their feelings in public.