“Stop.” I hold up a hand. I need a second to process his words because Nick’s not feeding me a line.
He’s telling me the truth. I should know. Jed used those exact words when he wrote about my emotional state after the fight. He said that Nick’s breakdown—his “emotional turmoil”—couldn’t be tolerated in this case. Not when it hurt the most important person in Jed’s life.
Me.
“Let’s leave it at we both made mistakes. We start fresh from here, now. I won’t let you down as a friend again, Nick.” He starts to speak, but I talk over him. “Can you promise me the same?”
“Yes. Unequivocally.” He holds open his arms.
Tentatively, I move into them. This is different than the hug from last night at the Brewhouse; it’s about two wounded hearts yearning so badly to be healed because of the pain they heaped on each other. No, I correct myself silently, because of the pain I caused.
After a few long moments, I pull back and wipe my eyes. “So, what do you think about the stone?”
“It fucking sucks,” Nick tells me bluntly. Of course, he says this as a teary-eyed couple passes us.
I slap my hand across my mouth to contain my laughter. “Nick…”
“He shouldn’t be gone, Maris. So who the hell cares what his damn tombstone looks like?”
Kara waxed poetic about the beauty of the stone. Brad and Rainey thought it was gorgeous. Nick, God love him, said exactly the right thing. I decide to tell him something he might not realize. “I missed you more nights than I hated you.”
And that’s what brings tears to Nick’s eyes. He tries to speak but ends up just running a hand over my hair.
For a long time we stand by the sea, over someone we both loved with our whole hearts, and remember without articulating the many words that need to be said between us. Because sometimes it’s not words that need to be said.
Sometimes it’s time that’s more precious between two people.
And we haven’t had nearly enough of that.
After a long while, we begin to walk back. “Do you need to call Brad?”
“Actually, he’s been locked in his office by Rainey. Do you mind dropping me off?”
“Wait, let me guess?” I stop walking and grin up at Nick. “His business is a mess since Meadow left?”
Nick tosses a friendly arm around my shoulders. “Got it in one.”
“I’m not sure if Rainey mourned the loss of her sister or her husband’s office manager more,” I muse.
Nick barks out a laugh. “I know at the dinner table last night, he was swearing he’d put an ad in the paper.”
I scoff. “I’ll let you know if that actually happens. He swears that every tax season except the one where Meadow worked for him.”
Nick stops. “Seriously?”
I nod. “Not kidding.”
“What do you do about all this stuff?”
I think back to those dark days after the accident and the classes I enrolled in once I healed. “I run the books for the Brewhouse.”
Nick frowns. “Isn’t that a lot?”
I roll my eyes. “Not you too.”
“Me too?”
I begin ticking all the people who had an opinion about me working so many hours over the years off on my fingers. “Jed, Kara, Dean, Brad, Rainey, Kevin—when he was old enough, Jennings—after he and Kara got married. All of them have harped on me working too many hours.” Before Nick can comment, I break away and stand in front of him. “I’ll tell you what I told Jennings. I’ve cut back on my hours working at the actual Brewhouse. Now I only go in when someone needs assistance. It’s why I realized I need more to fill my life than just work.” I scrunch my nose and turn my head away, a sure sign I have something else to say.
Nick picks up on it immediately. “What? What else is there?”
“I thought if I filled my life with everything that was the Brewhouse, I would forget the most important thing.”
“What’s that?”
“I was lonely.” Despite Nick’s obvious shock, I start walking. He quickly catches up. “It was just me. Jed was in Florida, and then he was…he….”
“Maris. I get it.” At the conviction of Nick’s voice, I get myself together.
I continue. “When I finally snapped back from the agony”—and after I’d read some of Jed’s private thoughts, I think silently—“there was a still heartache. But it was different. It was for what I was missing.”
“Then you do whatever you have to in order to rid yourself of that feeling.”
I smile. And I’m taken aback when Nick stops walking and stares at me. “What? What is it?”
“Nothing.” His long legs catch up.
“Nick, what is it?” I ask impatiently.
“It’s nothing.”
“It was something,” I argue.
“It’s just, that’s the first time you’ve smiled at me in almost twenty years. I wanted to enjoy it.” He tries to move past me, but I snag his arm.
Then beneath the cloudy Juneau sky, I tip my head back and smile up at Nicholas Cain. Not because I’m trying to flirt with him, but because I’ve owed him smiles for any number of reasons and I’ve withheld them.
I didn’t smile at him at Kara and Jennings’s wedding, nor Meadow and Kody’s.
I refused to smile at him when he ran after me to make sure I was okay after the will was read.
I couldn’t smile when he came to both of my parents’ funerals. I was too heartbroken.
But this smile? It’s a smile that belongs to him that’s been inside of me waiting a long time to be shared.
Finally after a few moments, I turn my head away and say, “Come on. I’m parked in the garage.”
I think he might be too stunned, because Nick follows me without a word.
Nicholas
I was never one to hide my emotions. If I believed something needed to be said, I came right out with it. But as Maris drove me back to the Meyers residence, I feel like I’d be a heel to do something like that.
There’s no sound in the car, not even music. Our conversation has become nonexistent. We’re driving the speed limit, if barely a mile over. I’m about to open my mouth to ask if there’s something wrong with her SUV because of the focused way she’s concentrating when I notice how tightly her hands are clenched on the steering wheel. Her knuckles are so tight, they’re practically translucent. I frown and turn my head out the windshield. Does Maris not like to drive? I rack my brain trying to recall if Jed ever mentioned that to me. I want to ask her about it, but not now. Not when she’s so focused on what she’s doing.
But as quickly as the thought enters my mind, the minute we turn off the main road, the intensity evaporates as if it wasn’t there. “Do you need to call Rainey to let her know when you’re arriving?” There’s not a hint of the strain she’s been under the last few miles.
“No, Brad said only to call if I needed a ride.”
Her eyes briefly leave the road. “Mind if I pop in? If she’s home, I need to speak with Rainey about a fundraiser she wants to do at the Brewhouse for the kids’ school.”
Disconcerted because one moment Maris looked like she’d rather be doing anything than driving and the next she’s completely at ease, I stumble. “Sure. Guess not. Don’t see a problem. Not my house.”
“You know, Champ, I’m not entirely sure how those smooth words of yours managed to bag so many women.” The saccharine sweetness in her voice swirls together with the venomous sarcasm.
Ah, familiar territory with Maris. I relax. “Despite what the rags report, there haven’t been that many women.”
“Mere thousands instead of trending towards the millions? You know you have your own hashtag, Nick.”
I chuckle. “Maris, the paparazzi is so deranged, they think I’m sleeping with my assistant, Charmaine.”
“It’s been known to happen.” She turns her vehicle down Rainey and Brad’s street.
“True. Charmaine is a knockout for
her age.” I relish the hiss of breath that whistles out between Maris’s teeth before I finish my explanation. “Except Charmaine’s longtime boyfriend, Harold, would likely find some way to take me out despite our age differences. I wonder if he’d run over my foot multiple times with his scooter to even the advantage.”
Her lips twitch. I enjoy as she struggles to prevent the giggle from escaping. “He sounds like a ruthless foe. Even not knowing him, I like his style.”
“You would just flat out like him. Your problem is Charmaine though.”
“Why?”
“First, Charmaine is much more mobile. Second, if she ever caught Harold flirting with you—which is more than likely to happen since he charms everyone he meets—she’d turn into a barracuda.”
Maris parks the car and turns her face fully in my direction. My heart thumps hard in my chest over the devilish sparkle on her face. “And now I know I’d like her as well. Give me an example.”
“The last woman who hit on ‘her Harold’ wound up with a bowl of salsa dumped over her head.” I pause for a moment. “It was the waitress at bingo night. Harold told me they needed to roll over the jackpot prize to the next week in order to break up the ‘humdrum’ Charmaine caused.”
Maris’s body begins to shake. “I have to hear more. I feel like she’s my spirit animal.”
I decide to press my advantage while I can. Reaching over the center console, I touch her hand. “Will you let me see you again while I’m here?”
Every inch of the laughter slowly drains away, and it causes an ache I don’t want to explore. Maris bites her lip. “Is this such a good idea, Nick?”
“Friends eat. Friends share stories about their lives. Besides, I have it on good authority I don’t check my email often enough.”
“Well, we know that’s the truth. Otherwise, the adoption wouldn’t have come as a surprise.”
“I plan on slugging through it.”
“When?”
I open my mouth to reply before I catch the gleam in Maris’s. “Shit. Why do I get the feeling you’re going to make me clean out my email?”
“I’ll make you a deal, Nick. Show me your email box is empty and we’ll discuss it.” Maris opens her door and slides from the vehicle.
Well, I know what I’ll be doing later after I make plans to meet up with Oliver and Reece. Hopping out, I catch up with Maris, who gives a perfunctory knock before entering. And we’re both greeted with chaos.
Rainey is running around after Josh and Sophie yelling, “Pick up your toys or I swear you won’t have electronic time for a week. And stop making that awful racket. You were supposed to grow out of your savage years.”
I lean down to whisper directly into Maris’s ear, “Is this normal behavior? Children deciding to start their own marching band using the clean pots their mother scrubbed?”
Her head tips up, so close our lips are practically touching. “Don’t you remember doing anything like this as a child?”
“Honestly, no. I remember running around the woods outside wherever…” Then I catch myself. I’ve told Jed more than anyone, but I don’t know what he shared about my past with his sister. Anxiously, I try to slow my heart rate while I gauge her reaction.
Maris isn’t reacting to my words. Instead, she’s looking at the Meyers hellions. Frowning thoughtfully, she finally declares, “They’re thawing out.”
“Like what? A frozen chicken breast?”
Maris barks out a laugh before patting me on the arm. She puts her fingers between her lips and lets out a piercing whistle. All movement in the room stills. “Kids, outside. Burn off some of that energy before your mother ties you to the bed for the foreseeable future.”
The spawns of Brad don’t have to be told twice. They drop the pans where they stand, setting off a clang that almost has me reaching up to cover my ears. Racing for the back mudroom, they shove on coats and jam their feet into boots. Rainey waits until they’re outside before she drops to her knees and begins bowing before Maris. “I’m not worthy.”
“I brought a different form of trouble back with homework.” Uh-oh. My testicles draw up in fear when Rainey’s head snaps up from her prostrate position the floor.
“Oh? What does he have to do?”
“Eliminate his email.” Both women laugh like it’s the biggest joke in the world.
“Why do you both find this funny?” I demand. I expect this is going to take me thirty minutes max even if there’s a limit to the number of messages I can delete at one time.
“Because you’re a man. You planned on just deleting all of the email and starting over, didn’t you?”
Busted. I thought it was a great idea, until Maris continues. “There’s answers to a lot of unasked questions about all of us in those emails. I suggest you settle in and make a half-assed effort to find them all. Now, Rainey, about this fundraiser…”
“Can we raise enough money to turn it into a boarding school?” she beseeches Maris.
“No. You have to keep your kids until at least they can provide for themselves.” Rainey groans as if she’s in physical agony. “But here’s what I was thinking.” Maris steps forward and drags Rainey from the floor. The two women link arms and move toward the kitchen.
“Hey,” I call out. Both women stop. “How long do I have to do this?” Meaning my Herculean task of cleaning out my email. Internally I shudder. I might get carpal tunnel from this.
Maris shrugs. “That’s entirely up to you, isn’t it?” Then she disappears out of sight with Rainey.
Procrastinating a little longer, I call Oliver. He makes arrangements to pick me up the following morning. “Me and Reece spent the weekend together. I put him through a few of your workouts.”
“How did he do?”
“Kicked my ass.”
“That isn’t hard to do,” I retort.
“Ha ha. Very funny. We rented some gym space to work on his ground game if you want to get in on that.”
Making a snap decision, I agree. “Let’s put him through his paces. I want to do the full day with him.”
Oliver groans. “Have you ever run here, boss?”
“Many, many times. Not enjoying the hills?”
“My calves feel like they’re on fire.”
“Then do some more stretches before you tear something,” I bark out.
“Already doing that.”
“I’ll take a look tomorrow. If you injured yourself, you’re not going to be the one sparring with your friend.” Even as the words come out, a thrill pumps through me. “I can always step in.”
“Give me permission to video this,” Oliver begs. “I might be able to sell it one day as ‘Two Champs’ or some shit. Maybe be able to buy myself a house as nice as yours.”
If I didn’t know he was teasing, I’d kick his ass. “Cute.”
“You’re no fun,” he complains good-naturedly before hanging up.
Now, sitting in Brad’s home office with my laptop and an unfathomable number of emails staring back at me, I’m at a loss where to begin. And Maris’s words keep ricocheting through my head, tantalizing me, like nothing else has lately. Even the idea of working with a new fighter.
There’s answers to a lot of your questions about all of us in those emails.
“When this is done, I’m starting a new account so I can leave this one for spam. Then I swear, I’ll double Charmaine’s salary to scan it for me,” I declare resolutely as I begin to delete a thousand emails at a time—the maximum my email provider will allow. Hours later, I’m left with 5,846 messages from the guys and more recently from their women. It’s about a percent of what I started with. I know many have slipped off the system, and I feel a huge pang of regret I’ll never get those back.
Especially when I spot Jed’s email address.
Before doing anything else, I create a folder and dump all of the messages in there so they’re at least safe from being eliminated due to time. Then I open up the oldest and start reading.
&nb
sp; They’re mostly from Jed, keeping us up to date on trivial matters. There are a few replies from Brad and Kody, very few from Jennings. That is, until the message that causes my heart to stop.
Hey.
I’m going to be offline for a while. I’m not sure when I’ll be back on.
Maris was involved in a serious car wreck in the early hours of the morning. She was airlifted to Fairbanks. I don’t know much more than that. Mom and Dad left at first light.
Guys, it’s bad. Really bad.
There’s nothing that anyone can do. Everything’s being done that can be done. But somehow, it doesn’t seem to be enough. This is my baby sister, my heart, my sunshine. But if you have it in you to say a few prayers, it would be appreciated.
- Jed
There was a flurry of emails right after that from all of the guys—except me. Jed never replied to any of them until he got back from Fairbanks to say Maris had been released. And there’s nothing from me because I never bothered to check my email because I wanted to leave everything about Alaska behind as I cocooned my pain over my abandonment tightly.
It was at least a year after this before they heard from me again since I chose to willingly cut all of them out of my life while I tried to run away from the anger and hatred. And when I let the guys back in, this never came up. Not then, not later.
“After all, she was home and healed, so why would they bother to bring it up to you, you selfish prick!” I yell at the reflection I see in the glare of the computer screen. “Motherfucking, selfish asshole. Boo-hoo. You were left by your mother. Who the hell cares? She could have died.”
The door squeaks as it opens. Rainey steps inside. “Nick, are you telling the truth?”
“Yeah, Rainey.” I spread my arms wide. “Take a good look. Why did all of you still give a damn about me?”
“No, I meant about being left by your mother.”
I turn away. Christ, Brad never told her in all these years? “Yes.”
Return by Sea (Glacier Adventure Series Book 3) Page 11