Return by Sea (Glacier Adventure Series Book 3)

by Tracey Jerald

  “Aggravation,” he counters before plucking a kiss from my lips.

  “Brashness.” I push him.

  “Bossiness.” Nick rolls to his back so I’m sitting astride him.

  I smirk. “Confidence.”

  He thinks for a moment. “Consideration.” I bend down and kiss him.

  “Devastation?” I lean over and kiss the inside of his elbow.

  “Desperation.” He leans up and kisses the underside of my jaw.

  “Emotional.” I’m loving this word game we’re playing, but Nick shakes his head, causing me to frown. He sits up and cups my face.

  “Everything. You’re simply everything.” His eyes bore into mine before he leans forward and brushes his lips against mine. “It wouldn’t have mattered if it was twenty years ago or twenty minutes ago, I need you to understand that.”

  I wrap my arms around his shoulders and press against him. I bury my head against his neck, and a harsh sob is pulled from me.

  Nick doesn’t say anything, just holds on until the storm has passed. After it does, he whispers, “Better?”

  “Yes. No.”

  He laughs before tipping up my chin. “That clears up a lot.”

  I grin. “Blame hormones. I should have them checked. It’s been a while.”

  Nick’s face gets serious quickly. “There’s a number of competition-level women athletes at the gym. We get them checked for a number of issues—hormones, among other blood imbalances. Is this something we need to have you checked for regularly. How often should you be checked?”

  If I hadn’t been on the edge of falling for Nick Cain for most of my life, the immediate concern about my medical welfare—not about the fact I can’t have any children—would have brought me to the edge. Instead, it nudges me clean over. I brush my lips against his before whispering, “It was a joke.”

  With his lips still against mine, he mutters, “Nothing about keeping you safe in my arms is a joke.”

  I tip my head so far back, I can feel the ends of my hair brush against the top of my ass. My eyes drift shut before I silently think, I think he’s got it from here, big brother. Love you.

  “Maris?” Nick hesitantly asks.

  “I was just thanking Jed,” I tell him honestly.

  “For what?”

  I smile secretively. Instead of telling Nick I push him back on the bed and kiss him.

  It’s a long while before either of us think about Jed again.

  “Do you think he’d approve?” Nick asks me hours later.

  I’m snuggled up against his chest still damp from our latest lovemaking. “Jed?” I ask instinctively.

  “Yeah.” He tries to sound cavalier, but I can hear the anxiety behind it.

  “You read what he wrote.” I shrug the whole thing off because now I know what Jed truly meant. Despite his worries over the years, he wanted this.

  “And I know everything he said to me. It was almost a perpetual stay-away warning.” Despite the joking note in his voice, there’s a lingering hurt that has fed into Nick’s image of himself over the years. Something I unknowingly haven’t improved with the callous words between us.

  I prop my elbow on his chest and contemplate how to tackle this topic. As I do, he reaches beneath my armpits and hauls me on top of him. I let out an involuntary screech. “Nick!”

  “I want you as close as I can possibly have you.”

  “For as long as you can?” I say softly.

  “For as long as you’ll let me,” he corrects.

  “Then that will be an awfully long time.” A breathtaking smile breaks out across his face. Holding my hair back, I lean down and press my lips against his. “Now, despite the hours we’ve wasted talking, there’s something we need to do.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Talk about Jed so he doesn’t get in the way.” At his nod, I continue. “He told me that Mom and Dad used to wonder if he was going to murder me in my sleep because he would just watch me when I slept.”

  “Was that his intent?” Nick’s amusement shines through.

  “No. It was like he was born a guardian angel.” Thoughtfully, I draw my finger through the sprinkling of hair on Nick’s chest. “All my friends used to complain about their siblings. Constantly.”

  “Were they more in line with the Spawns of Brad?”

  “Pretty much. But I had Jed. So, when I fell for one of his friends, I’m not surprised he went crazy.”

  “Maris, I hate to speak ill of Jed, but he was crazy long before any feelings developed between us.” Nick murmurs into the top of my hair before he presses a kiss into the crown.

  The madness of the world stops suddenly, or maybe that’s simply the beat of my heart. “Would you mind repeating that?”

  “What? That your brother was a crazy bastard?” Nick’s body is shaking with laughter beneath mine.

  “Nick.”

  “Oh, you meant the ‘us’ part.”

  “Yeah.” My head lifts slowly until our eyes are on the same level. “That part.”

  “You don’t think we’ll cause natural disasters if we say it so soon?” Nick’s voice is calm, but the thundering of his heart is anything but.

  “Frankly, I don’t care. The time between when I first started feeling these emotions for you and now has been filled with so much loneliness and despair. Erase it, Nick. Tell me,” I plead.

  He rolls me to my back and cups my face. “It started with your smile. I never had a smile like yours aimed in my direction. I was blinded by the glorious light of it. I understood why they named Jed’s sister Sunshine, even though I still thought that was the most fucked-up name in history.”

  I bite my lip even as a laugh bubbles up. “He never told me that.”

  “Swear to God, he constantly called you that. It wasn’t until you introduced yourself as Maris I realized your parents weren’t insane.” He pauses. “Just Jed.”

  The laugh bursts out. “Just Jed,” I agree. My arms loop around his neck. “Did you feel it when we shook hands the first time?”

  His eyes narrow on mine, filled with heat. “Yes, I felt it. Why do you think I pulled my hand back so fast after? You were barely eighteen. I was twenty. And Jed was ready to kill me dead. I feel it every time we touch, every time we speak, every time I see you.”

  “Nick…” I begin, but he lays a finger over my mouth. And there it is.

  That zing between us. That something that’s been lying dormant for over twenty years because it needed to be protected from his pain, my pain. And then from our shared pain over losing Jed.

  Now, now it’s time to set it—us—free.

  “Tell me.” I’m practically begging as I kick my legs free from the covers and wrap my legs around his hips.

  “Love, hate, it didn’t matter what you felt for me as long as you kept feeling. Then, I almost felt like you cut my heart out when I realized you weren’t talking to me anymore.” His head bows before it snaps up. “Until I realized it was the other way around. I’m so sorry, my love, for almost giving up on us. I’m a fighter, but you make me weak.”

  “Say it, damn you.” I rake my nails up his back into his hair and press his head until his lips are touching mine

  “Didn’t I?” His lips curve against mine. The sensation makes my nipples harden like stones against his chest.

  “Nick…”

  “I love you, Maris. I have from the time I was a terrified boy, and I will until the day they lay me in the ground. There’s never been another I’ve said those words to. There never will be.”

  And there it is. We might not be able to go back in time and redo our pasts, but the future is ours alone. And no one can take that away from us.

  My lips curve beneath his. “I love you, Nick. I—”

  I don’t get a chance to finish because Nick’s done talking. As he captures my mouth with his, and his hand roams freely over my body, I have to agree.

  We’ll talk more later.

  Nicholas

 
“I always said nothing good happened here.” After a long doze, I roll to my side and prop my head on my hand to gaze down at Maris. “I lied.”

  She tsks me. “I’m shocked, I tell you.”

  “That includes the way I’ve always admired the way you call me on my shit.”

  Maris grins up at the sky. “All part of the hospitality here at Smith’s B&B. Kill your guests off from breakfast or words—their choice.”

  Our laughter mingles together sending sparks out like fireflies. “I didn’t realize how much I missed being with you on the most basic of levels,” I admit.

  Maris rolls to face me. Her brows form a V. “What do you mean?”

  I reach out and rub it away casually as if I’ve performed the gesture a million times, not just in my mind. I’m not so lost in my thoughts I miss the way her breath hitches.

  My lips curve. “So, now that we’re no longer friends, when can I move my shit in?”

  She swats at me. “Arrogant ass.”

  I capture her hand and lift it to my lips. Her irritation flees, and in its place is a look so soft I want to capture it for those times I have to travel and she can’t be with me. Instead of reaching for my phone, I roll onto my back and try to put my thoughts into words. “I can’t remember the last time I came home from work and just talked about my day, Sunshine. Honest to God, I think the last time might have been with you. Sometimes things happen that are just so overwhelming.”

  Maris reaches over and rubs her hand up and down my arm. “Why didn’t you call any of the guys?”

  I can’t stop the year’s worth of pain from seeping into my voice. “I used to. The problem is he died leaving a gaping hole in the world. I didn’t know who to reach out to after. Jed seemed to be the only one who got me.” I turn my head just in time to catch her reaction.

  Her face pales to match the color of her ivory shirt. “I don’t know what to say.”

  I roll my head back so our heads are touching one another as we peer up at the sky. “I never thought I would be the kind of person worthy of maintaining the friendships we established that summer. I felt I needed to prove I was better than how I grew up. Better than…”

  “Than the rags made you out to be?” Maris concludes softly.

  I nod, brushing our heads against each other. “Don’t get me wrong; I lived up to my rep the first few years.”

  “Of that, I have little doubt.” Her dry response has me roaring.

  “Minx,” I accuse fondly.

  She shrugs. “Takes one to know one. I’m not going to be nominated for sainthood myself, Nick.”

  Her words shouldn’t cause a fire to erupt inside my gut, but I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t admit the truth. “I kind of hate any man who’s ever touched you.”

  One heartbeat. Two. Then Maris is laughing so hard her knees curl into her chest and she’s rolling onto her side.

  “It wasn’t that funny,” I grumble.

  “Oh, yes. It really is,” she manages to get out. “Nick, you’re a damn man whore.”

  “Was,” I correct her.

  I’m not sure if I should be offended or amused at the piglike sounds that escape from her lips. “Not kidding, Sunshine. Completely reformed.”

  “Let’s see if our definitions line up. Excluding kissing, because I feel that’s a respectful thing to do at the end of a date, when was the last time you were intimate with a woman?” she challenges me.

  I roll over and pin her to the grass. I need to see her face when I give her the answer. “The night before I found out Jed died.”

  Maris opens her mouth to refute the statement, but I hold her gaze steadily. Her body goes limp beneath mine. “Nick?” She swallows convulsively. “Why?”

  “Because I came back and was given something much more precious than a gold cross.” I let go of one of her hands and caress the side of her face. “You were still free. And as much as you told me to get the hell away from you when I came after you, it was a sign. Maybe if there was something called faith in this world, I could make the past up to you.”

  “All you needed to do was tell me the truth. You know, talk to me.”

  “It took me three years and being forced to come to Juneau to work up the courage. Don’t you think I wanted to that weekend?” I brush the wetness away from Maris’s cheeks. “The story of David and Goliath is true for a reason, Sunshine. Those of us with strength can be felled with the smallest of stones, particularly if those stones are words.”

  Maris tugs me down until I wrap her in my arms. Not wanting to give her my full weight and hurt her, I shift to the side, and we lie silently for a while content to just be in each other’s arms. An eagle flies overhead, regal and all-knowing. I remember spitting out my beer the first time I saw one swoop past in the Smiths’ backyard. Jed cackled until he cried. It’s like he’s giving us his blessing or some shit, bringing us full circle. Thanks, you crazy bastard. I begin to shake with suppressed laughter.

  Maris, who had been drifting off, murmurs, “What is it?”

  “Nothing. No, wait. Now’s the time for the truth. All these years, was half your antagonism due to the fact you thought I was fucking around with half of the women I was photographed with?”

  “You’re such an ass,” Maris pronounces.

  “Yeah, but I’m your ass,” I announce proudly.

  “Yes. You are.” Reaching over, Maris pulls down my head and kisses me softly right before she jams her fist into my solar plexus.

  I groan as the eagle takes another circle overhead. Got it, buddy. On the not-to-be-mentioned list. I’m grinning when I tuck Maris next to me.

  Maris is aflutter as Mrs. Gustofson squeezes behind the beast and checks the outlet. “Again, I’m sorry I had to put you through such an inconvenience, Maris.”

  “It’s not a problem at all, Mrs. G.,” Maris says. Even though I know it was. Forget about the physical strain, the emotional one was a huge issue she had to shoulder as well, but I keep my mouth closed.

  The woman stands up and makes notes on her clipboard without saying anything. “That’s all I needed.”

  Maris bites her lip anxiously. “I know you normally don’t give any indication about the report—”

  “You know I can’t, dear.”

  “But before I move the unit back in place, can you let me know if everything is okay? I had friends who were gracious enough to help me move it. I would hate to have to impose on them if I have to move it again,” Maris explains.

  My temper slips a notch, and I’m not certain if it’s because the most self-sufficient woman I know is kowtowing to this woman or because she classified me back to a friend when we’ve expressed our love to one another. But I step back into the shadows because this isn’t my deal; it’s Maris’s. I have to trust her to handle this as she sees fit.

  It turns out that is the best way. “Let me call my supervisor and ask if I can give you a verbal preliminary about just these two outlets. I understand your concerns. How about that?”

  Maris’s whole body sags in relief. “That would be great, Mrs. G. Just those two outlets. I can wait on everything else.”

  “Then give me a few moments. I’ll place the call outside.” Mrs. Gustofson steps outside to make the call.

  When she does, I turn to Maris. As if she’s anticipating my words, she holds up a hand. “Not now, Nick. Please? All I’m asking is that you wait until after she leaves.”

  “Maris, I’ve never seen you so…supplicant to anyone in your life.”

  “I’ve never wanted anything more in my entire life.”

  I fall back as if I’ve taken a high kick to the jaw. “Nothing?” I manage.

  “No, Nick. Nothing. You could go out tomorrow and…” Her voice breaks, but she continues. “Have a baby of your own seed. A biological child. I can never have that. Never. And the bond I felt with this little boy… The closest way I can explain it is to say it’s like what I had with Jed. That’s how strong and pure it is.”

  I’m ab
out to open my mouth to reply when the front door opens. Mrs. Gustofson’s footsteps clamor up the stairs. “Good news, Maris.”

  “In more ways than one, I hope,” she jokes.

  “Actually yes. I can tell you about those two outlets, so whomever you strong-armed into helping you move that unit can help you shift it back into place. And yes, both outlets are fine. We do recommend if they don’t have anything plugged into them you purchase some baby plug protectors so no dust can get into them so they don’t become a fire hazard.”

  Maris immediately says, “I’ll go pick up some today.”

  “Wonderful. If you could text me a picture before you move the unit back in place, then we’ll consider that matter closed.” Mrs. Gustofson makes a few notes, then calls Maris over. The two women speak softly. Maris opens her mouth and then closes it. Mrs. Gustofson frowns before her face smooths out. She rubs a hand up and down Maris’s arm. Then she hands Maris a pen and points to several locations on a piece of paper.

  Maris signs the first few spots quickly. If I wasn’t watching her so intently, I’d have missed her glance at me before she signed the final space. Don’t think I won’t be asking about that, Sunshine.

  The two women shake hands. Mrs. Gustofson offers her hand to me as well. I add the slightest bit of pressure. She’s startled. “Goodness, I think I know who one of the individuals was who helped you move the wall unit.”

  Maris rolls her eyes heavenward.

  “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to help Maris, Mrs. Gustofson.”

  Her cheerful smile fades. “That’s good to know, Mr. Cain. Both of you have a nice day.”

  I bide my time until the front door closes and her car pulls out of the driveway before I turn and face Maris. “Tell me what she said to you.”

  “It was nothing, Nick.” Maris starts to pass me, but I reach out and hook my arm around her to drag her in front of me. “You do realize I have to drive to town to find stuff to babyproof my house before I can beg you and Brad to move the beast back into place?”

  “What did she say, Maris? And don’t try to tell me nothing. I caught that little look before you signed that document—whatever it was.”