Loving the Enemy

by Connelly, Clare

  “It was at home, packed in a box with your things.”

  She swallowed, her throat hurting, her eyes welling up with tears. She’d left everything when she’d left Max. She’d intended to get it all back at some point, but it was too hard. The idea of seeing him again, of seeing the things that had meant so much to her…she’d rejected that.

  “I should have given it back to you sooner.”

  “I meant to send for it.” She ran her finger over the familiar frame, staring at her mom, and tears filled her eyes out of nowhere. She lifted her gaze to Max’s, her heart hurting. “It’s exactly what I needed to see right now.”

  He didn’t say anything.

  “I kept wishing she were here. I know how much she’d have wanted to see this – to meet her. I hate that my daughter won’t ever get to know her.”

  “You can fill our daughter with stories of your mother. I will do the same. She’s no longer here but she can still be a big part of her life.”

  A tear slid down Alessia’s cheek. She nodded, a small smile lifting her lips as she stared at the photo.

  It was Max’s breaking point. He reached across, catching the tear, smudging it away with the pad of his thumb. Her eyes fluttered shut, as though the small contact was too much, but a moment later, she fixed him with eyes that were so full of strength and determination, so determined to reject him. He dropped his hand and expelled a breath slowly, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, beside her.

  He felt her bristle, and knew how hard this would be – just as he deserved.

  “I needed to see that photograph today, too.”

  She didn’t look at him.

  “I know you only left a week ago, but Christo, Alessia, I have missed you. I have missed you with every fibre of my soul. This last week has reminded me of the past five years, of the emptiness I have felt inside of me every single day. The thought of going back to that – I can’t do it.”

  Now, she looked at him, surprise on her features, but only for a moment, before determination and strength were back, implacable and determined.

  “You don’t need to say this. It’s okay.”

  He nodded, her scepticism understandable.

  “When I was at Villa Fortune recently, Fiero told me I should tell you how I feel, even when it made no sense to me. He said that you’re smarter than I am and you’d be able to work it out. I didn’t do that; I should have.”

  “You did tell me how you feel,” she said simply. “You don’t love me, and I can’t be married to someone who isn’t capable of returning…my feelings. I was stupid to even attempt this.”

  “No, not stupid,” he denied fiercely. “You were brave. So brave, Alessia. Then, and now.”

  She shook her head, replacing the photo frame on the table beside her. But he reached for it, looking down at the image for a moment.

  “You know our marriage was never about love.”

  Her lips tightened but she didn’t otherwise react.

  “I have wanted to be clear about that all along. I hate the idea of love. But marriage, and marriage to you, has always seemed to make sense. I could write a list of all the reasons you’re the person I want to build a life with, and every single point is rational and justifiable. You’re smart and kind, you make me laugh, I’ve known you a long time, I respect you –,”

  “And you care for my father,” she said quietly.

  He couldn’t deny that – it was one of the reasons their first marriage had made sense.

  “But none of that explains why I reacted the way I did when I thought you’d cheated.”

  “I hurt your pride.”

  “No. You hurt more than my pride. You hurt me so deep, in a place I thought closed off forever. You reminded me of how I’d felt when we’d first left our parents. It was a pain I’d long since forgotten, something I swore I’d never allow myself to feel again. I didn’t want to be vulnerable to that kind of hurt…”

  He saw her eyes flash with sympathy and ached for her – that even now she could feel that for him!

  “Rejection hurts,” she said quietly. “You felt rejected.”

  “That’s pride again. Ego. And it was more than that. I’m not an angry person, Alessia, but I wanted to kill him – the man who was kissing you in all those photos. I was furious. I couldn’t look at you. I told myself you were childish and immature, that it was the act of a silly, spoiled girl. I did what I could to hate what you’d done because that was safer than accepting what you’d come to mean to me.”

  She was very still, her eyes locked to his but giving nothing away.

  “For five years I have thought of you. I’ve been in a kind of stasis. I haven’t been involved with another woman –,”

  Alessia stared at him in total shock. “You mean you’ve haven’t…”

  “I took our marriage vows seriously.”

  “Our marriage was over.”

  “Perhaps.” He lifted his shoulders. “When I heard you were engaged, I knew I couldn’t let you get married to anyone else.”

  He ran his finger over the edge of the frame, lost in thought. “I didn’t blackmail Sam because I thought he wasn’t right for you. Oh, on some level I told myself I was doing the right thing to test him, but I would have paid him whatever it took – if that was ten million euros, then so be it. I didn’t care. I couldn’t let you marry him.”

  Another tear rolled down her cheek. “You’re…possessive.”

  “Only of you – only ever of you. And why is that? Why would I feel like this about you?” He waited, his eyes sweeping her face. “Fiero says you are smarter than I am. Can you work it out?”

  She looked towards their sleeping child, her face softening a little at the image of their baby.

  “I don’t know.”

  “It took me far too long to understand myself. You left and I felt an impossible weight pressing down on me, making everything impossible. And then I saw this picture.”

  He turned it over, so the inscription was visible. “Life is short, but love is long.” He pinned her with his gaze, his eyes intense and tormented. “I don’t know when I fell in love with you. When your mother died and you were still a teenager, and all I wanted to do was push the world away for you, hold you tight until you stopped crying? When you were eighteen and you got accepted into medical school, and you drank half a bottle of champagne with Yaya and went swimming half-drunk?”

  “You dragged me out of the pool,” she reminded him, but the words had a breathless quality, as though she couldn’t quite compute what he was saying.

  “I was worried you would drown.” He placed the photo on the bedside table.

  “I have always been worried about you, as though I understood your happiness and survival were intrinsic to my own. I tried to help your father and while I care for him deeply, it was never just about Carlo. I needed to protect you, Alessia. From the decisions he was about to make, and the embarrassment he’d feel if his empire crumbled. It was always, always about you.”

  She shook her head a little, biting down on her lip. “I don’t think I believe you.”

  “I suggested our marriage. I came up with the idea, I sold it to him, to you. And you asked me why I wasn’t ‘honest’ with you? Why didn’t I tell you the extent of your father’s troubles?”

  “Because you were protecting me.”

  “No. Because you loved me and I never wanted to lose that. I felt as though I were walking a tightrope between what I should want, how I should act, and what I actually needed. I failed you, but not because I didn’t love you.”

  A small sob shifted her body.

  His heart throbbed. “I blackmailed Sam because I couldn’t exist in a world in which you were married to someone else. And yet, if he’d been absolutely perfect for you, perhaps I would have done the right thing for you. He wasn’t. He would never have been good enough for you.”

  “And you are?”

  “No. I’m nowhere near good enough. But I will spend a lifetime tryi
ng to be, if you’ll let me.”

  She stared at him, and he had no idea how she felt, or what effect his words had on her. At that moment, their baby made a little noise, a soft crying sound, and Alessia blinked as though waking from a dream. She went to move but he stood quickly. “Allow me.”

  He had experience with babies, thanks to Fiero and Elodie. He reached into the crib with confidence, though it was so different knowing this little bundle was all his. He picked her up, breathing in her sweet baby fragrance, nuzzling his nose to the crown of her head. When he passed her to Alessia, she was staring at him in absolute shock.

  “What?”

  “I…nothing.” Her eyes were wet again. “I just didn’t expect you to be so…to look so right…with her.”

  He grinned despite the seriousness of their mood and what was on the line. His grin fell when he saw Alessia with their baby. Awe took over everything else. She moved the gown a little to reveal her breast, and pressed their baby to it. A moment later, their daughter was feeding. Alessia lay back, exhausted and content. Max felt the strongest burst of love he’d ever known. Everything he cared about was in this room.

  It was his family. He had to fight for them.

  But now?

  Now he needed to let her rest and adapt.

  “I love you.” He said it simply, because what else could he add?

  She didn’t look at him at first, almost as though she were afraid of what she might see, and then, finally, she did. He saw hurt in her eyes. Hurt that he’d caused. Insecurity he’d caused her to feel.

  “I’ve always loved you.”

  “You’ve made an art form of pushing me away.”

  “Yes.” He didn’t move. “Do you think one thing makes the other impossible?”

  Her eyes widened, as she contemplated that.

  “I never wanted to fall in love, but there is no other way to describe what I feel for you. When I read your mother’s words on the back of that photo frame, I realised I could have written them myself. You are the light of my life. These last five years, it’s as though the light went out. And then, it came back. Brighter and better than ever. I don’t want to lose you again, Alessia. Not if there’s any chance I can fix this. Not if there’s any chance I can make you feel safe to love me again.”

  She shook her head, sadness in her face and he braced for what he knew was coming. He’d ruined everything.

  “I never stopped loving you, Max. It’s not like that. You were given away by your parents and so I guess it’s only natural you’d feel like love is fickle and temporary, but it’s not. I fell in love with you a long time ago, and I will always love you.”

  Her words breathed hope through his body – a hope that was dangerous and intemperate, but he couldn’t care.

  “But living with you has been torture. Knowing how I felt and that you’d never return it, I needed to protect myself.”

  “And I made that impossible.”

  “Yes.” She tilted her head, her eyes still showing caution.

  “Living without you is torture,” he said quietly. “I didn’t understand that.” He frowned. “Or perhaps I did. Perhaps I instinctively ran from that knowledge because I have always felt that loving someone would lead to being hurt.” He shook his head angrily. “I’ve been a coward and a bastardo, and knowing that I’ve hurt you –,”

  “You did,” she said firmly, and then she sighed. “But I grew from that hurt. I had to become strong, independent. I left my dad’s shadow. I built a career that I love – that I’m really good at. And maybe if I’d stayed married to you, I wouldn’t have done any of those things.”

  “You would have,” he said firmly.

  “I don’t know. Maybe I would have left dad’s shadow only to become a part of yours?”

  He was quiet, digesting that. Given their age difference and difference in life experience, it wasn’t so ridiculous to contemplate.

  “I shouldn’t have divorced you.”

  She lowered her gaze, looking at their baby but with an expression of bemusement. “You were angry.”

  “Yes. That should have told me how I felt about you.” He shook his head. “I was devastated. Only a man completely in love would have cared so damned much.”

  She risked a glance at him and then looked away.

  “You gave all of yourself to our marriage. You came to me with your heart open during our first marriage. And in our second, you tried to keep it closed, to protect yourself from loving me. Maybe I tried to do the same, but neither of us succeeded.” He reached for the photo frame, showing her the inscription, reading aloud. “You are the light of my life. Never doubt how loved you are.”

  Tears filled her eyes.

  “I want to be the man you deserve. I want to be the father she deserves.” He reached out and ran a finger over their baby’s soft, downy head. She wriggled a little in response before latching on and continuing to feed hungrily. He smiled, but it was a melancholy smile, born of uncertainty. “But whatever you decide, I will dedicate the rest of my life to your happiness, Alessia. I love you too much to do anything except wait – wait for you to say what you want, to decide if you can give me another chance. And whatever you decide, I will support you fully.”

  The silence was suffocating. Never before had he felt so much was at stake. Never before had he felt so completely at the mercy of another human. But he was – utterly and completely – so that whatever Alessia said he knew it would shape the rest of his life.

  He waited, and he held his breath, and he tried not to show her how anxious he was, because her heart was so kind and so soft that she would very likely decide to put him at ease even if it wasn’t what she really wanted.

  And eventually, she spoke.

  “You know I love you.”

  Humour burst through her like sunshine.

  “Take a breath, Max. You look like you’re about to pass out.”

  He exhaled slowly then breathed in.

  “I love you,” she said, simply. “I didn’t leave you because I was angry, or because I didn’t love you. I left because I love you too much to live with you when there’s no hope you feel the same. If you really mean this…”

  “With all my heart.”

  She smiled at him, and Max began to breathe more freely. “You’ll come home?”

  Her eyes shifted and something burst between them. An understanding of what that word really meant. It was their home, the place their heart was, where they both wanted to be. It was wherever they were together.

  “Yes. Let’s go home.”

  * * *

  THE END

  * * *

  I hope you’ve loved Alessia and Max’s story. Keep an eye out for book four in the Montebello series, NOTHING LASTS FOREVER, which is due for release in June 2020.

  When summer flings turn serious...

  * * *

  Devastatingly handsome Rafaello Montebello has never known a woman he couldn’t charm, but he’s finally met his match in determined Ice Queen Lauren Monroe. He knows she’s got a softer side, but whenever he’s in the room, Lauren freezes over completely. Not one to shy away from a challenge, Raf decides to seduce the beautiful stranger. It starts off as fun – a distraction – but the closer he gets to Lauren the more he realownises she was right to keep him at arm’s length.

  * * *

  Young widow Lauren lives a lonely life – completely by choice. Having experienced the agony of loving and losing someone before, she’s determined to avoid knowing that unique pain ever again. It’s a rule she’s never come close to breaking…until Raf Montebello enters her life and makes it impossible to say ‘no’.

  * * *

  A brief affair isn’t the end of the world, as long as she remembers that nothing lasts forever. Waking up in his arms might be sinfully sweet, but it’s just an illusion. Isn’t it?

  * * *

  Book four in The Montebellos series is a sexy, heartwarming romance that will set your soul on fire.

  Ya
ya had always loved the afternoon sun best. Right here, in this small conservatory overlooking La montagna di Apollo. When she’d moved here with Gianfelice, she’d chosen this room to be her space. A place away from his life, his magnetism, his enormous presence. She’d loved him – who wouldn’t have? – but in a way that was terrifying and all-consuming, in a way that had threatened to swallow her whole. Here in this small room on the edge of the villa, Paula Montebello had found space to breathe, to calm her fluttering heart, to connect with the teenager she’d been before Gianfelice had swept in and changed everything.

  Here in this room with the warmth of the sun playing against the glass, the view the same she’d been loving for over six decades, Yaya stared out at it all, and felt herself slipping – away from the world, herself, her home, her life. It was as though a chord had been cut and she was suddenly untethered, sinking; all the griefs of her long life rushing towards her, demanding attention, seeking recognition and retribution.

  She fell to the ground in abject fear – not of death, but of the mistakes she’d made, mistakes she had no hope of fixing now. It was too late; she was slipping.

  Pre-order NOTHING LASTS FOREVER for 99c for a limited time!

  * * *

  Read on for a full-length bonus book, Book One in THE EVERMORE SERIES, THE SHEIKH’S BABY BARGAIN. Happy reading!

  The Sheikh’s Baby Bargain

  Bonus Book

  Chapter One

  THE ROOM WAS FULL of guests, dripping in expensive jewels, wearing the brightly coloured fabrics this region of Ras el-Kida was known for. Dusky pinks, turquoise, purple and vibrant blue, and from the corner of the ornately decorated space, beautiful guitar music was filling the ‘golden room’ of the palace – so called because every wall was covered in gold paper, the floor was tiled in gold and the chandeliers had been cast of gold and bronze, with diamonds inlaid in the centre of each. Even without the glittering attendees, this room was spectacular, but now, it was like a living, thriving river of stars.